mrWr0ng at the goth fetish party!

[mrWr0ng]

I like new experiences, I can tell you that. I always find myself drawn to trying new things, the weirder the better. At the least, I can usually get a good story out of it. This is one of those times.

I was to visit my friend Robyn Saturday afternoon, and install Office on her laptop and then we would kick it for a while. So I did, and I was a little disheveled in appearance (Friday night I went to a party at a drug house, got way too drunk and screamed rhetorical questions at deer. Also I got a roasted chicken, and no one knows how), but they (Robyn & her boyfriend) never mind that because they know I'm out doing crazy **** most of the time.

Robyn and I are sitting on the couch watching Labrynth (important. remember this), when Matt (roomate) gets home. He sits on the other chair for a bit, gets a phone call from a friend, then heads off to his room to get ready to go out. He pokes his head out of the door and looks at me, and says "Hey, you wanna go to a goth/fetish party?"

Now, I've only been to a few uber-goth clubs (one time wearing a Run DMC jumpsuit), but the way Matt and Liz made it out to be (at least, to me) was kind of like a Candle party for goths, where they would bring out their assortment of whips and chains, and maybe tie someone up and whip them and go "and you'll see in our catalog, the whip is only 27.99, and comes with all 9 tails made of pure leather" or something along those lines. I don't know why I got that impression, but I did. So I agreed, it sounded interesting.

Matt lent me some clothing, a black spandex shirt, black pants, and some doc marten dancing shoes, and he and I were off (robyn & her bf decided to stay at home). We met up with Liz & jade outside, and they introduced us to two of their friends, Chad and his girlfriend, Cara (who looks EXACTLY like this crazy bitch I dated 3 weeks ago. Freaky.)

We all get into our cars (guys in one, girls in the other) and head up the 101 to San Francisco, which is a hair-raising adventure in itself, but not nearly as funny as the goth club. We arrived, and head to the door. There are quite a few goths standing around outside smoking cloves and such, and I found my head turning in surprise as some rather large gothic girl in a corset walks up. It wasn't so much her being even moderately attractive, more like the fact the corset she was wearing was SO tight, her boobs were falling out of the top, and hanging off the sides. They were basically a chin rest for her, so that when she got tired of lugging around a few chins, she could just rest them on her boobs, kickin it at neck-level.

I could already tell this didn't feel right, and we were still standing outside. Every goth girl I saw outside was wearing pretty much the same thing. A black leather corset with her boobs being pushed way up, a black velvet dress, and black boots. Pretty much run-of-the-mill goth stuff.

We paid our entrance fee and walked in, and that was when I got my first assurance that something wasn't right. All the goths outside were dressed right, but the lady taking the money was wearing a brown dress, a white shirt underneath, and had a headband made of leaves. I figured it was just a weird occurance, and thought nothing of it. My friends decided to head upstairs, and I decided to head to the dance floor (shrouded in secrecy by BLACK CURTAINS! the aura of darkness prevails!).

I pushed a curtain aside, and took a look at the floor. That's when it hit me.

What the jesus-humping fish-filet-****ing hell have I walked in to?

Apparently, ye olde ***0ty Renaissance Faire had been cancelled, and all the rejects had piled down into this club. Outnumber the goths at 2-to-1 were 40 year old men, balding, wearing either leather or dressing like Hoggle or Frodo or something. I'm not sure. Here are some pictures to show you what I mean.





The ones who stuck out the most, though, must have been the 45 year old fat man, with 7 wisps of scraggly long hair, with a bald spot the size of a pie on his head (I say pie because it was impossible for him not to be familiar with pie), a crown of leaves, a white BATH ROBE, and a NASCAR T-SHIRT underneath. His buddy was about 60, wearing a similar bath robe, crown of leaves, and had nothing but white hair. While the RenFaire rejects pranced around to songs about Middle Earth (containing lyrics such as "And the valiant shall fight Lord Drunham, and complete the quest to save the maiden's heart!"), he walked through the crowd saying "Lord Abudhabi says peace be with you! peace be with you!" I simply did not understand.

liz request some goth/ebm music, and at this time the goths piled in to hit the floor. Ye Olden people still pranced about (in the stereotypical 'dumb villager prances for joy' you see in the robin hood movies), but were quickly outnumbered by the goths. I decided to dance since the music was decent, and I was already bored stiff.

Around 11:20, the music stopped. The crowd moved back, forming a large circle, while a table with 3 candles was brought out. A lady waited at the table, while one tall fat guy dressed like Frodo Baggins and one short fat chick dressed like... well, any renaissance faire chick. They each took a candle and looked deep inside each others eyes (fighting the urge to go play dungeons & dragons, i think) while the table lady pulled out the "dagger of eternal souls" or something as she called it, and began waving it around
talking about the power of the dragons.

