Read about my dysfunctional adolescence, my writing, and....umm...eat PASTA!
Ten Thousand Fists--Disturbed
One more goddamn day, when I know what I want
and my want will be considered tonight, considered tonight.
Just another day, when all that I want
will mark me as a sinner tonight, I'm a sinner tonight, yeah.
People can no longer cover their eyes,
A long talk with a friend, about everything and nothing at the same time.
Curling up on the couch or on my bed with a good book and some hot chocolate.
Listening to, making, and writing music.
Writing (poems, songs, stories, ect.).
Losing someone I love.
The dark (:shrug:).
Getting seriously sick.
What happened to all of my other journal entries? :eek3:
...well, okay then.
I am now nineteen years old...I will be twenty in May. I go to school at my local community college and work at Target as a cashier/Electronics Specialist (depending where they schedule me that day). I live with my...
Drinking coffee. Doing laundry. Packing for a trip to see my love--I get on a Greyhound tonight =D
I'm working two jobs now...Chuck E. Cheese and GameStop. They're both part-time, though, and I hardly get 15 hours a week with both of them. = Just wanted to give a quick update.
I miss posting here, I really do. I need to be on more often, but I just don't have much free time now a days. = Spazola59, for those of you who don't know. <3
School is going better. Although I do have a paper that I should be working on right now...haha. Other than that, I've been keeping up...
It sure hurts a lot. I liked it better when I was too numb to feel anything.
I am doing everything right; I am not allowing the monster to win. I am taking my medications, attending class, working hard. I want to beat this more than I have ever wanted to before. Yet, I cannot seem to catch a...
It's funny, really. I was doing so well; I was so healthy and...well, normal on the outside. I was eighteen years old, attending a four-year university here in North Carolina. I was in a relationship with a twenty year old Soldier, who I adored and who loved me very much. I was Assistant Stage...
Yep. Title says it all.
I have no excuse, no real reason to be this way. I'm quite pathetic. ^^;
Fuck being healthy. Fuck being alive. I'm done. ^_^
(Take note that I will most likely still be alive in the morning. God, I'm fucking worthless.)
There is so much to say...and yet, how can I convey the horrors and miracles that have resonated through these past eight years?
I fear that I may have found the light at the end of the tunnel. This joyous and terrible sight intrudes upon every thought, every waking moment. I am suffering from...
I'm eighteen now.
Feels kind of weird.
I can get in to TEF now xD
So many emotions surround this solemn time; hope, fear, regret. It is said that one in six American women will be a victim of sexual assault. Why, then, do I feel so alone? Everything that happened, no one seems to understand that it is still killing me inside. Sometimes, I wake up crying in the...
Yes, this combination made for the most epic night. I spent last night with my younger cousin, Raven. We played Dance Dance Revolution, Mario Kart and Blokus, ate Reese's cups, and put pink streaks in our hair. Pretty amazing. <3
Piccctuuures =D huuuuge f'ing pictures xD Sorry about that.
Scott was not a bad guy. We were happy together, he took good care of me. He understood me, he knew the real me and still loved me. This is such a rare thing to find, and yet I screwed it all up.
I said horrible things to him, accused him of doing terrible things. Yet, he still wants me. He...
Note: This thread may be triggering in the subject of Eating Disorders. Please do not continue to read if you are triggered or upset by calorie/weight figures, graphic descriptions of the emaciated body, or similar topics. Thank you.
"4st 7lb" by Manic Street Preachers (pronounced "Four...
I just wanted to give you all a little update on how I'm doing, in case anyone happened to be interested. xD
My boyfriend of six months and I recently decided to separate. The distance was too difficult for us...he lives nine hours away, and seeing as he is only eighteen and I am...
Children are precious pieces of gold; childhood is a time for innocence and simple pleasures. I vaguely recall sun-streaked afternoons spent playing in the summer heat; a time when play was for fun, not to burn calories. I remember eating pizza, cookies, and pasta without an ounce of guilt....
Hi guys. :) I hope you all have been doing okay.
Things in my life have been crazy hectic recently. I did okay on exams, and passed all of my classes (thank god xD). I went on a trip to Maine and got to eat fresh lobster, meet my dad's family for the first time, and go to Bar Harbor (AKA Baa...
The birthday anxiety has kicked in, as usual. :rolleyes:
I have always known that this life would get more difficult with age. This coming year, I will be a Senior in high school; soon, college. Juggling mental illness, college, and a job will be difficult enough; I cannot imagine adding in a...
So, I decided to go ahead and post another pointless journal entry, even though no one reads these anyway. XD
So, here is what has been going on these past few months:
~Around the middle of first semester, begin super long major depressive episode. Cue in the exhaustion, failing classes, and...
Still working on this one...I'll be posting more chapters as I write them. :) As always, critique and comments are appreciated!
Leaves whirl around me like snow, caught up in the rhythm of the light breeze. Cool air nips at me, thousands of tiny bites all over my flesh. The...
*swipes away cobwebs* A journal entry? Whaaa? :eek:
Okay, I think I'ma break this down into specific sections...
This is my schedule...
I've always had a phobia of growing up--it implies independence, and I have an extremely dependent personality. I had several panic attacks before my thirteenth birthday, but now that seems so silly because I was still so young then. It even seems silly that I'm scared now--I had to...
Well, IF you can call it a "novel"--it's only twenty two or so pages on microsoft word. :p
But still, yay! :D I'm about fifteen pages into the sequel, as well. <3 Let me know what you think! :)
So yeah, I haven't been on in quite a while. :p Between school, the spring musical, and life and general I haven't really been able to do much more than log in every few weeks.
A few general updates:
-I'm no longer moving to NH--the job my dad had up there fell through and the house was in...
In the past few months that I haven't been posting here as much...(these aren't at all in chronological order XD)
--School has been going fantastic, my teachers are amazing and I've made straight A's every report card so far. :eek:
--My best friends and I have bonded closer together as a...
I canít remember the last time I slept all through the night, without the echo of my own screams jolting me awake.
This is what Iím thinking about when I climb into Jackís car. My house looks gloomy, almost haunted, in the pool of light leaking from the full moon. The white paint is all but...
Hello DA! I haven't been posting much as of late...I'm sorry...:hmm: I've been really really busy though.
I went to Bonnaroo on the 13th (a four day music festivel in TN), and it was absolutely amazing. I got to see Widespread Panic, Tool, Franz Ferdinand, and The Flaming Lips all live...and I...
musical and comforting
a childhood lullaby.
One smile, blindingly bright
but I can't avert my gaze.
She is the other half
of my very being.
I met her eyes,
So, I'm going to be fifteen in five days. :eek: And in two more weeks, I'll be able to go and take the test for my driving permit. :D
Drivers Ed has been okay...REALLY boring, but yesterday I got to sit with an old friend of mine and we're talking and stuff now, she might be coming to my...
So at 6:00am on Sunday morning, I left for South Carolina with my boyfriend Scott and his mother and sister. We got back today around 6:30pm.
I had SO much fun! :D We stayed at this resort for millitary families (his mom used to be in the air force), where there was this huge, gorgeous lake. We...
I cried and fell apart,
ripped and torn
at every edge.
I screamed and I raged,
only to be reduced back
to tears shortly after.
But from all this,
I have learned, I have grown
and you're simply a life lesson to me.
Gaaah...I'm worried and tired and depressed and scared and I just want to be happy. :( I've been in super-emo mode for the past few days and it really frickin sucks. :P
First thing thats bothering me the most...I'm really, REALLY worried about a good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless for...
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