I have an ex-girlfriend who's stalking me that used to be abused by her father who was really a transvestite hooker but loved her mother very much, except her mother was a runaway sex-slave from an Eastern European country that was hooked on barbiturates and got off on santa claus porn. So yeah, she's been invading my privacy by rummaging through my trash at night, hacking into my computer, and stealing pairs of my boxers out of the dryer.

Anyhow, I was just wondering if you had any good advice on how I can tell her that its over between us. Her name is Gretchen, by the way.

Dude, there is just something so wrong with you. :D

Yeah, a little bit. But Gretchen, now that chick is Cuhh-raeee-SEEEEE!

No, really, I discovered her stalking because I heard what I thought was a raccoon going through my trash a few nights ago. So I picked up my CAR-15 and walked outside, started spraying the general area of the trashcan, and heard something scamper off. I found some drops of blood on the ground, got a sample, took it to a blood lab, and then cross-referenced it with all of the blood samples I've taken from all of my sexual partners (one can never be too careful), and discovered that the blood wasn't from a raccoon I had a drunken one-night stand with like I originally suspected, but that it was Gretchen that I had shot.

So that's how I found out. Creepy, huh?

Dude, if you're going to take a blood sample, I am completely never sleeping with you. ;)

Well, how about just a saliva sample? And maybe a couple strands of hair, just for DNA matching purposes, ya know?

Oh, Christ on a bicycle! If I end up on an episode of CSI, I'm gonna be really pissed. :D

what is this all about???? r u serious or what???? anyway, how come some1 can enter your house so easily???? man, what r u doing..... sigh

:rofl:

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Oh, Christ on a bicycle! If I end up on an episode of CSI, I'm gonna be really pissed. :D
You'd give him a urine sample?