I was at a mother ****ing wiccan wedding.

At this point, four other people walked out, including the 2 bath robe guys. Each stood at a corner, holding a different "instrument". One girl played wind chimes for music while table lady talked. Mother****ing wind chimes. Not even ye olde wind chimes or chime de wind tout le temps or some dragon-slaying wind chimes, just some chimes from target or something. Table lady went to each corner, giving them a streamer that the dragon-couple held on to. She would say something about them having the power of earth, wind, and fire (but not the power of funk, unless that was the fourth corner), and then they began walking around each other, tying up the couple with the streamers. The DJ played some wiggedy wack Scarborough Fair sounding ****, which was funny because the "song" was about a minute long and he had to keep repeating it.

Once the streamers were on, the coupled pulled them off, then made a speech about something which I'm sure was important, then headed off to go draw pictures of dragons having sex with human girls or something. There were drawings of this all over the walls.

The music came back up for about half an hour, then stopped again, and we all pulled back into a circle. This time, some other people came out with some raver light sticks tied together, which was attached to a short rope, attached to their hands. Some goth-circus-music came on, and then hit the sticks on the grounding, lighting them up. The lights went off, and I came to the sad sad realisation that after watching a wiccan wedding, I was now watching a wiccan light show.

The three people twirled around for a bit, bumping into each other and falling over, then the two guys ran to the back and began to assemble bo's (you know, the karate thing that donatello had) out of the light sticks, then ran back to the center of the circle and began to have a mock bo fight, even screaming out "YAH!" as they quickly swung their sticks together, then stopped at the last second and letting them touch lightly. Then there was more dancing with the bo's, before they finally danced the **** out of my line of sight. My friends said they were outside smoking later, and the two guys approached them to talk, so they smoked their cigarettes as quickly as they could, and ran back inside.

After that was more dancing on my part, before I walked up stairs to look around. Upstairs was a girl in a corset (surprise, surprise) tied to a rack, having her boobs whipped by a cat 'o' nine tails. It was soft whipping, nothing harsh, but as close to BDSM as I was gonna find there. I was hoping to run into some hot chick who wanted to handcuff me, but alas, 'twas not to be. I found one hot chick who I told I thought was the best lookin girl there, but she didn't give me any oral sex for it.

I also found a vendor selling fairy wings upstairs. I was shocked. And while I was upstairs chillin, there was a laptop with a projector, broadcasting episodes of "La Blue Girl" (softcore hentai anime, i guess?), and some black dude in jeans and a jacket comes up to me. Being the only other black guy there, there was "the black connection" as I like to call it, where comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder and goes "Man, there's some freaky ass mother****ers up in here, huh?" Then he left.

Overall, the music was OK at times, and the humor value of watching renn faire people dance around like turkeys was through the roof, but it was kind of sad, and the wedding and light show was the goddamn weirdest thing I've seen in a long ****ing time, and _I_ was screaming rhetorical questions at deer less than 24 hours before.

We all yelled at Liz and told her never to go to a goth/fetish party she found online again, either. I'm no goth, but I'd at least like to stick to the real ones.

[TwntyCent]

^^^Holy crap that was long...no comment...

[Midnight]

Summary?

[mrWr0ng]

Originally posted by Midnight
Summary?

summary = title

[jojo]

Stimulating. Entertaining. Glad to see you made it back safely.

[mrWr0ng]

meh. i've been through worse. most of my weekends consist of not seeing my house for 2-3 days, and being out/drunk every night.

thankfully, there are a lot of really comfy couches out there.

[Johnson]

ROFL !!!


that was great man

[SpabSFW]

Ditto, very entertaining.

[Monster]

Hmm...note to self: San Fran goth clubs are a NO-NO during RenFaire season.

And, one other thing...you were wearing some other dude's clothes???

[hillie16]

Jason!!! How the hell ya been, I miss reading stuff like that!!

[Jastang]

Damn, I've missed these stories! I want to hear more about the night before, when you were yelling rhetorical questions at deer.

[mrWr0ng]

Here's the deer screaming story, not as action-packed as the other one, but has some good moments.

It started about 9 AM that morning. Raja always called me around 9am for some reason, I guess because that's when I usually got up. I was still in bed when I heard the tell-tale ringing of my cell phone, and rolled out of bed to figure out which pair of pants it was in. This usually consists of me picking up every pair of pants I have on the floor, squeezing the pocket to see if there's a phone in it, and then throwing them back to the floor. I find the phone in time, see Raja's #, and accept the call.

Raja: "Hey dude, go back to sleep."
Me: "....mmmpht. Me awake."
Raja: "Ah, ok. Hey there's a phat party tonight, you wanna go after band practice?"
Me: "Sure dude, I'm down."
Raja: "Ok dude, see you round 6:30. Keep the peace."

