Should One Divorce Their Spouse With Alzheimer's ?

[86Dùde]

TT would definitely dump his wife. He's probably dumped 2 already.

[garyd]

Ganja and you thought I was talking aobut non christian vows precisely why? If marriage isn't going to be monogamous for either of you please tell me why you went to the trouble in the first place? Wedding gifts?

[GanjaFreebird]

Well,this topic is about the late stages when the memory is gone.

Right.

Well, he can't remember his second marriage or his relationship with Tanya Tucker,

Maybe he just doesn't care to talk about it, especially since the long-term memories are usually the last ones to go...either way, he seemed to be completely normal, and even if he doesn't remember certain parts of his life, he is FAR from brain dead and is still the same person more or less.

one might argue he might not want to remember those things and that his Elvis and Beach Boys memories are what he'd like to remember.

He sure loved talking about Elvis and how great he was, and the experience of working with him.

But it's horrifying not to remember anything ,even the bad ,because it all is part of who we are.

Of course, but that's hardly unique for Alzheimer's victims, especially in the music business. Johnny Winter doesn't remember (or at least says he doesn't) playing at Woodstock AT ALL (and his manager tells people that interview him to not even mention anything about that), and of course, with older age, people's memory isn't what it used to be anyways, although there are always exceptions like Honeyboy Edwards.

I mean, remember how Frank Sinatra sometimes couldn't even remember "New York New York" without big screens with lyrics during his last 5 years of performing. And I just saw Chuck Berry in concert two days ago, while his playing and singing was excellent and he still puts on a GREAT show, duckwalk and all of that (which is amazing for 85 year old), but his memory clearly isn't what it used to be, as he performed "Promised Land" (a song that I've never heard him play live before in the last 11 years that I've been going to see him) 3 or 4 times that night. He still did it very well and I could listen to him play that same song another 10 times and still enjoy it, but clearly, he needs his bandmates to remind him of lyrics to some songs and to make sure that he hasn't already played it that night. But hey, it's still the same Chuck Berry and he still has the magic, make no mistake about it, and doesn't leave anybody disapointed which is why he got a 15 minute standing ovation after the last song with the whole theater screaming "We want Chuck!!". In some ways, that may have been the best I've ever seen him perform, and I've seen him millions of times.

And same with Glen Campbell, if you watch the video I've posted, it's very clear that he's still got the magic too, even if his memory isn't what it used to be.

And Glen Campbell is in early Alzhemer's ,that's why he's done his last stuido album and is making this tour now.

According to people who work for him, he wants to make this tour as long as he possibly can, so if medical treatments slow down his dissease, he might be around performing much longer than just a few months.

[GanjaFreebird]

Ganja and you thought I was talking aobut non christian vows precisely why?

Because not every marriage is a traditional Christian marriage, not even in Jesusland.

If marriage isn't going to be monogamous for either of you please tell me why you went to the trouble in the first place? Wedding gifts?

Maybe because some people separate love and sex. You can be completely in love with each other, without wanting to be sexually monogamous. I know a lot of people like that.

[Dick Tator]

Ganja and you thought I was talking aobut non christian vows precisely why? If marriage isn't going to be monogamous for either of you please tell me why you went to the trouble in the first place? Wedding gifts?

Are you scared that if your wife got some other dick she'd leave you? lol You're pretty insecure about your sexual ability apparently.

[GanjaFreebird]

GF won't say it,but I will:

He has had family and friends with all sorts of illnesses.

He knows "what time it is" much better than most of his detractors do.

Thank you.

Yesterday ,I found out that a close relative of mine has a disease that may (or may not) be lung cancer.

All I know in his case is that TB has been ruled out ,other diseases have not been ruled out yet.

He was totally lucid,we had a good talk and watched some football.

My prayers are with you and your relative.

Again,as long as you have your mind you are you,when you don't have your mind (and that is the situation we're discussing here) your body is basically a meat suit.

Very true.

Ill friends and family don't only happen to over 25 people.

And life is not a one size fits all situation.

We are all individuals.

I don't hang out with narrow-minded people like that.

And neither do I.

What about then needs of the caregiver ,who by this time has already done so much(in the cases we're talking about).



We all need companionship ,not only sexually but emotionally ,and even intellectually as well.

Exactly!!

[Dick Tator]

Are you scared that if your wife got some other dick she'd leave you? lol You're pretty insecure about your sexual ability apparently.

