Manu
11-18-2005, 03:14 AM
Well, I had a kind of downer post in the 'things I miss' so I thought I needed to balance it, so people don't overreact and think I am all depressed or brooding. I am actually pretty damn happy. Since my birthday, life has been pretty great. I've been meeting so many new people, I've been going out a lot, having random, crazy nights, visiting with friends, going to new cities, starting new projects, getting new offers, reconnecting with old friends...its really been immense.
I've felt something in the past month that I hadn't felt in a long time. It started a bit earlier than October, end of August, maybe September, but it really made itself apparent in October and November. I've felt more like myself the last few weeks than I have in a long time. I've felt like manu. I've been confident, funny, smart, witty. I've connected with people, new people, old peolpe.
For so long, months, I had been in situations where I just wasn't feeling positive about myself. Whether it was me looking too much towards others for gratification or whether I just wasn't happy with myself, I just wasn't feeling happy. I felt awkward, shy, dumb/silly/stupid. I wasn't confident, I was nervous. I was the opposite of how I normally feel.
I've had a large handful of occasions recently where I've just gone out, felt like I've been myself, but I just feel better doing it. I get the impression people want to talk to me, have me around, see me again. I get the impression that I am smart, funny, witty, and engaging...
Being told im hysterical or hilarious or that somoene had the most fun they've had in a long time beacause of me. God, thats been missing. Its been missing feeling like an intricate part of an event, as opposed to the burden or the spoiler.
Renee recently told me out one night, that I've just been a lot more confident lately. At work, but outside also. She also told me I was jovial. That made me smile even more. She had never seen me that happy.
I can temper my mood at times. I can think of some times, in the not too distant past of a few months ago when I felt happier, I can think of times when it felt like me, the situation, couldn't be any more perfect...but I am really just happy feeling like me.
I am happy feeling like the old Manu...
I've felt something in the past month that I hadn't felt in a long time. It started a bit earlier than October, end of August, maybe September, but it really made itself apparent in October and November. I've felt more like myself the last few weeks than I have in a long time. I've felt like manu. I've been confident, funny, smart, witty. I've connected with people, new people, old peolpe.
For so long, months, I had been in situations where I just wasn't feeling positive about myself. Whether it was me looking too much towards others for gratification or whether I just wasn't happy with myself, I just wasn't feeling happy. I felt awkward, shy, dumb/silly/stupid. I wasn't confident, I was nervous. I was the opposite of how I normally feel.
I've had a large handful of occasions recently where I've just gone out, felt like I've been myself, but I just feel better doing it. I get the impression people want to talk to me, have me around, see me again. I get the impression that I am smart, funny, witty, and engaging...
Being told im hysterical or hilarious or that somoene had the most fun they've had in a long time beacause of me. God, thats been missing. Its been missing feeling like an intricate part of an event, as opposed to the burden or the spoiler.
Renee recently told me out one night, that I've just been a lot more confident lately. At work, but outside also. She also told me I was jovial. That made me smile even more. She had never seen me that happy.
I can temper my mood at times. I can think of some times, in the not too distant past of a few months ago when I felt happier, I can think of times when it felt like me, the situation, couldn't be any more perfect...but I am really just happy feeling like me.
I am happy feeling like the old Manu...