Read My Story Wankas!!!

[alex_salazar]

Based on a true story

CHAPTER ONE:

Once upon a time there lived a garden gnome that sued rabbits. The rabbits had been chewing up turds the whole day long and this didn’t make the garden gnomes successful one bit and they were hopping mad.
“Watch the pudding de’r” rabbit 1 said without a reason.
“Atsui desu ne” a strange, weird, wonderful, small, fat, shameless Japanese man said. Within 2 days the man was shot and his family mourned until summer was over. The next lunar eclipse played a significant role in his death.
“Fat man die?” his daughter asked his overwhelmingly fat great grandmother.
“Yes………what’s your msn address?” the great grandma asked her great grand-daughter.
“Sex_04@hotmail.com” said Grover. Elmo cupped his hands in amazement in was sent into delirium at the sight of his msn address.
“It’s the drugs isn’t it?” asked Grover
“Yes” replied Elmo very quickly. As he replied he snapped his fingers off.
Grover looked at his snapped fingers. “Just like Tim Tams hey?” insisted Grover.
“More like Lauren O’Donnell I’d say we’er ot’re po’r fu’k” Elmo whispered loudly.
“3 French men, they stank” sang Elmo and Grover over and over again. Elmo grasped Grover’s ears with a vice like grip.
Meanwhile back in the garden the garden gnomes broke out into a song and danced. They formed a break dance circle which resulted in horrible carnage, unimaginable torture, intolerable cruelty, and needless to say sex. 3 psychological meltdowns were recorded and those 3 people remained idiots for the rest of their lives.
“Loneliness……” asked Lydia without the ****ouce look on her face.
“We broke dance. See broke is the past tense for break so I have to say we broke dance.” Replied Scout hoarsely. Before scout could finish her sentence Lydia persisted to hack at her torso with an axe until it eventually just fell off.
“Why with all the hacking?” Dr. Zoidberg asked. At the drop of a hat Lydia dropped the axe onto the floor and wedded the prime minister. He’s a saucy minx.
Now back to the garden gnome story ey? There once was a really really fat lady and she was so fat that she would eat half a cookie and have marathons around herself. She went to town once and everyone made fun of her because of her hair. Dispirited at the lack of payouts towards her obesity she marched in steps of three back home to the tune of Shannon Noll’s latest song. Dispirited at the lack of Shannon Noll’s singing she died. And being further dispirited at the gay food in her fridge she eventually gave it all away and ate it the pantry 7 times over and 8 packets of tim tams. When she went to the television room she found another 3 fridges full of food and 7 people unconsciuous on the floor? She rolled over the top of them for years and years upon end until they were as flat as a rollup and as tasty as once too. The seven people she rolled over were Hitler, Dopey, Sleepy, Pulley, ****ey, ****y, and Bashful. No back to the real story…………………….There once was a really quite girl with freckles where it counts and she really loved to play cricket. She was really really good at it except for one problem? She had no torso. If had been hacked off the week before.
“Mummy I’m having boy troubles” pleaded Barbara who is in fact a chick.
“Well well well, look who’s come back for some taco’s”? replied her overly sarcastic father. For you see Barbara called her father mother and she had no mother because her mother was lactose intolerant…….and her body was cremated and stuffed inside a medicine ball.
“You see mummy, my hair is falling out and I can’t get it back in”. Now the father was never one to simply back off so he gently yelled “Go and see your fatter balder father! Now!?”
“****” replied Aunt Helga
“****” answered Olga. She had Greek hair and Greek style didgeridoos in her hair.
I see girls…..ones without panties, ones without arses, ones without cigarette butts in their mouths and ones without the letter L’s on their forehead or on their cars.
So in the end the rabbits sued the hell out of the garden gnomes. Watch ‘Eat Carpet’ for further weirdness and ‘loneliness’ and get msn for some worthwhile conversations.
When the garden gnomes lost their court case the peasants rejoiced. No I mean literally the peasants rejoiced. Turkey’s and Turkey slaps were the order of the night on that particular night (don’t try them at home)
Rabbit 1 slapped Rabbit 84 so hard in the face that his cheek fell off. “84 – 1 = 83” pointed out Rabbit 83. “Your correct” answered Rabbit 1 whilst dying.
“Now see here hear here you have to answer all my questions everytime I say” squeezed out Dupe.
“Yes ok bring the motherf…….” Surene Dupele
“Ok Now see here hear here how would you describe you lovelife?”
“SCANDALUS!” omg brb” Surene Dupele further added on
“Now see here hear eat here if you had an autobiography written about you what would it be called?
“SCANDALUS! Omg lmao” Surene Dupele unimportantly added on.
Dopey and ****ey can out break dancing and thinking up finales.
“hi HO hi HO hi HOO, hi HO, its off to kill, the fat shameless asian lady we go”. And it was only the two of them that survived. The other 5 dumb evil ****s were dead.
Is the word jornk an errorous word on Microsoft Word?” asked the shameless fat asian woman?
“Well obviously you fiercely fat WOMAN!, CAN’T YOU READ THE ABOVE ENTENCE….YOUR BODILY STATURE….IT BOGGLES THE FRIKIN MIND!!!” replied a sweet little innocent baby with teethmarks on his nose and both ears bitten off. The Fat shameless fat asian woman was not dispirited by the babies comments, as of course she was shameless, sadistic, sarcastic, and arrogant…….Harry Todd. Yer why not let’s involve Harry Todd.
Harry Todd and the shameless fat asian woman who happened to be very disgustingly sexy, both sat stoned and stony faced and tuning rabbits….no I mean literally tuning rabbits they thought the rabbits were guitars.
“This is ******” ridiculous” Rabbit 1 arrogantly pointed out.
“84 – 1 = 83” Rabbit 3 ridiculously pointed out.
“He’s right” Rabbit 83 pointed out.

* * *
It’s an interval…that means an interval.


