Gaaah...I'm worried and tired and depressed and scared and I just want to be happy. :( I've been in super-emo mode for the past few days and it really frickin sucks. :P

First thing thats bothering me the most...I'm really, REALLY worried about a good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless for her own privacy). We've already been drifting apart and I miss her. Now she's getting into drinking and smoking weed...which, these two by themselves didn't bother me too bad. But where she's been doing it is scary--with a bunch of people, many of which are older men (older being in their 20s...she's around my age) that she barely knows. Sleeping with a guy she's only known for a week, maybe a few days less than that. None of this is like her and I don't know what to do...I never see her and when I tried to talk to her about how stupid she was being she just got pissed of and said she knew I wouldn't understand. :( And I admitted that I don't understand, so explain it to me--and she said it was too complicated.

I love her so frickin much, she's the only real friend I've ever had (aside from Scott). I can't stand to see her doing this to herself, it hurts me to know that she is--and she doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened to her, I could never replace her. :(

She's number one in my worries. But before she told me about all of this, I was already having trouble sleeping and even functioning normally...I can't do anything anymore. I don't write. Play guitar. Sing. I don't even really want to continue with soccer, though I was signed up ahead of time for the next season. I can't do anything because I don't let myself enjoy it. All I can think about the whole time I'm doing all these things that used to make me happy is that I'm bad at it. That I'll never measure up to all the people I know who are great at these things. And it's not like I'm new to ANY of it--I've been playing soccer since I was eight, playing guitar since I was eleven, writing since I was twelve and singing my whole life. AND I SUCK AT ALL OF IT! I have absolutely NO talent in ANYTHING what so ever. I don't even make up for lack of talent in book smarts...I'm stupid as hell.

So now almost everything that used to make me happy, that I used to LIVE for--my friends, writing, music, everything--just ends up making me sad. And I know this isn't normal--I want someone to help me stop being this way so badly...then I can stop spamming my journal with emoness. :p But my mom doesn't believe me so ya'll are stuck with hearing this for a while. :p

Whad'ya mean your mom doesn't believe you? Seriously you need to talk to someone about your friend. If a girl her age is smoking weed and drinking with guys in their 20's something is seriously wrong. You need to talk to her mom or do something, find out the address and call the cops, anything. This is going to a very bad place very fast. She might think it's all fun and games now, but there's a pretty high chance of something traumatic happenning to her with those guys in the near future. You might lose a friend but you also might save her life. Go do something now.

Sorry, that last part came out wrong...I haven't told anyone about my friend. It's not that my mom doesn't believe.

I plan on doing something if this continues...its only been this past week that she's been getting into this stuff, so it might burn out as quickly as it started. Or maybe I can talk her out of it--she sees a therapist and I'm hoping I can atleast convince her to talk to her about it.But if she plans continuing like this then I know I have to do something...I'd just like to avoid it if there's a safe way to do so...she made me swear I wouldn't tell, and I don't want to break that trust unless I absolutely have to....

It's like a frickin after school special or something. :P We've talked about stuff like this a million times, she knows better. :(