So, I've been dating this guy for 2.5 months, we have a lot of fun-go to dinner, movies, walk the dogs..we enjoy each other's company...We have not talked about where we are at or anything, but this weekend, his best friend was in town, I was able to spend some time with him & h Scott (the guy I;m dating ) told his friend that he really loves hanging out with me, thinks I;m hot, fun, etc but " she's not the one" and if he sees me starting to get all serious, he's gonna back off & end the relationship...his friend doesn't ever see Scott getting married, I've been married before and I'm not sure if I want to either---should I be complacent with dating this guy? I really have a good time with him..and do you think he would ever change his feelingsa bout me not being the one?

You're just a side dish for Scott till he finds his main course.Whether he ever gets married or not is beside the point.

Lose him quick, before you lose your sanity.

He's using you then. I'd vacate.

I suggest you reread your thread:

http://www.discussanything.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79825

And think about it.

Not every relationship needs to be for the long haul. Not every dating option needs to head towards a relationship.

But if what he wants isn't what you want, then get out now.

I don't get why everyone is telling you to get out. :shrug:

If YOU'RE having fun then stay! :) Enjoy it while it lasts.

Being ****ed and chucked is generally not good for a person's self esteem - that is the reasoning behind the dump him advice.

Being ****ed and chucked is generally not good for a person's self esteem - that is the reasoning behind the dump him advice.
lol, why do people always assume the female in the relationship has to be the serious one?? Can't they both just enjoy it? You don't have to marry everyone you sleep with. Didn't you say that to eeper once boe? :p

It is a matter of both parties having equivalent expectations for the relationship - I don't see that in this case.

val may not want to get married again - but as her current paramour has said that "she is not the one", he certainly has a goal of a more committed relationship with someone else in the future. If she wants to be used by him until he dumps her for someone who is The One, then that is up to her. I personally would find such a relationship to be terribly degrading.

She asked for advice - which doesn't necessarily mean she will be told what she wants to hear.

So, I've been dating this guy for 2.5 months, we have a lot of fun-go to dinner, movies, walk the dogs..we enjoy each other's company...We have not talked about where we are at or anything, but this weekend, his best friend was in town, I was able to spend some time with him & h Scott (the guy I;m dating ) told his friend that he really loves hanging out with me, thinks I;m hot, fun, etc but " she's not the one" and if he sees me starting to get all serious, he's gonna back off & end the relationship...his friend doesn't ever see Scott getting married, I've been married before and I'm not sure if I want to either---should I be complacent with dating this guy? I really have a good time with him..and do you think he would ever change his feelingsa bout me not being the one?

heh I was married once too..good times:|
IMO it sounds like this guy is having fun, and if that's what you want go with it, just know it will probably end at some point..
maybe his friend was bull ****ting you, being an ass:shrug:...
I dunno either way I wouldn't count on spending your 'Golden Years ' with this one..

I don't think you made it very clear how you feel about him in your post. Are you satisfied with the relationship as it is now? Do you want more? If you're satsified with the relationship then enjoy it. If you're not expecting him to be "the one" that you'll spend the rest of your life with then you won't be disappointed. If you do expect and want more you may be setting yourself up for some heart break because he's not prepared to give it to you. As long as you're realistic and honest with yourself about this relationship then you can have fun with it but know that he may break it off any time if he thinks you're getting too serious or he meets someone else that he does think is the one. This doesn't sound like it's going to be a long term relationship, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.

....val may not want to get married again - but as her current paramour has said that "she is not the one", he certainly has a goal of a more committed relationship with someone else in the future. ...

My point exactly.

I don't get why everyone is telling you to get out. :shrug:

If YOU'RE having fun then stay! :) Enjoy it while it lasts.
Reread my post, that's not what I was saying. :)

People always assume that every relationship is supposed to be looking for "The One." Don't. Sometimes a relationship can fill a need as simple as the desire for solice in the arms of another person. Some relationships are more serious than others, but diminishing the importance of one type over another is folly.

If you're getting what you want out of your relationship with him, than just enjoy what you've got while you've got it, and move on when it's time to.

But if you're not getting what you want, then you should pursue your desires.

It really all depends on what you're looking for in this relationship. Are you looking for something serious with this guy? If not, it's your choice. But if you are, you're wasting your time and he doesn't deserve YOUR time. So take that adorable little puppy with you and hit the road!!!!

...If you're getting what you want out of your relationship with him, than just enjoy what you've got while you've got it, and move on when it's time to. ....

And why should he be the one who decides when that is???

Hopefully val will be the one to show some initiative here, and not leave it up to this guy to decide things.

maybe his friend was bull ****ting you, being an ass...


Excellent point. Men can be just as bad as women in terms of screwing over their "friends" for the own personal benefit. ...All is fair in love and war...

Either way, the ladder theory could be applied to this situation. :(

And why should he be the one who decides when that is???