“SCANDAL’US lmao omg lol” Surele Dupele ficiously answered.
“Please Mr. Dupele your making a scene in front of these garden gnomes and rabbits being tuned…and by tuned I mean literally...people thought they were guitars” said somebody….anybody?
The End…Elmo said whilst jawing with some *****es. The *****es took offence to this Christian-like behaviour from Elmo and they gave him an ultimatum.
“Either sue us or die” The *****es chanted to a Rumba Beat.
“Rumba Rumba ayeba ayeba” The latinos tuned
“Well, its back to court for ol’ Elmo….Elmo sighed”. Elmo Sighed with a capital S.
A lady with no face stepped up as a surprise witness. She had no face, HENCE! she couldn’t talk. And because she couldn’t talk, HENCE, she was ordered to sit in a ballpit with 2-20 year olds for the rest of her life. Now that my friends is the ultimate punishment. “Elmo would much more prefer to go back to Sesame Street than go in a ballpit” Elmo injudiciously screamed to himself. His scream measured 9.2 on the richter scale….65 light years away!!!
Grover, Elmo’s forgotten friend, forgot himself. When he remembered himself he broke out into a song. He wrote it for Elmo
Grover screamed at the top of Elmo’s voice:
Hey there you with a ****….face
Comon’ to my place…and ill kick your arse.
Well! Good riddance those two are back together” Said the fat shameless asian women who was purving on both Elmo and Grover with a telescope.
“Pervert” they both yelled out whilst doing a counter-perve on the fat shameless asian woman.
The fat asian woman was suffering from constipation so she drank camilica tea til it came out of her ears. All of a sudden there was a huge explosion from her arse that took out one of elmos eyes. Grover immediately nicknamed him Cyclops.
Being discouraged at the thought of having only one eye. Elmo decided to do a documentary on a group of dagos…..dogs. These dogs aren’t your everyday group of dogs. This group of dogs has like 50 dogs in it and all they do is going around peoples lawns and pissing on everything in sight. Oh and Scout was in the group of dogs too. They camp out on the lawn until they’re sourgrass is odourising the lawn. “It’s disgusting” chipped in Nellie the elephant. Wishbone was in it and Lassie too.
Eventually the garden gnomes sued this group of dogs. Because the group of dogs urinated all over the garden gnomes. What a court battle it was…Elmo was the dogs’ lawyer.
In the end the dogs were handed a severe punishment. Everytime they were seen ‘going to the toilet’ everyone in the whole world would have to kick them up the arse really ferociously hard…except for Scout she went to the ballpit for life. The fat asian woman then got some stray dogs chopped them up and then sold them in her dim sims.
Everytime you bit into them they would bark and piss would come out of them and hit a lamppost.
“Ian Thorpe says the taste is fully sick” As Ian Thorpe bit into one of her fat dim sims. We disagree encouraged the garden gnomes we will sue you. The Garden gnomes lots their 48th consecutive court case and were sent to the ballpit. And got set free on bail. They had to pay $4 bail.
This is a snippet from the new television show Oz
Prisoner No. 4JG-49F ‘Elmo’. Convicted 34th January 2004 95 murders in the 1st degree, rape, arson in the second degree, bitchslapping, tuning rabbits, assault with a deadly weapon, 45 murders in the 2nd degree. Sentence: Life….up for parole in 2 minutes. Parole was granted to Elmo after 2 minutes. After that he was a free man.
“I didn’t even do any of them, they only blame me for everything because I have one eye.” He angrily *****”.
Grover and ‘Cyclops’ (Elmo) you know his nickname his Cyclops now because of that accident he had.
Well they were both in the shower nude. Elmo deliberately dropped the soap and got into some hot action. Some of the garden gnomes watched in awe.
“Mighty fine if you ask me?”. Said the shameless fat ugly ferociously fat old woman whos msn address was Sex_with_big_pecks045@****.com. “Better than anything you see on the internet.
“Go away all you perverts” Grover and Elmo whispered so quietly that nobody even saw there mouths move. “Can’t you see we’re trying to make love here….it’s dangerous”
“Your unprotected” Rabbit 3 impolitely exclaimed.
“That’s it your gonna die you ****** rabbit”. Everyone that ever existed said at once.
Rabbit 3 hung himself because everyone wanted to bash him. He decapitated himself accidently when he fell of a tree with a knife in his hand and when he was in mid-air waving his hands around he cut off his head. Ryan off the O.C. looked over at the carcus in awe. “That is a sight for sore eyes”. Apparently whilst Rabbit 3 died his fingers snapped off like TIM Tams.
Ryan died because he ate the Tim Tams.
Josh Kealey and Minh Quack’em were playing hockey one day. Josh decided to tee a ball off Minh’s arse. Minh agreed at first and needlessly added om “foo’etr’****’” I think he means trunk. Josh hit the ball off Minh’s arse but instead of having a ‘side to side’ swing he had a ‘up to down’ swing. The hockey stick was 94/97ths lodged up his arse which led to further boning, pain, im a gypsie, agony, looking good, pain, and dropping the soap.
“Twist some moves” “Yer oritre” Scout and Zoe hacked away at an axe.
Mr Ince was a nerd at school. Killed his dad, shot Eminem, bathed during street parades on the street, and broke his balls. He was born when his Mom was stuck half way up a chimney, a lunar eclipse was happening, and 2 non consecutive pluvas were going down the chimney to swoop the mum. Unfortunately one of the pluvas went too far in the mom’s moot and it sent the pluva and Mr Ince back into the Mom’s womb. Mr Ince and the pluva had MSN conversations in the womb. When the Mum later dryed to dake a **** she found she couldn’t because her arsehole became to small for poo to pass through so it just had to stay there. If you saw her arsehole you would have gasped. A movie company reviewed her arsehole and they gave the arsehole only 2/10 stars because it lacked depth.
Elmo, who became motivated in what Hitler had done for the world, decided to bring Hitler back to life. Hitler and his loyal Nazi’s died again after Elmo brought them back to life. This inspired Elmo to create his own Holocaust. Elmo sent to the slaughter all the characters off his beloved Sesame Street. This included the vegetables in the “Healthy food tastes so good” song, The Oinker sisters, Kermit the Frog, Scout with an axe stuck in her torso, Gordon the big man, Oscar the grouch who was quoted as saying at his death “Scram………Holy F**k”. And of course Big Bird. They were sent to be slaughtered in the ballpit. Kindergarten kids were forced to watch all these slaughterings so that it could desensitise them.
“What a ****en way to desensitise them” Barbara the girl with boy troubles choked.
Elmo decided that the love life between himself and the garden gnomes wasn’t up to scratch, so he decided to use a condom. “Elmo no like condoms” Grover said.
“My friends are all dead” said Elmo. He meant his Sesame Street friends.
“****ed” said the rabbits
“****s” said the gnomes. And indeed both the rabbits and the gnomes did that.
“****!” I said.
A man with an ugly face, small rack, big hair, and dimwitted eyes, had a norts and crosses match with Scout. Scout won by default. The ugly man started patting Scout on the head where she has a hole in her head, This hole has access to her brain. “Yum” he ate the brain. Scout Died. R.I.P.
There once was a cat who played downball all the time. There was a controversial liner decision….
“Furiosity killed the cat” Rabbit 3 needlessly and voluptuously pointed out. This statement was infact true.
“Furiosity killed the cat, Furiosity killed the cat, Furiosity killed the cat” Everyone chanted including the bad mouth older ladies. Ian Thorpe was starting his own chant.
“Ian Thorpe says the taste is fully sick” he chanted out loud to himself. But because no one else started his chant he poured honey down his cleavage and just left it there, no really I mean left it there for the rest of his life, he swan in it.
The fat lady which used to roll over everybody in her lounge. She rolled over the likes of Hitler, Dopey, Sleepy, Pulley, ****ey, ****y, and Bashful. Well she came back to life, not that she was ever dead. She came back to Earth a changed woman, she wanted to change the world and herself. She was now more shameless than ever, and fat, and sick minded. She decided to wipe out world hunger, so she let all the starving people in Africa eat off her flesh, but she only lost 1/49 of her weight this way so she decided to roll over all the starving people in Africa, thus ending world hunger. After that she turned her fat attention to the evil people of the world. Elmo, Hitler, Mussolini, Dopey, ****ey, ****y, and Nutty Mc****head all came to mind, but then an outrageous thought hit her in the vagina. “Elmo and Grover are wildly ****ing, how can Elmo be evil?” She asked an innocent bystander. The innocent bystander stood there dumbfounded for the next 9 years before centrelink wanted to build a highway where he was standing.
After that ugly confrontation with the innocent bystander she rolled over all the evil people on her shortlist, including the garden gnomes, except Elmo. She later rolled over herself realising she herself was infact evil. She forgot to roll over George Bush who deals ecstasy to farmers who man handle penises particularly well.
Scout sniffed one day and someone jammed their large toe up her nostril. She inhaled it, cracked a joke and collapsed in disgust.
Ernie and his rubber duckie (****y) wanted in on Elmo’s and Grovers love fest. They didn’t let Ernie or his rubber duckie in so he took himself to the ballpit to ‘desensitize’ some kindergarten children. And tune rabbits, and by tuning rabbits I mean kissing the kindergarten kids they thought they were guitars.
The really shamelessly fat Asian woman who had a bizarre MSN address decided that Donald Trump’s hairdresser was also evil. Donald Trump’s hairdresser decided to shave the fat Asian woman of all her hair. The fat shameless Asian woman died 9 seconds later of anorexia. She wasn’t sad about her death because she was shameless.
Elmo and Grover featured not long ago on Happy Tree Friends because they’re both sick, sadistic, evil, mother****ers. They were spared the ‘ballpit’ but were forced to be swooped by pluvas during intimate times.
That’s all for now, love ya leave ya.
Grover and Ernie (****y) were piss farting around. No I mean literally they were piss farting around both of them had their pants down and were both pissing and farting at will. They produced a nice steady urine flow, something that Grover noticed in particular and commented on quite frequently and fiercely. They poked at each others pinners until rabbi’s stopped being outraged at circumcision via office scissors.
Barbara, the hoarsely woman who has boy troubles, had boy troubles. Her private parts speak Mandarin, no I mean literally they speak in Mandarin as in the fruit. Everytime her private parts wanted to say something out popped a Mandarin. Barbara of course loved this and it was a turn on. She put it in her Whoppers with Cheese’s (as in several of them) and smoked them.
“What’s your favourite thing to suck” Asked Barbara’s demeaning, overly sarcastic, father asked his dim witted, hideously delicious, pony daughter.
“Apart from your saliva, your nose hairs” Has Barbara answered she gave her dad a ‘gay but improving’ tag.
Nutty Mc****head is a character so ugly it makes the fat, shameless, asian woman look like a dudd root. Nutty Mc****head was rejected by his own mother at birth at is consistenly swooped by pluvas. But the fat Asian women rolled over her so its orite. (!)
The rest of the story isn’t suitable for people over 16 years old.

Barbara – Golly Gosh Im Fat
Indian – Oh Golly Gosh you are too!
Barbara’s sarcastic father – my daughter is ****in fattest
Elmo – PLEASE SIR, MAY I **** GROVER?
Barbara – When you ask like that Elmo, I can’t deny you anything
Elmo – Elmo no like Barbara, Barbara ****in fat!
Barbara – I’ll take ya ****in $@% ($@% is a word worse than ****)
Fat Shameless Ugly Asian Woman has just entered the convo.
Fat Shameless Ugly Asian Woman – Who likes Me?

