How do you know if he's cheating? He never comes straight home from work;;;;

Borrow a friend's car and park by his work at the time he's supposed to get off. Follow him and see where he goes. :hmm:

Hire a private investigator or if you lack money pay some highschool kid to track his movements for a couple of days.

I only advocate this if you are HIGHLY Suspicious that he is cheating... because it's just generally a really bad thing to do. I would only do this if I was 90% sure that my spouse was cheating.

Buy a GPS tracking unit and put it in his car. Then you can see exactly where he is going and when.

you should try calling him all the time just to check in and ask him what he's doing. and you should ask him probing questions at every meal, and make subtle implications that you don't trust him and that he's a bastard.

then, you'll KNOW he's cheating, because no man could put up with that unless he was gettin' some action on the side.

just ask him. :|

Ask him and look at his eyes...

Not coming straight home from works may imply a lot of things but not necessarily cheating. He might be stopping for a drink or to meet a friend. Does he lie about it? As in he makes it seem like he came straight home or is it out in the open that he isn't? A lot of men just want to sit down somewhere that isn't home to unwind after work, nothing wrong with it.

I say ask him why he doesn't come straight home, but do it in a non-threatening way.

as sad as it is, feenix is right

Yeah, he is.

And if you take loveblessing's advice, I will personally hunt down your address and fill your air conditioning vents with dead fish for a year.

:|

If a guy is cheating (which is the first stupid thing to do), he'll probably do several subsequent stupid actions.

-He'll shower before coming back to you, so he'll always smell freshly showered and like soap/body wash.
-He'll over-compensate for his absence with too many details in his escape plan. Instead of just saying "I'll be home late," he'll explain where he's going and why, possibly giving you conflicting information.
-He'll say he'll be at one place, and put a credit card payment on something from another place (i.e. he says he'll be downtown but buys gas elsewhere). This is easy to check if you have a shared account. If you don't have a shared account, opening someone else's mail is a federal offense and you shouldn't do it.
-He'll have a buddy cover for him, and then give you his own version of his cover story, and they won't match up.

Unless you know for sure what's going on, your best bet is to keep the lines of communication as open as possible. Talk with him about your concerns, without being psychotic about it, and you may find that your fears are over nothing. Or, possibly, you'll bring the issue out without having to resort to crazy tactics like stalking him.

And lastly, I know I'm going to take some flak for this so I'm putting my flame suit on right now...but when one person begins to cheat, if it's his/her first time cheating, usually both people in the partnership played a role in that decision. No one is blame-free. If you have a confrontation about his cheating, and he admits that he was, you must acknowledge the possibility that he may say something that will hurt you deeply because it's true. He may feel that you drove him away, for example, and you may have to face the fact that his perception is not entirely without merit.

This is not to say that I condone cheating, because open lines of communication between both people in a relationship can usually stem any desire to cheat before it gets to that point, but you should prepare yourself to be partially at fault for his cheating in his eyes.

Yup, you're going to take flak for what you said.

Instead of doing it myself, I'll let everyone else do it, but suffice it to say I think you're 100% wrong in that assumption. Well, let me clarify. In some cases you're 100%, and in other cases you have a bit of truth.

To preempt some of it, I'll just say now that the extent to which I would say both people can play roles in situations like that is a breakdown in the lines of communication. Beyond that, a person should take responsibility for his/her own actions.

every bf i've had that's dumped me I thought it w as my fault and I hated myself for it.

I still do that, but Xach, to be honest that line of thinking is unhealthy. :hmm:

What line of thinking is that, exactly? That blame is sometimes shared?

no, not exactly. It's too hard for most people to share the blame. If one thinks, 'it's both our fault' that usually evolves into, 'it's my fault'

I think it's healither to just blame the other person. At least at first, while the person is healing. After that most people are able to look back and see things more clearly.

Look, I'm a cold-hearted jerk. I've dumped girls for pretty much no apparent reason to the rest of the world a couple of days after I was raving about how awesome I thought said girl was. But I've never cheated on one, cuz you just don't cheat. And if I did, it wouldn't have been her fault. It would've been her fault I was feeling the need to cheat possibly, but still my fault alone were I to have been unfaithful.

Touchy subject, you know....

Rice is correct

ultimately one is responsible for his own actions regardless of outside factors.

Rice is correct

Ahhh, another piece of Ema prose that I find wonderful....

lol :p

Buy a GPS tracking unit and put it in his car. Then you can see exactly where he is going and when.


:nice: you can get them to do it on the live ... this one stores the info and is only $300, w/ no fees (since it just stores the info). http://www.vehicle-tracking.com/products/3100_int.html

Dump him now.

If he is cheating on you, he deserves to be dumped. If he is not cheating on you, you don't trust him anyway so your relationship is doomed.

Ahh, if only everyone was as rational and self-reflecting enough to act like that. I know I'm not.