Tips for Halloween

[Rayney]

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

8. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their own candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.

[The Frog]

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!

[I. P. Freely]

Very funny, Rayne! Don't forget about:

21. Sit a dummy up in chair looking like a monster. Put the candy bucket in it's lap. You dress yourself up as a dummy dressed up like a monster, and sit in a chair next to the real dummy maybe 3 feet away.

When the kids aproach the real dummy, thinking it's a human dressed up like a monster with the candy, thinking you in the chair next to it are the real dummy and aren't paying you no mind.......you jump up and holler and scare the **** out of them!

(Works like a charm, trust me. )

[IFF]

22: never stick a banger up your a*se on halloween, it's not clever, it's not funny and it'll blow your a*se to smidereens

sorry bout this, it's a line from a comedy song by a bunch of puppets here in ireland that i use to have nightmares about when i was younger