The fat ugly shameless ugly woman was taken to court for that comment on the msn convo and sentenced to clean various coin slots for the rest of her life. Her hobbies at the time included baton changes.
Grover got stuck in a water boiler while it was on. The results….just devastating. It was also devastating to his already overly-huge ego.
Elmo’s ego suffered at the loss of Grover.
Barbara continued to live her life with her boy troubles. Her morale suffered greatly due to the loss of Grover. But she continued to drop the soap.
All the kindergarten kids that were becoming desensitised at the slaughterings at the ballpit were deeply effected by Grover’s death. It effected their morale.

[alex_salazar]

All the kindergarten kids that were becoming desensitised at the slaughterings at the ballpit were deeply effected by Grover’s death. It effected their morale.
All this talk of death made Grover horny and shameless BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE FAT SHAMELESS FEROCIOUSLY UGLY ASIAN WOMan!
Two gay garden gnomes had a baby. This particular baby got everyone’s attention with its big mammary glands. The rabbits, instead of chewing turds, looked at the mammary glands with sooty mouths from eating ash.
Elmo and Grover became bored with each other, so they started to become racist. They forced a black pigeon and a white pigeon to marry each other, then made fun of both their weight. They then persisted to stick a group of black men into a sauna and make aboriginal jokes to them and they weren’t even aboriginal. Grover rounded up all the white people and kissed them passionately. The white people started to make fun of the black people because the black people were ‘holy ****’ when inside a church. War were declared.

* * *

The garden gnomes had just lost theyre 49th consecutive court case. They couldn’t get a win if wind blew up their skirts to reveal all. Then one of them had an idea.
“Hey you know that fiercely fat Asian woman, well maybe we can sue her” “OK” All of the other garden gnomes solemnly agreed. They mooned each other. “Get behind him!” They all screamed. They were getting behind each other and dying.
The garden gnomes successfully won their lawsuit. They successfully argued that the ferociously fat woman was really fat and they won. The fiercely fat woman didn’t care though because she was shameless, but she was rumoured to have gone on a diet that night. The garden gnomes partied hard into the night with the rabbits. They slapped each other bumcheeks with metal slates all night until their bumcheeks just fell off.
Elmo was now bored with life.
There were two new characters which decided to enter themselves in this story. They’re names were Nutty Mc****head and ****y Mc****. They survived the ballpitt slaughterings than later encouraged these slaughterings by eating runny bacon fresh from a pigs whom. Mc****head was a white person and Mc**** was a black person. Both their families condemmed their friendship and their naked ‘love-ins’ with Elmo and Grover.
The whole concept of making love to a woman was foreign to Elmo, so he made love to Grover instead. There’s many words which can go with their relationship, such as Scandalus, Friendly, Violent, hardcore, XXXX (the extra X is for sex), bashful, pulley, ****y, and sneezy. Grover is allergic to sex so he sneezes a lot during the process.
Barbara was at a special age in her young live (84 years old) and her boy troubles were as gross as ever. “Hey Barbara, suck luck **** duck fluck” as you could gather her father was really sarcastic. Moonface and Dame Washalot made their way into this story from their Enid Blyton story. Welcome guys.
Moonface and Elmo started having a discreet affair. They arranged it over ebay. Elmo put in the highest bid and he bet people like Grover, Dame Washalot, Barbara, and Big Bird to have this affair. Elmo had to pay $569.39 postage and handling and he had to sing a duet. Moonface and Elmo would meet in the middle of a swamp that was stinky. But they both wore (and swore) perfume so it was alright.
News of this affair shocked the world. Sunface in particular was outraged, she was moonfaces pet dog. For being outraged he was sent to the ballpit. Elmo kept pulling in the guys despite him having 1 eye. It was a turn on.
“The racist world war ended with both teams losing…………im out of puff” stated Mr Seat. Mr Seat has left the story. Everyone started up their own mafia squads. They were to make money by being racist and perving on Elmo and Grover as much as possible. In the blink of an eye about 93 different mafia groups kept trying to perve in on Elmo and Grover’s lovefests. Elmo and Grover were obviously disappointed by the lack of mafia groups up their arses so they hired kindergarten kids to watch Elmo and Grover and become desensitised.
The fat shameless ugly asian man and the fat shameless ugly Icelandic woman persisted to attack each other with handbags full of clay. “Girls” Grover painlessly replied. Grover at the time was sporting a mullet and a flanalet shirt and that was it. It made Elmo super duper horny.
During a church session at Christmas everyone was sitting asleep in the church while the priest randomly yelled out possible tattslotto numbers over and over again in different voice volumes. After he listed every number possible he went around and smite random people to the gods and called the others gay. The fat shameless Asian woman (whos not even Christian) got naked for thrills and spills because she has a crush on the priest. She got in the holy water and she slipt on the edge and hit her head hard. Scout came along and finished the contents of her head. The fat shameless Asian woman wouldn’t cared because she is shameless ever notice how memory is everything?
The doctors were ordered to refill the contents of her head. The doctors were garden gnomes and rabbits. They got to be doctors because they were passionate love makers and romantic candle holders. They filled her head with food and a bible. The fat shameless asian woman came back to live and more religious. She met up with her estranged son (which was Elmo) and dubbed his msn address (sick_grover_i_lovehim39@********.com) as pointless. Elmo didn’t care because he was shameless.
Elmo and Grover whilst taking a walk in a sex position, met up with some animal hating hippies. These hippies ate any animal they saw and shot it on the spot, even after they ate it. Elmo and Grover decided 9 hours apart that these guys were pretty sick so they started to chill with them, no I mean literally chill with them they would hang out in a fridge big enough to accommodate 4 jars of fish guts. After a while Elmo became so incensed in what the hippies were doing to the animals that Elmo smutted a duck with vegemite and then lit it on fire. The duck waddled off in disgust whilst still on fire. The hippies thought Elmo was cool, they didn’t think Grover was cool because he was always making a suckling noise with his mouth all the time and always trying to suck Elmo’s bum yum yum. Grover was banished from the group and he led a full healthy life.
Elmo went one step further by lighting another duck on fire, but this time only its beak. The duck was satisfied because Elmo could have done worse, and the hippies appreciated it for the same reason. Elmo later lined up 7 dogs and 3 cats in a single line. He fed a piece of rope through all of the animals body systems (in their mouths and out their arse) whenever he pulled the string really tight they got on erections. The dogs and cats found each others erections hilarious. Elmo seemed to be doing good in the world now, he made everyone happy, everyone except his old fella, no I mean literally his old fella his old fella is the fella in his pants.
Elmo could no longer get it up over Grover. Not even when he flushed his old fella down a toilet only to find it in the Falkland Islands. Grover was satisfied with his efforts for an erection so the both of them decided to improvise. They used a 30cm ruler as a knob, the fat shameless Asian woman as a moot, Her fridge as a bed to do it on, and Moonface who they could swear and curse at whilst they were ‘doing it’. The plan worked well until Moonface walked off 7 years later and said “This is silly indeed” It started a lawsuit.
Elmo lit someones mouth on fire. That person drank a mouthful of water and put the fire out. Elmo stuffed his mouth with metho so he lit his mouth on fire again. This process went on for 9 pleasant days until ‘Finding Nemo’ puit a stop to it.
Everyone sat at Burger King suffering, unaware that their enthusiasm would start a whole new revolution.
Elmo would just like to say a few words “If you tight arses think that this story is offence than have an intimate chat to me and I will satisfy you”. Everyone else in this story agreed with Elmo’s statement, except the duck he was still disgusted with Elmo. The duck then went on to tell jokes at bars, his enlighted beak won the crowds over and pulled in the chicks. “Well done Ducky” replied Grover who hates the **** out of ducks.

