I've had this same exact problem with most of my girlfriends. I just don't get it.

She says she loves me, she says she loves spending time with me, she says all these romantic things about me, and then she gets mad at me because I don't want to spend enough time with her. She yells at me and gets all upset, accusing me of not being sensative enough to her feelings.

First of all, it seems like I'm being punished for being a good boyfriend. The only reason she wants to spend so much time with me is because I'm so much fun to be around, right? If I was a jackass, she wouldn't want to be around me as much, and she wouldn't be yelling at me for not wanting to spend enough time with her.

And secondly, if she wants to get me to want to spend more time with her, yelling at me for not wanting to spend enough time with her is NOT the way to accomplish that! It seems like every time we see each other she complains that I don't want to see her enough. The last thing I want to do is listen to her complain all day, so all she's doing is making me want to see her less!

Maybe everytime she starts yelling at you for not spending enough time with her, instead of arguing you should leave.
I think this would have one of two results.
She might realize that in order to spend time with you, she's going to have to quit arguing with you everytime she's around you.
Or...
Perhaps she'll just find a guy that will put up with it better than you do.

she wants a deeper level of commitment.

you should leave.

Kinda tough to do when she's at my house, or we're out at dinner and we haven't paid the check yet.

she wants a deeper level of commitment.

The irony of it is, I would be willing to do that if she would stop bitching all the time...

Kinda tough to do when she's at my house, or we're out at dinner and we haven't paid the check yet.

They have an annoying way of preplanning the choreography of these things don't they?

The irony of it is, I would be willing to do that if she would stop bitching all the time...

I'm glad to hear you say that,Feenix-I sincerely hope you can work this out-she may be ripe for an a55 chewing...

Yeah for the most part girls are like this... they want your world to revolve around them. Guys just don't revolve to well though... Guys prefer the freedom to do whatever they want at any given time.

So then when the guy refuses to set the girl as his center of the universe the girl gets mad, and then she starts yammering, nagging, and bitching. This in turn causes the exact opposite of the desired effect. Guys hate emotional garbage... and most of the time just end up rolling their eyes up into their head, and going.... "Christ... here we go again..."

Hint to the Wimmins: If you want your guy to be around more, smile a lot, be happy, and suggest fun things to do. If you are moody chances are we guys are going to avoid you rather than dealing with a problem that is impossible to cure.

Ever notice how when a guy is having emotional problems he will generally become distant, cold, and not want to talk about it. Well that's because he doesn't like discussing it and would rather deal with the problem by himself. This is how a guy handles it... The only person that can help you is yourself.

THIS is how every relationships problem evolves:
-Girl expresses grief and frustration to the guy.
-Guy tells her how to fix the problem, or why it isn't a big deal.
-Girl thinks we are insensitive for simplifying the problem.
-Guy then gives up because the girl won't listen to reason.
-Girl thinks guy is a dick... gives him cold shoulder in order to prove point.
-Guy thinks girl is crazy, shrugs his shoulders and goes about his daily business knowing that he allready gave his obviously invalid opinion.
-Girl brings it up next week because of the unresolved "issue"
-Guy now gets pissed that this trivial issue keeps surfacing... tells her to "quit being so dramatic!" God..... *frustration*
-Girl is now completely *frustrated* that the situation cannot be resolved.

Then one of two things happen:
a.) Girl gets tired of thinking about it and FINALLY drops it... though she will save it in the "To be used against him later" section of her brain. She then has make up sex and everything is better. The guy is like, "Cool... she finally realized that she is being stupid." Sex is good.

or

b.) Girl becomes a fanatical loon, starts stalking the guys every movement, gathers and compiles dirt to be used against him at each an every possible oppourtunity. The guy no longer wants to see the girl because she's a crazy bitch, and thus breaks it off because he can no longer deal with the emotional quasipshcyotic nutjob.

:nice:

relationships suck.

and it's all womens' fault.

The irony of it is, I would be willing to do that if she would stop bitching all the time...

I imagine the divorce rate would be much lower if it actually worked that way.
If she bitches all the time that is a personality trait and she will probably always be that way. The deeper you become commited, the more she will expect... then when you can live up to her expectations she will magnify the bitching ten fold.

A female friend told me being bitchy was actually hard wired into the female psyche so the female could prepare her mate for her erratic behaviour before and during childbirth...

relationships suck.

and it's all womens' fault.

You're attracted to the kind of women who are 'bitchy' for some reason. :hmm:

I don't know what to tell you, if she was my gf I'd dump her. :shrug: A little bit of whinning is cute sometimes, and it can make a guy feel good, but to do it ALL the time is just annoying.

