My book of poetry

[Shogun]

There are some problems I have with the idea of hell. First off, if you believe in a God of infinite good creating an infinite penalty box for a finite amount of sin then you need some debugging. If you believe that it is possible to commit an offense so great as to retain an infinite amount of sin (and thus worthy of hellfire) then you have some poor views of your fellow man.

Man is good. We **** up, but 99% of the time we mean well. And even if we don't mean well, there is always a reason. No one can even contemplate when inifnity is, let alone infinite sin.


I imagine God is a nice guy with a decent mind for physics and morality. It's an easy thought to live with.

[Shogun]

Broken Hearts & Stolen Kisses

Why are we nervous when we see each other?
I'm nervous because i think I have a chance
but you're nervous even though you know i don't
I can tell there's nothing obscuring your view but
i'd rather have you tell me than beat around it
i'd rather be over it than have this uneasy wonder
being struck bluntly hurts but only for a while
it's being drug across the glass that concerns me
leave me without out doubt and i will leave you be
believe me when I say moving on isn't hard
trust me if I tell you I will forget I cared
I can let go only after you let go
I will let go if you will let go
or is it just amuzing to read my emotions?
is the control of motioning them satisfying
is it worth hurting me to feel sexy
do you justify the tease by feeling pleased
what kind of ransom would I have to pay to get my heart back
or is validation too dense a substance
you tell me
but quickly, because there are others
those that want their chance
give it back to me: I can peice it back together
and those in your back pocket, they were meant for someone else

[Shogun]

tell me your secrets and i'll keep them intact. in fact, i'll lock them away with mine discreetly. i'll open my mouth and let you pour them inside, crack open my heart and secure them in concrete completely. we can share the spot where mine hide. it might be close, a compact intimate space. in fact, you'll have to hold on tight because there's never been more than me in this place. it could be great, it could be even better then that, you could shed some light in the middle of this lonely pitch black. in fact, i wish you would. clear out the cobwebs, confess to eachother constantly and provide eachother immediately with the good we know we lack. too bad these are just my secrets we speak of and i got stuck dreaming sidetracked. too bad these honest words are fiction and i'm stuck living in fact.

-Mallory

[Shogun]

Watching from every angle
peeking past corners and through tinted glasses
making sure you don't see me at my most desperate
savoring every moment knowing its not my last
Lethal

infatuation and false sense of love
forged through time, these feelings build
they've whispered sweet words of treachery
knowing you're the only one yet we contrast
Lethal

a picture in my mind and reason left behind
beyond my better judgment i continue
through the astonishment and molevolence of others
unconcerned with complete disregard of my past
Lethal

but now lets say i saw you look too
or behind your aviators i noticed want
each of your steps was labored and uncoordinated
you wanted my eyes on you, but didn't want to ask
Lethal?

let me tell you how many times i counted
you turn around or turned around!
i felt your feelings feel my face
tracing my profile up and down, but you didn't want to ask
Lethal

and as we passed each other each day
wondering what the other thought
knowing what the other thought
we thought about each other, but didn't want to ask
Lethal!

a rose at your doorstep late,a rustling in the leaves
a glance becomes a look becomes a sinister's stare
and what was gorgeous became grotesque
but let me tell you...it was all because I didn't ask
Lethal

[Shogun]

She asked me how I was doing. I told her I was dehydrated and heart broken. Nothing could have been better.

I was on the verge of disassembling from the bottom up. Coming apart from the seams as if someone has been loosening the bolts all along. I wanted to be happy, that's all. The view was unobscured by the unmerciful sorrow. But all I suppose all good things weren't meant to last. And now I have one less worry.

Nothing could have be further from the truth. I wasn't sad but I wasn't sure either...who could deliver me from this closed conundrum? The conversation went well though, because she answered it with persuasion and a convincing tone. It was just what I needed.

She told me that somethings weren't meant to be. That you weren't supposed to be happy, and that anything grievous that had befallen me was and could and should be attributed to myself. She further went on to elaborate that all bad is a consequence of the good I wasn't able to achieve, no matter the intent. It all made sense.

Maybe what I want isn't want they want, and what they are looking for isn't in line with what I have. The effort could easily be vain, but I was told it's not the end that matters, it how you played the game. Sad, cause I had thought I had already grown up. But what she said was true, that to be I must work to be, and tighten the bolts a little more.