ELMO’S ADVENTURE IN HELL

Elmo, after all this firkin time, stood for his crimes for killing his Sesame Street pals. He was sent to the ballpit to be slaughtered, on the condition that he stopped dropping the soap in the courtroom, Elmo obliged. Elmo’s last thoughts alive was of the kindergarten kids watching to be desensitised and he thought to himself ‘Moonface ought to be here’!!! Elmo hated Moonface of whom he abused…….sexually.
Elmo was quite liking Hell, but he also thought it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. He bunked with Hitler, Hitlers wife, Mussolini, the Devil himself, and Barney and friends. “Barney and Friends” he shrieked to Hitler “What the hell are they doing here, oh well”. At 8am everyone had to say ‘Zeig Hail’ to Hitler who was stroking his salami, no I mean literally stroking his salami he purchased some salami from the butcher and he stroked it until it absorbed into his skin.
Getting Botox constantly injected into his forehead and privates was the last straw for Elmo. So he did a roundhouse kick in mid air, and brought himself back to life. Everyone stood on a street looking into the sky. “It’s a bird, no, it’s a plane” weeped Moonface. “No…it’s Elmo coming back to life!”. Everyone sighed except Grover who licked his lips and rubbed his hands together and grinned.
Scout and Barbara sat in an alley stoned. Scout had no torso and Barbara had no girl problems only boy problems. They started up a new craze of slam dunking. It took the world by storm. The main condition of the slam dunking is that the ring had to be attached to an unstable brick wall. “Pretty stupid huh?” insisted Beavis. Hitler and his wife were the first cheerleaders of the sport and all they chanted was ‘Slam dunk da funk’ whilst they held sparklers in their hands, bosoms, and mouths whilst doing co-ordinated dance moves. Sunface first died when a brickwall collapsed on his precious feet which gave off heat. The court claimed that he exaggerated his feet so they resumed.

CHAPTER TWO:

“Give me a hand somebody” shrieked Scout who was sinking in quicksand. Elmo popped out of no-where like a poptart popping out of an arse when it is too well done. “Elmo stretched his hand out to Scout” Said Elmo, but he didn’t even stretch his hand out. Scout then spun around madly, rolled her eyes, and sunk in the quicksand and died. Elmo jogged off in horror none the wiser.
It was a case of de-ja-vu the next day. Scout once again was stuck in quicksand and sinking quickly. “Give me a hand somebody” he yelled in a pleasures tone. Elmo once again popped out of no-where like Grover with a tube of lubrication in one hand and rubber in the other hand. Elmo this time reached out his hand “Elmo stretched out his hand out to Scout” he thought to himself. This statement was finally true. Scout ripped off Elmo’s hand. “Thanks for the hand” Scout said with no torso. Scout spun around in a circle and sunk in the sand and died.“Anytime” squealed Elmo. Elmo jogged off in horror none the wiser.
It was a case of de-ja-v the next day….again. Scout got stuck in quicksand….again. “Give me a hand somebody….again. He yelled in a pleasures tone….again. Elmo popped again out of no-where….again. Elmo put his hand near Scouts privates. “No not a handie, a hand” Scout corrected. “Elmo will oblige” said Grover who wasn’t even there. Elmo ripped off his other hand and gave it to Scout. Scout spun around in a circle, sunk in the quicksand, and died. Elmo jogged off none the wiser…again.
“Someone give me a hand” Shouted Scout. He (yes he) got himself stuck in quicksand again. Elmo popped out again but then walked right past again. He had no more hands so he threw one of his foot at Scout’S face. “I want a handie not a foot” Said Scout promptly. So Elmo bent over and stuck is hand up his bum. Scout spun around and sunk in the sand and died. Elmo jogged off none the wiser on one leg.
“Someone give me a hand” Shouted Scout. But this time nobody ‘popped out’. Elmo was under strict orders not to pop out from Grover. Everyone finally understood the fact that Scout was out to hungus all the hands and handies in the world. “Looks like its death for me” replied Scout and Elmo at the exact same time, even thought they were a world apart. Shorter sentences are more powerful. Arse. Bum. Braun.
“Someone give me a hand” shouted Barbara who was having boy problems whilst being stuck in quicksand at the same time. “Well Well Well look who got stuck in the name of shis-kebabs full stop.” Said her overly sarcastic father. “Mother please get me out” She angrily said to her father who is infact a mother. Barbara’s mother (father) hadn’t notice before but Barbara did infact have boy problems and he had been sarcastic all this bloody time. Realising this he jogged away in horror. “Don’t leave me Daddy” pleaded Barbara who couldn’t work out whether to call her Mother or Father. Barbara spun around, rolled her eyes back, and sunk in the quicksand just as Scout did 2 seconds earlier in the same quicksand pool.

CHAPTER ONE (CONTINUED)

Elmo, Grover, and Moonface were strutting their stuff in a bikini contest. Scout was a late entrance but she had died the week before in a tragic nesquik ‘accident’. And Moonface was later disqualified because his face gives off light (when Science infact proves that it only reflects light). Moonface was disapoonted that he was disaqualified for such a gay reason, but enlightened that his disqualification involved intellectualism. (We have run out of ‘Bort’ name tags I repeat, we have run out of ‘Bort’ name tags)
So anyway the competition was out of Elmo and Grover. They both looked ugly. The main judge was Surene Dupele. Everyone wanted to bash Elmo and Grover including Surene Dupele. “Now here say here say let’s all bashed them, see I have to say bashed them because it’s a past tense we already bashed them.” Which everybody did. Elmo and Grover did care because they weren’t shameless.
So anyway Elmo one (won) because he looked so cute in a bikini. The duck with his beak on fire was particularly impressed. So the duck decided to wear his own bikini but it got singed off from the fire in his beak.
To raise money for charity everyone had to think of something to get money. Elmo was going to stop dropping the soap, Grover was going to wear a bikini, Scout was going to trap herself under a washing basket, Moonface was going to start giving off light instead of reflecting it, Nutty Mc****head was going to be sent to the ballpit to be desensitised, and everyone else decided to be slaughtered, all in the name of charity.
They started up ‘ring a ring a Rosie’. Whoever was ‘it’ was to kill the person he deemed a goose. The game continued until it wound itself up on the dancefloor.
Elmo and Grover were sexing themselves with some more meaningless sex. They met up with a Siamese twins couple who were joined up at the tongue. This intrigued Elmo, Grover and the Fat Shameless Asian lady, of whom the latter had to be ushered away to stop causing a scene. One of the Siamese people was black, asian, shameless and sensitive. The other was white, Caucasian, respectable, and unsensitive. They had their own expression sessions where they would perform ‘moves’ with their tongue. Thanks to the internet Grover was now bored with sex.
Whilst being served at a bank Moonface stuck his hands down his pants and violently played with his doodle. The woman at the counter caught a peep and was overwhelmed. Scout came and made lots of jokes about his doodle, and when she ran out of jokes she returned to the quicksand begging for handies. Everyone else just waited behind que and threw darts at Moonface but we’re still patient.
At the 1983th International kiss chasey competition everyone agreed to change it to sex chasey, the kindergarten kids who were there to be desensitised got their moneys worth, particularly when Elmo and Grover faced out with doodles in their hands.
“Hey ****arsedick, how are your ****, arse and dick” shouted Ranger Smith. “None of your business, fatty” replied Skinny. Skinny looked at his mammary glands. “Got Milk?” came a voice from the outer.
Scout was tired of being patted on the head where she has a hole that gives access to her brain, so she decided to do something about it. She put a 3.49kg sign on her head saying ‘pat here and I will bash you’. This attracted a more younger and drugger audience to pat her head. She was very impressed indeed. Once whilst ten pin bowling someone threw 94 jelly beans at Scout’s head. (Scout is a Chihuahua [she ****s Ange{www.scout@angie.com**]). “Scout said” Step up ya ****.

[alex_salazar]

