I don't normally make posts like this but everyone around here seems welcoming, open and honest. The other day I experienced a break up with my girlfriend, this is the second time we've had a falling out.

The first time we weren't really dating, in fact it was just pretty much sex only. In typical fashion I didn't want to get serious when she did and she didn't want to get serious when I did. It culminated in her walking out on me and not talking to me for about four or five months. Then I saw, and slept with, her on Halloween. A few weeks later we were trying to do things right and actually dated.

Lately she's been very depressed. Apparently a few months ago at her dads she left some gum on the nightstand (disgusting, I know) and recently her dad's girlfriend found the gum and is now accusing him of cheating on her. They have been together something like six years and now my ex is blaming herself for it all. She's also stressed about her weight, so much that she had no sexual desires. She completely ran cold.

So naturally I tried to bear with her and I was but everything I tried doing for her either seemed to backfire or just didn't do anything for her. I was bending over backwards trying to help a fleeting situation. We had a talk the other night and she expressed how she felt that she felt bad that everything I was doing wasn't working, I'm too good for her and things like that. Basically it seemed like she was hinting at me to dump her. Eventually I asked her if she would be able to get over her problems better if we parted ways. She said she didn't know, so I made the executive decision to give her space and let her be on her own. It was painful but it seemed like I had no other option, I expressed that I didn't want to do that but if it would help I was willing. I told her I didn't wan to just date her when things were good and that I would take the bad. It just seems like for whatever reason I came to symbolize everything going wrong in her life, and yet I did nothing wrong. So I basically told her she has my number and can call me if she wants.

I'm a curious and inquisitive person. I tried to find out if she was just simply interested in another man and this was her gutless way of getting out of the relationship. It doesn't appear to be the case, but I wouldn't put it past her. She has a long history of infidelity (something I know she doesn't want to do anymore) and even went as far once to tell her boyfriend that she was sad about her grandmothers condition and wanted some alone time in which she spent sleeping with her ex. I knew every dirty little secret about this girl and I never tried to change her, I respected that she told me everything. I can only hope that she was open and honest even at the end. I'm going to have to trust that she was, she was even as dramatic as to say she didn't know if she believed love exists anymore. If it was just her way of getting me to dump her then I guess I'm better off, but I have no way of knowing.

It all just makes me sad because it seems like a good thing is going to waste. I really cared for her and our troublesome history only made me like her more. She is a little crazy, but I'm not exactly sane myself. I had just hoped things would work out better this time.

On the bright side it isn't like I had eight years invested in her. I've also been really stressed these last few weeks over everything so I guess that all this means less weight on my shoulders. It just hurts because I was perfectly willing to endure all of it with her, but I can't if she won't let me especially when for no good reason I've become the source of her pain.

Any thoughts? Advice? What do you all do when you have break ups? I appreciate your time reading my venting, it helps me out a lot.

The best thing I can tell you is if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. I know it is very hard to do, but it really is for the best.True love is hard and makes you compliment each others good points and overlook their bad points. When it goes other than this it may be love but not in love.Give it time and see where it goes. Maybe in this time you can do some honest soul searching and find what you really want from her.

Well I dropped off some of the stuff that she had left over at my house (pajama pants, some jewelery, pair of shorts and so on) at her moms house. I had a pretty long talk with her mother. My ex and her mother are pretty close so she told me a pretty good amount and it seems that she is just thoroughly depressed and doesn't know what she wants. Seems to me she is losing a sense of self-identity and she is losing the tunnel vision that she was just going to get married and have kids some day so she's just stressed about her future and everything inbetween. Apparently she doesn't deal with stress all that well and has an even harder time talking about it.

I hope I didn't mess anything up by talking to her mom. I was just going to give her the bag of stuff and leave but she invited me in and started asking how I was doing and so on.

You're right Cyanide in that I should use this time to figure out what I really want from her. I'm a fairly simple guy and I know what I want out of life but maybe I need to reassess everything anyway.

First off I agree with MichealB21 great atmosphere here guys keep it up,thats the reason I felt comfortable posting my problem here as well.

