seekerofvisions
07-23-2006, 05:08 PM
suddenly my mind stopped and all of my thoughts were stuck on pause. my eyes were burning because they wouldn't close and i couldn't talk because i swallowed my tongue - as soon as i saw you.
i wanted to tell you then how often i think about you. about your eyes and how they looked at me that day when i told you what i thought. but you didn't look at me then. you were standing in the corner, looking at the floor and nodding your head at something someone was telling you and all movement in the room stopped for me because my mind went on pause and i couldnt breathe right.
i wanted to tell you then how i sometimes still think about what you told me, about running rivers and moons bending and time stopping if you will it to do so. i wanted to run to you and shake you around and scream that i. still. hear. you. even when i sleep and my bed is empty from where you left it and i wanted to tell you how i bent the moon and the river stopped because i willed it to do so.
but you were over there and i don't think you saw me. not at that moment anyway. i wanted to tell you that i still hear your voice when i open the door and i still see you when i look in the mirror and i wanted to scream that i cant sleep at night. i can't sleep because i cant see you and i cant tell where you are anymore. i wanted to run to you and pull you towards me to say I'M STILL HERE AND I'M LIVING!
but you turned and i only saw the back of your head, but i heard you breathing and well, i was still standing still as though life can't go on.
i wanted to tell everyone within shouting distance that my mind had stopped and that all thought was put on pause, but i couldn't speak because the words became too big to leave my mouth and my teeth were biting them into small undescernable chunks that even i couldn't understand. but they wouldn't have heard me anyway.
i wanted to shuffle my way over to where you were just to breathe near you and tell you that i missed every thought, every life affirming moment that you were living, but well, things don't have a way of moving on their own, you have to will them to do so.
and so, i breathed right from where i was standing and my mind became still from thought... and my words became walking sticks and i watched you smile, because i willed you to do so.
i wanted to tell you then how often i think about you. about your eyes and how they looked at me that day when i told you what i thought. but you didn't look at me then. you were standing in the corner, looking at the floor and nodding your head at something someone was telling you and all movement in the room stopped for me because my mind went on pause and i couldnt breathe right.
i wanted to tell you then how i sometimes still think about what you told me, about running rivers and moons bending and time stopping if you will it to do so. i wanted to run to you and shake you around and scream that i. still. hear. you. even when i sleep and my bed is empty from where you left it and i wanted to tell you how i bent the moon and the river stopped because i willed it to do so.
but you were over there and i don't think you saw me. not at that moment anyway. i wanted to tell you that i still hear your voice when i open the door and i still see you when i look in the mirror and i wanted to scream that i cant sleep at night. i can't sleep because i cant see you and i cant tell where you are anymore. i wanted to run to you and pull you towards me to say I'M STILL HERE AND I'M LIVING!
but you turned and i only saw the back of your head, but i heard you breathing and well, i was still standing still as though life can't go on.
i wanted to tell everyone within shouting distance that my mind had stopped and that all thought was put on pause, but i couldn't speak because the words became too big to leave my mouth and my teeth were biting them into small undescernable chunks that even i couldn't understand. but they wouldn't have heard me anyway.
i wanted to shuffle my way over to where you were just to breathe near you and tell you that i missed every thought, every life affirming moment that you were living, but well, things don't have a way of moving on their own, you have to will them to do so.
and so, i breathed right from where i was standing and my mind became still from thought... and my words became walking sticks and i watched you smile, because i willed you to do so.