Hopefully val will be the one to show some initiative here, and not leave it up to this guy to decide things.
:eek7: What? Where did I say that it should be one-sided? Sheez...

Look, if you're dating someone or in a relationship with someone and you're not getting what you want out of it, leave. Where in that does it say that she shouldn't be the one to decide anything?

:nonono:

Reread my post, that's not what I was saying. :)

sorry sorry. :| I skimmed and just saw the get out now part. :|

Xach is right. :nice:

I don't think you made it very clear how you feel about him in your post.

I've been married before and I'm not sure if I want to either---should I be complacent with dating this guy? I really have a good time with him..and do you think he would ever change his feelingsa bout me not being the one?

Tally has made a great point. Until you clearly know exactly what you want, then whether or not you're able to "change his feelings" about you is irrelevant.

Once you figure out what you want, you should simply tell the guy whatever that is. He'll either agree that you're interest is compatable with his own, or not: You cannot change the inevitatble outcome. Read the book, "I'm Really Not That Into You." You'll discover that trying to imagine others will change their relationship is a common prelude to disaster.

Thank you everyone for your advice...I went on a date with another guy to see what it was like & it was all uncomfortable--made me realize that right now, I am fine with not ever being married to this guy-we have fun, and since I just did get divorced this year, I don't think it would be a good idea to jump into another marriage again..I will however, go out with guys if they ask me and dump Scott since I am just a "side dish"...I don't think Scott will ever get married, though--he's 35, and has never been married. I think he's too picky..nice to have a regular sex partner though!

Thank you everyone for your advice...I went on a date with another guy to see what it was like & it was all uncomfortable--

See, that's why people shouldn't date :D:D:D

he's 35, and has never been married.
That's not a bad thing :shrug:
nice to have a regular sex partner though!
That is :|

That's not a bad thing :shrug:

In and of itself, it's not - you're right there.

Depends entirely on the circumstances/reasons behind it.

I think he's too picky..nice to have a regular sex partner though!

You think HE'S picky?:confused:

I'd settle for a IR-regular "sex partner.":|

PM me,
Samson

One of my uncles is 48 and has never been married--he was always telling everyone that the girl he was dating was not "The One"...what is this "The One" crap, anyway?? Soo..yeah, my uncle is still not married...no such a bad thing I guess...

the "one" will only bite you in the ass when you are lookin for it/her:D

He's using you then. I'd vacate.:yeahthat:

Yea,
Val hes "playin' " ya.

I agree he is using you,therefore break up with him before he breaks up with you.

Being ****ed and chucked is generally not good for a person's self esteem - that is the reasoning behind the dump him advice.

not if she's doing the f***ing and chucking....it depends on her. If she cares, which she probably does since she started a thread asking for advice about it, then she should get out.

If you know you are not the one because the other person has said so, it is pretty definite that that person is already looking around for someone else who may be the one! I don't think you should limit yourself to him, no matter how good the sex is. Just keep your options open, and don't get emotionally involved. You may think it's "too soon," and all, but sometimes it happens no matter how strongly we say we're not gonna let it.

I have decided to keep dating him, and go on dates with other guys if they ask me out...It just still boggles my mind though why a guy would waste his time with a girl--like dinners and dates & stuff...if there is no future--unless he is an eternal bachelor--which I think he is...

It just still boggles my mind though why a guy would waste his time with a girl--like dinners and dates & stuff...if there is no future--
For the vadge.

"but this weekend, his best friend was in town, I was able to spend some time with him & h Scott (the guy I;m dating ) told his friend that he really loves hanging out with me, thinks I;m hot, fun, etc but " she's not the one" and if he sees me starting to get all serious, he's gonna back off & end the relationship..."

*Listens closely* Sorry... I thought I heard a cockblock.

ISSUE #1: Why is this guy's best friend telling you this information? Is he:
a.) Trying to cockblock his friend, to score a piece of ass from you.
b.) He's just a giant douchebag and doesn't deserve to be anyone's friend... he's devulging confidential information that shouldn't have left his mouth.
c.) His friend told him to say this stuff so that you leave him, because he's to chickensh1t to break off the relationship himself.

There are no other options it's one of those.

This is important, because the entire validity of this guy's statement hinges around the motive. What does he have to gain by telling a "supposed comment" his "best friend" told him about you.

My educational guess is that this "best friend" is being "open and honest" with you in a lame attempt to score from you at the expense of his friend who really doesn't care about you either. So if you want to have fun then screw'em both, and watch them fight like dogs... that'll show them to quit being pigs. ..or if your not interested in sport-sex then just stop talking to both.

~He whom holds all the answers.

So if you want to have fun then screw'em both, and watch them fight like dogs... that'll show them to quit being pigs. ..or if your not interested in sport-sex then just stop talking to both.

Dogs?

Pigs?

The Mixing of Metaphores, makes me hungry: I could eat a horse.