Id say your ex-girlfriend just isnt ready to be in a relationship.
She needs to start opening up and facing her problems head on perhaps with a pyhscologist.
I think you are better off without her,its hard to move but I think it should be done.
My advice-try and forget about her.
However,if you cant do this and decide that you really want her back in your life,try reassuring her that she can talk to you about anything,share all your feeling and be very understanding and caring (generally just be nice) throughout this period.
Is she over-weight?
If she is over-weight especially significantly so many of her problems and reactions are a bit natural. I have an overweight friend and many of the issues that you have stated that your girlfriend has my friend also has.
Blaming herself for everything and she always ends up ruining her relationships.
*I know this is not characteristic of all over-weight people,its just my observation*
So since she's troubled by her weight maybe you and her can got to the gym together,go on a diet together,something like that.
BTW I cant really follow why her father's girlfriend would think a piece of gum was indicative of cheating because although I can think of a reason why she could think of this ex. she and the father left the home at the same time and she noticed no gum but when she came home later before he did the gum was present. A million holes could have been bored into her theory that he had been cheating based on the gum.
Anyway,continuing I think that your ex-girlfriend just needs some love and support someone to just reassure her and make her feel better about herself as a person. If you can acheive this im sure you can win her back.
What do I do after a break-up- I think and I may order a Hawaiian pizza or two-lol.
Hope you feel better soon and that after you take time and figure out what you want that you are able to accomplish it.

I have had former boyfriends who became good friends with my mom for whatever reason, and it really, really bothered me. He would talk to my mom about things that were very private and should have been kept between the 2 of us. For a long time I would not be friends with him because of it. Eventally we became friends again, I forgave him and he's my best friend again. We broke up close to 9 years ago. It's good to be on good terms with her mom but don't let it go too far, or she will feel betrayed by both of you.

MichaelB21, it sounds like you have a good handle of the situation. Your instincts about being suspicious about her fidelity are obviously very justified and it is probably best to assume the worst. I think you have the right idea in letting it go this bad relationship, but keep in mind that you may get back together at a later date (be sure to wear protection). Either way, at your young age, as you already know, it should be no big deal to keep an eye out for a better, healthy relationship.

Well guys today I found out something rather disturbing. According to her roommates she was basically bouncing off the walls, excited and all kinds of other stuff. They have pretty good reason to believe she went and slept with another guy. I feel that she just used all of her insecurities and so on to get me to dump her so she could be single again.

It feels really ****ty. I guess time is the only thing that is going to help me. I got over her once before I guess I can do it again. I try to keep myself busy but at night I lay my head down and the thoughts just flood in. I just don't see why she'd be so callous, so mercenary, towards someone she supposedly loved. It was her idea to be my girlfriend. It was her that first said she loved me. Even the most callous of men aren't this mercenary.

I left her a message cussing her out (earlier today I left her one asking her on a date, then I got the wonderful news that she likely slept with another guy). I just blew up on the message told her to never call me again, told her I deserve better, she's a manipulative bitch and ended by saying "**** you." It was rather immature, but it felt good at the time.

Thanks for letting me rant.

...I just blew up on the message told her to never call me again, told her I deserve better, she's a manipulative bitch and ended by saying "**** you." It was rather immature, but it felt good at the time.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Don't give it a second thought - you said what had to be said.

Sorry you had to find out like that. :not:

Now you can work toward healing and moving on. Living well is the best revenge, you know.

Don't give it a second thought - you said what had to be said.

Sorry you had to find out like that. :not:

Now you can work toward healing and moving on. Living well is the best revenge, you know.

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

It's just really hard, I have a pretty active imagination. I can't help but think of her laying next to some other guy the same way she used to with me. In fact that is in all honesty what she is likely to be doing. It's going to haunt me, and yet she is the one that should be haunted.

It makes me feel like a big pussy really. My solution was to do the mature thing (except maybe cussing her out, which she had coming I say) and hers was to manipulate the situation into getting me to do the mature thing so she could be on her own and go screw around with someone else. She was sad for about three minutes, and now she's apparently thrilled to the point of rushing up and down the stairs getting ready to meet someone new (or old, as I am suspecting).