And that ends our phone conversation. I go through the rest of the day, then pack up my car for practice and hit the road. I pick Raja up at the train station and we hit band practice, which for the uninitiated, is us playing our set list, forgetting pieces of the songs, yelling at each other, making up songs about robots, and then discussing the house we're looking into renting. Pretty typical.

I pack my car back up (we have a gig on thursday, so I pack as much of my gear as I can), and then Raja and I hit the road, headed to San Rafael. We leave at about 10pm, and get to the Safeway around 11pm. Our Friday nights don't usually start til 11pm or midnight because of band practice. Anyways, we get there and look around for food since we're hungry and plan on drinking. We pick up some Rockfish, various veggies, some strawberry juice, and a big ol' bottle of Beyond Vodka. We decided to go with the hard liquor, cos we were tired of drinking beer (and I don't really like beer. Shots are much easier for me, and work faster).

We head back to Raja's house and he starts cooking up the rockfish while I mix some drinks with the strawberry juice and vodka. Jason #2 shows up (our designated driver for the evening), and Raja comes out with the food (he's an excellent cook). We chow down, talk to some fools on the phone, drink our drinks (and get seconds), and then head on out to the party. The vodka's already about 1/3 gone, too.

Uneventful drive over. Lots of cops driving around, then we got to the residential neighborhood, and we parked. The house was on top of a HUGE hill. We got out and started walking to the hill. I stopped and said, "**** that. **** that hill. I'm not going up that hill. **** in its little ass." But I was walking up it. I cursed it the entire way up.

There's already a ton of people just standing around outside, so we know everything is good. We go through the door, and this house is immaculate. It's just gorgeous. Beautiful walls, ceiling, spacious rooms, giant TV in the living room, it's like a mansion. I walk in, and Jason's holding the vodka bottle (bad designated driver!). We head outside to the tent in the backyard, where all the liquor is. Unfortunately, they want us to pay for it, so Raja tries to score a free cup from his friends, and I just take the bottle from Jason and start downing it. Three guys are standing next to each other watching, and they look over at me and go "Holy **** that's hardcore!" Raja sees them and says "What's up dudes!" and introduces them. Now begins my favorite part: band mingling. It's the band ProtoCulture Website. Raja showed me some of their stuff a while ago, and I was like "Holy ****! You guys are sick!"

At this point the bassist looks at me and says "Dude I saw you guys playing at the broadway studios a couple months ago. YOU guys are sick!" And I'm all happy.

Then Jeremy, who showed Raja to the party, shows up. He's the singer for the band Octave (no website, but another sick band) and his band is there, too. I talk to them for a bit, and their guitarist and I shot the **** for a while, again telling each other we were sick musicians. I swigged more from the bottle, talked to some other musicians, then headed out of the tent looking to do more socialising.

I walked to the back room, where there were a bunch of girls sitting in the hallway. "Waiting on the bathroom?" I ask. "Yeah," they say. I shrug and walk off into the back room, and see a bunch of guys sitting around while some other dude is rolling a joint. "What's up" i ask, since I don't know anyone, but they're all friendly and invite me to partake in the J. I say thanks, agree, and take a seat. The dude (I still don't know his name) finishes up, passes around (Jason and Raja have showed up by this point), and I feel my eyelids start to get pretty heavy (not as bad as the time I couldn't get up cos the air was too heavy, but a solid stoned feeling nonetheless), and then look to the side - there's an empty bathroom just sitting there.

I get up, and go to investigate. It's at the end of another hallway, so I figure that one bathroom the girls were waiting for, and this one, were one and the same. So I walk back to the girls, put my hand on the bathroom door and turn it. I open it, and there's two girls in there, and all the other girls around start yelling at me, so i turn and run back to the weed room. I head into that empty bathroom, do my business, and then figure I should tell the other girls. But by the time I walked over there, I forgot what I wanted to tell them, so I just kept walking.

This led me back to the kitchen, where a girl named Bri was walking around with a giant silver bowl, filled with vodka. She's upset because she's tired of carrying it and asks me to help lighten her load. I agree and chug as much of it as I can. That was a mistake, because pretty much everything after this point in the story is random flashes of memory, and what I'm told from others happened.

Bri made ANOTHER bowl and gave it to me to drink, and so I drank a lot of that, then decided it was time to socialise. I'm not sure everyone I talked to after that, it was a bunch of girls, but I have no idea what was said, nor can I tell you what they looked like aside from describing their butts, their eyes, and giving you their names. (I remember Molly had red hair, though, cos I like red hair). Lauren, Emily, Bri, Molly, and then there were other girls whose names I don't remember. I can tell you this, though. I tried to continue one conversation with a girl, but all I could remember was what her pants looked like, so I had to go looking around for her by looking for pants, and then when I found her, she was a lot uglier than I remembered. So much for that.

