Mellisa Wisniewski Bryant, my wife, is dead..

[DngrMse]

Everything that you are feeling is normal. The only thing that will help is time.

Agreed.

I can't feel your loss, and I struggle to even understand it, or sympathize with it. I haven't ever lost what you have, and while my personal misfortunes might have danced around the edges of your loss, the despair you feel now is something I hope I never experience. The only advice I can offer is keep on living. Time will eventually ease the pain, and make life worth living.

[302Riz]

Sorry to hear about your losses. Things may seem like absolute shit now, but things will slowly get better. I know the emptiness and numbness that you feel and the pain and anguish seems like it is endless... I know it seems like its an impossibility that you will feel normal again, but you will.

I had a horrible loss of my own last year that I still havent gotten over, and probably never will. My wife and I were expecting our first child last September. But back in April, while we were on vacation in Florida, 1200 miles away from our friends and family, we lost our son 5 months into the pregnancy and almost lost my wife later that night. To say that I was devastated was a huge understatement. The feeling of numbness was prevalent for months and at the time, I thought that I could never resume my life or things will ever feel the same as they did before. What helped me was my friends and my family being there when we needed them and immerse yourself in work or a hobby.

Almost a year later, things have normalized for the most part. Keep on fighting and never lose hope.

[jwreck]

[BadNews88]

It's now 2211 GMT..

I am ready to turn in for the night.

I have been locked up in my studio 30 days after the funeral. Away from people..

Tomorrow is 19 March (Monday)

And after all these 30 days.....I just might have the guts to leave the studio...after being sequestered here all this time.........and go out and about and start to meet & mix with people again...


I might..............

[Freedom&Liberty]

Do it.

[jwreck]

Baby steps Mike. It'll come.

[Sparkly Mary]

Do something small, like go get a cup of coffee or fill up the car with gas.

Take your time and do what you feel comfortable doing.

[BadNews88]

On 19 March, (Monday), 30 days after the funeral, I left the film studio to get some air and see the outdoors, and it was kinda good.....

No negative encounters, as I had my headphones plastered to my head playing BBC World Service.

I did not make contact with mny people. Just Breanda, a waitress friend of ours at our fave dining emporium. I've not seen her since I was shot 18 June, 2011...though she hopes I will some back again soon.

It is now 0040 GMT (Tuesday now) and maybe I will come out of the studio net week at this time...

Not today........................

[kellyb]

Still reading and thinking of you...

[BadNews88]

0122 GMT

The life and legacy assesed :

I've cheated death (18 June)

I've laughed at death ..

I even had pride in myself when I killed a man in the line of duty...


But I've never experienced death on *this* level before..


I wasn't even this upset when I lost my father. (My last living relative.. He died in my arms 11 August 1995--[Lung cancer]--)

At LEAST.........*WE* had a chance to say good-bye to each other.

I *NEVER* had the chance to say good bye to Mellisa.....


And SOME PEOPLE.....are STILL on my ASS about not to remind people about it...just like the shooting 18 June, 2011..

Fuck you, ANMDB. I wanna talk about licking feet

Faggot bitch, you prolly be on the down-low and you and your cracker trick spreaded AIDS.

Tell it to the judge!

FUCK you, N*gg*e Asshole!!!!

Guido, was that last one *you?*


0129 GMT.


I just might take your advice and shut the fuck up about it.

For good.

[Sparkly Mary]

Holy hell, man who are those asswipes?

Please don't shut up about it, and please not "for good".
Everyone here in this thread cares about you!
We all love you and want to be here for you.

I know we're just "people on the internet", but those of us who have come to know you on this board admire and enjoy you for who you are.
Part of that is being here when things hit bottom.
Let us help hold you up during this time of unimaginable grief for you!
Let us be the ones who you can know that will always have a kind word and a cyber hug for you whenever you need it.
Let us be what you need us to be for you and with you.

The pain you're experiencing I can't imagine. I know what it's like to lose a father, but not a spouse. I won't blow smoke and tell you "I know how you feel", because I don't.
BUT I do want you to know that however it is you feel, you can tell me and I will listen.
You can post here or PM me or whatever. If you need to reach out, I'm here.

You're on my mind so very much and I want to know that. We are here for you however, whenever!

[queenlillian1962]

0122 GMT

The life and legacy assesed :

I've cheated death (18 June)






I've laughed at death ..

I even had pride in myself when I killed a man in the line of duty...


But I've never experienced death on *this* level before..