During church the fat shameless Asian woman was at it again, she was ‘doing her business’ in the holy water. “Christ woman, have you no shame” asked Grover. “Yes I do”.
Elmo was proud of humanity, so he persisted to be Grover’s bitch. “So that’s why he’s so fullbodied! Cried Oscar the grouch who had a gnack for stating the obvious.
“Chant! Chant! Chant!” the chanters chanted. They were chantaholics, worse than alcoholics. Everyone was forced to agree with them except for the pope, as he was rude, outspoken and surprisingly horny. Elmo and Grover were in particular surprised. So surprised infact that when a surprise party was thrown next door Elmo and Grover were only mildly surprised due to it being a lame comparison to the popes horny-ness.
Everybody had a tv right?.....so everyone watched big brother. Due to its popularity the loveable larrikins in this story decided to make their own version. The contestants were Elmo, Nemo, ****o, Plucko, the duck with its beak on fire, Bender the robot, a very large contingent of square dancing stomachs, ****y, Lucky, Sucky and an ATM machine. The crowd favourite to start off with was the duck with its beak on fire, after he was open about his/her sexuality and questioned everyone else’s virginity every 39 minutes, accurately timing with his watch. Pretty soon 29,393,403,393,099,329,000,000,000,000 ants were ordered to go on the set. ****o ate the majority of them until the ants overpowered him and ate him back. Elmo slaughtered the majority of the ants by shooting them with expensive guns. The show eventually got boring, bottoming out when Arm McHead gave everyone who watched the show a ‘Hi 5’ (excluding Hi 5). So it was decided to set the housemates on fire, with their only relief coming from the spa, which the housemates objected to severely. Not even ugly, fat, far from skinny Viking women could save them, and after neons of having themselves on fire they eventually let cry with weird, strange emotions….in the end the square dancing stomachs won but a lot of mystery surrounded the victory, so just in case they were abandoned on Gilligans Islands with only enough food to make them get competitive. All that was left with them were 4 different types of porno mags with nothing but the alphabet in them. The ATM machine won because he was able to back himself up with Elmo’s 3 ½ inch floppy.
Elmo graduated from the Phonse school, so everywhere he went he wore a leather jacket, and made a v-line to his fans just to tell them to **** off as rudely as possible, going as far as to dack himself, turn around, and jump up and down on the spot. Fans were indeed pleased.
An elderly citizen drunkenly stumbled towards a sober-man. Bored with the sober-man he fed live dogs to dead dogs, with success! He forced a sexual relationship between a Labrador and a Poodle, so that they can have ‘Labradoodles’. Indeed these puppies lived up to their names, their doodles looked like they had come from a science laboratories. Everyone was racist to them, even a *****-Nazi with blonde hair passing by. These puppies were quite sad by everyone, so they best thing in the end was to run away and try to make a better life for themselves in Nazi Germany.
That same dickhead/mother****er played a game of bingo. He was the only one playing, but had 8 mafia men surrounding him the whole time. Everytime he didn’t get a number he would be hit really hard over the groin or thigh. That ol’ geezer managed to escape with all his bones turned into chalk, his movement coming from his wheelchair.
Elmo decided to cheat on Grover. Grover’s sex life had become too demanding, and standards were becoming an issue as Grover was going bald and let an ugly man suck his eggs off a frying pan.
The kids woke up to find Grover gently neiling down to the BBQ to cook his genitals, no really I mean genitals a type of Chinese dish. “Phew” said Phew who was Chinese. A **** with Rapid eye movement. was forced to make eye contact with a fellow ‘pimp daddy’ in Grover. Grover, who dressed in his bling bling for the occasion decided to make a meal of it all, no really make a meal of it all he hate the ****s eyes.
“You’ve known me for how long?” exclaimed a stranger to his estranged cousin in law. “84 years…..no wait”. He then looked at his watch. “…………………………

* *
……………………………85 years!” he exclaimed, but then “No wait………………………….

……………………………………….86 years!” Hooray shouted the stranger. Wat an incentive.
Elmo wheeled around in his wheelchair after a tragic accident involving high diving, lack of safety equipment, and goggles and googles. “ECHO, Echo, echo,po” said Mr. Echo starting from softest to loudest.
Mr Echo had a strict family. Whenever his kids misbehaved he hit them EXTREMELY hard. “Step up ya **** said Mr Echo to a 5 year old” squealed Gregorio Echo his child. “Comon you ****heads” said the drill seargent. He was ordering pre-schoolers in kindergarden (not to be mistaken with kindergarten) to make wallets. These pour kids couldn’t poor wallets for ****. They had a 7 min. break per day to breakdance, and the other 23 hours and 53 minutes was spent on working at gunpoint.
Elmo was obsessed with ‘at gun point’. He had sex with Grover at gun point. He handed in an essay at school at gun point, and sent to the slaughter various chumps in the ballpit at gunpoint. It was stupid “Eased Grover”. Elmo later went on to accidently lose his gun in a volcano.
There have been many famous urinators over the past few years, but the first non-Brazilian person to urinate was….Moonface (Moono El Faco he was known to his Brazilian friends). Unfortunately when he urinated his urination was often quite violent. Also, when he urinated it felt like he was urinating razor blades which made him uncomfortable. Moonface needed a big funnel so he couldn’t miss, with a droodle spinning out of control on the flasks, ever so diligently dancing across the urine. The urine went straight to the ballpit where kindergarden kids had to put it in to desensitise themselves even MORE.
Elmo, Grover and Cookie Monster stood naked on an oval with mystery items in their hands. Elmo got behind Grover and Cookie Monster pushed him over. When he was already on the ground Elmo got behind him again and Cookie Monster pushed him deep into the soil. After a 3 second mourning period Elmo and Cookie Monster walked off in opposite directions skulking and sulking.

