After five months of dating here is the first pub night on campus and both Chris and I attempt to make one another jealous. He tries to flirt with other girls that have no interest in him and I...well that is a long and horrifying memory. First off slutty dancing with my male and female friends while secretly smiling as I see Chris sitting by himself a few times - the other times...wellofcourse he is trying to pick up a girl to ****. Other times... (All you guys need to know it... I have asthma... and I generally don't smoke.I made out with this eastern indian guy for two smokes and then gave his friend my ****ing number?!?!?! **** I feel so ****ing retarded and stupid and just plain ****ing slutty. I didn't want to do that and yet I lowered myself into a revengeful state. I still love my ex and was trying to get back at him... but all I have is shame.

****. Why can'tI just forget about him? :not:

because, it takes time

its ok, my ex and I still play games with each other now, a year after we broke up

totally natural, don't trip on it, it'll go away with more time, its just a sign that you're a normal person, and not a saint

Sorry, I don't have any real answers to that one.

One, because I'm kinda buzzed right now, though not totally drunk, or I wouldn't have been able to even read, much less type.

Two, yeah, we all know better, or so we think. Even if we've heard about others doing the same thing and we tell ourselves "I couldn't possibly go through that", when it comes down to brass tacks and we find ourselves in that very situation, it's more like shell shock takes over. Or animal instinct. Or whatever. I guess it's just something that one literally has to go through once before you can truly say (and mean) you'll not put yourself through that again.

Ultimately, you will forget about him if you truly want to. You may still love him, but apparently he doesn't feel the same if he's going to let you get sucked up into such games.

No need to kick yourself over the night's events - just chalk it up to "growing pains" or "experience" or whatever will work for you. When your normally clear-headed self takes over, free of emotions, you'll see things in the light they were meant to be seen in. You may not see that now, but you will - you'll just have to trust me on this one.

Readin this drunk doesn't even ****in phase me, its like I don't even understand english. Grr... night everyone... I need my bed and my bed needs me.

haha, awww

get some rest, with a night's sleep it won't seem so important anymore

hope you feel better, and wtf happened to you? you straight disappeared homey

It is natural to want revenge. You just need to learn how to get it the right and dignified way. Think about it, you're basically demeaning yourself to get back at him. Explain to me exactly how that is helping your cause. Yeah you might spark some jealousy, but do you really think he's going to respond in any satisfactory way? Sure he might sit there and think, "Man this really burns me up" in not so nice terms. But what is everyone else thinking as they see you behaving that way? What about those who don't know your story who are sitting there thinking, "That girl is the biggest slut here" and "She has no class." Do you really want to compromise yourself just to zing this guy?

You get revenge by living well, by doing better without him than you did with him. Not an in-your-face sort of thing where you call him to say that you just had sex with a guy better than him, but a complete neglect of him while progressing in your own life. When you do desperate acts like that it shows you're thinking about him and no matter how much you're trying to sell your charms it won't work because in the end you just look like a desperate skank who can't control herself.

I recently had a break up where my ex was cheating on me. I've thought of all the things I'd like to say and do to her but what will any of it change? None of it sends any real message. I've thought about what I'd do if she ever called and wanted to see me again, and most of the time I think about spitting in her face. But why should I waste my spit on her? My time on her? It could be better spent working hard, earning money, school work and any other number of things. Do something with your life, set a big goal and try to achieve it. That will send the most profound message, not grinding on some meathead guy. By the time you achieve it you will have forgotten completly and guess who will then come around, extremely jealous and upset that they didn't stick it out with you?

Bottom line: Don't compromise yourself for such a pathetic goal as trying to make a guy jealous. To do that you'll have to lose the ego that inherently takes over when we are hurt that we are truly something special and there isn't anybody better for that person. Yeah you are special, but not if you make yourself look like you belong on a street corner.

Being happy is THE BEST revenge.

Right now - I am beating myself for what I did last night. I have never done anything like that - even while intoxicated, but last night not only was I being a chain smoking, drunk little ***** but I still knew what I was doing it and the whole time I was doing it I felt not only regret then but hoping that I would feel better because I hoped I was hurting him.

I woke up this morning with a really bad hang over, smelling like an ash tray and never wanting to get the hell out of bed. My overwhelming guilt had me get my sorry ass out of bed.

I have never regreting something so bad as this.

The worst part about Chris and I breaking up is that we have the same friends and we will end up hanging out because we are all one big group. I set up a date for a bunch of us to go swimming on Wednesday and I invited Chris because I knew he liked swimming and he told me that he still wants to be friends because he still cares about me. So just as I was about to go get my bathing suit, I get stuck in a elevator for an hour and a half and miss swimming. For a while there I was wondering if it was a sign... but **** - who believes in that **** anyways.

Back to the point. I still love him, I still care about him and I still want to be around him. And now when I see him I am going to remember that night. Should I talk to him and tell him that people do stupid things while intoxicated and I never meant to do something so stupid as what I did last night?

I'm not a slut, I am a quiet girl that doesn't like to smoke or drink too often. I want to say I'll never drink again but I know thats a load of bull.

Generally I try to do things in a more dignified manner...

Sorry I disappeared. During the holidays I went to my parents house and they only have dial up and my mum or dad is alwys on the compy. And when I got back to college rez I have been trying to find a job and then I was dumped two days ago... so I haven't exactly felt the need to do anything but cry and try to take my mind off of him.

Anyways - I think I am going to go visit the toilet for a while.

