I think that I am bipolar. I have been reading quite a bit about it recently, and I seem to fit it. I do have episodes of mania where I cannot control myself, and other times when I am severely depressed. It also explains my total inability to maintain a normal lifestyle or normal relationships.
Of course, I'm going to have to wait until I go back to the doctor so that tests can be run to see if I am bipolar, but in all likelihood, I am. The good news is that I can call myself crazy and have some meaning behind it.
I think my anxiety disorder does not help it, either.
I am considering going back into a hospital, but for a longer stay. I was considering entering one of those long term hospitals to see what a couple of months of psychological examination and the like tells me about myself.
It's strange. Every day that goes by, I seem to discover more reasons why my life should and does suck as much as it does.
I seriously question my ability to function in society. I think that maybe I should remove myself from society. As it stands, I feel that I have nothing to contribute and nothing to live for, but that doesn't mean that I now have a reason to die. I have no beneficial purpose in life.

FL you need to see your Dr. asap.
dont leave it.

isnt having a good life a purpuse?

OK, being bipolar myself, I have to say something on this one. if all you say is true, you definitely fit the bill.

Go admit yourself NOW. In order to get it under control properly you need to admit yourself for about a month. it's better if your parents do it for you and make it non-voluntary. if you decide to leave, it will just screw everything up.

Don't take it lightly, this is no joke. If a doctor appears to be pushing pills, then he isn't really making an effort to help you. he's just drugging you. Find a doctor that is REALLY paying attention to things and will prescribe the RIGHT drugs and not just something to make you feel good.

Personally, I take Zyprexa for mine. It rapes the bank account at about $15/pill, but it works for me.

The doctor will tell you under no circumstances should you allow yourself to miss a dose. He isn't kidding. if you do, you will quickly go down hill within a week or too. I mean WAAAAAAY down hill. Crying nonstop, screaming at people, giving your boss the finger. Stuff like that.

I really hope you take that advice.

Yeah, my brother knows what he's talking about. He really had to fight that stuff hard for a long time. He went through a lot of bad experiences before he got it under control. By all means, take majinbuu's advice. He really knows what he's talking about.

majinbuu got it right FL.

isnt having a good life a purpuse?
oki depressions hit a person and they dont know how to go about it let alone help themselves, at least FL sees and recognises what he has and thats a good step in the right direction for professional help.
Do let me know how you are doing FL, hugz A.

I think that I am bipolar. I have been reading quite a bit about it recently, and I seem to fit it. I do have episodes of mania where I cannot control myself, and other times when I am severely depressed. It also explains my total inability to maintain a normal lifestyle or normal relationships.
Of course, I'm going to have to wait until I go back to the doctor so that tests can be run to see if I am bipolar, but in all likelihood, I am. The good news is that I can call myself crazy and have some meaning behind it.
I think my anxiety disorder does not help it, either.
I am considering going back into a hospital, but for a longer stay. I was considering entering one of those long term hospitals to see what a couple of months of psychological examination and the like tells me about myself.
It's strange. Every day that goes by, I seem to discover more reasons why my life should and does suck as much as it does.
I seriously question my ability to function in society. I think that maybe I should remove myself from society. As it stands, I feel that I have nothing to contribute and nothing to live for, but that doesn't mean that I now have a reason to die. I have no beneficial purpose in life.

Sorry to hear that bro, that's tough to deal with untreated, real tough. I am not bipolar, but a loved one is. You are on the right track. IMO you need to be taking medication as directed by a doctor, and see a doc real regularly intiially, after a while it can be a biweekly or monthly visit. Lithium seemed to work on the person I know, she did get toxicity due to playing around too much with her diet. She's on depacoat(sp) right now, that's been working really well for the last few months.

Dude, even us sane folks contiplate our improtance here :) a little of that is normal. ... but if you are indeed bipolar, I really think medication is the only solution, my loved one tried the natural route.... with out luck. the depacoat is working really really well.

Good luck Bro. Hey, are you still down off benfield (or still in the same state)? ... just wondering.

oki depressions hit a person and they dont know how to go about it let alone help themselves, at least FL sees and recognises what he has and thats a good step in the right direction for professional help.
Do let me know how you are doing FL, hugz A.youre right.

Be very careful about what medications you take, because the wrong anti depressants can mess you up. I speak from experience. I know they are a godsend to many, and that's great, but I'm just saying to be careful, research any drugs you're given beforehand, and tell your doctors about any side effects.

Also, there is no definitive test to determine your brain chemistry, so be leery of anyone telling you that you have a chemical imbalance. It's usually mere speculation when they tell you that.

Antidepressants actually create an imbalance, so be careful. Anyone who tells you they don't doesn't know how they work.

Also, if you're reacting to some unresolved issues, all the drugs on earth won't help you until you do resolve them. Medications can help dramatically, but while you're on them (which you will be if you get professioanl help), don't stop trtyiong to get at the root of the problem.

I know people who have been diagnosed as manic depressive, bipolar, etc., yet were able to get completely off of the meds later on when they resolved their underlying problems. It can be unforgiveness (which can be a tough one to overcome; depending upon the circumstances), a reaction to some extremely unpleasant experience (such as getting dumped/rejection), or any other traumatic experience in life.

What can happen is that the normal ups and downs we all deal with from day to day become so extreme that they're almost impossible to deal with, which results in problems with dealing with life in general.

I'm probably going against the conventional wisdom, but I would try a counseler or psychologist first and stay away from the meds. If you find them to be necessary, then take that route, but psychoactive drugs are nothing to take lightly. There is no magic pill to make all of your past experiences go away, and sooner or later, you have to learn the coping skills necessary to deal with them. On the other hand, there is the possibility you could be bipolar and need meds forever. You just need a good doctor to make sure, and not a paid prescription writer. There are more of them around then you can imagine.