Elmo and Nemo after a long lay off decided to make ago of all this nonsense again. Grover nodded his head to a breakdance song so hard that his head fell off and fell on top of a pair of lesbians having sex on top of a gopher. Grover, who once briefly mentioned to the president of the United States that septic tanks were his life calling, was eating duck flavoured chips at the time.
A really ugly young woman who was deliberately rude to sexy people had two extremely hansome fathers who were gay and had lesbian tendencies towards lesbians and had tetanus shots in the bowel area. The garden gnomes rocked up to a party (they were asthmatic too to the point they walked around with breathing machines stuck to their ass and not their mouth) and brought a slab of urine with 94% alcohol. They got drunk really quickly because they were piss weak and whilst emotions were running extremely high they decided to climb Mount Severest, home to people getting severed. When they were 9cm away from the summit they played spin the bottle using a dead rabbits limb. Everyone kissed each other and agreed they were all ****ouce kissers, especially whilst kissing and attempting to cram Oreos in each others mouths at the same time. “My method of thinking is quite ****ouce” repeated Oscar the grouch who had a habbit of stating the obvious. Everyone who has read this story silently agreed.
Whilst being lectured at school Surene Dupele was forced to teach 4 year old kids about puberty leaving no details astray and being told to be as graphic and horrible as possible. The childrens first lesson was to dissect a live cow whilst it was in the process of sexual intercourse with an elephants leg. The experiment was bizarre to say the least and it made tough people cry. The little children were then told to get nude and laugh at each others calve muscles, under strict orders from the teacher. The tiny little children were then subdued to sitting in a trench during a ferocious civil war were they obtained warts in the face, wards in the face, and hospital wards in the face. The hospital wards in the face were in particular physically devastating and the kids fidgeted with each others ‘fidgets’ for the rest of the lifes. The lesson was hailed as a complete success.
Grover decided to sexually harass Elmo one night whilst he was walking home from the Sexpo. Elmo went to the Sexpo believing he would seductively be served KFC chicken from the womb of a dogless pawper. Elmo walked hurriedly In St Kilda in the night and was dressed like a hooker. Elmo walked behind repeated the lines “**** Me” “I lit a duck on fire” “You’re a slut” “I play volleyball these days”. These comments turned Elmo on, especially the volleyball comment, but Grover was simply (and too pimply) too sexy to have bizarre intercourse with. Grover had a bad acne problem so to solve it a doctor recommended that people slapped the areas of his acne which were extremely bad. “I love puberty” muttered Grover who was delighted Elmo was hovering around his groin area whilst everyone slapped him.
A girl with 3 sisters converted them to 2 brothers using scissors, breast implants found in a nearby childrens playground, and 6 rolls of cigars. The brothers (sisters) now had cigar rolls for dicks.
“****” yelled ****.
As Elmo waited for some mail by his letterbox at 3:30am Christmas morning he saw Santa trying to violently stuff presents down Elmo’s pants. And whenever Santa could he would pull Elmo’s…….nose!. Elmo of course objected to this, especially when he found a tamagochi up his ass the next day. The tamagochi was poorly maintained and had done 5 poo’s and needed to eat 4 times. The irony in all this is that the tamagochi did poo’s in the region where Elmo also does poo’s. Grover stole Elmo’s poo’s one day so when Elmo tried to poo all that would come out was all his arteries and some gallstones. Hereditary hair loss affected some manly dogs pubic areas.
A 28 year old man who heavily suffered from taret syndrome enrolled himself in a pre-school full of adoring, smiling happy little innocent children. When the teacher did a roll call the man yelled out “**** CU-****….LOUD DICKS” instead of murmuring his name in a Japanese accent like all the other lidddle kids did. The kids started to cry out loud but soon were put to rest when the man starting swearing loudly in the sandpit at himself. The man felt at home with these kids so he persisted to swear at them 80% more and more everyday. The kids felt the total opposite and devised a plan to kill him by lowering a bobcat on top of him using a toy bobcat “The plan worked” yelled Elmo who himself survived a similar death at the hands of the pre-school kids by using karma sutra on them.
A humorous man shook hands with a serious blank faced man whose wet pants (which smelt strongly on urine) could be seen from many a mile away, he had the sexiest tan alive.
Moonface stuck his head near Sunface’s face, only for his face to be singed off. Foghorn Leghorn purchased a horn from a factory that produces weaponary for the mafia. Because of this purchase he was starved to death by 9 4 year olds. The problem was how to divide his body parts. A group of perverted dogs retained his head, his bowel went to charity, his left aggot went to the 9 four year olds who starved him to death, and the rest was buried in a cemetery under somebody elses tombstone.
The sexually perverted dogs were so perverted that even pornstar’s were sickened by their actions, once these dogs even tongue kissed each other in a helium daze. The group of 50 dogs that pissed on everyones lawn (remember them?) were a rival gang to these dogs. They would face off in an alley where homeless people told the dogs to ‘**** off’ all the time, but the dogs didn’t **** off. Elmo got a fly swatter and swatted a dog on the face and ran off jamming tim tams in his eye socket, the dogs made light of the situation.
An albino man and a black man decided to have babies. They had 939 babies in the one confinement and the colours of the babies were ‘interesting’ as a newspaper reported. Elmo passionately kissed these babies at a christening ceremony before the pope impolitely told him to **** off, and stuck his rude finger up his bum. The people at the christening at first were offended but then remembered priests were supposed to bend the rules. “I’m a priest” exclaimed Grover who was lying.
The world went about a vomiting craze where it was cool to vomit. People at school during class would vomit and it would be cool, Wallace and Gromit would also vomit, People at parties continued to vomit out aloud and gay people would vomit on each others clothes in a fit of excitement. The banger sisters would bang vomit into each other instead of vibrators, and an aboriginal threw a boomerang and it landed in a pool of vomit that a pack of hyenas lied in, the aboriginal then vomited in a fit of rage in that pool.
A patient yet queer father hit a golf ball at his four year old son from 2 metres away. The child died on impact but was then brought back to life through a series of seductive exorcisms were the priest conducted them nude. The fat shameless Asian women didn’t attend these exorcisms because she was too cool for them, so instead she stayed at home alone and got trashed off Listerine. She drunkenly urinated on a homeless man who simply bottled the urine to drink and then urinate it back on the shameless Asian woman. It happened but she didn’t care because she was shameless.
Foghorn leghorns biological next door neighbour was also his sister, so their children were genetically challenged. The children had children which were also genetically challenged until the worlds population was genetically challenged to the point where they couldn’t even psychologically cope with a fly landing on their face. Fly’s ended up taking over the world this way and went about creating a perfect society with moderate racism, frequent drunken beatings and ballpit slaughterings kept to a maximum.
A woman drunkenly lunged towards the sober clinic. Inside was a 5 year old child who treated drunk people with a baseball bat usually inside an opium den. But this 5 year old child was no match for this particular drunken woman and the child indeed died on impact.
Elmo stuck his hand on Grover where it wasn’t welcome, but Grover welcomed it anyway. Moonface started to (“Yelp” barked the dog named Yelp) eat kelp. Sunface, his pet dog, wasn’t emotionally strong enough to eat beef stroganoff so instead tried to put his hot face near Moonface’s in order to melt his face off. The plan at first worked until the heat reached Moonface’s hard crusty core. Moonface had now become known as Coreface. As punishment Sunface was to be de-sexed by Coreface several times over a 38 year period.
A group known as the sibling haters club came into existence during a Sesame Street episode. These people believed that siblings were the devil of the earth and they made horrible lovers in bed, so they went about trying to wipe off siblings off the planet. An opposition party known as the P.W.G.B.T.A.M.B.A.P. or ‘parents who give birth to as much babies as possible’. These parents gave birth to heaps of babies thus creating siblings. World War III was fought between these two groups with the end result going down to a nude run, the result went the sibling haters way. A pluva king hit an elephant behind play and before Elmo ****y Mc**** knew it there was rage lots.
A small weird man named adjective named his daughter after himself. “And how would you describe yourself Adjective” asked Foghorn Leghorn pretending to be a paparazzo. “Im a describing word” said Adjective. “Describe my small genitilia then Foghorn” demanded Foghorn in silent agony. “I would say….coit throwing is more fun to play than looking up and down your genitilia” replied Adjective with a leech singing his eyebrow with a cigarette. Adjective’s best friend Noun was dimwitted and had sadistic tendencies towards perverted dogs. He was later bashed by a small group of these dogs.
An overly large woman who thought she was ‘top ****’ did a **** at the bottom of the food chain alongside animals such as grass eating dinosaurs, tofu eating lions and square dancing stomachs.
“A king king hit another king, only to be kinged as king of the kingfishers in United Kingdom” Rabbit 3 angrily muttered during a primary school spelling bee. He was supposed to spell the word drugs. The rabbits watching were deeply disturbed by his ramblings so they proceeded to publicly strip him at that moment and created rhymes about his apparent tranquillity. When Rabbit one showed signs of crying people quickly set his tail on fire, only* for it to be quickly put out by urine. It was completely uncalled for especially since Ronald McDonald was bashing Hamburgler with a yo-yo on each hand in the same venue.
Elmo and Grover’s young child suitably named ****y Mc**** celebrated his first birthday. Elmo and Grover the proud parents threw a big birthday bash, no literally I mean bashings were frequent. Instead of birthday cake they got a camel to stand in the bathroom and have his humps laughed at. He sung the song ‘My Humps’ very poorly. Everybody had a good time, especially those who ventured into the bathroom. Stabby the clown rocked up uninvited to put voodoo curses on all the people there aged 9 – 10 which was actually everybody. After controversy erupted during musical chairs everyone started stabbing Stabby the clown who was at the time petting the camel in the bathroom. Everyone agreed the party was a success except for the duck with its beak on fire who consumed far too much alcohol through his nostrils. The labradoodles were the life of the party and featured prominently in the stabbings.
A deer went into a bar and asked for some beer. The bartender gave him a funny look and said he can’t sell him one. The deer asks why. He replies cos we’re out of beer.
Rabbit 3, whose hobbies included malnourishment and homogenisation, lived in a dog kennel he shared with a dog who attended a pasteurisation factory everyday including Christmas. They had arguments every day as to whether which milk warming process was better, only for the matter to be handled in the courts. The end result was that they both had to go to a small basement with a pack of starved dogs to finish their argument once and for all with a grand debate. When the dog was rebutting his final argument the pack of starved dogs persisted to eat him leaving behind his snout and one ear. The dog thus won the argument, Rabbit 3 hopped off home disappointed nobody bothered to eat him. “Dogs eat Dogs these days” Grover hoarsely mentioned as he watched the argument in the basement through the glass windows with Elmo dropping the soap nearby.
A girl and boy playing in the slaughter playground ball pit decided it would be fun if they digested one another. The boy then replied (without anyone talking before him) “Can I piddle on you!” “Yes” was the confirmation from the extremely depressed Jamaican.
I’m clearly on the dole said Bill Gates who used his bare hands to wash his arse before he blew raspberries on his children.
A farmer who lived in New York City had a pig in **** fetish, so with limited resources he dipped Elmo in mud and pulled his tail until his eyes blinkered like blinkers. “That’s a lot of blinkers” demanded Grover who had a blinker fetish.

[alex_salazar]

