When and if you have ever broke up with someone, did you say let's stay friends, did you mean it? Don't you think it's kind of hard to do? Being in a relationship is very intimate, and after breaking it off, do you really think it's easy to stay friends and talk about every day stuff?

It's hard. Of course it's going to be hard. The question is, is it worth it to you to attempt? If yes then it's a rewarding hard. Don't torture yourself trying to do something that isn't going to be good for you, though... even if it makes you feel like a better person about breaking up, or makes the act of breaking up easier since you don't feel like you're abandoning all of those emotions put into the relationship.

Sometimes the friendship is a guise for the inability to let go...sometimes the friendship is better than the relationship.
There are many factors to consider, the biggest question would be why you want to hang on.

Sometimes the friendship is a guise for the inability to let go...sometimes the friendship is better than the relationship.


I can relate to this. My only other relationship other than my husband was with a guy who I was best friends with for 4 years before we even dated. We dated for about 3 years, somewhat off and on. We would always try to be friends, and it would either lead back to more or just confuse things. But we really did love each other as friends, its kind of sad. :(

I still think about him a lot and miss him :hmm:

I've never stayed friends with someone I dated after the breakup. I have sincerely wanted to, but I knew the feelings would always be there. It's cleaner and easier to just break ties. I can do that because I am an emotionless bastard.

It took three weeks to actually become accustom to just being friends with my last break up. It is still sometimes hard, I always feel that Chris is still making it hard between us because he doesn't know how to act. But I would rather be friends with him then nothing at all.

Well, this happened to me a little while back, and I'm still have no clue how to act. The woman I was seeing broke it off with me but still wanted to be friends. We saw each other for 2 years, sort of a friends and sort of a dating type thing (and it did get intimate) and she actually had a boyfriend while we did this, and she ended up choosing her old boyfriend over me. The hardest part, was that during that time, I came to see her as my best friend. So when it was over and she wanted to stay friends, it was double hard for me because I lost her, AND my best friend. There was no way I could stay friends with someone I felt so much for. And in all honesty, to me, she was the one. It's been a while now, and we still keep in touch by email or text messaging. I don't know how people can just put those feelings behind and "just be friends."

Sigh.

I've remained friends with all of my exes - some closer than others, but on good terms with all. But all my relationships before my husband I was very young and that might make it easier. I've been off the market since I was 19.

I think it makes it easier for me because our relationship was only five months but it also made it hard for him because he only broke up with me because of the timing of our relationship. He is moving away to do an internship and I have two more years of college while, he only has one semester left. So I think that is what made it a little hard for us because neither of us wanted to break up.

But it was easier to be friends because I felt during our relationship that he was a really good friend and he still is. I guess it does depend on the person butto be honest I still care about Chris and if we could start a relationship in the future I would give it a go.

I would say it takes time for these things to become easier but that isn't true. You sometimes have to let go of your feelings or someone and move on and as easy as that sounds it never is. I hope things work out for you though. :)

I still wanted to be friends with my first--and only as of yet--boyfriend. I really thought we would, too. We had so much in common, and could just sit and talk forever.


But he ignored my emails and I haven't seen him in over a year. :( Asshat. :P

Boys are stupid, Spaz. They don't understand the concept of friendship sometimes.

Staying friends doesn't work. I tried that once and we ended up getting back together, then breaking up again, then getting back together, then breaking up again. all in all she dumped me three times. so i'm done with trying to be friends after a breakup.

I'm so interested in this thread.



I largely agree with Myst although I have some friends, that know some people, that were able to become friends with an ex-lover.

Come to think of it, I'm still friends with nearly all my ex-"looovers." :p Except for those who I really had no intention of ever being friends with in the first place. ;)

Ex-boyfriends are another matter though. Me and my first ex... Well, I think he kinda hates me. Which I can totally understand. That boy made me psycho. =/ My last serious boyfriend, when we broke up, I asked that we not talk for a while, in the hopes that it would be easier on both of us. Clean breaks are typically the best way to go, at least in my opinion. You can always leave the break open-ended, and maybe someday when emotions have cooled become fast friends again.

