i think its just cause im kind of in denial... but how much denial can you really be in and admit it... i dont know.. im not a licensed psychologist--

anyways--- yeah.. i had a super fun day and night.. i spent like 8 and a half hours at a counselor meeting with people i care about sooooo much and most of them i havent seen in FOR-E-VER (to be spoken in the sandlot voice, for those of you familiar with the film) yeah, so honestly a couple of the people are such major snobs... but most of them are so great--- and only 5 other counselors are goig to same week as me, but whatever, i am better with closer 1 on 1 relationships anyways... or smaller groups, ya know?

okay--- this isnt the topic i was planning to post on at all.... for anyone who is still reading, even though you obviously have already learned that it usually takes me a while ot get to the point.. but i always get there.. i promise!

okay.. POINT_______what was it? oh yeah...
ughhh... seriously, i wake up every day.. well, not every day, but i keep wakiing up and saying to myself, WHAT have i gotten myself into?? but honesly, i dont have any doubts... i know what i have experience in the last year... i know i wasnt brainwashed, and i know i am where God wants me in terms of church and such... its just complicated, i guess..

okay.. back to the point.. one last try-- actually it's just a little kinda point.. it's just that with my parents and all the drama, i try to brush it off, and stuff and honestly, it's pretty sucky whether we get along... or not... because when we dont, i get upset, but when we get along great, i just have that bittersweet feeling, knowing things could fall apart sooo easily and i could lose everything... but basically, i think im just angry at them.. but its not an active kind of anger.... and im not letting myself express it... not like that would do any good.. but i guess i just dont know what to do with this anger... does this make any sense... i think i may have to repost this is a way that is coherent... im such a dork..i am going to go do something else, i do not need to be thinking so much right now...

i am going to visit my old high school tomorrow-- yay... im gonna crash play pro with my friend...

im currently seeing a psychologist and dealing with her about problems I'm having with my parents..

but I couldn't quite understand what you were saying in your post, exactly the problem is your dealing with, I don't mean to come off rudely, I guess maybe not enough details? heh. Anyways, I might have some info, but I could be totally useless. :)
Let me know!

ill post it in a way that makes sense tomorrow

who do you think were snobs? :)


i'm interested to know ;) hehe

Ok so you have pent up anger towards your parents is what I am getting from your post and you don't know what to do with it right? Well if that's it ... girl you are in a simmilar boat as I. You can simply tell them what is up or you can keep it pent up inside you and then find something that you can do to release all that anger and make you feel better. Take it from a girl who has lost her mother over petty BS and is trying to get her daddy back b/c I was angry at him for 20 years over more petty BS. You want them in your life and you need to either talk to them or find a way to filter it out of your system. My ways :
1. Singing
2. Dancing
3. Shooting

been there.. done that.. and in ways still there..

the bittersweetness you talked about not knowing if everything would fall apart after you fixed it, i feel all the time.. things with friends, family, God, and misc. always tend to make me think when things are going good "ok, now how long is it going to last this time.." and instead i should be enjoying the good times, while keep striving to make them continue to happen..

but like the movie said.. you can't appreciate the sweet without the sour..

sorry if this reply was a bit off topic, i couldn't exactly pick the theme of this thread.. so i just decided to pull what i could.. :)

it wasnt off topic wedge-- you pretty much captured what i was thinking

and i get that-- if there is no sour you cant appreciate the sweet or somethin or other, but if there is too much sour, you cant appreciate it at all.. ughh -- whatever i am not feeling as "philosophical" as usual right now so i wont even go there..

hmm pissyprincess, ya might be on to something with the third thing on your list-- haha.., but you make a good point about doing things i love and whatnot, but i dont know if that is enough...i mean, maybe that "has" to be enough, because maybe i am not gonna find a better deal than tha,t but still... there is only so much that you can help a situation by covering it up... i have completely learned this first hand.. in fact, i really turned to theater at the beginning of high school in the midst of some major turmoil, and what happeend was that it helped, my involvement in theater got me through that time, i spent some of it feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in that misery, but theater really kinda held me up.. and kept me from completely losing myself.. Still.. when it comes down to it, i had to face all the things i was dealing with it in a more head on way a few years later.. actually i am kinda dealing with them now in my own way... and myabe always will be... but anyways, back to my point.. (i gotta work on staying on topic.. LOL) anyways, with this thing at home, even if i let myself get lost in my world of musical theater, improv, camp, directing, friends and other stuff... i am still coming home to this tense place, and even if i can forget about it, it is gonna smack me in the face later...im just kinda freaked about that right now

Originally posted by Lateralis
im currently seeing a psychologist and dealing with her about problems I'm having with my parents..

but I couldn't quite understand what you were saying in your post, exactly the problem is your dealing with, I don't mean to come off rudely, I guess maybe not enough details? heh. Anyways, I might have some info, but I could be totally useless. :)
Let me know!

okay, to clarify, the whole issue is fleshed out so much on this board, so if you havent read of my "drama" try searching for a post in the wellness and spirituality board from me about it...

okay, so assuming you know some backstory on that, the deal is
i live at home and right now, because of 1- my parents forbidding me from church and trying to shove judaism down my throat... 2. now id assume that they havent compltely forgotten about it, but i havent brought it up in months -- pretty much since i was forbidden.. and they havent said a word, and they think it was a phase and that i am over it.. like it is something to be over...

so now, im finding it really hard to live with them there is the secrecy (and i cant bring it up, the stakes are honestly pretty high right now, and i have to keep in mind that i have to live with them at least for now, and that they are my parents.. the only set i get...)

now things appear to be almost better than before-- my mom is a chrinic yeller, she has to fight about absolutely everything, but overall we're getting along better and even then it is just kinda ..sad or something for me....

even when we are all happy with each other and our relationships, i cant just be happy about it, because im busy thinking something could og wrong and they could find my bible or a friend will call my house instead of my cell and leave a message telling me something with a suspicious church thing in it..

its just really hard having that on my shoulders

so, yeah, what i was trying to say in the first place is that i guess im just mad at them, im not acting on it , i am being as respectful as i can stand to be, even when they are not...
but all these months i have told myself not to be mad at them and not to show that, but i never thought about the fact that i really am upset about how they've acted...

yeah, im not entirely sure i explained it any better this time -- so lateralis and anyone else who was confused the first time... sorry

Are things going better at all sweetie? have you found any sanity whatsoever?

but i think im still looking for my sanity...

i donk know-- its not only just that like "oh this makes me upset" or im mad about this or that.. its just a really weird situation... for one, because even if i handled it a lot better than i am at the moment, it still wouldnt mean it was okay, because it depends on a lot of factors... okay, here i go ramlbing as usual.. i should warn people about that in my avator or screenname or something... yeah-- so someday i will be sane again.. hopefully sooner than later-- thanx for askin

you and i should meet for coffee one of these days I think with our ramblings it would be major fun!

we should do that sometime

yeah-- im all left out because all the DA'ers know each other-- we need an L.A. D.A. gathering

Yeah, we attempted but we could not find a location to do so. I don't know very many but there are a lot that I would like to meet for sure!