Everybody had a tv right?.....so everyone watched big brother. Due to its popularity the loveable larrikins in this story decided to make their own version. The contestants were Elmo, Nemo, ****o, Plucko, the duck with its beak on fire, Bender the robot, a very large contingent of square dancing stomachs, ****y, Lucky, Sucky and an ATM machine. The crowd favourite to start off with was the duck with its beak on fire, after he was open about his/her sexuality and questioned everyone else’s virginity every 39 minutes, accurately timing with his watch. Pretty soon 29,393,403,393,099,329,000,000,000,000 ants were ordered to go on the set. ****o ate the majority of them until the ants overpowered him and ate him back. Elmo slaughtered the majority of the ants by shooting them with expensive guns. The show eventually got boring, bottoming out when Arm McHead gave everyone who watched the show a ‘Hi 5’ (excluding Hi 5). So it was decided to set the housemates on fire, with their only relief coming from the spa, which the housemates objected to severely. Not even ugly, fat, far from skinny Viking women could save them, and after neons of having themselves on fire they eventually let cry with weird, strange emotions….in the end the square dancing stomachs won but a lot of mystery surrounded the victory, so just in case they were abandoned on Gilligans Islands with only enough food to make them get competitive. All that was left with them were 4 different types of porno mags with nothing but the alphabet in them. The ATM machine won because he was able to back himself up with Elmo’s 3 ½ inch floppy.
Elmo graduated from the Phonse school, so everywhere he went he wore a leather jacket, and made a v-line to his fans just to tell them to **** off as rudely as possible, going as far as to dack himself, turn around, and jump up and down on the spot. Fans were indeed pleased.
An elderly citizen drunkenly stumbled towards a sober-man. Bored with the sober-man he fed live dogs to dead dogs, with success! He forced a sexual relationship between a Labrador and a Poodle, so that they can have ‘Labradoodles’. Indeed these puppies lived up to their names, their doodles looked like they had come from a science laboratories. Everyone was racist to them, even a *****-Nazi with blonde hair passing by. These puppies were quite sad by everyone, so they best thing in the end was to run away and try to make a better life for themselves in Nazi Germany.
That same dickhead/mother****er played a game of bingo. He was the only one playing, but had 8 mafia men surrounding him the whole time. Everytime he didn’t get a number he would be hit really hard over the groin or thigh. That ol’ geezer managed to escape with all his bones turned into chalk, his movement coming from his wheelchair.
Elmo decided to cheat on Grover. Grover’s sex life had become too demanding, and standards were becoming an issue as Grover was going bald and let an ugly man suck his eggs off a frying pan.
The kids woke up to find Grover gently neiling down to the BBQ to cook his genitals, no really I mean genitals a type of Chinese dish. “Phew” said Phew who was Chinese. A **** with Rapid eye movement. was forced to make eye contact with a fellow ‘pimp daddy’ in Grover. Grover, who dressed in his bling bling for the occasion decided to make a meal of it all, no really make a meal of it all he hate the ****s eyes.
“You’ve known me for how long?” exclaimed a stranger to his estranged cousin in law. “84 years…..no wait”. He then looked at his watch. “…………………………

* *
……………………………85 years!” he exclaimed, but then “No wait………………………….

……………………………………….86 years!” Hooray shouted the stranger. Wat an incentive.
Elmo wheeled around in his wheelchair after a tragic accident involving high diving, lack of safety equipment, and goggles and googles. “ECHO, Echo, echo,po” said Mr. Echo starting from softest to loudest.
Mr Echo had a strict family. Whenever his kids misbehaved he hit them EXTREMELY hard. “Step up ya **** said Mr Echo to a 5 year old” squealed Gregorio Echo his child. “Comon you ****heads” said the drill seargent. He was ordering pre-schoolers in kindergarden (not to be mistaken with kindergarten) to make wallets. These pour kids couldn’t poor wallets for ****. They had a 7 min. break per day to breakdance, and the other 23 hours and 53 minutes was spent on working at gunpoint.
Elmo was obsessed with ‘at gun point’. He had sex with Grover at gun point. He handed in an essay at school at gun point, and sent to the slaughter various chumps in the ballpit at gunpoint. It was stupid “Eased Grover”. Elmo later went on to accidently lose his gun in a volcano.
There have been many famous urinators over the past few years, but the first non-Brazilian person to urinate was….Moonface (Moono El Faco he was known to his Brazilian friends). Unfortunately when he urinated his urination was often quite violent. Also, when he urinated it felt like he was urinating razor blades which made him uncomfortable. Moonface needed a big funnel so he couldn’t miss, with a droodle spinning out of control on the flasks, ever so diligently dancing across the urine. The urine went straight to the ballpit where kindergarden kids had to put it in to desensitise themselves even MORE.
Elmo, Grover and Cookie Monster stood naked on an oval with mystery items in their hands. Elmo got behind Grover and Cookie Monster pushed him over. When he was already on the ground Elmo got behind him again and Cookie Monster pushed him deep into the soil. After a 3 second mourning period Elmo and Cookie Monster walked off in opposite directions skulking and sulking.