And insecure about your marriage if you think it's based on solely on sex, I might add...

[GanjaFreebird]

Are you scared that if your wife got some other dick she'd leave you? lol You're pretty insecure about your sexual ability apparently.

To be fair, it's ok not to want an open relationship as well, which doesn't just have to be a matter of insecurity. I'm into traditional relationships myself for several reasons, and there's nothing wrong with that, but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to have an open relationship. Whatever makes the individuals happy works best.

[Dick Tator]

To be fair, it's ok not to want an open relationship as well, which doesn't just have to be a matter of insecurity. I'm into traditional relationships myself for several reasons, and there's nothing wrong with that, but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to have an open relationship. Whatever makes the individuals happy works best.

Everyone has an open relationship in that almost every relationship has one person who cheated and EVERYONE considers cheating. All I know is that when my wife says she's going to her sister's while I'm at work, I know that's where she is going to.

[Lulu]

I'd love to know this parallel universe where people aren't judged by their actions. For every 1 person that thinks it's ok to leave a spouse w/ Alzheimer's, there will 10 that judge. That's life. It's not to say the spouse might not find companionship somewhere else because they might and I think people would understand that. But abandoning someone because it's "too difficult" shows a lack of character. And from things I've read, Alzheimer's patients deteriorate rapidly when they have no one familiar to care for them or visit them. If a spouse deserts the Alzheimer's patient, it also puts all the responsibility on the children. How is that fair?

And if you don't think people are judged by their actions... both Newt and John Edwards will NEVER recover politically because they left their wives with cancer.

P.S. TT, there is a new Pfizer drug for lung cancer if that is indeed what he has... the person has to get a test to see if they have a genetic mutation and if they do, the results are promising.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-0...ng-cancer.html

[GanjaFreebird]

Everyone has an open relationship in that almost every relationship has one person who cheated and EVERYONE considers cheating. All I know is that when my wife says she's going to her sister's while I'm at work, I know that's where she is going to.

So you and your wife have an open relationship?

[GanjaFreebird]

I'd love to know this parallel universe where people aren't judged by their actions. For every 1 person that thinks it's ok to leave a spouse w/ Alzheimer's, there will 10 that judge.

For every asshole, there are 10 BIGGER assholes, so fuckin' what.

That's life. It's not to say the spouse might not find companionship somewhere else because they might and I think people would understand that. But abandoning someone because it's "too difficult" shows a lack of character.

"abandoning" and romantically moving on are two different things. My friend's father suffers from a similar dissease that destroys both mental and physical health and makes it absolutely impossible to be in a real relationship, for many different reasons. Her mother has "divorced" him a long time ago and is married to a new man for decades, but even nowdays, she still takes care of her ex-husband, makes sure he's doing the best he can, and he still thinks they are together to this day, as she never told him since it wouldn't do any good at this point.

And yes, "too difficult" can be difficult enough, because people who suffer from brain damaging illnesses can turn violent, dangerous and all kinds of stuff, which isn't their fault of course, but still, people shouldn't be forced to go through this shit if they aren't strong enough.

And from things I've read, Alzheimer's patients deteriorate rapidly when they have no one familiar to care for them or visit them.

Right, and they should take care of them and visit them, but as far as a real romantic relationship is concerned, it's hardly possible.

If a spouse deserts the Alzheimer's patient, it also puts all the responsibility on the children. How is that fair?

See above.

And if you don't think people are judged by their actions... both Newt and John Edwards will NEVER recover politically because they left their wives with cancer.

It's not exactly what they did, but rather the way they did it. Also, cancer doesn't cause people to be brain dead, they are just physically ill, but still the same person though.

[Dick Tator]

So you and your wife have an open relationship?

More shut than open and more open than shut.

[IFF]

Emotionally, I agree with both of you,but it's easy to feel that way when one is fairly young and in good health.

If one is actually in that situation ,it can be another matter.


I mean if one's mind is gone ,then that person is gone,the body is just a meat suit.

Unfortunately TT i've had some experience of dealing with people with alzheimars. In both cases, the mind was clear, not about the present time but about the past. In the cases i've experienced, while the present for the people was not at all cleared, they had a very pleasant memory of what happened in the past. I remember visitng one and she was reminiscing her sibling. she did think i was my father though.

