Divorce question

[Manu]

A male friend of mine met a girl online and traveled to California to meet and eventually marry her. He was soooo in love. This was in 2006. The divorce is final this month. She was not who he thought she was and apparently she was not(think Jerry Springer guest or Fresno white trash) but I think in his case he ignored the warning signs so many of us saw at the start. This is his 3rd marriage that has tanked too.

I think there's something to be said about knowing someone for a long time, dating for a long time, and knowing their friends and family very well. I've found with my friends and family who've gone through divorces, they often come out of relationships where the couple did not date long before getting engaged, had a long distance relationship, or did not spend much time with family & friends (just with one another).

I think some people get so caught up in their 'now' that reality bends for their relationship. If you live in a more grounded space, I think its easier to prepare.

[Monster]

Also, if this is his third failed marriage, then I think the problems lie twixt his ears, not his sheets.

[Manu]

This is a nasty thread...but just reporting a friend recently got divorced. Hundreds of thousands of bucks deducted from his assets and added to his ex's assets. Strange judicial system. Seems kinda gay.

I agree. The whole concept of alimony and splitting of assets is bizarre in todays two working partner system. In the 1950s when mostly the man worked and the wife stayed home to tend to the family it is much more understandable, but now?

[Rayney]

I find it weirder when people separate after being together for long periods of time. After nearly 12 years my relationship is the best it's ever been, we are much more chilled out as a couple, we know exactly the path we are taking in life and we work together instead of against each other.

[AlbertJ]

Marriage is all about happy thoughts and good times.

[queenlillian1962]

I think there's something to be said about knowing someone for a long time, dating for a long time, and knowing their friends and family very well. I've found with my friends and family who've gone through divorces, they often come out of relationships where the couple did not date long before getting engaged, had a long distance relationship, or did not spend much time with family & friends (just with one another).

I think some people get so caught up in their 'now' that reality bends for their relationship. If you live in a more grounded space, I think its easier to prepare.

I also notice that women spend so much time on making the wedding their dreams, that not enough time is spent on the actual thought of what marriage means. What do these girls do when all is said and done, the rush and hype is over and now you gotta look at each other for the rest of your life? His socks are on the floor,his feet stink,he snores and your gettin skid marks out of his shorts. It must be like coming down off a high. Sucks.

[Lulu]

That is why (as a general rule) people should not marry before 30. The 20 something girls are so hung up on having their princess wedding, they forget what they are committing to. At my age? I already have my great aunt's wedding ring and I'd have a simple elegant brunch wedding with close friends. I have no idea either why people want to rush into marriage. My BF and I have been dating a year and a half... I'd like to date another year before we are talking marriage.

I don't think people change though, to answer the original question. I think people settle, they think they can change someone, or they simply stop trying and they grow apart. The divorce is as ugly as people make it and there's usually years of resentment and bad feelings before they get to the point of divorce.

[Dreamy]

Also, if this is his third failed marriage, then I think the problems lie twixt his ears, not his sheets.

Never inferred that was not the case. I was discussing why he (and others) seemingly ignore the obvious when dating. We all saw why he should not marry this woman but he was sure he had met the "right" one this time.

Just for record,some history:

His first marriage was at age 18 while he was overseas in the service. Married a German girl. Just a lonely guy who missed his home. He was drinking,young and horny. He prefers marriage to manwhoring. Yeah some guys are like that. lol

His second marriage was in his early 30s. Pretty co-worker. Both were in party mode. She was in an unhappy marriage. They connected and married after her divorce. Booze and boredom killed that one.

His third one was the cyber meet. She claimed to love baseball and him. They met on a sports site. She placed loose with the truth about herself. He was lonely and out of work albeit sober now. He believed all she told him without verifying a thing. He moved to California, hooked up with her, tried to leave early on but she roped him back with her sad stories. She proposed to him even though we advised him not to go through with it. She left him about a year ago(literally he came home to an empty home) with no warning and went back to her dysfunctional family.

My point in telling this is this:

He will likely hook up with the wrong woman again and I say this because I think some people refuse to see the warning signs when dating.

[Monster]

That's sad. And I mean that with no malice or sarcasm at all, I feel bad for the guy.

People, regardless of gender, who for whatever reason leave themselves open to being taken advantage of so rarely find the happiness that we all hope to achieve. It's disheartening.

[Dreamy]

That's sad. And I mean that with no malice or sarcasm at all, I feel bad for the guy.

People, regardless of gender, who for whatever reason leave themselves open to being taken advantage of so rarely find the happiness that we all hope to achieve. It's disheartening.

It is usually naive people or trusting people. He really is a nice guy. He was my boyfriend all through high school and we have remained friends through the years. He does wear blinders when he "falls in love" and that is what makes me shake my head wondering is there a happy medium where one is not bitter and jaded but is not a believer in all that someone tells you in the beginning of a relationship? I saw my husband's faults even when we dated and luckily none were deal breakers but I married young so I am thrilled he did not do a 180 on me. A bad case of crappy marriage and whiplash is not for me.