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#1
01-30-2003, 08:46 PM
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China Embraces Diversity
China Embraces Diversity
by Marc Moran January 30, 2003 Beijing (AP) -- Chinese officials announced plans today that will radically alter the ethnic makeup of mainland China, hopefully within the next fifty years. According to Chinese President Jiang Zemin, "Our country has a long history of Chinese hegemony. For thousands of years we have been a Chinese people with a common history, language and culture. This must all change if we are to move forward as a world power. Just think: those of you sitting here tonight will be in the minority in fifty years. It is so exciting." The newest government agency, The People's Collective For Diversity, has already taken steps to correct what many consider to be the wrongs of the past, by accelerating the process of immigration as well as emigration. Immigration from countries such as Ecuador, Haiti and Nigeria are expected to add significantly to the diverse nature of what many have long considered to be an Asian enclave. China has suffered from a lack of open borders and an impression in the world community that it prefers a policy of isolationism. In fact over the last ten years nearly a billion Chinese have moved to New York City, most of them in the holds of cargo ships carrying cheap trinkets for U.S. consumption. "Nothing could be farther from the truth," said Wong Estevez, executive director of La Raza. "We prefer to think that the rest of the world has been slow to respond to the openness and hospitality that are the hallmarks of Chinese culture. China has always been a nation built by diverse peoples and sexual preferences." Many conservative Chinese groups criticize the new program which they say may displace as many as two billion native born Chinese in an effort to turn the former empire into a modern, up-to-date nation-state. "We believe that the great strength of the Chinese people is the Chinese People," said Zuong Dugong. Others point out that such language is "hateful" and "racist" and point to other ethnocentric countries that have been ground to paste under the bootheel of equality. "There is only one race - the human race," quipped college professor Byong Dershowitz, chairman of Holocaust Studies at the University of Szechuan. "We all bleed red blood. When I hear comments like those of comrade Dugong I can only say, Never Again!" There are questions that still have to be answered. For example, how does a nation like China shake the image of the inscrutable, opium-smoking coolie? Some say that answer is to be found in the education system itself. "We need to get ahold of these Chinese children early in their development to show them the danger of holding on to the myth of the superiority of the native-born Chinese," said Anwar Abu Fyong, president of the National Teachers Organization and Liberation Front. "Many Chinese children are told of the accomplishments of their forefathers, yet they are unaware of the fact that many of those national heroes were wife-beaters and anti-Semites. They are unaware of the fact that African slaves built the Great Wall of China and were buried alive inside of it. This must be addressed through re-education programs and, if necessary, mass executions." A particularly telling example of the change in perceptions is the way the average "man in the street" feels about the changes. Ming Myong, a twentysomething sampan captain whose boat is loaded down under the weight of bear spleens and rhino horns observed recently that Beijing has become a diverse and exciting city since the People's Program for Egalitarian Communism has been implemented. "Many of my family have been exterminated and even my husband and I were sterilized, but where else can you get a Swedish massage while eating a burrito in a hand-made Italian Mao suit as the band plays Bjork tunes? It is all so cosmopolitan." Still, there are questions. How does a country eliminate its ethnic majority and at the same time maintain its integrity? "This is a silly question," says Minister of Propaganda Murray Weinstock. "If every ethnic Chinese were to vanish tomorrow and be replaced by Burundi tribesmen, China would still be China." To which we would add, Viva la Revolución! 
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#2
01-30-2003, 10:18 PM
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We believe the great strength of the American people is their lack of common values or interests, and can be stated simply as a shared divisiveness. We must become a loose conglomerate of tribes who speak different languages and practice different cultures, whose only bonds are their mutual segregation and misunderstanding of one another, their tooth and nail competition for resources, and their mutual dis-unification, and skepticism of each other The people of America put their trust in this Yugoslavic like system of utopia, they embrace 'difference' but shun solidarity. We all know all cultures are equal, and all difference is equal. That is the one eternal truth. Equality is our vision, and if you don’t accept it, we'll force you to. Diversity is our strength, the tribalistic division of races and cultures by language and identity with allegiance to their race, and not the common good is our ultimate goal. We herein abandon all logic and processes of linear rational though in favor of a system of segregation though buzz words. Anyone who decries diversity as a strength and our ultimate goal shall be defamed a racist, intolerant, a subversive to our new utopian dream. Each tribe shall fight for its particular interests, for laws applying to its own uniqueness, and promote its own cultural benefit in the most divisive and racist means possible. However, for any man who criticizes this system of the race, for the race and by the race, shall be branded a traitor to multiculturalism, and a bigot to be vanquished from the utopia.
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#3
01-31-2003, 12:12 AM
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Quote:
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#4
01-31-2003, 12:15 AM
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Re: China Embraces Diversity
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 The "opium-smoking coolie" was entirely a result of the British imperialism and drug trade in the 1800s and had nothing to do at all with China. The Qing government BANNED the trade of Opium in China and their commissioner, Lin Zexu personally destroyed TWO AND A HALF MILLION POUNDS of Opium, for which they suffered the unjust humiliations of the loss of Hong Kong and the Opium War.Last edited by Potyondi; 01-31-2003 at 12:21 AM.
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#5
01-31-2003, 12:22 AM
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On a lighter note, China has been invaded dozens of times and the culture has always overwhelmed and civilized the conquerors. I don't see this changing the face of China and its one billion inhabitants any time soon.
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#7
01-31-2003, 02:05 AM
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#8
01-31-2003, 03:33 AM
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ROFLMAO GREAT spoof from VNN !!
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Last edited by Johnson; 01-31-2003 at 03:41 AM.
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#9
01-31-2003, 03:49 AM
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Re: China Embraces Diversity
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Therefore, in order for the Chinese to be a minority in their own country by 2052, China would have to import 921,387,908 immigrants. Upon closer inspection of the article, however, instead of the cursory glance I gave it when I first replied, I noticed this: Ming Myong, a twentysomething sampan captain whose boat is loaded down under the weight of bear spleens and rhino horns observed recently that Beijing has become a diverse and exciting city since the People's Program for Egalitarian Communism has been implemented. "Many of my family have been exterminated and even my husband and I were sterilized, but where else can you get a Swedish massage while eating a burrito in a hand-made Italian Mao suit as the band plays Bjork tunes? It is all so cosmopolitan." Which means that the 'article' is simply bollocks. 
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#10
01-31-2003, 03:51 AM
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"Nothing could be farther from the truth," said Wong Estevez, executive director of La Raza. "We prefer to think that the rest of the world has been slow to respond to the openness and hospitality that are the hallmarks of Chinese culture. China has always been a nation built by diverse peoples and sexual preferences."
Hilarious.  Thank you for those calculations potyondi, proving that left indeed does try too hard.
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#12
01-31-2003, 05:24 PM
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LOL I can see Potyondi sitting in a library playing with a caculator for hours.
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