Dark thoughts weigh heavily on my mind as I ponder the nature of my existence.

Am I doomed to share in the despondency of others? Must I forever bear a portion of the darkness so pervasive within those I love?

It is a pattern I recognized some while ago and thought I had avoided, yet now it is clear to me that I did not avoid it, I only succeeded in finding a more devilish and cunning version of my same old demons that have hunted me through my life.

I wonder perhaps if it is the down side of initial happiness. Are all those who experience joy predesposed to lengthy bouts of unfulfillment, sorrow, and despondency? Must I accept these dark hours as necessary for those that are filled with smiles?

Is life truly that bipolar?

Why is it that those who seek illumination find those buffetted by darkness as matches? Cannot illumination seek and find illumination, and thereby shed greater light upon one another? Must each find its opposite instead of its kin?

I'm sure many of you have no idea what I'm talking about. And that's okay, I think. I just can't find the words to say any more.

I'm sorry. I wish I had some answers (or even just one) for you, but I don't. :(

....Are all those who experience joy predesposed to lengthy bouts of unfulfillment, sorrow, and despondency? Must I accept these dark hours as necessary for those that are filled with smiles?........

Oddly enough, I also ask myself that. Sometimes it seems I'm asking myself that constantly. Yeah, I wonder what's up with that too.

The only thing I can offer you are *hugs*.