I wasn't even this upset when I lost my father. (My last living relative.. He died in my arms 11 August 1995--[Lung cancer]--)

At LEAST.........*WE* had a chance to say good-bye to each other.

I *NEVER* had the chance to say good bye to Mellisa.....


And SOME PEOPLE.....are STILL on my ASS about not to remind people about it...just like the shooting 18 June, 2011..








Guido, was that last one *you?*


0129 GMT.


I just might take your advice and shut the fuck up about it.

For good.

How the hell can someone be that big of an asshole? Don't listen to those fucktards 88. Listen to Sparkly Mary and don't hang with unsupportive people. You need to grieve and also know you are loved and will get through this.

[Lulu]

Are those facebook nuts? I'd recommend shutting it down... or filtering the freaks off of there. If you don't have healthy people around you and good thoughts and love, shut that sucker down. As much as you are filtering your physical world (which is understandable right now), you need to do that even more with the internet imo.

[jwreck]

Agree with Lulu on this one mate.small efforts, small rewards. The only things yuo want in life right now are positvie things.

[medlar]

my god, I am so sorry about this. There are no words when a death happens, I will not say that the pain grows less with time, from my experience, a loss can always hurt just as much as the first day when you feel you need them, but I would want you to know that I sympathise with your pain and hope for your emotional strength and that you are not alone in this.

[BadNews88]

0151 GMT

I did something that I am trying my best to NOT say...was STUPID!!!

I am still locked away in my studio.....away from other people....and I was watching sumthin' on Channel 4..and I ran to the 'phone to dial up Mellisa at home, and stopped midway because......................


I am now questioning...............


*Very* seriously questioning......


What might the WORTH of all this is?

And am I doing my best to get through this, being answered with :

"You're trying to be something you're NOT!! And it's JUST NOT NORMAL!!!"


As an American Black Sista told me last week when I did come out.

I just want...to KNOW??!?

I survived the 18 June shooting...coming out of a coma 2 weeks after said shooting...

And a bout with BOTH diabetes (Bloodsugar level was 700 when I was taken to the ER) and pnuemonia (I had to have surgery TWO TIMES....**TWO TIMES!**....to remove blood clots & pus out of my right lung..

...for **THIS??!?**

[Lulu]

You know, you can't ask the worth of it because you'll drive yourself crazy. Some people simply are challenged with incredible grief and pain. I ran into a friend today who told me that her friend just died. This woman was 42, has 4 children, married... she had some health issues and went in for testing, they thought it might be blood clots but they found out it was stage 4 cancer and she died in 6 weeks. My friend told me one of this woman's daughters went to text her the other day to tell her something before she remembered her mother was dead.

The husband, however, is going on business as usual and hasn't quite wrapped his head around it. It'll hit him differently, probably after the funeral next week. So as far as "normal", everyone deals with tragedy in their own way and all reactions are normal. I hope my story doesn't come across as debbie downer... but I tell you this to let you know you are not alone in grief. You will be okay and you will carry on her memory. And however you need to grieve, it is ok.

[queenlillian1962]

0151 GMT

I did something that I am trying my best to NOT say...was STUPID!!!

I am still locked away in my studio.....away from other people....and I was watching sumthin' on Channel 4..and I ran to the 'phone to dial up Mellisa at home, and stopped midway because......................


I am now questioning...............


*Very* seriously questioning......


What might the WORTH of all this is?

And am I doing my best to get through this, being answered with :

"You're trying to be something you're NOT!! And it's JUST NOT NORMAL!!!"


As an American Black Sista told me last week when I did come out.

I just want...to KNOW??!?

I survived the 18 June shooting...coming out of a coma 2 weeks after said shooting...

And a bout with BOTH diabetes (Bloodsugar level was 700 when I was taken to the ER) and pnuemonia (I had to have surgery TWO TIMES....**TWO TIMES!**....to remove blood clots & pus out of my right lung..

...for **THIS??!?**

I agree with Lulu. You need to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Things will get better so hang in there.

[Sparkly Mary]

I still want to call my dad and he died 10 years ago.

Listen to Lulu. She is wise.

You will work through this on your own time table and in your own way.

"Normal" has a completely new meaning for you since "normal" is no longer what it used to be. Give yourself time to figure out your new normal. Give yourself as much time as you need to. There is no schedule for this. None at all.
Love yourself, be good to yourself.

[Misteria]

How are know you? take it one day at a time, hang in there.