sunbum
01-03-2006, 07:30 PM
By Darryl Lease
SW Florida Herald-Tribune
I'm not a metrosexual. I chew my fingernails. My hair has a cowlick that can't be tamed. My shirt is often untucked. And, given my druthers, I'd go shoeless most of the time.
As for colognes, I can't remember the last time I used one. Generally, the only thing I dab behind my ears is the ink from the most recent newspaper I've read.
It should come as no surprise to you, then, to learn that I don't spend a lot of time strolling the fragrance aisles at major department stores or chichi boutiques. I'm not even sure I know what chichi means.
But, thanks to a recent Washington Post story, I now know more than I ever cared to about a booming industry --celebrity fragrances.
Apparently, just about everybody who's somebody has bottled a scent and slapped a high-dollar price tag on it.
Donald Trump has "The Fragrance." Britney Spears has "Fantasy." Antonio Banderas has "Spirit for Women." Sarah Jessica Parker has "Lovely." And Kimora Lee Simmons, whoever she is, has "Baby Phat Goddess."
According to people who keep track of such things, there are 138 celebrity fragrances currently on the market. According to people who keep track of such things, this is a record.
It's no wonder. Elizabeth Taylor's "White Diamonds" has grossed more than $1 billion in sales since 1991.
That $1 billion set me to thinking.
As I scrolled down the list of folks peddling eau de moi, I noticed that a special category of superstardom was missing -- the political celebrity.
I realize, of course, that government leaders and their assorted hangers-on don't carry the same cachet in America as The Donald or that Baby Phat Goddess person.
But I suspect there's an untapped market for the stench in and around Washington. Here are a few of the possibilities I've sniffed out:
"Torture" by Dick Cheney. Musky is out, and musty is in with this distinctive fragrance reminiscent of secure, undisclosed locations, secret prisons and dungeons of yore. Splash a little behind your ears, and people will tell you all their secrets -- or at least make up something they think you'll want to hear.
"Duke-stir" by Randall "Duke" Cunningham. The jailbound former congressman from California won't be forgotten when you get a whiff of this cologne. It's pure, 100-percent bilge water, straight from the yacht he accepted as a bribe!
http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060102/COLUMNIST33/601020441
SW Florida Herald-Tribune
I'm not a metrosexual. I chew my fingernails. My hair has a cowlick that can't be tamed. My shirt is often untucked. And, given my druthers, I'd go shoeless most of the time.
As for colognes, I can't remember the last time I used one. Generally, the only thing I dab behind my ears is the ink from the most recent newspaper I've read.
It should come as no surprise to you, then, to learn that I don't spend a lot of time strolling the fragrance aisles at major department stores or chichi boutiques. I'm not even sure I know what chichi means.
But, thanks to a recent Washington Post story, I now know more than I ever cared to about a booming industry --celebrity fragrances.
Apparently, just about everybody who's somebody has bottled a scent and slapped a high-dollar price tag on it.
Donald Trump has "The Fragrance." Britney Spears has "Fantasy." Antonio Banderas has "Spirit for Women." Sarah Jessica Parker has "Lovely." And Kimora Lee Simmons, whoever she is, has "Baby Phat Goddess."
According to people who keep track of such things, there are 138 celebrity fragrances currently on the market. According to people who keep track of such things, this is a record.
It's no wonder. Elizabeth Taylor's "White Diamonds" has grossed more than $1 billion in sales since 1991.
That $1 billion set me to thinking.
As I scrolled down the list of folks peddling eau de moi, I noticed that a special category of superstardom was missing -- the political celebrity.
I realize, of course, that government leaders and their assorted hangers-on don't carry the same cachet in America as The Donald or that Baby Phat Goddess person.
But I suspect there's an untapped market for the stench in and around Washington. Here are a few of the possibilities I've sniffed out:
"Torture" by Dick Cheney. Musky is out, and musty is in with this distinctive fragrance reminiscent of secure, undisclosed locations, secret prisons and dungeons of yore. Splash a little behind your ears, and people will tell you all their secrets -- or at least make up something they think you'll want to hear.
"Duke-stir" by Randall "Duke" Cunningham. The jailbound former congressman from California won't be forgotten when you get a whiff of this cologne. It's pure, 100-percent bilge water, straight from the yacht he accepted as a bribe!
http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060102/COLUMNIST33/601020441