no.. i dont feel like someone else.. I dont mean in some weird kind of way... I dont know what i mean... and it's totally an on and off kinda deal.. I cant bring myself to explain this to anyone who i really count on-- like my friends that i see all the time-- who i think of as a support system, but never utitilize as such... i dont know why--- but maybe im afraid they'll let me down... that could be it.. and I dont think they will.. i think they could be more helpful than i realize, but some things are just too difficult to throw into a conversation or to bring up at all. It sucks, because I know I wont feel completely close to them until i have some inportant conversations with them...and i dont see those things coming up...
Im rambling... im going to sleep-- tomorrow is my chance to go to church for the first time in a month... Im glad to get to go, but it is bittersweet.. at least my parents wont be home yet when i get home-- even though they are clueless for now-- its so hard to look them in the eye after i come home from church... not a good feeling

okay---Bonnie, snap out of it... :o i think im just overtired... it really has been an amazing day... but this whole saturday night, pre church anxiety never fails to ruin my weekend. Someday soon, my life wont be this pathetic... it cant be