How many of you are currently married and you DO NOT love your spouse anymore?

[86Dùde]

I'll love my wife forever, but I'm not in love with her. People change. External stress whether it be the economy, illness, death or whatever will destroy a marriage. It sucks but that's life.

[Freedom&Liberty]

You still have me, buddy. I know we're not sexually compatible but if we were, it would be Viking style.

[queenlillian1962]

I don't mind Charles' questions, at least he's contributing to the board.

[Malcolm Wright]

I don't mind Charles' questions, at least he's contributing to the board.

Yeah - thanks for the perspective. Compared to many, Charles starts in several cuts above the grade.

[queenlillian1962]

I'll love my wife forever, but I'm not in love with her. People change. External stress whether it be the economy, illness, death or whatever will destroy a marriage. It sucks but that's life.

Been married for almost 29 years now. I don't think we have the same type of love we did when we first got married. We aren't joined at the hip and love sick anymore. I think our love evolved to friendship and mutual respect. I think we'd be crushed if something happened to one of us.

Your right life will tear you to shreds. There have been times when I thought we'd kill each other or get divorced but so far that hasn't happened so I guess we're OK.

[josephdphillips]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.

Not to me. I understand it perfectly.

People "in love" are fools. Who wants to feel that way for very long, let alone for one's entire life?

[Ratbag]

Ummm everyone... that's kinda the point, when you're there it really is heaven. I too love my husband but don't feel that I'm IN love with him anymore, when people ask how it's possible to seperate them, I say I love him like I love my kids, I'm not IN love with them either but I do love them with my life.

[Charles]

Notices in this discussion Charles own lack of any answer to the question.

In this particular thread, I can't answer it because I love my wife. But, let's say I didn't, I would probably still stay married because a) I wouldn't want the financial perils of divorce b) I might still get along with her and would still want the companionship and c) I could still find "something else out there" to love while continuing to be "married".

We have four kids under 13. Now, if my wife and I were fighting like hell every day, and divorce was better for the kids than the stress they would endure from our fighting, then I may suck it up and get divorced, get an apartment, find some new love bird and continue on with my life.

[86Dùde]

Ummm everyone... that's kinda the point, when you're there it really is heaven. I too love my husband but don't feel that I'm IN love with him anymore, when people ask how it's possible to seperate them, I say I love him like I love my kids, I'm not IN love with them either but I do love them with my life.

I didn't know that was common. Wow, I feel like I've just been hit with a hammer.

[Lulu]

I didn't know that was common. Wow, I feel like I've just been hit with a hammer.

Really? I can't think of many couples who've been together over 5 years who can honestly still say they are still "in love". In fact, I can't think of any off the top of my head. What I have seen in others' relationships (since I'm not married): "in love" fades, but it is supposed to because you cannot stay at that level of passion and emotion forever. Most people settle into a comfortable love and friendship. The couples that make it don't lose love, respect, trust for each other and they don't fight dirty and they don't disrespect each other. They also don't look outside their relationship for excitement or passion.

I've seen 2 friends get divorced in the last year who still love their spouses but other stuff just got in the way. I know of several other couples who are hanging on by a thread. Of the 2 divorces, they fought a little dirty, the women lost respect for their husbands (both men didn't work for about 2+ years), and I think 1 couple had unrealistic expectations which is crazy since it's both of their 3rd marriages.

[josephdphillips]

There's a thin line between limerence ("in love") and obsession. How many murder/suicides involve people "in love?"

[86Dùde]

Well, this is depressing.

[josephdphillips]

I don't know why you're depressed about it. The cult of romance is relatively new, historically speaking. There are a million ways of feeling ecstatic besides being "in love," and without all the drama.

[RS1723]

This thread makes me so sad but I guess sometimes the truth hurts yeah?

[Ponycar_302]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.
Suffice it to say we are old, have no desire to look for someone new, get along as best friends, were married for over 20 years and fought all the time, got divorced but still lived in the same house as roomies, then remarried cuz we thought it would behoove us to protect ourselves from vultures if something happened to us. So yeah..I'm married, I love him like a brother and he me like a sister, we trust each other explicitly, and are best friends only. Works for us.

Do you two still fuck?

[Pappy&Me]

Why don't you have a wife?

LOL thats love alright,but theres also another part to it that is opposite of this picture.Its the part that keeps you at it.

[Pappy&Me]

Really? I can't think of many couples who've been together over 5 years who can honestly still say they are still "in love". In fact, I can't think of any off the top of my head. What I have seen in others' relationships (since I'm not married): "in love" fades, but it is supposed to because you cannot stay at that level of passion and emotion forever. Most people settle into a comfortable love and friendship. The couples that make it don't lose love, respect, trust for each other and they don't fight dirty and they don't disrespect each other. They also don't look outside their relationship for excitement or passion.

I've seen 2 friends get divorced in the last year who still love their spouses but other stuff just got in the way. I know of several other couples who are hanging on by a thread. Of the 2 divorces, they fought a little dirty, the women lost respect for their husbands (both men didn't work for about 2+ years), and I think 1 couple had unrealistic expectations which is crazy since it's both of their 3rd marriages.

A good fight is cleansing.Couples who don't fight are'nt paying attention to each other.

[House]

Do you two still fuck?

I really don't want to know the answer to that question.

[Pappy&Me]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.
Suffice it to say we are old, have no desire to look for someone new, get along as best friends, were married for over 20 years and fought all the time, got divorced but still lived in the same house as roomies, then remarried cuz we thought it would behoove us to protect ourselves from vultures if something happened to us. So yeah..I'm married, I love him like a brother and he me like a sister, we trust each other explicitly, and are best friends only. Works for us.

This works for some I guess,but I'm glad Pappy & I don't like each other.We'r old but we ain't dead yet.Anger can be a good thing,its beter when your selfish and just after your own pleasures,too hell with him,haha.He feels the same.Tough,better luck next time.

[Canadiense]

I don't understand people's strange reactions to this question, it seems so evasive/defensive.

It's a fact of life, scientifically researched and proven, that sexual intensity diminishes after only 18 months in a couple. What's left? Friendship, companionship, projects (kids etc), swinging, cheating... The choices are abundant.

"Love" is just a word. Behind the word are bonds that people share for various reasons. The words "I love you" are very much a psychological trap. That's why I hate saying them. "I love you" = "I need you" or "I can't live without you" or "Please don't ever leave me" or "Please don't ever f*ck someone else"... It's a bunch of la-di-da.