do women deliberately set out to confuse men?

[fat mike]

of course they do sometimes-but i mean is it like always there in the back of their minds every time they talk to a man...

[Shadoglare]

I don't think they do it deliberately... I think it just comes to them naturally

[EMTrue]

I think occasionally, a woman plays games or toys or tests a man- but I don't think women set out to confuse them.

[fat mike]

ok intersting responses.there is an enormous potential for misunderstanding-but i've been often told women do not wish to be understood

[Malcolm Wright]

I've had moments of insight where I saw very clearly that the woman in focus at the time confused herself. Most of the time, I think male confusion is a by-product of the mysterious ways of the female psyche: something women grapple with themselves!

This might sound like very vague advice, but I've always found that taking an emotional step back from any confusing behaviour in a partner really helps. I remind myself of my own clarity, remind myself the turbulence and confusion is on the other side, and find it easier to approach the confusion compassionately then as something that is pulling me into its whirlpool.
I've found women really appreciate this too: it has a calming effect on their processes and promotes clarity.

/end rant

M.

[yuki]

Originally Posted by fat mike

ok intersting responses.there is an enormous potential for misunderstanding-but i've been often told women do not wish to be understood

Why wouldn't we want to be understood? You men are crazy.

[Baboon]

I have a decoder ring that completely clears up any confusion that women send out to men. I'm thinking of putting that ring on eBay since I don't really need it anymore and my wife is pretty much a straight shooter. Wonder what I could get for that ring...

[Munga]

Originally Posted by yuki

Why wouldn't we want to be understood? You men are crazy.

exactly. thats just what i was gonna say

[Mystlet]

Originally Posted by yuki

Why wouldn't we want to be understood? You men are crazy.

Indeed.
We aren't as complicated as men want us to be. Confusion is the excuse of the man who chooses not to listen.

[fat mike]

Originally Posted by Malcolm Wright

I've had moments of insight where I saw very clearly that the woman in focus at the time confused herself. Most of the time, I think male confusion is a by-product of the mysterious ways of the female psyche: something women grapple with themselves!

This might sound like very vague advice, but I've always found that taking an emotional step back from any confusing behaviour in a partner really helps. I remind myself of my own clarity, remind myself the turbulence and confusion is on the other side, and find it easier to approach the confusion compassionately then as something that is pulling me into its whirlpool.
I've found women really appreciate this too: it has a calming effect on their processes and promotes clarity.

/end rant

M.

this statement is so Malcolm! sometimes i have little doubt you can calm the sea-but they're laughing at us,Malcolm!!!

Originally Posted by yuki

Why wouldn't we want to be understood? You men are crazy.

Originally Posted by Munga

exactly. thats just what i was gonna say

i hear this every once in a while from chix-you know it's you that make us this way...

Originally Posted by Baboon

I have a decoder ring that completely clears up any confusion that women send out to men. I'm thinking of putting that ring on eBay since I don't really need it anymore and my wife is pretty much a straight shooter. Wonder what I could get for that ring...

well it'll be way out of my range when it's on there about 2 minutes-are you looking into purchasing another home?

[Malcolm Wright]

Originally Posted by fat mike

this statement is so Malcolm! sometimes i have little doubt you can calm the sea-but they're laughing at us,Malcolm!!!

M.

[Kaliayev]

I've never had a problem understanding women. Then again, most of my friends are women, so maybe that helps. I seriously believe this "difference between the sexes" nonsense is simply overstated, so that certain pop psychologists and failed counselors can write books to try and "explain" it to you.

[Mystlet]

I agree. The only misunderstandings in my marriage come from my husbands society-fueled belief that everything I say or do is a test or a game.

[Shadoglare]

Originally Posted by Mystlet

Indeed.
We aren't as complicated as men want us to be. Confusion is the excuse of the man who chooses not to listen.

Heh - so said my exes that said stuff that a) made absolutely no logical sense or b) were memories that never actually happened.

The fact that they lived in their own little alternate universes were, of course, my inability to listen attentively

[Mystlet]

Originally Posted by Shadoglare

Heh - so said my exes that said stuff that a) made absolutely no logical sense or b) were memories that never actually happened.

The fact that they lived in their own little alternate universes were, of course, my inability to listen attentively

Of course, how could I not see it before!

You are the perfect mate, and it always the fault of the women, whom are obviously insane.

[Malcolm Wright]

Originally Posted by Mystlet

I agree. The only misunderstandings in my marriage come from my husbands society-fueled belief that everything I say or do is a test or a game.

Some misunderstandings have to come from you too: but thanks for letting us know your're not being objective

In my relationships, I've seen misunderstandings coming from both of our behaviours, but its the capacity for drama and creating problems where none have to exist that sometimes threatens to confuse me... until I remember to step back and wait for it to blow over.
Its much nicer for us to both wonder what all 'that' was about - TOGETHER - than for me to be wondering about it alone while she is in the midst of it.

M.

[GROFF200]

Women and men are different enough that I think the same words mean different things. Or rather, the same words have different context depending on gender quite often.
So, I don't think women deliberately try to confuse men most of the time. It just takes work to develop a common language.

[Mystlet]

Originally Posted by Malcolm Wright

Some misunderstandings have to come from you too: but thanks for letting us know your're not being objective

In my relationships, I've seen misunderstandings coming from both of our behaviours, but its the capacity for drama and creating problems where none have to exist that sometimes threatens to confuse me... until I remember to step back and wait for it to blow over.
Its much nicer for us to both wonder what all 'that' was about - TOGETHER - than for me to be wondering about it alone while she is in the midst of it.

M.

I once told my husband flat out I didn't want a certain item for my birthday that he was considering getting me. I told him I could never conceive of wanting it, and I found it rather repulsive. And yet, guess what I go for my birthday? The one thing I detested.
And it was because he thought I was purposely playing with his mind.

I never play games like that. And I even asked him if he thought I had ever said one thing while I meant another before, and he agreed I had never done so. He merely assumed that since it happened to be an item a lot women may like, that I was testing him somehow.

I think there's an element to society's portrayal of the sexes that leads to stereotypes and assumptions that aren't true. Movies and televisions exaggerate these incidents and make them seem like the norm. Writers, therapists and talk show hosts make money from promoting the idea that men and women cannot possibly understand each other without the latest book or counseling session. God forbid one should communicate freely with their spouse when fashion magazines promote the idea that we need to pummel a man with head games and mixed messages.

It is, in the end, so much easier to say 'she was irrational' or 'he never understood me' than to say, 'we had a big communication problem partly brought on by society's emphasis on embracing stereotypical behavior'.

[Feenix566]

As men, we're more interested in the behavior of women than we are in the behavior of other men. Women have the boobies, so they get our attention. I think if we focused as much attention on our fellow men as we do on women, we'd realize that our fellow men are just as confusing.

[Mystlet]

Originally Posted by Feenix566

As men, we're more interested in the behavior of women than we are in the behavior of other men. Women have the boobies, so they get our attention. I think if we focused as much attention on our fellow men as we do on women, we'd realize that our fellow men are just as confusing.

You have a point. Staring at a woman's breastesses may prohibit a man from efficiently processing the words coming from her mouth.