well, I spilled my guts all over the Personal Health, Wellness and Spirituality Board...so I dont have a long story to tell here...

I really need to snap out of this annoying little pit of self-pity that I've fallen into- but its hard to do that, being in this unreselved place that I call, my house. You know, after having a long day, or a rough week.. or whatever, you're supposed to have a feeling of relief. Like you can drop the bull**** of the day, and have a big sigh of relief, because you are home....

Thats part of the problem.. I dont have a place to do that anymore. Home sure doesnt offer that for me anymore.. Except for when my parents leave for business trips and such...

But it's not just my home and feeling safe there.

It's like... I dont have a family at all....I don't know how to explain it much better than that. I mean, I know they love me and everything, but..they dont get me at all...

And sadly, i know that is as much my fault as it is theirs...You can't keep things from people the way I kept things from them and still expect to feel close.. They dont know that there is anything that they dont know about... somehow, they remained oblivious to that. They'll never know how close they came to losing me altogether...

... They're gone for a week now--- Dad's 50th high school reunion... jeez, he's old... Even with finals this week, I'm sure it'll be more peaceful than with them here...

And I do miss them, and I always worry having them travel-- my mom was like-- here is where money is in case anything happens to us.... what does she want to give me heart failure???? sheesh.
they called me this afternoon to let me know that the first flight (to new jersey, was okay)