The worst part of it is I should have seen it coming. I suppressed my better judgement and wanted more than anything to give her the benefit of the doubt. I paid dearly for that.

Here is a great update for you guys. Apparently she must have cheated on me at least for the first time on Thursday. I went over there to drop off some booze she requested I pick up for her and this guy was there that I have always been weary of (more on him later). Anyhow I come over the next morning and her roommate won't let me upstairs because "Zach is in my bed." Really, though, Zach was in bed with my ex.

I always had my doubts about this guy when I found a message she had written him way back when we first started seeing each other that said, "we should just have sex and get it over with." I ignored it but remembered it. We weren't dating yet so I chalked it up to her being single. Anyway, I continue to keep an eye on her cell phone text messages and recently found one that was from her saying at 4:30 in the morning "do you want to come over and watch a movie?" I don't know if he did or not, but it doesn't make much difference. Why did I go through her phone? Because I never trusted her and I never really could. If she had any signs or a history of a normal person the thought would have never occurred to me. So anyway on Thursday I met the guy and she was talking about how her roommate wanted to have sex with him, which was actually true. It pisses me off because I asked her several times in the most non-threatening way if she had anything for him and she lied to me. I knew she was full of it but I guess a part of me didn't want to believe it.

I found out because of another source who told me the truth about what she was told. Finally someone came clean to me and I really respect her for that. Everyone else was afraid to tell me the truth. Such disrespect, suck fake love. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can relish in the fact that I am the only one who actually caught this girl cheat. Every other guy shes screwed over is completely ignorant of it. Now I know the whole story and it is a sick one. At the very least I know the truth and fully realize that she is just a really messed up person. I guess this was just something that I had to go through. My next relationship will be better and it is nice to not have the stress of bending over backwards for this girl. I became a pushover in her eyes although I only did so because I thought that was what she needed (I was wrong).

She must be smokin hot for you to put up with all that crap.

Quit stalking her...stop talking about her with her friends, stop going over to her place. Get over it, find a more productive way to spend your time.

I think MichaelB21 probably dealt with the situation in the best way. I mean, yeah, cussing her out wasn't so classy, but considering her actions, it was definitely deserved. Kudos to you man, for getting out. Now time to not look back. I'm agreeing with myst here - just cut all ties with this chic. She's poison.

Quit stalking her...stop talking about her with her friends, stop going over to her place. Get over it, find a more productive way to spend your time.
what she said..

She must be smokin hot for you to put up with all that crap.

I agree.

Now you realize what kind of person she is, and you can move on with no regrets. You really are too good for her in this case.

Quit stalking her...stop talking about her with her friends, stop going over to her place. Get over it, find a more productive way to spend your time.

Thank you for your honesty. You're right. While I never meant for any of it to be stalking necessarily, all I wanted was the truth of the matter that she refused to tell me even long before any of this happened. Nevertheless I will not be talking with her friends or anything of the sort anymore, I know the truth now and it is evident that everything about her is ugly and I'm much better off.

As for my time, I have been spending it better. I've taken up trying to write a book, going to the gym, school work and other things like that. All I wanted was what was denied to me by the person who owed it to me and that was an honest explanation.

I agree.

Now you realize what kind of person she is, and you can move on with no regrets. You really are too good for her in this case.

I've often asked myself why I ever put up with this much crap. She was good looking, but not enough so to warrant this behavior. The problem is she's manipulative as anybody I've ever known. For awhile I started to even believe that I was doing something wrong. I've just had to go through a lot of realizations before I became immune to her. After all she is an actress, and a good one at that.

Thank you to everyone on DA. It may not seem like it but your support has been enormous and I feel I can finally move on.

It's natural to want and seek out the truth.
Now you know.
Now you heal.
Now you move on.

Good luck, and don't forget to have fun!

And don't date actresses.

And don't date actresses.

Unless they buy you a sports car...

:|

And don't date actresses.

:werd:

Did that twice. Never again.

Ever.