how i miss you, when i can't breathe well in the midst of my dreams that never did come true. i felt that i knew you then, when all things mattered more to me than even myself. i longed to hold you close to me - but never did, only in a way that mattered more to the both of us than anything else ever could - two minds enclosed with one another wrestling inseparably.

how i miss you more now than i ever did then, even when i confessed that i missed you more than i ever could - even though i never really met you, but i felt i really knew you - more than anyone ever could know even oneself. i missed you then and didn't know it, but confessed anyhow that intimation was something not ever physical, but instead unimaginable in a contextual way. i held my breath even then, before i knew you and before i knew myself and i longed to see a mirror image of myself played before your eyes so that i could see myself the way that you do - did and even now when all is quiet i can hear the quickening of my breathing when i hear the words, "i know you now".

i missed you then and i even miss you now - even though i hear your voice quiet in my ear saying, "i didn't know you then - or even now, not that way really, but only the way we thought we did".

exhale

.....