The cops showed up shortly after, and we left. Jason kept yelling "We have fourth amendment rights *******s!" but thankfully they didn't arrest him. We got to the bottom of the hill, and passed by some cop cars with dogs in the back seat. Jason tells me that I responded to the cop dog's angry growling with "You need to learn some LOVE, doggy buddy!" or something to that effect. We got in the car and Jason drove us out.

We stopped at a 7-11 in search of beer, but it was like 3AM, so they weren't selling alcohol anymore. But we met some dude who was coked out in the parking lot, and he asked Raja to go for a ride with him in his car to listen to some Mob Lynch song. Jason and I followed along behind, and we went to his house. At least, I THINK we did, because I never actually went inside, I just stood outside hiding between cars and peeing on the lawn until Jason got me and put me back in the car, and with Raja in tow we drove back off. I don't know how long we were there.

We decided to go in search of food, so we drove along some back roads looking for the Safeway. San Rafael is a city in the middle of the woods, so the first thing you would ever see is that the backroads are basically roads in the middle of the woods. Raja was talking about how he was mad at himself for not hooking up with a girl, while I apparently was giving him advice about women. Then I saw a deer.

The conversation went something along these lines:
"You see Raja, women will lie. All the time. That's what they do. It's in their bones. Lies and bones, that's what women are filled with. Hey, a deer. That's the thing about deer, Raja. They're not like women. Deer won't lie to you. That's what makes deer so great, isn't that right, deer?"

I seemed to be upset that the deer didn't answer, so I rolled down the window.

"Isn't that right, deer?"

No answer. Now I shouted (the deer I saw was long gone, but I seem to remember thinking that the woods were filled with deer, so they were listening) "ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEER? YOU WON'T LIE, WILL YOU? YOU CAN TRUST THE DEER, RAJA! THE DEER DON'T LIE! THE DEER DON'T LIE!" I shouted til my throat was hoarse and I couldn't talk, and then we were at the Safeway. I remember going in and standing in front of the aisle of roasted chicken, and all i saw was BBQ, except for one "Lemon Herb." I grinned and grabbed it. Jason says he saw me walking around Safeway with the chicken clutched to my chest like a baby. I don't know.

I went to the cashier (possibly the same one I bought the alcohol from 4+ hours ago), and he scanned it, while I put in my club card phone #, but instead of hitting "Enter," i hit "cancel" and grinned, waiting for him. "You have to hit enter," he said, and I look down and notice. "Oh," i say. I fix it, and hit "cancel" again. I re-enter, and then hit "cancel" again. He looks at me. "The green button," he says. I grin sheepishly and hit the green button, then swipe my ATM card and put in my pin.

"Don't drive, ok?" he says on my way out. I agree and stumble out the door with my prized chicken.

The only other thing I remember is all three of us scarfing it down in the car, then driving back to Raja's house and crashing. I got a call at 9am the next morning from Robyn, who wanted to know if I was coming over. I don't remember much of that conversation other than my pants not being zipped and not having my belt on, she told me later my conversation with her consisted of:

"Hey jason!"
"mmmphihirohiro"
"Yeah, ok I gotcha. How ya doin?"
"uhggghghhhhh"
"Are you still coming over?"
"....hold on. my pants don't work."
I then limped outside, then had the conversation with her. Then slept for another couple of hours, and then left for her house around noon.

I also puked at some point during the night, I'm PRETTY SURE it was in the toilet, but I don't remember. And apparently Robyn said I also left two drunken messages on her answering machine. Oh well.

And that's all I have for now. I gotta go meet up with friends, so I'll see you guys later.

[Monster]

*laughs* You live an incredibly interesting weekend life.

[SpabSFW]

It beats mine all to hell these days, I just finished washing the last of my living room walls.



I used to live like that LOL though, so reading about it makes me nostalgic for the good old days.

I never realized mrWr0ng was so fun~

[mrWr0ng]

my drummer, singer, guitarist and I will be moving into a band house in the next couple of months... I imagine things will really pick up then.

[Jastang]

Originally posted by mrWr0ng
And apparently Robyn said I also left two drunken messages on her answering machine. Oh well.

Ahh, one of my favorite drunken pass-times.

[mrWr0ng]

Originally posted by Jastang


Ahh, one of my favorite drunken pass-times.

apparently at some point, Raja's name on my cell phone (it just read Raja Cell) got changed to "cock-master". i didn't find that out til today when he called.

[Gibson]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I READ ALL THAT!!!!!!!!

[Scott]

Jason...you rock!

[JAT]

Originally posted by mrWr0ng

If I had to create a caption for the above image, it would probably be, "See you at the Dungeons and Dragons convention!" or perhaps, "The library is the coolest place to be on Saturday night!"