She has signs of the Infatuation Phase-Induced Separation Anxiety. If the two of you get past the IP into a real emotional commitment, she should be able to handle the two of you having some separate activities (a characteristic of any healthy relationship, imo).

Encourage her to get together with her gal pals while you have some time with the boys. If she is unwilling to nuture an independent life, then she is a clinging whinger and you are better off without her.

Oh yay! Yet another Duplicate Post.

Independence is good.

...and for the FIRST TIME EVAR... I agree with Bo...

I imagine the divorce rate would be much lower if it actually worked that way.
If she bitches all the time that is a personality trait and she will probably always be that way. The deeper you become commited, the more she will expect... then when you can live up to her expectations she will magnify the bitching ten fold.

I agree. It sounds like she's insecure, and you have to constantly hear about in a negative way. She'll probably never change. If this is her personality, if you start spending more time, she'll think of something new to bitch about, and ity will probably be something about you. She may be a control freak.

Maybe you should find a girl who is actually nice to you. Being bitched at and listening to nagging all the time is a horrible way to live, and you'll never be happy living like that. I know. I've been through it more than once.

She has signs of the Infatuation Phase-Induced Separation Anxiety. If the two of you get past the IP into a real emotional commitment, she should be able to handle the two of you having some separate activities (a characteristic of any healthy relationship, imo).

Encourage her to get together with her gal pals while you have some time with the boys. If she is unwilling to nuture an independent life, then she is a clinging whinger and you are better off without her.

Well, she does spend time with her girlfriends without me having to tell her to do so.

I agree. It sounds like she's insecure, and you have to constantly hear about in a negative way. She'll probably never change. If this is her personality, if you start spending more time, she'll think of something new to bitch about, and ity will probably be something about you. She may be a control freak.

Maybe you should find a girl who is actually nice to you. Being bitched at and listening to nagging all the time is a horrible way to live, and you'll never be happy living like that. I know. I've been through it more than once.

Unfortunately, you're right.

But every time I point out how bossy or bitchy she's being, she changes, at least for a little while. One of these days I guess I'm just going to have to tell her to get lost and not give her an opportunity to take it back.

That's how women relieve pressure. Women bitch, men fart!

Two observations. First, when women tell you their problems we don't want you to fix them. We just want you to listen and tell us we have every right to feel the way we do even if we don't. If we then want help fixing the problem we will tell you we need help. But you have to validate our feelings first.

Second, when I hear "I've had this same exact problem with most of my (fill in the blank)." it doesn't matter what the topic is (relationships, work, family, etc.) my first reaction is to wonder if the person saying it realizes that the common thing to all of the situations is them? If you run into the same problem over and over you need to start looking at what you're doing that may be resulting in the same problem over and over. It could be as simple as changing what you look for in a woman in this situation.

Two observations. First, when women tell you their problems we don't want you to fix them. We just want you to listen and tell us we have every right to feel the way we do even if we don't. If we then want help fixing the problem we will tell you we need help. But you have to validate our feelings first.


Yeah. Why is that? Why do women need someone to validate their feelings? Men don't have this need.

If a woman was stranded alone on an island, without anyone around to validate her feelings, would her head explode from having too many invalid feelings in it?


Second, when I hear "I've had this same exact problem with most of my (fill in the blank)." it doesn't matter what the topic is (relationships, work, family, etc.) my first reaction is to wonder if the person saying it realizes that the common thing to all of the situations is them? If you run into the same problem over and over you need to start looking at what you're doing that may be resulting in the same problem over and over. It could be as simple as changing what you look for in a woman in this situation.

I hear yah. I needs to find me a woman with some self-esteem.

Yeah. Why is that? Why do women need someone to validate their feelings? Men don't have this need.

If a woman was stranded alone on an island, without anyone around to validate her feelings, would her head explode from having too many invalid feelings in it?

Yours is not to question why. Yours is just to do or..............:eek7: :D

Women aren't supposed to make sense...they're just supposed to keep men wondering.

Yeah. Why is that? Why do women need someone to validate their feelings? Men don't have this need.


Men aren't the same, but it's not a man you want in your bed though, is it? :p

I want a hott woman who thinks like a man. That would be every guy's dream :)

A woman that fartsin bed & holds your head under the covers? A woman that hogs the remote? A woman that burps & un-buttons her pants in the restaurant? A woman that horks & spits on the sidewalk?

A woman that fartsin bed & holds your head under the covers? A woman that hogs the remote? A woman that burps & un-buttons her pants in the restaurant? A woman that horks & spits on the sidewalk?

Mysty told me once she knew what every guy wants to hear...that was regarding tickle fights but I think she's got something here too! :nice: