Betty
02-16-2006, 01:48 PM
Since Kerry King is so much more awesome than Chuck Norris...
We thought these up at work. I'm going to host a website with this stuff to counter Chuck Norris. I'll take whatever submissions you guys have.
1. Kerry King grew his own tats
2. Kerry King didn't shave his head, he just got super pissed and the hair got scared and ran away.
3. Biggie wasn't shot, Kerry King ate him.
4. Kerry King doesn't tune his guitar, he scares it into tune.
5. Kerry King doesn't have a chin behind his goatee, just another guitar
6. Kerry King can actually flex his goatee
7. Kerry King can beat up Chuck Norris
8. Chuck Norris checks his closet for Kerry King before he goes to sleep
9. If you spell Kerry King in scrabble, the board will catch on fire, spew blood, and Satan will emerge to give you a foot massage.
10. The dinosaurs weren't destroyed by a meteor, Kerry King ate them.
11. The Grand Canyon was formed by Kerry King scraping his guitar pick across the southwest.
12. The big bang was the result of Kerry King wailing too hard on his guitar.
13. Kerry King doesn't bowl with bowling balls, he uses the regurgitated skull of the shoe guy.
14. Contrary to popular belief, Cliff Burton was killed by flying Kerry King guitar picks. Metallica knows this but is too scared to say anything.
15. On the 7th day, God wasn't resting, he was recovering from a Slayer concert.
16. Kerry King bit off Ozzy's head, and then raised him back from the dead.
17. Kerry King doesn't headbang, he's just growing more neck muscle.
18. Kerry King's birth was a c-section due to the massive neck muscle and guitar in his hands.
19. With every Slayer shirt, you get a free pound of Kerry King neck muscle
20. Kerry King once ate an entire sacrificial lamb before anyone told him there was a stripper inside it.
21. Kerry King's dick has four rows of serrated teeth and it's own goatee.
22. Kerry King's goatee can also play guitar.
23. Kerry King doesn't ride the tour bus, the tour bus rides him.
24. Kerry King didn't shoot the sheriff, he made the sheriff's head explode with a mighty guitar wail.
25. Jimi Hendrix once lit his guitar in the hope of summoning Kerry King
26. The Slayer tour bus is followed by a cattle truck... to feed Kerry King
27. When Bruce Banner gets pissed, he turns into the Incredible Hulk, when the Incredible Hulk gets pissed, he turns into Chuck Norris, when Chuck Norris gets pissed, he turns into Kerry King, and when Kerry King gets pissed, everyone dies, and then he wails on his guitar.
We thought these up at work. I'm going to host a website with this stuff to counter Chuck Norris. I'll take whatever submissions you guys have.
1. Kerry King grew his own tats
2. Kerry King didn't shave his head, he just got super pissed and the hair got scared and ran away.
3. Biggie wasn't shot, Kerry King ate him.
4. Kerry King doesn't tune his guitar, he scares it into tune.
5. Kerry King doesn't have a chin behind his goatee, just another guitar
6. Kerry King can actually flex his goatee
7. Kerry King can beat up Chuck Norris
8. Chuck Norris checks his closet for Kerry King before he goes to sleep
9. If you spell Kerry King in scrabble, the board will catch on fire, spew blood, and Satan will emerge to give you a foot massage.
10. The dinosaurs weren't destroyed by a meteor, Kerry King ate them.
11. The Grand Canyon was formed by Kerry King scraping his guitar pick across the southwest.
12. The big bang was the result of Kerry King wailing too hard on his guitar.
13. Kerry King doesn't bowl with bowling balls, he uses the regurgitated skull of the shoe guy.
14. Contrary to popular belief, Cliff Burton was killed by flying Kerry King guitar picks. Metallica knows this but is too scared to say anything.
15. On the 7th day, God wasn't resting, he was recovering from a Slayer concert.
16. Kerry King bit off Ozzy's head, and then raised him back from the dead.
17. Kerry King doesn't headbang, he's just growing more neck muscle.
18. Kerry King's birth was a c-section due to the massive neck muscle and guitar in his hands.
19. With every Slayer shirt, you get a free pound of Kerry King neck muscle
20. Kerry King once ate an entire sacrificial lamb before anyone told him there was a stripper inside it.
21. Kerry King's dick has four rows of serrated teeth and it's own goatee.
22. Kerry King's goatee can also play guitar.
23. Kerry King doesn't ride the tour bus, the tour bus rides him.
24. Kerry King didn't shoot the sheriff, he made the sheriff's head explode with a mighty guitar wail.
25. Jimi Hendrix once lit his guitar in the hope of summoning Kerry King
26. The Slayer tour bus is followed by a cattle truck... to feed Kerry King
27. When Bruce Banner gets pissed, he turns into the Incredible Hulk, when the Incredible Hulk gets pissed, he turns into Chuck Norris, when Chuck Norris gets pissed, he turns into Kerry King, and when Kerry King gets pissed, everyone dies, and then he wails on his guitar.