This isnt meant to be pejorative-I know you went through a horrible time and if this is affording you some balance more power-I wanted to put it in your journal because I didnt want anyone debating-I'm intersted in your feelings-of course the super personal stuff is none of our business if there is any.
I've always had a lot of affection for you and I wanted to see what was up with this...

I lived with Muslims for many months. I still keep in close contact with them. They're my friends, my co-workers, my family, my bosses, and my buddies.
I was exposed to Arabic culture and Islamic culture for months. Total immersion. Might as well have been living in the Middle East (except the lack of a desert and the high humidity). It was fun. I forgot most of my English, learned broken English, and am fairly good at handling communication between Arabs and non-Arabs in a restuarant. By that, I mean I can kinda speak but moreso understand the lingo.
I just hung around with lots of Muslims. The religion makes a lot of sense to me in a really strange way. I don't know how to describe it, but it makes sense to me like Xianity makes sense to some people. It just hits that chord.
But I have too many vices to be a good Muslim, so I do not truly convert, although I could if I wanted to. I could say the words I need to speak from my heart if I truly wanted to become Muslim. I admire the work ethic that the religion inspires. I admire the loyalty and bonds it makes. I admire the honesty. I admire the attempts to swindle me out of all of my money, only to have another one of them pickpocket all the money (and a bit extra) back for me as a gesture of kindness.

How did that come to pass? Was it your work?

My work, later on.
At first, it was the only place I could go in this city that I had any fun at.
Then I got a job through my hang out, then I worked there. Now I have moved on to a bar through that same medium.

So how serious are you about the religion?-and you have a knack for language anyway but this has got to be really different approach wise-you were always such a detail person-are you more relaxed now?

Oh, I'm much more relaxed about it. I realize that communication does not mean that everyone must speak perfectly.
I'm pretty serious about the religion, actually. It's quite amazing. I'm taking it steady and slow. Conversion is not something to be taken lightly. If I do it, it'll be at least a year down the line. I want to know more about the religion.

this makes me wander, how do you see islam in relation to you beeing bisexual and crossdresser? if its too personal, never mind, just wandering.

this makes me wander, how do you see islam in relation to you beeing bisexual and crossdresser? if its too personal, never mind, just wandering.

They don't get along.
It's the same as if I were Xian.
I'm going to Hell either way.
My orientation is not accepted by the religion, but I must admit that most Muslims just don't care. It's like Christians and homosexuality (or any of those). Most people don't care about someone's orientation from a religious standpoint.
I recognize that I could never be a good Muslim unless I refused to act on those desires.

do you see yourself going that far, to stop acting on it? or would you adept the religon as sort of your own personal thing? its quite interesting, since allso most christians dont completely live the christian life, and that seems quite possible. maybe the rituals and culture are a goal in itself, aside from beeing religously perfect.

do you see yourself going that far, to stop acting on it? or would you adept the religon as sort of your own personal thing? its quite interesting, since allso most christians dont completely live the christian life, and that seems quite possible. maybe the rituals and culture are a goal in itself, aside from beeing religously perfect.

Here's the thing about Islam. If you're born Muslim, the onus to follow the rules is not as strict on you. If you convert, you better be good about it.
Smoking, drinking, extra-marital sex, all of that is something that I couldn't do.
If you're born Muslim, there's a lot more leniency.
Right now, I don't see myself going that far. It's one of the reasons that I want to take this entire matterly slowly. If I convert, I want to be serious about it. I want to make a conscious effort to truly be of that religion.
In all likelihood, I will simply adapt the religion to my lifestyle without converting. That is where I stand right now. I will follow the cleanliness, the traditions, the holidays, and everything else without the piety. Pretty much treat it as a philosophy. Remove God from the religion and follow it that way. To me, it is an amazing religion for its ability to be so beneficial on a secular level. Even without God, the religion is very useful and beneficial on that worldly level.

I think thats a good way to do it. presonally Im not that interested in the godly side of religons anyway, I wouldnt be able to belive it. but thats me. I do think religons have a great value, the traditions and rituals.

Yeah, that's my problem as well. I struggle with my belief as to whether or not God exists.
But the traditions and rituals rock.

a lot of people miss it in nowadays society, with religon crumbling.

FL i know of many rich muslims who are bi and i also know its a habit amongst them, dont let this stop you from choosing to be a muslim.
If you feel its right then take the path you really want, there's a lot more i could tell you but dont believe they are puritans.

FL i know of many rich muslims who are bi and i also know its a habit amongst them, dont let this stop you from choosing to be a muslim.
If you feel its right then take the path you really want, there's a lot more i could tell you but dont believe they are puritans.

They're not puritans, but I would want to take my devotion seriously.
That means that I have to act in accordance with the religion.