Trying wasn't the important thing, the gaining was, and I was out to do that (from that point on). Until I realize I am in trouble again, thhen I will promptly search for that wisdom that so briefly lifted the reality that encases the world I see.

[seekerofvisions]

tell me your secrets and i'll keep them intact. in fact, i'll lock them away with mine discreetly. i'll open my mouth and let you pour them inside, crack open my heart and secure them in concrete completely. we can share the spot where mine hide. it might be close, a compact intimate space. in fact, you'll have to hold on tight because there's never been more than me in this place. it could be great, it could be even better then that, you could shed some light in the middle of this lonely pitch black. in fact, i wish you would. clear out the cobwebs, confess to eachother constantly and provide eachother immediately with the good we know we lack. too bad these are just my secrets we speak of and i got stuck dreaming sidetracked. too bad these honest words are fiction and i'm stuck living in fact.

-Mallory

perfect. : )

[Shogun]

I couldn't figure out why I go out of control, so I asked her. She was forthcoming, as she always is. It was the best time of my life.

She started off by telling me that there was a difference between discretion and being discreet. "But wait," I told her, aren't they synonomous. She avoided the question but asserted that they things are not similar as they seem from the outside or the inside for that matter.

The difference between the two was stark however the traits and mannerisms and desires were shrouded in grey. Composed of the same matter it was only logical, though at times emotion overwhelms most. And so I told her that she couldn't have been more correct. But the lingering question of "how" dangled as it was too far out from the platform I stood upon.

Being upfront isn't the way to go. The last thing you want to do is give them everything at once. I liken it to shoving spoon fulls of tapioca into a baby's mouth; they seem to always turn away - in disgust. Magic she said. But I was left to wonder and wander.

I don't believe if fairy dust. "But everyone wants to be Cinderella," she told me. "You mean everyone wants to be abused and taken for granted?!!!" She kept silent and so I figured she was either correct or upset. No she said in a controlled manner, they want a man to chase. "To chase, not beg."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[seekerofvisions]

I couldn't figure out why I go out of control, so I asked her. She was forthcoming, as she always is. It was the best time of my life.

She started off by telling me that there was a difference between discretion and being discreet. "But wait," I told her, aren't they synonomous. She avoided the question but asserted that they things are not similar as they seem from the outside or the inside for that matter.

The difference between the two was stark however the traits and mannerisms and desires were shrouded in grey. Composed of the same matter it was only logical, though at times emotion overwhelms most. And so I told her that she couldn't have been more correct. But the lingering question of "how" dangled as it was too far out from the platform I stood upon.

Being upfront isn't the way to go. The last thing you want to do is give them everything at once. I liken it to shoving spoon fulls of tapioca into a baby's mouth; they seem to always turn away - in disgust. Magic she said. But I was left to wonder and wander.

I don't believe if fairy dust. "But everyone wants to be Cinderella," she told me. "You mean everyone wants to be abused and taken for granted?!!!" She kept silent and so I figured she was either correct or upset. No she said in a controlled manner, they want a man to chase. "To chase, not beg."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

i like it.

[Shogun]

Even my dearest


Even my dearest

makes me wonder why I cherish or adore

or invest my time into a *****

bitter, only a little, but I hate being ignored

never in a million years would I have predicted this was in store

I don't care about some random myspace girl

or those that cling to my shirt

it was her, and for three years she was closest

how easily opinions change how fast a human can make up their mind

and what was mutual is torn in three

and I, well I was left behind

for just this moment I will lament, "Woe is Me!"

because many have come and gone; many and numerous

but it was you I knew and you knew me back

there was almost even an 'us'

so close so close but it wasn't enough, and now I feel it in my back

that all was for not...can you imagine

or will you even bother to invest that kind of time

it hurts FM it hurts, but I guess all wounds heal in time

but this one went past my heart and down into my soul... can you imagine

I don't want this to be my last memory of you

I don't want to be bitter or resentful when

I have so many other good ones of me and you

but this one is like a shadow of a mountain that covers the others

I guess all fairy tales don't have nice endings

...I know this one doesn't

[Shogun]

Would it be ok to tell you I thought of you yesterday? I hope so. It's not often that I keep a smile and laugh in my head. And at least here I can watch and not worry.

