My boyfriend has been very stressed lately and I don't know what to do to help him and I don't want our relationship to suffer because of it. He's not stressed about us, rather it's his job (he doesn't like it) and living situation (living with roommates who are very tough to live with). He says he feels trapped in his job because he makes good money there and really can't afford to take a pay cut at a new job and moving isn't really an option because we have a year lease and a $950 security deposit we can't afford to just throw away.

It just makes me unhappy to see him unhappy, and I don't want his unhappiness to carry over into our relationship, which as of now is still strong and going well. I don't know what to do to make things better though and now I'm getting stressed out. I enjoy my job but have been thinking about looking for something new that pays better to take some of his load off but it seems to be slim pickings in the job market right now.

What do ya'll do to combat stress?

How much longer is your lease?

If being at home is a major source of stress, find things to do besides hanging out at home. Just get out of the house. Go for walks, drives, whatever you feel like/can afford that gets you out of the house.

He can put his feelers out for a new job, just being ready in case a great opportunity shows up may make him feel better.

Stress can ruin a perfectly good relationship. Something I have found out personally lately. You need to talk to him and try to keep him upbeat on things because Stress is a major killer of relationships. Just let him know you are there for him no matter what and try not to let his being stressed work on you too.

What do ya'll do to combat stress?

SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX

I read somewhere that a man defines who he is by his job, something that women don't do. If a man is unhappy at work, he will not be happy, period. Try to be patient with him, and understand that it is not YOU or your relationship. Maybe, when he is depressed or out of it at home, suggest something low-key to do (without pressuring him to do it). I've been through this with several men in my past, and I found that pressuring them ("C'mon, it will make you feel better!) backfires royally. Things will get better, but you just have to be patient and realize that your relationship is on the back burner right now.

Perceived or real, any kind of stress that affects one person affects his or her partner.

My advice is to be there for him but not be there-dont be too pressuring or overly encourage him to talk about his problems.
Anyway to combat stress I listen to music,watch tv,play the piano and do alot of thinking/reflecting.
I hope things will be less stressful for you and guy in the near future.

Perceived or real, any kind of stress that affects one person affects his or her partner.

PHHHHhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttt....................... :eek7:

Except the MAJOR CAUSE of stress for people?:confused:

THEIR PARTNERS!!!:rolleyes:

PHHHHhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttt....................... :eek7:

Except the MAJOR CAUSE of stress for people?:confused:

THEIR PARTNERS!!!:rolleyes:



Only if you're with the wrong partner. So cynical!

Only if you're with the wrong partner. So cynical!

OHHHHhhh????.....LA-de-DA!!!!............

Miss everyone-in-the-world-is-SOOOoooo compatable!!! Like, there's hardly ANY people out there that aren't majorly stressed by their partners more than anything else?:P

My boyfriend has been very stressed lately and I don't know what to do to help him and I don't want our relationship to suffer because of it. He's not stressed about us, rather it's his job (he doesn't like it) and living situation (living with roommates who are very tough to live with). He says he feels trapped in his job because he makes good money there and really can't afford to take a pay cut at a new job and moving isn't really an option because we have a year lease and a $950 security deposit we can't afford to just throw away.

It just makes me unhappy to see him unhappy, and I don't want his unhappiness to carry over into our relationship, which as of now is still strong and going well. I don't know what to do to make things better though and now I'm getting stressed out. I enjoy my job but have been thinking about looking for something new that pays better to take some of his load off but it seems to be slim pickings in the job market right now.

What do ya'll do to combat stress?

roomates are stressful on any relationship:hmm:

When I'm stressed I typically don't want comforting... I simply want to be given the freedom and time to deal with what ever is stressing me on my own accord. As a guy I don't like to talk about "what's bothering me" or "what can be done to remedy my situation."

I've always had somewhat of a "Loner Side" myself. For instance, if I have a bad day at work... for whatever reason it just sucked. This means my mind is currently in a combative, cold, cynical, state. In my mind it's not time to cuddle and open up with my feelings.

I generally have two outlets for pent up stress. (Usually I use a combination of both.)

1.) Venting - Ranting, aggressive, dark-humored, sociopathic, switch to basic primal instinct. This can include coming on DA and making rude, crude, generally not-nice humor. It could also be, going home smoking a cigerette and just generally ranting and raving to whomever is listening or in some cases not listening. For instance, I'll come up and yell at the weatherman on the news.

2.) Repression - Quite simply, saying, **** it, smoking a bowl, and sitting in front of the television or computer while my mind goes blank... basically erasing the things that are bothering me.

Generally when I get home from work, which is in most cases quite stressful, I need about an hour to unwind. This is not a time for asking me to do things, whining, nagging, etc.. This is tread lightly, leave Eric to himself period. I have a cig, maybe rant a little, maybe not say much, maybe just a simple... "hey... " before I go pacing around the house not really doing anything.

----
More...

For me, I work in sales... I HAVE to be nice to customers all day long... regardless of how unwarranted that "Niceness" may be... I have to remain cordial and polite. Well... all that pent up aggression has to come out sometime... and unfortunately for the female side of the equation, that time is usually when I get home from work.

If you don't want to compound his stress, leave him alone. Guys deal with stress usually in solitary means. When we're stressed, and women are always saying "come on, honey, do this, it'll help you relax," our instinctive reaction is "How the hell do you know what will help me relax? Leave me the hell alone, woman, and let me get some peace and quiet!"

We don't voice this, of course, because we know on an intellectual level that you're not really the cause of our stress (unless you are, in which case we will tell you of this) and therefore don't deserve us snapping at you. But we think it momentarily.

Leave him alone, and when he's ready to relax with you, he'll come to you. If you hover over him trying to help by doing all sorts of small things to "make things better," you'll only muck things up more for him. ESPECIALLY if these little things deviate from the pattern that he's grown accustomed to. If he's used to coming home and making food for himself, don't have an elaborate dinner set up when he gets home. It'll just make him feel like you're babying him.

OHHHHhhh????.....LA-de-DA!!!!............

Miss everyone-in-the-world-is-SOOOoooo compatable!!! Like, there's hardly ANY people out there that aren't majorly stressed by their partners more than anything else?:P

If your partner is the main source of strife, something's seriously wrong. Your relationship should be a comfort and source of joy and stability.

If your partner is the main source of strife, something's seriously wrong. Your relationship should be a comfort and source of joy and stability.

Yes, and we should all be drinking bubble up an' eatin' rainbow stew whilst riding unicorns under a sky filled with pink fluffy clouds.:rolleyes:

Yes, and we should all be drinking bubble up an' eatin' rainbow stew whilst riding unicorns under a sky filled with pink fluffy clouds.:rolleyes:

You bought the cow, now you have to live with it. :shrug:

Or shoot it. :|

I'm with Monster and Aesir... If you can get him to talk then great but don't pressure him about it. And if he does open up and talk to you whatever happens DO NOT offer advice unless he asks for it. IMO, one of the major mistakes people make, male or female, is always feeling the need to 'solve' the problem rather than just allowing the person the space to rant etc.

Mark

You bought the cow, now you have to live with it. :shrug:

Or shoot it. :|

WTF said anything about cows?

WTF must their be a black and white universe in your relationship spectrum in which either their are cows or unicorns? All I'm saying is that in many cases, stress on a relationship is a result of just these sorts of distorted visions, either our own, or our partners.