angelone
06-27-2006, 12:28 AM
I wanted to be the best, even if it was at being bad. I wanted to be seen as good, not known for being bad, but being bad while maintaining my goodness.
The two somehow collide, if I have something better in front of me, I will build that wall, and somehow I am better than that.
When I was a child, I was considered good, quiet, then as the teenage years burst forth, which for me was like 9, then I put on that rebel outfit, and dashed into a peer lading soup. Soup of all kinds of kids, different backgrounds, and personalities. By the time I was out of school, I would have attended 9 different schools, private and public. I got the taste of both worlds, the good, and the bad. The poor and the rich, the hungry and the well fed. I saw it all. I was friends with all, learning new hallways, and paths, that help put that shield on. Trying to fit in, and trying to please the ALPHAbet kids.
A child can hide behind themselves, they can put on a mask, and no one really cares, they expect it. They know kids can get away with being a different fish. Oh, its just a phase, they will grow out of it. But the only thing they grow out of, is the look, that hid us so well. Long hair, Purple hair, chains,piercings,tattoos,make-up, black nails, windows blackened, music loud and in your face. It doesn't go over to well in the Big world, oh no, the adults wont stand for that, the hair has to go, to sale cars, and donuts. The walk, must match the talk.
So as I age, I cannot really be me, the big world doesnt except it. You eventually, bend and fold to what they see should be your life. They slowly turn you into what they longed for along. A good, hard working, boring, person. A person, with no expression, with no dance.
The two somehow collide, if I have something better in front of me, I will build that wall, and somehow I am better than that.
When I was a child, I was considered good, quiet, then as the teenage years burst forth, which for me was like 9, then I put on that rebel outfit, and dashed into a peer lading soup. Soup of all kinds of kids, different backgrounds, and personalities. By the time I was out of school, I would have attended 9 different schools, private and public. I got the taste of both worlds, the good, and the bad. The poor and the rich, the hungry and the well fed. I saw it all. I was friends with all, learning new hallways, and paths, that help put that shield on. Trying to fit in, and trying to please the ALPHAbet kids.
A child can hide behind themselves, they can put on a mask, and no one really cares, they expect it. They know kids can get away with being a different fish. Oh, its just a phase, they will grow out of it. But the only thing they grow out of, is the look, that hid us so well. Long hair, Purple hair, chains,piercings,tattoos,make-up, black nails, windows blackened, music loud and in your face. It doesn't go over to well in the Big world, oh no, the adults wont stand for that, the hair has to go, to sale cars, and donuts. The walk, must match the talk.
So as I age, I cannot really be me, the big world doesnt except it. You eventually, bend and fold to what they see should be your life. They slowly turn you into what they longed for along. A good, hard working, boring, person. A person, with no expression, with no dance.