I had to take walk last night. The time allowed me to run a thousand scenarios in my head and the cool air funnel down my lungs and cooled my heart. I was anxious and I didn't know why. I was worried though I wasn't in any danger of anything. I was happy and I didn't have anything to be happy about. Let me tell you it's gone beyond desire, and now depserate.

I watch as you sit there unaware. You have your legs crossed and you are talking to someone else. I don't mind. This is sort of where I want to be. And although being closer is that which I covet, the rays eminating forth feed my soul.

Smile at me, and I'll approach. Let me know there is a chance. I wouldn't be wasting our time if that were to happen. How else am I supposed to know what to do, or better, when to do it. I'm waiting. It isn't any kind of fear, just that maybe....you know? Well, that's how I see it.

Van Gogh, Picasso, Rembrandt? No this what I am watching far exceeds them. And this is what makes me happy. I hope that is ok.

[Shogun]

I don't have much time so I have to tell you I love you as fast as I can. I don't know where to begin though. Would you mind helping me out? Because I know there is more than your physical beauty that I can mention.

Is you laugh considered physical? I don't know, but I can't get enough of it. That's why I love to make you laugh, and smile, until your tummy and cheeks hurt. It gives me this weird feeling or sense of joy even-if I could honestly describe it accurately, I would, just believe that I do it only for you though.

I notice the little things, the subtle changes. It can be in your appearance or even your attitude for the day. I notice when you just put high lights in your hair. I notice what your favorite color is. I can appreciate why you use certain colors in your make-up because they work for you and others just don't. Past those not so obvious I sense your mood for the day. Anger and irritation is pretty visible but so is a concerned heart. Trust, I know when you are thinking and most times what you are thinking about. Sometimes I don't know why, but I can definately tell. I want to help, but it's best most times to let you go it alone. I'll help you talk it off if you want, and most times you won't notice I'm doing it, just that I am.

Have you seen yourself at ease? Well, I have. Have you seen yourself content and or comfortable? Have you noticed when you can relax finally when you are around someone? I know trust is hard to earn and give. I wouldn't tell you to trust me, but give me a chance and I'll earn it and never betray it. I'm not the typical guy, and I'm sure you are able to see past my physical appearance and realize that. Well, that's what I'm hoping for.

p.s Good Bye

[seekerofvisions]

...

[Shogun]

I'm looking down her shirt and she doesn't even know. She doesn't even know!

It's a V-cut shirt or sometimes in shaped like a U. Doesn't really matter, since it shows the same thing. Breast. It's plummage. The color isn't really a huge issue, but some of the darker color shirts accentuate them. It's incredible let me tell you.

Cleavage is an amazing idea. It is potent. A caustic tool for enticing and I can peer all day. I look and enjoy. It's satisfaction. It's suggestive. I have got a ton of ideas going through my head and not one of them nice or clean. I've got what's natural telling me this is the one...These are it and will suffice.

Sustenace of life. That is what they are telling to me. But I don't want to hear that. I want to hear the sweat songs of lust. I don't want to know that they are really not for me, despite the areolar, the softness, the roundness, the appeal. Lest Darwin be upright, I will not believe. Because there is more that me here working.

Her sex is apparent and she likes it. She shows them off for the attention - it is always about the attention. She knows that I'm looking. You know sometimes she even covers her shirt with her books, or coat or arms. I notice that. But it don't make sense when you've got a shirt that isn't designed that way. It isn't like her shirt droops down accidently! It's very deliberate. There is a gaping slit down to between her breasts cupping her luscious, symetrical possesions. And right before she left her house she checked to see if they were positioned just right...according the the owner's manual. And yet they say they are overrated.

Fake boobs are cheating. If girls didn't put much value on them, why would they long for bigger boobs, or envy a girl with a great set. You know men can't go out and buy confidence. They can't buy that sweet line that makes a girl melt. Yet girls can go up until their hearts content, or back can't handle that kind of rack. All the while laughing as they lavish the fact that they are not real, and these dummies have no clue.

Just don't call me a pervert. Don't go ahead and presume I'm desperate. There's more than me working here. Quit being pretentious as if you don't want it. You want your shirt off. You want my eyes, I just have to be a little more discreet. Let me be practice, and I'll be confident in my abilities.