Alkso, don't ever make your condition into a lifestyle. I've seen plenty of peopel who have done just that, and blame everything on their depression or mental condition. It's just not a good way to live, because it can exacerbate the overall problem.

One coping skill I learned long ago is to cut the big scary future down to what it really is, which is NOW. That's all you ever have, and worrying yourself to death about what may come can be a major source of unnecessary stress, because most of our fears never become reality anyway. I don't know if this applies to you, but it can be common in depression.

Whatever happens, and whatever route you choose, good luck, and I hope you can get straightened out soon. Just be careful, and get at least two opinions. It could literally save you years of pain.

Thanks for the advice, buu.

92notch, I now live in Ellicott City/Columbia, off of Route 40. I'm near where 29 and 40 intersect.

Sadly, I have to wait to see what's going on with me and whether or not I'm bipolar before I commit myself. Until then, I really am not ever going out of the house, since I have nowhere to go, so I should be okay. Bored and lonely, but that's nothing new.

The only way you'll find that out is to get to the doctor - so you do have someplace to go!

Btw, Notch, it's spelled depakote. It's used to treat a number of conditions, including epilepsy and other seizure disorders.

Thanks for the advice, buu.

92notch, I now live in Ellicott City/Columbia, off of Route 40. I'm near where 29 and 40 intersect.

Sadly, I have to wait to see what's going on with me and whether or not I'm bipolar before I commit myself. Until then, I really am not ever going out of the house, since I have nowhere to go, so I should be okay. Bored and lonely, but that's nothing new.


The whole idea of spending a month at the hospital is to determine how bad the bipolar disorder is and exactly what meds you will need. Also, iff you are at a hospital they will be able to help you during that month when things get really bad.

when you are feeling manic, staying at home is a very good idea but it doesn't change the fact that you need to go to a psychiatric hospital for observation.

Very true, but I first want to go to my psychiatrist before I go to any hospital again for long term observation.

*hugs*

Very true, but I first want to go to my psychiatrist before I go to any hospital again for long term observation.

Good idea bro :nice:

Have you always had problems, the mania, then depression, etc ... do you know how to tell when you are manic? ... Or are you just now researching the bipolar disorder?

I realize now that I act manic sometimes. I've always had problems, but I just shrugged it off as me being hyper in social situations due to the fact that I don't get out much. That much has been true my entire life. Then I realized I go into these hyper moments when I'm alone or with one person, but it's expressed differently. The constant, though, is that I cannot control myself.
I have only just now begun researching the possibility that I am bipolar. It has led me to remember certain events suggestive of a pattern of peaks and valleys.

You should find a practice with both a psychiatrist a physiologist, they will work together to diagnose more thoroughly. I remember you stating you were in a state bed (or at least I think that's what I remember ... if I'm wrong, sorry) .... anyways, theres a good clinic at the Walter P. Carter institute on W. Fayette St. in B-more (it's not a bad location) that has both that will work toghether.

While in the hospital, did they medicate you ... are you on anything after being released (anything to treat mood)? ... also, since you were released not to long ago, you can probably get on "grey zone" (I have no idea what that is exaclty, I'm relaying info here) ... doc appts will be next to nothing in cost. .... anyways, if you would like more information, I may be able to put you in touch with someone who's been where you are. :) ... but definitly get yourself a good set of docs for the diag. ... unless you are a threat to yourself, you probably do not need to be admitted to be diagnosed... to see the docs.

I think that I am bipolar. I have been reading quite a bit about it recently, and I seem to fit it. I do have episodes of mania where I cannot control myself, and other times when I am severely depressed. It also explains my total inability to maintain a normal lifestyle or normal relationships.
Of course, I'm going to have to wait until I go back to the doctor so that tests can be run to see if I am bipolar, but in all likelihood, I am. The good news is that I can call myself crazy and have some meaning behind it.
I think my anxiety disorder does not help it, either.
I am considering going back into a hospital, but for a longer stay. I was considering entering one of those long term hospitals to see what a couple of months of psychological examination and the like tells me about myself.
It's strange. Every day that goes by, I seem to discover more reasons why my life should and does suck as much as it does.
I seriously question my ability to function in society. I think that maybe I should remove myself from society. As it stands, I feel that I have nothing to contribute and nothing to live for, but that doesn't mean that I now have a reason to die. I have no beneficial purpose in life.

That and the sexual frustration you mentioned elsewhere explain a lot to me.

That and the sexual frustration you mentioned elsewhere explain a lot to me.

Please stay out of my journal. Do not post here. Ever.

I hope it's ok for me to post.
Anyhow, I was thinking the same thing(s) you are.
I'd really like to just sit in a hospital for a month to figure myself out. I'm not sure if I'm bipolar but I know I have a lot of self-destructive behaviors. Nothing physical such as cutting or mutilating but more like skipping classes a lot, skipping mandatory labs, not studying et cetera. I'm aware of the consequences but I continue to do it. I've mastered the Art of the Believable Excuse.
Anyhow, I'll be keeping an eye on this and I hope things get better for you.

I'm glad you are determined to do what it takes to get things running the way they shold be.
My ex was bipolar, and avoided getting any medical help (severe paranoia). It led to alcoholism, and then to severe drug addiction, which ate away his big beautiful brain. I'd hate to see anyone go that route.

Hang in there, you have more support than you think you do. :)

Hub, I got no problems with you. We get along, and even manage to have a little fun.
If you feel that you are a danger to yourself, go seek treatment. You won't regret it. It's a good decision, if you feel that you are a danger to yourself.

Thank you, Myst.