It all depends on the people involved though. I'm glad you and the ex are on good terms now Rae. ^_^

I've remained friends with all of my exes - some closer than others, but on good terms with all. But all my relationships before my husband I was very young and that might make it easier. I've been off the market since I was 19.

that is very true. It's easy to stay friends with your ex's when you're younger.

I try my best to. :)

Staying friends = FWB.


Besides, a good connection with someone shouldn't be trashed just because it wasn't the end-all romantic match; there is still much that is comfortably shared.

Im with Baboon.

why not.... maybe its nothing much to talk everyday.. but that doesnt mean we cant be friend isnt it... friends doesnt mean really need to talk everyday ok... so if u dun wanna be friend with him or her anymore... then what??? enemy??? or pretend like doesnt know each other anymore or havent meet before?? doesnt have to go do far... just be normal... if each other meet, just say hi, if u got no intension to talk... then dun talk lo......

Only after a buffer period. I'm friends with a couple exes, but it's only worked because we had little to no contact with each other for 6 or 9 months after we broke up, then reconnected as friends.

Going straight from dating to friends doesn't work.

Six months for the most recent ex, and 15 months for the one before her.

I need an adjustment period too.

"Staying friends" is all about getting the easy sex when the chick can't find anyone better and calls back after a few months. There is a danger however of exposure to STD's since the chick has probably made efforts to move "up the ladder" so be sure to wash thoroughly after each encounter and maybe even wear protection.

"maybe even wear protection"

spoken like a true hippy



FwB is one route to go, then just friends after a period of adjustment is another way to go. I am a big fan of trying to do both, get a few more swings of the bat in while you can, then take a break and be buddies with them. The best part about being friends with an ex-lover? You don't have to be nice to them as a friend.

Why? We all know that guys are only nice to girls because we're secretly hoping that the girl will put in a good word for us with all of her hot friends so that we can take them down, but since all of your ex's friends are already off limits, there's no worry about it.

Girls, if you want to find out what a guy is really, truly like, date him, break up with him, then become friends with him afterwards.

I've stayed friends with my ex's. Except one. Because she turned out to be Satan. Seriously, how can you remain friends with Satan. With all the fire and pitchfork stuff. Nothing in common.

I personally haven't had any trouble remaining friends, my ex's may have differing opinions. They've never mentioned it to me. With a few we would still get together occasionally for sex. Others found boyfriends, and I became, well not friends, but acquaintances with their boyfriends.

This topic has made me think of my own question. Which I shall post. See you there.

Ex's friends are off limits? :confused:

Nobody ever told me that.

I dated in a big circle. In fact most of my ex's have been roomates with eachother at some point.

There are various phases a person goes through after breaking up. It is certainly possible to be friends, or at least cordial, in the future but only after some time for it all to sink in and become accepted. The person who got dumped is generally going to be sad, angry, glad and eventually indifferent though not necessarily in that order. After that cocktail of emotions settles down people can typically be friends. I'm friends with a few of my exs, and even talk to them about other women. It's no big deal, just requires time.

Ex's friends are off limits? :confused:

Nobody ever told me that.

I dated in a big circle. In fact most of my ex's have been roomates with eachother at some point.

Me and my friends from high school were like that. It was pretty funny actually, because in jr. high, a bunch of us were part of this "Peter Pan" family (Wendy here, hiya), so when we got to high school and all started dating each other, we were always crackin' jokes about the incest. Which reminds me, I still have yet to get it on with brother Jon. :hmm: :p

Friends w/my exes. They are some of my best backers. But yeah I def need an adjustment period before moving into this phase.

There are only three men (including my former husband) that I consider "ex'es" and I'm on friendly terms with two of them.

I've been off the market since I was 19.

Bah!

I don't imagine you or anyone since the emancipation proclimation has been "on the market."

This is no way to talk about the luminous orbs framed in black lace that I've seen.

The emancipation proclamation did not free slaves.

The emancipation proclamation did not free slaves.

