Bush Takes Hanoi!

[bob1nyc]

BUSH TAKES HANOI!

Declares Mission Accomplished At Last!

BOB1NYC NEWS SATIRE! 11/18/06
©Bob!NYC 2006 All rights reserved

According to the White House Press Corps traveling aboard Air Force One on President Bush's trip to Asia, shortly after takeoff from the US, Bush seemed somewhat shaken and depressed about losing Congress to the Democrats, and was overheard muttering to himself "no, this isn't right, this must not stand! We were supposed to win!"

But when the pilot announced Air Force One was a half hour away from entering Vietnam's airspace, Bush suddenly seemed to be very happy, slapping some of the male reporters on the back and giving quick shoulder massages to a few stunned female reporters, before disappearing into his private cabin.

Bush was going to be the second American President to visit Vietnam, after Clinton went there to normalize relations, and would travel from Hanoi's airport down Ho Chi Minh Boulevard to the Vietnam Parliament building, where he would meet with the Prime Minister and address the Parliament.

As has become customary during Bush's foreign visits, even to London, Bush's entire travel route has been cleared of all people, replaced by over one thousand heavily armed US Secret Service agents always stepping on the authority of local law enforcement and security officials.

Air Force One lands at Hanoi International Airport, and just after the stairway is connected to the plane's front door, President Bush emerges at the top of the stairs, not in a suit, but dressed as a five-star general with a cap, sunglasses, and chewing on a corncob pipe reminiscent of General Douglas MacArthur, and as a waiting band begins to play "Hail to the Chief", Bush whips out a bullhorn and announces, "Good people of Vietnam, I have arrived, the spreader of freedom and democracy!" (in English, not Vietnamese)

After just waving and giving a thumbs up gesture to the waiting Vietnam government delegation, Bush jumped into his waiting armored limousine, with American flags flapping on its antennae, and sped off, surrounded by a huge convoy of black Secret Service SUVs, heading for the Parliament building.

In a continuation of his bizarre behavior, President Bush popped up through a sun roof which was secretly installed in his limousine, and addressing a boulevard evacuated of nearly everyone but Secret Service agents, once again engaged the bullhorn and once every 50 yards would announce, "This is President George W. Bush. Good people of Vietnam, I have arrived, the spreader of freedom and democracy!" (still in English only)

In the final step of what would become a major international incident, upon arriving at the entrance of the Vietnam Parliament building Bush leaped out of the limousine through the sun roof, opened up the trunk, signaled for two Secret Service agents to assist him, at which point he unfurled a ten-foot-high, 50-foot-wide banner which said (in English only, of course) "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED --VIETNAM" with a large American flag flapping at the top of each banner support pole.

As Vietnam's Prime Minister and Defense Minister started shouting at Bush (in Vietnamese) and signaling for their troops to tear down the American victory banner, a limousine with Laura Bush and Condoleeza Rice in it screeched to a halt right next to Bush, who by that point was delirious, yelling "your flag has only ONE star--each one of my shoulders has FIVE stars! Who do you think is in charge here?"

Mrs. Bush grabbed his left arm and Dr. Rice grabbed his right arm, and dragged "Five Star" Bush into their limousine and then sped off toward the airport, where Air Force One had already been warned to get ready for an emergency takeoff.

"Dan Rather", Bush shouted, still being restrained by the two women he has relied on to keep him from alcohol, "they gave him a satellite news show!"

"I did get an honorable discharge from the Air National Guard in 1973!", Bush screamed. "I did! Why does Rather keep asking where I was from 1972-1973?"

"I was so drunk that even I don't remember where the hell I was!"

"Hush, hush", Laura and Condoleeza whispered in stereo.
Starting to tear up, Bush went on "Dan Rather--Damn Rather--wouldn't go away, so I had to fix it, that AWOL thing, I had to make up for missing the Vietnam War!"

"Why couldn't they just surrender and let me win a war?"

Finally calming down, letting his two caregivers take off his general's hat, sunglasses, and corncob pipe, Bush muttered "Rumsfeld! I should have known he didn't mean it when he said he had no hard feelings about being fired! He told me he had a going away present for me, a victory I could declare just by putting on this uniform and showing up with that recycled Mission Accomplished banner."'

Mrs. Bush then angrily turned toward Rice and said "You're the Secretary of State, you used to be the National Security Adviser, how come you didn't know anything about this?"

Rice stammered, "uhh, uhh, I just visit foreign capitals, play piano, and get presented with beautiful flowers by Presidents and Prime Ministers. Rumsfeld won't even return my phone calls. Never did."

Rice then looked at Mrs. Bush and said "Wait a second! You're his wife and he didn't give you any idea he was going to declare victory in the Vietnam War?"

Laura Bush sighed and told Rice that "Bushie" was "always talking about winning a war, about victory, I had my eyes closed in bed when he was talking about Hanoi surrendering to his corncob pipe, and I thought he was just talking in his sleep."

President Bush, still dazed but calm, asked the women, "did they surrender, and did they arrest Dan Rather in Hanoi?"

Laura Bush, held his head in her lap and said "yes, Bushie, you won. Everybody loves you."

She then got on the limo intercom to the Secret Service agents sitting up front, and said "Call the Vice President. The President will be going on a very long vacation to, uh, clear brush, at Crawford!"

Submitted by Correspondent Bob1NYC

[blackranger]

HAHA! If everything is as simple like this.

[NJ Refugee]

After seeing the thread title, I half expected to see a poorly photo-chopped pic of Dubya doing the nasty with Jane Fonda (aka Hanoi Jane) ...

But I'm just a nut case ...