You know what I miss? The feeling like you want to throw up when you're on your way to someone's house that you're interested in. Thats a good thing. Its the feeling beyond butterflies. Its the feeling of total aprehension, nervousness. It is when all of your emotions are such a mess that all you can possibly think of is throwing up.

I really sincerely and deeply miss that feeling. I wish I felt it right now. I haven't felt it in a while, like 5 months, 6 months, and it is such an amazing feeling. That sounds stupid, the idea that feeling sick can be awesome, but it just is true.

I miss specific people. I miss their smell. Their smile. Their laugh. Their quirks. Its weird how people can come in and out of your life seemingly so quickly, but while they are there it seems like there was never and will never be a time without them.

I think thats what the last year and a half has really taught me. Starting with breaking up with Jody and just going through all the stuff I have with friends and others...nothing lasts forever and people come and go. I wish it wasn't like that, but its just a fact of life.

I feel like I am more bitter, in some sense, but I accept it. I am not sure if that is better or worse. I am more 'realistic' but in a bad way, I think. I accept and assume the worst from peolpe, but when it usually ends up being true, then why not, right? I miss trusting people and hoping and expecting for the best out of them...

There's a lot I miss...but this is a good start...