A girl your age should be out at the movies on a Saturday night. Now turn off the History Channel!!

Luv Ya,
Samson

I'm in trouble. :P

I'm in trouble. :P

Well, it happens to the best of us, right?

Is it something you have posted or something you cannot post?

I'm curious as to what you might have done so horrible as to keep you in on a wonderful spring night while you are in the flower of your youth.

I accidently hurt my foot walking down the stairs and limped during school hours.

I "made the school think I was being abused."

I accidently hurt my foot walking down the stairs and limped during school hours.

I "made the school think I was being abused."

OK, so let me get this straight, if you limp then the school assumes you've been abused, and without speaking to you first to confirm calls Child Protective Services?

BTW: We've (I've) threadjacked so it might be a good idea to start another thread if you wanna discuss this.

IMO, it's too hard to try and remain friends with an ex, too many feelings get in the way.

OK, so let me get this straight, if you limp then the school assumes you've been abused, and without speaking to you first to confirm calls Child Protective Services?

BTW: We've (I've) threadjacked so it might be a good idea to start another thread if you wanna discuss this.

Psssst,Sam

http://www.discussanything.com/forums/showthread.php?t=88471

OK thanks Mike.

But now I'm pissed off.

Em injured herself on 2/26. So today, the nurse, after watching her limp around for 2 weeks wondered whether or not her parents were gonna take care of the situation.

So would I. WTF, after a week I would've been wondering why Em wasn't getting any better!

I think that the whole "Lets stay friends" thing working really has to do with how you felt about the person. Also, why did you break up in the first place. I'm only friends with one of my ex's, and that is because he was my first serious boyfriend..well semi serious. But even then, it was a kind of strange friendship, because I sort of waffled back and forth between having feelings for him, and thinking of him as a brother.
Most of my ex's I wouldn't even consider being friends with, in fact, I always tell my boyfriends (not more than one at a time lol) that if we were to ever break up we couldn't be friends. Because mostly, an ex is an ex for a reason.
There is one of my ex's that I would love to be friends with, because he sucked as a boyfriend, but he would have been awesome as a friend. Ofcourse, I didn't think about being his friend until months and months after our break up. When I called him up and offered my whole idea of friendship, he said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because it would be rough on him to have to talk to me. :shrug:

DerangedAngel=Jysika????

Crossing Fingers,
Samson

I have remained on perfectly good speaking terms with every ex I've had. Some, obviously, I am no longer in contact with - but I would have no concerns about seeing any of them.

Mark

DerangedAngel=Jysika????

Crossing Fingers,
Samson


Nope Jysika = Jysika = Newbie

Sorry..

Darn.

Oh well, guess its not the Knoxville runaway from the basement for which I've been looking.

Jysika...love the way you've spelt your username.....very.........original.

Darn.

Oh well, guess its not the Knoxville runaway from the basement for which I've been looking.

Jysika...love the way you've spelt your username.....very.........original.


Sorry to disappoint you. And thanks, it also happens to be my name, lets just say that my parents probably should have taken hooked on phonics or something lol.

When and if you have ever broke up with someone, did you say let's stay friends, did you mean it? Don't you think it's kind of hard to do? Being in a relationship is very intimate, and after breaking it off, do you really think it's easy to stay friends and talk about every day stuff?
Two out of three serious relationships I am good friends with still. It took time after each, maybe 6 months for one, and 12 for the other...another, its been a while and we don't talk...

I dated a girl for three years during college. When graduation hit she wanted to get married. I guess I did really well with the whole dating thing. Anyway, at age 21 I decided it would be a poor idea to get married and told her such. So, on that note, we broke up.

She said I just can't imagine us not being friends. She asked if I was ok with that and said "cool, cool." Well we made all these silly rules about who calls who and when. Eventually after a month of that nonsense she said "this is just too hard for me. I have too many feelings for you to keep doing this." Again I said, "ok. cool." So that is how the friends thing ended. We talked about 6-8 months after that and it was awkward and pretty much rubbish so I haven't heard from her since. Yet, I'm still friends with some of her friends. So, I'm pretty sure there are reports on my life that go back to her. I'm sure we'll bump into each other a few years down the line.

