So, I got an unexpected and suprising (but awesome) call on Monday night. Nate Stern proposed to his girlfriend of 2.5 years, Katrina. No dates or anything set, probably wait 1.5 years, summer 07. Out of all of my long term relationship friends, I didn't see that coming. But, I guess it makes sense, with her graduating soon and what not. Congrats to them. It is still surreal. I can't wait for the wedding now :)

Im going to make a post fact post about how great I've been feeling, but from Monday on, its been a slow decline. Not entirely sure why, I just feel like this week I've been going crazy. It didn't help that I felt way sick yesterday or that I am conflicted about a fairly large life decision that I need to make in the next few days or that my feelings of lonliness have resurfaced. I know the idea of being lonely was never gone, the idea of friends having moved away, being busy with their things, not having a woman, but I was dealing with it much better, and enjoying the fun I was having. That will be the case again, in a few days, this isn't the end all bad feeling, but it just crept back up.

Im just conflicted on so many things. There are changes in the air. About my mindset. Where I am. What I do. Who I do it with. I can either choose to sit tight, and I do love, most of the time, where I am, or make drastic (not horribly so) changes, that will invariably trickle down into all elements of life. Am I ready for that? Is there a reward that outweighs the risks I take? Do I close a chapter or two of my life and move on? Or continue with them, hoping the outcomes change?

I know I am being cryptic, but I am trying to think of my situations in broad universal terms, to try and allow specific details and bias cloud my judgements.

I am really just internally conflicted with two major choices...and I don't know how to reconcile them.

No matter what choices you make, you will still be Manu, through & through. There is no wrong or right paths...just paths with different twists. They all end up at the same location. :)

The things you say about deciding between sitting tight and doing what you've been doing or making big changes really resonated with me. I feel like that was a decision that I was trying to make for a couple of years, and I finally just did it. My job sucked and I knew I had to get a new one this year-- the only question was do I stay in So-Cal depsite the fact that my friends had mostly moved on and moved away or do I move to the Bay Area? LA was comfortable and easy -- and Cody is there. But staying there felt like I was putting my life on hold indefinitely. Moving here was exciting, and I really wanted to do it -- but it was also really scary. I finally decided that I just had to go with my gut. And my gut was telling me that I needed to spread my wings and go out on my own. I felt that Cody and I would probably be okay -- and he was really the only thing keeping me in SoCal anymore. And we have been okay. I know I made the right decision.

It sounds like you kinda know what you want to do. I have no idea what decision you're trying to make, but I suggest listening to your gut and going for it -- even though it may be really scary and you'll have to leave some really comfortable and "safe" things behind. I think it will make you feel good about yourself.

The Nate news was a little surprising to me too! But I'm happy for them.

You have great advice. Its funny, because I have two sources of conflict right now, and both of them conflict with one another :) I haven't crossed the bridge of anything as serious as a move yet, but it has started creeping into my mind, and a time, like yours, when my friends are scattered and I am single, it would be perfect, but the opportunity at my company is really too perfect right now.

Its funny, because you're the second person to mention it seems like I know what I want, but i honestly have no idea. But, I guess I must be hinting it to everyone else...so thats good.

I miss you tons! Are you going to be in LA anytime soon? If ot, next time I am up in the bay, I will make sure to look you up, things just got so hectic between 2 days and Mike and Ira both...

The nate news was way suprising, I just didn't realize, I guess, how 'far' they were, you know? But like I said, it makes sense. I guess their relationship to me its still new in some senses, since I've seen them together so rarely. Its great news though, im so excited.

myst-

Thanks, its true too. I've felt more like myself the past month or so than I have in a long time..

I miss you too! I will be in LA relatively soon for Nathan's show in December. It actually sounds like everyone might be in the same place at the same time again! I really hope you can make it to the show so we can see each other and catch up.

Yeah, wouldn't miss the show for the world, I miss Nathan a lot, that ogre needs to get back to Cali.

I thought of you driving through King City :)