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Thread: He's scared of having a relationship with me

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 30 2009

    Question He's scared of having a relationship with me

    Short synopsis...
    Met Ben through a friend (Ben's cousin) last September. He was working out of state at the time, so we didn't spend THAT much time together but talked a lot. Visited him a few times, fell madly in love with each other. Things were perfect until he moved back home and that's when he started getting scared. (hindsight is always 20/20). The last time I heard from him was when he told me he loved me on Valentine's Day (that was the first time we've said it to each other). I think he was trying to fight his fear when he said this and wanted to dive in, but something happened and his heart froze again.
    Present time...
    This past memorial day weekend his cousin spent 2 days with Ben. Ben asked about me and that's when they started talking about what happened and why he vanished out of my life. He says that he absolutely adores me and likes me more than anyone he ever has before...this is what scares him. He went through a nasty divorce about 7yrs ago and doesn't want to get hurt again. He told his cousin that I'm absolutely amazing and he's never met a girl like me. THEN WHAT'S THE DAMN PROBLEM????? argh! Anyway...his family is on his case to give me a call and work things out. His brother and sister who he's very close to are trying to get him to think things through. He told his cousin he'd call me, but hasn't yet. Whenever I call, he never picks up.
    What do I do?? Should I leave him a message and tell him there's no pressure on having a relationship right away and that it's cool if we're just friends? I love him, I do...and honestly I think this "friend" approach is the only way to get him to talk to me and maybe it'll make it click in his head how happy he really can be and that I'm not out to hurt him. Any advice on how to approach all of this?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 30 2008
    The way you are going on, I'd be scared to have a relationship with you too.

    I hope that clears things up

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 26 2005
    with Ferby
    I say ditch the loser if he ain't trying he's not worth it.

  4. #4
    Lyssa's Avatar
    Lyssa is offline Bride of Frackenstein! Premium Member
    Join Date
    Apr 18 2007
    If he's not calling, and he won't answer your calls, then he's not into you. At least not enough to want a real relationship. Even if there was some bullshit reason like him being scared to be hurt, then you probably don't want a guy with that type of emotional baggage anyway. It sounds like his family and friends are trying to convince him you're the right choice, but he's not so convinced himself or he'd be trying to get with you.
    "Soon will I rouse you to yet wilder dancing and pipe a note of terror in your ear."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 30 2008
    Run. And go buy the book "He's just not into you." Read it several times. It's written by a man, not some divorced witch who tells you about rules and that kind of garbage.

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