Friends after intimate relationships is a horrible idea. I highly suggest that you just not even attempt it.

Friends after intimate relationships is a horrible idea. I highly suggest that you just not even attempt it.

Same for me too and what is worse is that you can never really put the intimate bit out of your mind, especially if they go on and start dating a real stunner/model type which just leaves you with doubts about whether or not you did the right thing by splitting up in the first place:|

If you remain friends the ultimate awkward moment occurs when your ex starts dating someone else. Then you have to deal with all the emotions that conjures. For instance, is that person better looking than you, more stable, more successful . . . does he get to sleep with her sooner than you did? That sucks. Also, might I add you have to wonder if she is getting a little bit more freaky with him than she did with you. That's another kicker. It's better to just sever ties and move on after the initial mourning period.

I just recently started talking with my most recent ex. Part of me was kind of hoping he was still a bit broken up over me (the evil part, I know), but I was glad to hear he's doing good. We haven't yet broached the subject of who we've seen since we broke up, but I'd be fine with knowing he's been with someone else. I wish him all the best. After talking though, I'm kinda debating whether or not I really want to remain friends with him. Not because of previous romantic feelings, but because he has quirks I put up with because I was "in love" with him. Now that I'm not, they're just really annoying. >.>

Anyway, being friends with an ex is possible. For some people, in some situations. It's up to each individual. Whatever works. :shrug:

Friends after intimate relationships is a horrible idea. I highly suggest that you just not even attempt it.


I'd agree with that. There's always a good reason that people are ex's. Its that they didnt really like each other enough. Maybe it took a long time to work it out...and the memories of the good times linger on after the breakup, maybe even just memories of being friends before they were an item.

Either way......I have had contact with ex's after a breakup. You can be civil, and have the odd 'hey, how's it going' chat, and catch up, but thats all it'll ever be. Really good friends, seeing eachother regularly, and just being mates, with no resentment or sexual connnotations at all? I don't think it's posssible.
It doesnt have to be nasty, but you are never going to be just really good friends with an ex. Life doesnt work like that.

I think that when most people say "We're still friends" what they mean is like GSrider said you have the "how you doing" conversation every few weeks. There's no value behind it. I think it would be strange to hang out and watch movies together when you have such an intense history more than likely. If you were together for just a month then no biggie, friends is possible, but when you start climbing into the stratosphere of multiple years it's a different story.

Just something I've discovered recently.

I've stayed very good friends with every one of my exes that I dated for longer than like, a week and realized it was stupid. I've also always been the one to break up with them... I've also recently heard from 3 of these exes that, whether they like it or not, they keep dating other me's.

If "just friends" stays closer than just the casual conversation like Sasquatch is saying, is it because secretly they're trying to stay as close as possible since it's the next best thing to what they can't have?

TheAmber:

Haha. You've got it made. You've made such a lasting impression on those birds that they just keep searching for your twin. That's the greatest. You need to get those statements from your exs in writing, signed in blood and then framed for your everlasting enjoyment.

I really think the "just friends" most of the time means the casual conversation. I don't believe that most people talk like they are best friends after a quality relationship. Usually ex-gf's enter the siberia of my mind. Not thought about, not cared about and ultimately forgotten.

I guess I just don't really get the idea of completely ditching someone you really cared about. Even if it is uncomfortable, if I really cared about a person, that doesn't go away, and I want to remain close, even if it is just to see how they're doing. I think time is necessary, to allow both parties to see what went wrong and move on, but cutting off contact completely when there was sincere love there at one time? Ah dunno, that just feels wrong, for me. =/

my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago... and we tried to move on and there were stretches we didn't talk for a while but recently we've been talking a lot more.. then two weeks ago we had a really long talk and we decided to get back together again

I hope everything works out for you this time, Kenny! :)

I hope everything works out for you this time, Kenny! :)


thanks a lot :) I'm supposed to see her on thursday for a bike ride in the park