Elmo and Nemo after a long lay off decided to make ago of all this nonsense again. Grover nodded his head to a breakdance song so hard that his head fell off and fell on top of a pair of lesbians having sex on top of a gopher. Grover, who once briefly mentioned to the president of the United States that septic tanks were his life calling, was eating duck flavoured chips at the time.
A really ugly young woman who was deliberately rude to sexy people had two extremely hansome fathers who were gay and had lesbian tendencies towards lesbians and had tetanus shots in the bowel area. The garden gnomes rocked up to a party (they were asthmatic too to the point they walked around with breathing machines stuck to their ass and not their mouth) and brought a slab of urine with 94% alcohol. They got drunk really quickly because they were piss weak and whilst emotions were running extremely high they decided to climb Mount Severest, home to people getting severed. When they were 9cm away from the summit they played spin the bottle using a dead rabbits limb. Everyone kissed each other and agreed they were all ****ouce kissers, especially whilst kissing and attempting to cram Oreos in each others mouths at the same time. “My method of thinking is quite ****ouce” repeated Oscar the grouch who had a habbit of stating the obvious. Everyone who has read this story silently agreed.
Whilst being lectured at school Surene Dupele was forced to teach 4 year old kids about puberty leaving no details astray and being told to be as graphic and horrible as possible. The childrens first lesson was to dissect a live cow whilst it was in the process of sexual intercourse with an elephants leg. The experiment was bizarre to say the least and it made tough people cry. The little children were then told to get nude and laugh at each others calve muscles, under strict orders from the teacher. The tiny little children were then subdued to sitting in a trench during a ferocious civil war were they obtained warts in the face, wards in the face, and hospital wards in the face. The hospital wards in the face were in particular physically devastating and the kids fidgeted with each others ‘fidgets’ for the rest of the lifes. The lesson was hailed as a complete success.
Grover decided to sexually harass Elmo one night whilst he was walking home from the Sexpo. Elmo went to the Sexpo believing he would seductively be served KFC chicken from the womb of a dogless pawper. Elmo walked hurriedly In St Kilda in the night and was dressed like a hooker. Elmo walked behind repeated the lines “**** Me” “I lit a duck on fire” “You’re a slut” “I play volleyball these days”. These comments turned Elmo on, especially the volleyball comment, but Grover was simply (and too pimply) too sexy to have bizarre intercourse with. Grover had a bad acne problem so to solve it a doctor recommended that people slapped the areas of his acne which were extremely bad. “I love puberty” muttered Grover who was delighted Elmo was hovering around his groin area whilst everyone slapped him.
A girl with 3 sisters converted them to 2 brothers using scissors, breast implants found in a nearby childrens playground, and 6 rolls of cigars. The brothers (sisters) now had cigar rolls for dicks.
“****” yelled ****.
As Elmo waited for some mail by his letterbox at 3:30am Christmas morning he saw Santa trying to violently stuff presents down Elmo’s pants. And whenever Santa could he would pull Elmo’s…….nose!. Elmo of course objected to this, especially when he found a tamagochi up his ass the next day. The tamagochi was poorly maintained and had done 5 poo’s and needed to eat 4 times. The irony in all this is that the tamagochi did poo’s in the region where Elmo also does poo’s. Grover stole Elmo’s poo’s one day so when Elmo tried to poo all that would come out was all his arteries and some gallstones. Hereditary hair loss affected some manly dogs pubic areas.
A 28 year old man who heavily suffered from taret syndrome enrolled himself in a pre-school full of adoring, smiling happy little innocent children. When the teacher did a roll call the man yelled out “**** CU-****….LOUD DICKS” instead of murmuring his name in a Japanese accent like all the other lidddle kids did. The kids started to cry out loud but soon were put to rest when the man starting swearing loudly in the sandpit at himself. The man felt at home with these kids so he persisted to swear at them 80% more and more everyday. The kids felt the total opposite and devised a plan to kill him by lowering a bobcat on top of him using a toy bobcat “The plan worked” yelled Elmo who himself survived a similar death at the hands of the pre-school kids by using karma sutra on them.
A humorous man shook hands with a serious blank faced man whose wet pants (which smelt strongly on urine) could be seen from many a mile away, he had the sexiest tan alive.
Moonface stuck his head near Sunface’s face, only for his face to be singed off. Foghorn Leghorn purchased a horn from a factory that produces weaponary for the mafia. Because of this purchase he was starved to death by 9 4 year olds. The problem was how to divide his body parts. A group of perverted dogs retained his head, his bowel went to charity, his left aggot went to the 9 four year olds who starved him to death, and the rest was buried in a cemetery under somebody elses tombstone.
The sexually perverted dogs were so perverted that even pornstar’s were sickened by their actions, once these dogs even tongue kissed each other in a helium daze. The group of 50 dogs that pissed on everyones lawn (remember them?) were a rival gang to these dogs. They would face off in an alley where homeless people told the dogs to ‘**** off’ all the time, but the dogs didn’t **** off. Elmo got a fly swatter and swatted a dog on the face and ran off jamming tim tams in his eye socket, the dogs made light of the situation.
An albino man and a black man decided to have babies. They had 939 babies in the one confinement and the colours of the babies were ‘interesting’ as a newspaper reported. Elmo passionately kissed these babies at a christening ceremony before the pope impolitely told him to **** off, and stuck his rude finger up his bum. The people at the christening at first were offended but then remembered priests were supposed to bend the rules. “I’m a priest” exclaimed Grover who was lying.
The world went about a vomiting craze where it was cool to vomit. People at school during class would vomit and it would be cool, Wallace and Gromit would also vomit, People at parties continued to vomit out aloud and gay people would vomit on each others clothes in a fit of excitement. The banger sisters would bang vomit into each other instead of vibrators, and an aboriginal threw a boomerang and it landed in a pool of vomit that a pack of hyenas lied in, the aboriginal then vomited in a fit of rage in that pool.
A patient yet queer father hit a golf ball at his four year old son from 2 metres away. The child died on impact but was then brought back to life through a series of seductive exorcisms were the priest conducted them nude. The fat shameless Asian women didn’t attend these exorcisms because she was too cool for them, so instead she stayed at home alone and got trashed off Listerine. She drunkenly urinated on a homeless man who simply bottled the urine to drink and then urinate it back on the shameless Asian woman. It happened but she didn’t care because she was shameless.
Foghorn leghorns biological next door neighbour was also his sister, so their children were genetically challenged. The children had children which were also genetically challenged until the worlds population was genetically challenged to the point where they couldn’t even psychologically cope with a fly landing on their face. Fly’s ended up taking over the world this way and went about creating a perfect society with moderate racism, frequent drunken beatings and ballpit slaughterings kept to a maximum.
A woman drunkenly lunged towards the sober clinic. Inside was a 5 year old child who treated drunk people with a baseball bat usually inside an opium den. But this 5 year old child was no match for this particular drunken woman and the child indeed died on impact.
Elmo stuck his hand on Grover where it wasn’t welcome, but Grover welcomed it anyway. Moonface started to (“Yelp” barked the dog named Yelp) eat kelp. Sunface, his pet dog, wasn’t emotionally strong enough to eat beef stroganoff so instead tried to put his hot face near Moonface’s in order to melt his face off. The plan at first worked until the heat reached Moonface’s hard crusty core. Moonface had now become known as Coreface. As punishment Sunface was to be de-sexed by Coreface several times over a 38 year period.
A group known as the sibling haters club came into existence during a Sesame Street episode. These people believed that siblings were the devil of the earth and they made horrible lovers in bed, so they went about trying to wipe off siblings off the planet. An opposition party known as the P.W.G.B.T.A.M.B.A.P. or ‘parents who give birth to as much babies as possible’. These parents gave birth to heaps of babies thus creating siblings. World War III was fought between these two groups with the end result going down to a nude run, the result went the sibling haters way. A pluva king hit an elephant behind play and before Elmo ****y Mc**** knew it there was rage lots.
A small weird man named adjective named his daughter after himself. “And how would you describe yourself Adjective” asked Foghorn Leghorn pretending to be a paparazzo. “Im a describing word” said Adjective. “Describe my small genitilia then Foghorn” demanded Foghorn in silent agony. “I would say….coit throwing is more fun to play than looking up and down your genitilia” replied Adjective with a leech singing his eyebrow with a cigarette. Adjective’s best friend Noun was dimwitted and had sadistic tendencies towards perverted dogs. He was later bashed by a small group of these dogs.
An overly large woman who thought she was ‘top ****’ did a **** at the bottom of the food chain alongside animals such as grass eating dinosaurs, tofu eating lions and square dancing stomachs.
“A king king hit another king, only to be kinged as king of the kingfishers in United Kingdom” Rabbit 3 angrily muttered during a primary school spelling bee. He was supposed to spell the word drugs. The rabbits watching were deeply disturbed by his ramblings so they proceeded to publicly strip him at that moment and created rhymes about his apparent tranquillity. When Rabbit one showed signs of crying people quickly set his tail on fire, only* for it to be quickly put out by urine. It was completely uncalled for especially since Ronald McDonald was bashing Hamburgler with a yo-yo on each hand in the same venue.
Elmo and Grover’s young child suitably named ****y Mc**** celebrated his first birthday. Elmo and Grover the proud parents threw a big birthday bash, no literally I mean bashings were frequent. Instead of birthday cake they got a camel to stand in the bathroom and have his humps laughed at. He sung the song ‘My Humps’ very poorly. Everybody had a good time, especially those who ventured into the bathroom. Stabby the clown rocked up uninvited to put voodoo curses on all the people there aged 9 – 10 which was actually everybody. After controversy erupted during musical chairs everyone started stabbing Stabby the clown who was at the time petting the camel in the bathroom. Everyone agreed the party was a success except for the duck with its beak on fire who consumed far too much alcohol through his nostrils. The labradoodles were the life of the party and featured prominently in the stabbings.
A deer went into a bar and asked for some beer. The bartender gave him a funny look and said he can’t sell him one. The deer asks why. He replies cos we’re out of beer.
Rabbit 3, whose hobbies included malnourishment and homogenisation, lived in a dog kennel he shared with a dog who attended a pasteurisation factory everyday including Christmas. They had arguments every day as to whether which milk warming process was better, only for the matter to be handled in the courts. The end result was that they both had to go to a small basement with a pack of starved dogs to finish their argument once and for all with a grand debate. When the dog was rebutting his final argument the pack of starved dogs persisted to eat him leaving behind his snout and one ear. The dog thus won the argument, Rabbit 3 hopped off home disappointed nobody bothered to eat him. “Dogs eat Dogs these days” Grover hoarsely mentioned as he watched the argument in the basement through the glass windows with Elmo dropping the soap nearby.
A girl and boy playing in the slaughter playground ball pit decided it would be fun if they digested one another. The boy then replied (without anyone talking before him) “Can I piddle on you!” “Yes” was the confirmation from the extremely depressed Jamaican.
I’m clearly on the dole said Bill Gates who used his bare hands to wash his arse before he blew raspberries on his children.
A farmer who lived in New York City had a pig in **** fetish, so with limited resources he dipped Elmo in mud and pulled his tail until his eyes blinkered like blinkers. “That’s a lot of blinkers” demanded Grover who had a blinker fetish.

[Snouter]

*bump*

[alex_salazar]

Ill bump you in a minute if you dont read it

just bits of it will be fine

[Cd.]

I was always a big fan of Sesame Street.

[R.Tricky]

I will never read this, ever

[Katalina]

This noob sucks.

[Cd.]

Originally Posted by Katalina

This noob sucks.

Cut the noob some slack..... we need some new blood in this board.

[R.Tricky]

Have we been more awful than usual to the noobs lately, or is it just me?

[Katalina]

Originally Posted by Criminal

Cut the noob some slack..... we need some new blood in this board.

no he called us Wankas.

[Katalina]

Originally Posted by Rtricky

Have we been more awful than usual to the noobs lately, or is it just me?

I'm always nice to new peeps. Welcome threads used to be my thing.

Then they all ran away.

[Mystlet]

Originally Posted by Katalina

I'm always nice to new peeps. Welcome threads used to be my thing.

Then they all ran away.

Who knew The Smiley Queen had the Kiss of Death?

[Hobo Billy]

You lost me after "Once." Of course, I am functionally illiterate. Yet, I have an amazing vocabulary and can spell really well. It's weird.

If you want me to read you need to put your story in between pictures of smokin' hot chicks like FHM does. While digging through this guy's trash last month I read all about Tookie's fight for clemancy AND I whacked off to pictures of some skank from a second rate crime drama. It was like having my cake and eating it too. And by cake I mean my own semen.

[fat mike]

I tried,I can't do the "stream of consciousness" stuff-dont like James Joyce either...

[No_Brakes]

Originally Posted by Snouter

*bump*

Bump this troll off, please.

[Hobo Billy]

I wrote a story once. It was about me and a few of my buddies walking along the railroad tracks and finding this dead hooker. Then I got drunk off Wild Irish Rose and stabbed my buddie's wife over a half eaten Chalupa.

Turns out my rough draft was stolen by Stephen King while he was getting oral from a tranvestite right next to my cardboard box. The story would later become the movie "Stand By Me."

If anyone cares.....I was Gordo.

[alex_salazar]

Dont bump me please....im just desperate to have my story admired

P.S. A cat in a tuxedo is the key to your success

[beavisandbutthead]

reading sux. i hate school. damn u beavis u said this wasnt school.