Alright, my friend came to me with a problem looking for advice but i dont think i told her what she really wanted to hear.

So ok. basically she ended up hooking up with one of her just guyfriends. Hes is a nice guy just shy and is deathly affriad of comittment. So they agreed to keep it to just fooling around. At frist she told me she was ok with it, but its just its starting to get to her how he leaves right afterwards (like he done then, ten seconds hes out the door). Shes also affriad to confide in him for the fact, she thinks, hed might think, shes getting attached and would run scared. Also hes saying how he wouldnt mind a gfriend(he made it clear in the begining that he doesnt want a relationship with her) she doesnt think shed want a relationship with him either but if she did, how would she go by it with out scaring him off.

At this point i just told her to stop hooking up with him if it gets to her. Also really unless your going out with eack other its really hard to be both lovers and friends; its one or the other. well does anyone have there opinions about it?

Yeah, the friendship part is essentially over I think.
Either they're going to make this new relationship work, or they will part ways.
Friends with benefits is a transitional phase, not a consistent state that can be maintained.
At least, that's my opinion....

Friends with Benefits is often the ideal relationship between two certain people, and I appreciate the honesty and calm of the arrangement. It lasts as long as it feels good, and can be on-again, off-again. I currently have such a friend that I've been seeing for nearly three years, and we are quite comfortable with each other, and with the relationship; one formed, I might add, out of mutual realization of what clicks between us.

Still, it is disrespectful and not very friendly to jump up and leave right after the sex, unless you both do it, and there are no slighted feelings about it; in that case it's just another time-efficient benefit of having no romantic proprieties to observe.

This seems to be a modern phenomena. Not that FWB have just become popular, but because it seems more widespread. Maybe its just me, but 20 years ago (when I would have been much more interested in the whole concept) FWB wasn't a term of which I was aware.

We just called them F**k Buddies then.

We just called them F**k Buddies then.

No doubt the term "FWB" refects a modern sensativity and political correctness for which we had not been exposed.

Personally, I differentiate between the two.

When I've had f**k buddies, they were women with whom I socialized solely for the purpose of sex. I rarely, if ever, hung out with them outside of those situations.

My FWBs, however, are friends first with the benefits coming in second. My FWBs are friends with whom I socialize because I like them and they're good friends. And then there's the occasional sex or fooling as well.

Personally, I differentiate between the two.

When I've had f**k buddies, they were women with whom I socialized solely for the purpose of sex. I rarely, if ever, hung out with them outside of those situations.

My FWBs, however, are friends first with the benefits coming in second. My FWBs are friends with whom I socialize because I like them and they're good friends. And then there's the occasional sex or fooling as well.


I think the OCCASIONAL is very important here A constant physical relationship between two people will alter the friendship either towards the level of **** buddies or towards the land of coupledome The respect and emotional aspects always seem to shift

No doubt the term "FWB" refects a modern sensativity and political correctness for which we had not been exposed.



No doubt, but who needs semantics with friends like those?


I'll never forget my first FB, from the age of 15-18. Rhonda was a redhaired transplant from the beach: long toned legs, a stunning freckled bosom, and the most enthusiastic disposition. We never had a proper date, but got together many times over the years...just to make love.

Sure, the difference lies with the amount of nonsexual activities shared, and how often you want to collect your benefits.

I've never had a **** buddy. :mad: Chicks have always wanted the full Baboon. I always wondered what FWB would be like. Guess I'll never know. Oh well.

I think the OCCASIONAL is very important here A constant physical relationship between two people will alter the friendship either towards the level of **** buddies or towards the land of coupledome The respect and emotional aspects always seem to shift
Agreed. This is why people who get into these situations out of a perceived need for intimacy invariably wind up mucking up their FB or FWB situations. Those of us who have done such things out of a simple want, one that can be controlled if necessary, usually can make them work for a longer period of time--during which either we find someone to have a more serious relationship with and return to a non-intimate friendship or will take the situation up to the level of dating or more.

Personally, I differentiate between the two.

When I've had f**k buddies, they were women with whom I socialized solely for the purpose of sex. I rarely, if ever, hung out with them outside of those situations.

My FWBs, however, are friends first with the benefits coming in second. My FWBs are friends with whom I socialize because I like them and they're good friends. And then there's the occasional sex or fooling as well.

Isn't trying to bypass the profanity filter a "no-no!":D

Sorry SM, just had to say it!!

Damit it man, I wanna know which of these aquaintances, if any are goth chicks?

Silence, you! :P

We just called them F**k Buddies then.
I wasn't aware of the term "**** buddies" until the 90s personally.

I wasn't aware of the term "**** buddies" until the 90s personally.



We used the term in the '70s. I guess you guys were a little behind.

Silence, you! :P

Not until you derail this thread with a detailed accounting of any goth-chick-friends-with-benefits-sex experiences with which I can vicariously live.

We used the term in the '70s. I guess you guys were a little behind.
Arizona behind Texas? Never! :D

Arizona behind Texas? Never! :D



Hey, I used to visit the AZ back then...maybe I used the term in passing with a Tucson waitress.

It doesn't really work that way. Friends with benefits is great for men and our mating system but not for women. For obvious reasons men can inseminate many different women and pass on their genes. Women can't, they have to go for quality over quantity. As evolutionary time passes certain traits in men become desirable to women (say, confidence for example). Your friend may have found this guy to be what she prefers in a man and was willing to try to just "be friends" but it is ultimately not conducive to the monogamy of women (which dare I say at the risk of being sexist in this politically correct age that the woman wants that "alpha" male to be the one to stick around and help rear the child). By the way I'm not saying that women can't just have sex for the sake of sex and enjoy multiple partners. However the case we are discussing is clearly different and far more typical of female behavior.