[Truth Teller]

Again if you don't mean those vows don't take them.

People often write their own vows nowadays.

Just sayin'.

[Truth Teller]

TT would definitely dump his wife. He's probably dumped 2 already.

Yawn.

If marriage isn't going to be monogamous for either of you please tell me why you went to the trouble in the first place? Wedding gifts?

Most people get married for legal reasons like insurance,property rights .etc.

Maybe he just doesn't care to talk about it, especially since the long-term memories are usually the last ones to go

Yeah,but everyone is not effected the same way.

The only reason coulmnist Hugh Sidey found out about Ronald Regan's Alzhemier's was at Richard Nixon's funeral when Reagan started talking to Sidey about first working with Nixon in 1960.

Sidey then asked Reagan "What did you think when you first heard about Watergate?" and Reagan honestly had no idea what Watergate was,then Nancy Reagan told Sidey the truth and Sidey agreed to keep it secret until Regan himself was ready to make it public.

Of course, but that's hardly unique for Alzheimer's victims, especially in the music business. Johnny Winter doesn't remember (or at least says he doesn't) playing at Woodstock AT ALL (and his manager tells people that interview him to not even mention anything about that),

Does Johnny Winter have Alzheimer's?

Because not every marriage is a traditional Christian marriage, not even in Jesusland.

Ask Newt Gingrich.

Maybe because some people separate love and sex. You can be completely in love with each other, without wanting to be sexually monogamous. I know a lot of people like that.

Me too.

Are you scared that if your wife got some other dick she'd leave you? lol You're pretty insecure about your sexual ability apparently.

My prayers are with you and your relative.

Thank you.

I'd love to know this parallel universe where people aren't judged by their actions. For every 1 person that thinks it's ok to leave a spouse w/ Alzheimer's, there will 10 that judge. That's life. It's not to say the spouse might not find companionship somewhere else because they might and I think people would understand that. But abandoning someone because it's "too difficult" shows a lack of character. And from things I've read, Alzheimer's patients deteriorate rapidly when they have no one familiar to care for them or visit them. If a spouse deserts the Alzheimer's patient, it also puts all the responsibility on the children. How is that fair?

On the other hand,what is fair for the caregiver too?

And if you don't think people are judged by their actions... both Newt and John Edwards will NEVER recover politically because they left their wives with cancer.

Newt was a Bible-thumping hypocrite,in the case of Edwards ,it wasn't the affair itself but his hubris and the cover up.

If Edwards had manned up from the start and fessed up I bet he'd be Attorney General now,and a great one.

P.S. TT, there is a new Pfizer drug for lung cancer if that is indeed what he has... the person has to get a test to see if they have a genetic mutation and if they do, the results are promising.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-0...ng-cancer.html

Thank you,I'll pass that on.

[garyd]

Do a will. It's easier to change than just ending a marriage. You can put anyone on your life insurance policy. You can give anyone power of attorney in case of emergencies. If that is why you are getting married you're an idiot.

[Truth Teller]

Do a will. It's easier to change than just ending a marriage. You can put anyone on your life insurance policy. You can give anyone power of attorney in case of emergencies. If that is why you are getting married you're an idiot.

In a ideal world maybe,but in real life it doesn't always work out that way.

Wills can be broken,or at the very least can be tied up in court for years and years.

I have one relative who works in insurance,this person had a couple as clients,they were married in every sense but legally,the only reason they weren't married legally was the guy's wife wouldn't give him a divorce because she was a Catholic.

The woman became terminally ill,her companion stuck by her side all the way,she left him everything in her will,after she died her son (who never once came to see her) got a judge to break the will, giving her son all of her estate and her companion nothing.

The only foolproof legal contract around things like that is marriage, and that is the actual reason the majority of people get married and that is the reason same-sex couples want the right to marry as well.

[garyd]

That is extremely rare and in such circumstance even marriage isn't fool proof. And you are right love isn't sex but real love would preclude you risking your health and that of your spouse for fifteen minutes of pleasure with some one else.

There are two types of love in the world. There is Godly love or complacent love, a love that is complete in the existence of its object, and beneficient love a love that is dependent on the actions of it's object. The latter can turn into hate when those actions are no longer performed. The former never does. The former is until death. The former places its object over and above all else.

[Truth Teller]

That is extremely rare

That doesn't mean shit if you're the one it happens to.