Right now - I am beating myself for what I did last night. I have never done anything like that - even while intoxicated, but last night not only was I being a chain smoking, drunk little ***** but I still knew what I was doing it and the whole time I was doing it I felt not only regret then but hoping that I would feel better because I hoped I was hurting him.

I woke up this morning with a really bad hang over, smelling like an ash tray and never wanting to get the hell out of bed. My overwhelming guilt had me get my sorry ass out of bed.

I have never regreting something so bad as this.

The worst part about Chris and I breaking up is that we have the same friends and we will end up hanging out because we are all one big group. I set up a date for a bunch of us to go swimming on Wednesday and I invited Chris because I knew he liked swimming and he told me that he still wants to be friends because he still cares about me. So just as I was about to go get my bathing suit, I get stuck in a elevator for an hour and a half and miss swimming. For a while there I was wondering if it was a sign... but **** - who believes in that **** anyways.

Back to the point. I still love him, I still care about him and I still want to be around him. And now when I see him I am going to remember that night. Should I talk to him and tell him that people do stupid things while intoxicated and I never meant to do something so stupid as what I did last night?

I'm not a slut, I am a quiet girl that doesn't like to smoke or drink too often. I want to say I'll never drink again but I know thats a load of bull.

Generally I try to do things in a more dignified manner...

Sorry I disappeared. During the holidays I went to my parents house and they only have dial up and my mum or dad is alwys on the compy. And when I got back to college rez I have been trying to find a job and then I was dumped two days ago... so I haven't exactly felt the need to do anything but cry and try to take my mind off of him.

Anyways - I think I am going to go visit the toilet for a while.

Live and learn. Everyone does things they regret and everyone looks at things with hindsight and says that they wish they would have done something differently. You can sit here and dwell about it or you can learn your lesson (at the very least because of the physical pain you feel) and move on in your life. It sounds like your ex still cares about you so maybe there is still a possibility, but in the mean time it sounds like you (and probably him) need to sit and think to yourself for awhile. Don't try to solve your problems by doing something crazy, ever.

The difference between chalking this up to experience and just letting yourself become an utterly useless human being is if you are able to extract a lesson from all of this and stick with it. That is entirely up to you.

dude chica... chill, take a deep breath and just chill

I'm telling you, you're totally overreacting. I had to go through a bad break up recently too, and it made me all crazy in the head and made me do weird things to get back at her, too. We had a really weird and rough transition period between being lovers and then friends, and that transition has to be there if you ever loved him in the first place. I mean, how weird would it be and how automaton would you be if you could just turn off that emotion for him like a switch, right? Just talk to him. If you 2 shared that much of your lives together, and still plan on being friends, it shouldn't be that hard.

God, my heart really does reach out to you though. It sucks, huh, breaking up? Sometimes its just best to not be friends anymore, but in your situation where you're a part of a group with him, it complicates things. Speaking personally, if my ex was going all crazy right after we broke up and doing what you did, I'd know what it was about, and if she wanted to talk about it I'd be more than willing to listen to her. Breaking up is a process, not a one-night event, and if he's a decent guy he knows that.

Chris isn'tthat observant to know what is going on. At the same time I used to think it cute because I had to tell him everything, it is definitely annoying.

Now that I have had time to just relax and think about things while listening to people's advice I have thought about things a lot and know that I have to take things in stride and work through whatever comes my way - it will obviously be really hard for me and I will cry and I have done the stupid stuff and of course the jealousy of him flirting with other girls is a killer. But what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

I'm glad I have had the time to breath and just look at whats going on at other peoples perspectives.

I have a full three days away from him since we are both going home. Unl;ess we run into one another, living in the same town now doesn't seem as appealing as it once did.

Oh well, thanks guys.

Chris isn'tthat observant to know what is going on. At the same time I used to think it cute because I had to tell him everything, it is definitely annoying.

Now that I have had time to just relax and think about things while listening to people's advice I have thought about things a lot and know that I have to take things in stride and work through whatever comes my way - it will obviously be really hard for me and I will cry and I have done the stupid stuff and of course the jealousy of him flirting with other girls is a killer. But what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

I'm glad I have had the time to breath and just look at whats going on at other peoples perspectives.

I have a full three days away from him since we are both going home. Unl;ess we run into one another, living in the same town now doesn't seem as appealing as it once did.

Oh well, thanks guys.

Open your eyes and you'll see your town is a lot bigger than you imagined. This guy isn't everywhere nor everyone. You may see a lot of things that make you think of him and that is perfectly natural and OK. Eventually it'll come to a point where you'll hardly notice if you run into your ex, even if he's with his new girlfriend (assuming he gets one by then).

I think you'll be perfectly fine once you get a clear head and have your rationale back. Your next relationship will be much more pleasing if you learn.

If he gets a new girlfriend that means he has lied about a lot of things that will help me recover from the break up so - it all depends I guess.

You know - right now I'm drunk but I have never felt better. I know that he wants me back and I know he doesn't because he is afraid of me. The best thing about college is the fact that guys can'tlie yet they will tell you anything under the influence.

Chris is a sweetheart, Iloved him because of the way he is and I still do but after finding out that he asked one of my friends "Where will I ever find a girl like Alanna?" I feel invincible.

You guys are awesome and you know what Micheal? You are right. :)

Thanks guys.

now THAT was a drunk post if I ever saw one

glad you're feeling better, say hi to the porcelain goddess for me, ok?