Hi All,

I have been reading this board for many months now and have really enjoyed the different personalities on here and am hoping that you all may be able to give me some feedback on a hot and cold man situation that is occurring in my life at the moment.

A work friend of mine set me up to meet her brother (he is 37 and I am 35) at her wedding about three weeks ago. She said he was always going on about wanting to meet someone and settle down (had previously been married to a cow). Anyway he seemed to want to meet me and on the night he asked her to introduce me to him and we flirted really well on the night and actually had a lot of fun. As I was going to leave he asked for my phone number and asked if I wanted to do some stuff together in the future in which I said yes.

He phoned me the next day to say that he would be away for work for most of the week but would I like to catch up this weekend coming in which I said yes, so he said he would phone later in the week to organize it. He then proceeded not to phone me.

So by Sunday I sent him a playful text saying "hay you were almost groping me at the wedding, what happened?" he immediately phoned me saying he was really happy that I texted as he had wanted to call me but forgot to take his phone charger away (has work phone and social phone) blah blah.. but would really like to see me can he see me tonight (Sunday night). I said ok and he came to my turf and treated me like a princess with holding his car door open, paying for everything, asking me about myself, if I was warm, comfortable, what food I wanted to eat.. etc..

When I did meet him I gave him a little stick about not calling and he said that he was really pleased to receive my text as he had wanted to call me on Saturday when his phone had recharged but then got nervous that he had blown it.

Anyway at the end of the date he drove me home and then proceed to kiss me very tenderly (I mean stroked my face and everything) and then asked me out for in a months time as he was going away for work for two weeks (Ireland, then Europe) and then had a holiday in Australia planned for two weeks. I said OK and he then said that he would definitely keep in touch before then and phone me.

So a week passed and I hadn't heard from him, then I receive a text telling me he was in Ireland and having fun and would call. Then he sent me a text on Valentines day saying 'happy valentines day will call soon'. I was out at a swing dance event that night so I did not get to reply until the next day.

Anyway it's now been two weeks since our date and I know he left for Australia on Friday and I am just a bit confused about what the hay is going on. I mean I am a cool kind of woman and don't hang my hopes on men who aren't available but it's kind of sad watching him behave this way when he obviously has some attraction for me and we have such fun.

So what I am wanting is the men's advice on this board about do you think his behavior can come around if I just leave him to sort it out in his own time or does it sound like he is simply not emotionally available at all. Do hot and cold men come round? Should I do anything or just ignore it?

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

This man sounds like a very busy person, cut him some slack. If he was trying to blow you off he wouldn't be keeping contact at all, through text messages or anything else.

I'm not a man, but I'm a busybody, so fwiw:

He is busy - I wouldn't read any deeper motive into things than that, nor would I play games with how I handle my communications with him. If you have something you want to say, text, email, or phone him. Then go about the business of your own life. When/if he gets in touch with you, don't ask for explanations for the delay; all you will be doing is shaming him for having a busy schedule. You two might just click - give him a chance.

He just sounds busy, like Tally and Boe said. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Don't scare him off or piss him off by acting all needy. Trust me, he is thinking of you and will call you when he has a chance.

It was only two weeks ago and you only had one date. It's not like you're a couple. Just roll with it, yo.

Thanks to you all,

I appreciate your feedback and think that you are spot on. Actually it is quite nice to have been forced into being laid back and have to take things slower as it is stopping that rush in and view everything with rose colored goggles thing that can happen when you meet someone you get on with really well and then proceed to spend all your spare time together very quickly.

Usually it is the man wanting this and it really freaks me out.. so it is kind of nice to relax and get on with my already superbly scrumptious life..

Also as you have pointed out.. it was only date one and he is very busy and it was probably very ambitious (sweet but ambitious) of him to suggest he would call me when he wouldn't even be in the county for one night for the next month.

Cutting the man some slack as we speak..
Now coming off the 'he should have done this' if he really wants me' addictive fantasy that is also know as Hollywood Romantic crap..

Thanks again

Anyway at the end of the date he drove me home and then proceed to kiss me very tenderly (I mean stroked my face and everything)

Just so you know, tender kiss doesn't necessarily mean anything. Any decent kisser can do it at will, so i wouldn't read too much into it as an indicator of interest.


So what I am wanting is the men's advice on this board about do you think his behavior can come around if I just leave him to sort it out in his own time or does it sound like he is simply not emotionally available at all. Do hot and cold men come round? Should I do anything or just ignore it?

His behavior is hardly hot and cold. International travel is a perfectly good excuse to not keep in touch... the man's on vacation! Shit, i turn off my phone sometimes when im on vacation. The fact that he wanted to meet up with you the same night you spoke outside of the wedding is the best indicator of interest you've posted. He's actually contacting you when you're apart. I think you appreciate the effort and balls that takes (you've only been on one date after all). Looks like your 2-26 post addresses this for the most part but...

I think you're exhibiting some "clingy" tendencies and you should watch out for such behavior. Some men consider it a turnoff because it can seem naggy or annoying. I'm just saying be careful, that's all...