[Shogun]

I'm trying to say it with a straight face
But seems honesty is discouraged
Well, a certain kind knocks one out of place
'Be forward' or 'Be emotional' is how I'm encouraged
Oh how disgusting the idea it seems to them
"It's weakness; he's a puss"
It is with those eyes and thougths my anger stems
so them I'm left with my own instincts to trust:
I take and I leave
they've hung on me, they've stalked, and looked like fools
O mighty, O beautiful. who now is the one bereaved
Yet hidden on your nose are your very wants
I understand the language. I understand your mind
I am not for either, beholding what is gaunt
what eludes me is not what is touched or felt, it is what no one else can find
or found. I sound. I hear the sound and skulk.
it's truth it's vacant and with my pulchritude
and to my chest, and heart and shoulders to enhace the appearence of bulk
stumbling once again, choking on my platitudes
For what is strength?
and how will confidence coexist with arrogance
who can measure the equal, or pander down the length
more stifling is when a man shall cry
those with the gift are no help, and employ thier subterfuge
conflicting conclusions, both easily to decry
left in this dispicable and lamtentful state, with no choice but to rouge

but let me tell you that is not me
if you would only le me show you

ps. love is more than touching

[Shogun]

For green eye shadow and penguin shocks


I bet you wouldn't believe it if I told you now
that's partly why I kept it, this, to myself
and as time passes I only think of what if
or what other pains I have to endure
let's just say I think of you often and
my decision. I'm trying new ways to say the same thing
to no avail it hurts like the first time
the last time was the worst because
I stayed up til 2 writing poetry in my head about you
thinking of how I watched your interest wane
I'm guessing it'll be the same
with the others, though I'll consider you the first
you were the reason I got into emo
the reason I bought the used, the reason I stayed
just to see your face, to hear you laugh, to listen to you bitch
there wasn't a second I didn't enjoy myself around you
talking about you or me or whatever
if there was something for me to play
that you wanted, you only had to ask
I might as well, since the emotion I put into every key
was associated with every thought and memory of you
but the world has no time for silly games
and your world has no time for stupid poetry
mine has only begun and soon will not exist
I'm trying to find catharsis or solace
I'm hoping that what I feel now is not love
because I know infatuation fades with time
so for now pretend we never met
and for me I'm keeping those feelings locked away
if ever another day
I'll tell you I'll tell you I'll tell you
I bet you didn't believe I felt this way, huh?

[Shogun]

nameless


left with no choice I have to leave
I can't and couldn't so I don't
expect you to understand nor cleave
and I'm sure you being you you won't
but for what it's worth I'll utter these words
once for the sake of my cherished
not the three that you know but the three unheard
exclusive only to those and which is unperished
I'll make a pact with myself to never forget
nor wind nor water nor time erodes
a day of days where the sun refuses to set
where signs where words where judgement forbodes
shall be your face shall be my heart shall be that phrase
I'm powerless. honestly.
I'm watching your eyes as they fill with disappointment
yet those tears never fall, just hang hopelessly
you're not the only one being hurt by this treatment
you are beautiful, I love you, no one else
pummeled again I can't withstand these blows
yet no one I know is willing to help so I'll say:
I must go

he was all shook up and couldn't mention her name

[Shogun]

So what's new? I actually sent you some pictures of the place, but I guess they didn't go through. I also tryed to phone you but I guess either my phone didn't reach or the number changed.

I'm right here in San Diego and it's pretty nice. The weather is the bomb-not too humid/hot and not too cold/rainy. I know you've got a little of both but right here its right in the middle. Good stuff.

Classes are ok. I did ok on my first two tests. I should have gotten A's. It's like I always will get 4-6 wrong no matter how big. The bigger the test, the better the grade. But when it's a small test and I get 4-6 wrong, it ends up to being one letter grade or a B. Arggg!!!

Anyways just thinking of you, that pretty face, and how it is up there in the Pacific NorthWest. Take care and see you soon.

[seekerofvisions]

<3

i like your prose, shogun. thank you for sharing.

[Shogun]

that's actually are real letter, but I saw how it sounded like prose, and so I put it in here.

thanks seeker!

[Shogun]

Oh men, how easily we fall in love.
how the fall is and
how depressing the ascent up can be
I've given my power to them just
by looking, by admiring their
beauty. their appeal
its devastating to the heart
because the heart can't deal with loss
with rejection