Been thinkin'... Is there such a thing as the "marrying type"?

Whatever it is, I sure ain't IT.

- I like debates, some call that "argumentative", whereas I see it as simply being "talkative"
- I am a feminist, don't serve the man and don't spoil the man (I expect nothing in return of that kind either)
- Hate spending time in the kitchen
- Undecided about having kids
- Emotional but defensive, I think my expression of love comes out as an insult:):):) rather than a gentle gesture... Been through a lot of losses, so I am simply weiry of rejection
- Finally, I am very forward when it comes to intimacy, which if pleasing for the man at first, somehow always comes back to haunt me in the end...

Is this a case for a shrink, or should I lower my coffee intake and start Yoga classes instead?:confused: :rolleyes: ;)

you're fine. marriage isn't for everyone. i know it isn't for me.

i'm selfish. i don't listen. i'm not romantic. i'm not compassionate. i am terrified of commitment. when i don't see my girlfriend for a week, i don't miss her. i probably don't want the responsibility of raising children. i sometimes get annoyed at the responsibility of caring for my dog!

hey maybe we should get together, i'm sure we'd have a horrible relationship :p

- I like debates, some call that "argumentative", whereas I see it as simply being "talkative"
They don't have to be with your spouse. There's a word for a reliationship where each person expects the other to satisfy all of their need for interaction. Not marriage. Codependency. In a healthy relationship it's perfectly OK for each person to have other interests, other friends, other sparring partners, etc.
- I am a feminist, don't serve the man and don't spoil the man (I expect nothing in return of that kind either)
I guess a lot depends on what you consider "serving" or "spoiling" someone else. At one extreme it might mean only overt displays of subservience and humiliation. At the other it might mean even the normal give and take that's necessary for any people who live together. For example, my wife does most of the laundry. I usually take out the trash (including diapers). Is she "serving" or "spoiling" me? Am I "serving" or "spoiling" her? We do things that way not because they're traditional gender roles but because it's a division of labor that works for us, fitting in with our respective schedules and tolerances for different kinds of messiness etc. It's really not a feminist issue, but I'm sure some would use its superficial gender-role aspect as an excuse for avoiding a certain chore. I don't mean to suggest that you personally meant your comment that way, but it can never hurt to reconsider whether the limits you set are really a matter or principle or preference.
- Hate spending time in the kitchen
Can't see why that would be a problem, unless it creates an impossible situation where you don't want to spend time in the kitchen and also don't want to spend money for takeout. If you refused to make that choice while single, you'd starve. Forcing a partner to relieve you of that choice by cooking for you could be a problem, but otherwise it's more a matter of being with the right person than of marrying them or not.
- Undecided about having kids
So are most people, for varying durations both before and after marrying. ;) Then, somehow, they decide.


It sounds to me like what you're grappling with is an image of marriage. You have some (perhaps vague) idea of what marriage is or should be, and you're coming to terms with the fact that either it doesn't fit you or you don't fit it. If I may be so bold, I'd say it's the image that's the problem. Marriage is what two people make of it. There's not so much a "marrying" type as a "marrying this person" type. I've seen all sorts of marriages that worked. The one thing they all had in common was that the people knew who they wanted before they knew what, and marriage just happened to be the "what" that they decided to pursue. IMO, thinking about how married life should be before you know who else is going to be involved is a recipe for heartbreak.