I think you're exhibiting some "clingy" tendencies and you should watch out for such behavior. Some men consider it a turnoff because it can seem naggy or annoying. I'm just saying be careful, that's all...

Not to sound mean or like I'm piling on you, but I agree with Stone. You've barely met each other, in all honesty. Let things develop, don't force the issue. It does sound like you're investing too much into it, and thus the clingy thing. Guys hate that, hate it.

Thanks guys,

I appreciate your honesty... and I definitely do not want to be clinging at all.. I know it's way too early to have been worrying and I have pulled back my investment in the situation quite considerably.

However in some respect I am not going to be too hard on myself as he is decent and cool guy and I was a bit 'in like', even after only being in his company twice.. (here I think his Sister telling me all about him might have led me to believe I knew him more than I did too)..

And actually in some way it was kind of nice to be flustered a bit by a guy as often I feel no attraction at all which is a worry as the guys are always very very decent and often keen on me. (By the way it's not a looks thing but a mental stimulation thing as I get turned on by men’s attitudes, thoughts and passions, with a sprinkle of mans mans in there for a touch of unpredictableness).

Anyway it has been an interesting experience for me and I really appreciate you guys telling me how it is as I more and more come to realize that the way woman process stuff is not how men process stuff.

You see I weighted the kiss as an indicator of interest but you guys feel the texting is more of an indicator.. all very interesting really..

Cheers again
P

I am suAny updates for us?

He ssssstroked your face??? :drool:

not a word...

nada!

my male friend reckons that he is on a secret mission and just can't risk calling me... haha.... (he is ex special forces ya see)

I'm not really bothered though as am attracting other nice men and also have a trip to Rome booked which is going to be just wicked.... can't wait.... am almost tempted to pack today and it's still a week before I go..

am a big Roman History fan..


He ssssstroked your face??? :drool:

I quite like tender affection...

Flirting:we flirted really well on the night and actually had a lot of fun.
Male Approach:he asked for my phone number and asked if I wanted to do some stuff together
Female Submission:I said yes.
Male Withdrawl:He then proceeded not to phone me.

Flirting:I sent him a playful text saying "hay you were almost groping me at the wedding, what happened?"
Male Approach:can he see me tonight (Sunday night).
Female Submission:I said ok


Male Approach:he asked me out for in a months time
Female Submission:I said OK
Male Withdrawl:So a week passed and I hadn't heard from him,

I see a pattern.

I mean I am a cool kind of woman and don't hang my hopes on men

HA!

do you think his behavior can come around if I just leave him to sort it out in his own time or does it sound like he is simply not emotionally available at all. Do hot and cold men come round? Should I do anything or just ignore it?

Your instincts are good; chill.

Thats such an exciting trip! I've not beent o rome, but want to go desperately...high on my list.

Thats such an exciting trip! I've not beent o rome, but want to go desperately...high on my list.

Yes!!!

Take me with you!!

I'm sorry for waiting so long to read this, but I'd like to add my two cents...

Maybe it'll be easier to understand what I'm talking about now that you're not "in like" any more.

... and treated me like a princess with holding his car door open, paying for everything, asking me about myself, if I was warm, comfortable, what food I wanted to eat.. etc..

When I did meet him I gave him a little stick about not calling and he said that he was really pleased to receive my text as he had wanted to call me on Saturday when his phone had recharged but then got nervous that he had blown it.

Anyway at the end of the date he drove me home and then proceed to kiss me very tenderly (I mean stroked my face and everything) and then asked me out for in a months time as he was going away for work for two weeks (Ireland, then Europe) and then had a holiday in Australia planned for two weeks. I said OK and he then said that he would definitely keep in touch before then and phone me.


Holding car doors open, treating you like a princess, being sweet on a first date, and tender kisses all mean NOTHING. Any guy can do all those things when he's concentrating on leaving a good impression on the first date. You can't use those behaviors as a way to judge who he really is.


Anyway it's now been two weeks since our date and I know he left for Australia on Friday and I am just a bit confused about what the hay is going on. I mean I am a cool kind of woman and don't hang my hopes on men who aren't available but it's kind of sad watching him behave this way when he obviously has some attraction for me and we have such fun.


Obviously you're not a cool and confident kind of woman, or you wouldn't be posting this thread.


So what I am wanting is the men's advice on this board about do you think his behavior can come around if I just leave him to sort it out in his own time or does it sound like he is simply not emotionally available at all. Do hot and cold men come round? Should I do anything or just ignore it?

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

This is what I can't stand about 99% of women I've met. This guy was totally straightforward with you. He told you he wouldn't call you in a month. And you proceed to get it in your head that you two are having problems, he's acting erratically, and he has to "sort it out on his own time".

Basically, you idealized him. And then you got disappointed when he didn't live up to your romance novel expectations. He didn't do anything wrong. He was sweet and kind to you, and he was under no obligation to call you or text you at all. And through your wierd female thought process, you created a problem where there was none.

Every time I get into an argument with a girlfriend, I could swear that I didn't do anything wrong and she's just making things up in her head. This post just solidified that opinion.

I say, he's just busy.. cut him some slack.. but don't wait around for him, date other people, this seems to be going more into the "friend" zone.