I've been wondering this lately. There's a few things that I simply won't allow into my life at this phase in it due to my bicoastal nature for the next two years, the constant flux of my life, and the relative chaos inherent in it.

But lately I've come to realize that it's not my own emotional strength that I am looking out for, it's that of others. I know I'm strong enough to take any **** that gets thrown at me by life--usually because it's stuff that I can anticipate.

But I've been wondering recently if it's really my place to guard others from potential pain. When I was younger I had a much more quantifiable Superman Complex (the desire to just swoop in and say "I'll save you!"). Is this hesitancy only a manifestation of my reticence to allow others to be hurt? And if so, is it my place to make that decision for them?

*facepalm*

This whole introspective identity-searching never works out well for me. I always wind up more ****ed up than I was before it started.

....

This whole introspective identity-searching never works out well for me. I always wind up more ****ed up than I was before it started.

I'm going to vote no on this. You can't change anything in your life until you acknowledge that it's there. Don't ever stop the introspective thing or you'll never make any progress. (and yes, sometimes, progress is being more ****ed up than when you started. Trust me on this one)


For your dilema, I would offer you this; What would you do if you had your way? (barring all other considerations, be as selfish as you can be when answering this question) What would my life look like it I got to have my way?

That is the goal for which you should be aiming. It's a wonderful thing to be considerate of other people, and I'm not for one minute suggesting that you shouldn't still be that, but how would your life be if you got to have your greatest dream? And now what can you do to make it look that way?

Obviously, as I said, I'm not suggesting that you just turn into the most selfish bastard on the face of the planet; you're a right thinking person, so the considerations of other people are still going to be in your mind, but what can you do to meld the two....the selfish bastard and the right thinking guy and still get what you want? Those are the goals, in my opinion, for which you should be working.

*facepalm*

This whole introspective identity-searching never works out well for me. I always wind up more ****ed up than I was before it started.

Think less.

Drink more.

:nice:
Samson

I've been wondering this lately. There's a few things that I simply won't allow into my life at this phase in it due to my bicoastal nature for the next two years, the constant flux of my life, and the relative chaos inherent in it.

But lately I've come to realize that it's not my own emotional strength that I am looking out for, it's that of others. I know I'm strong enough to take any **** that gets thrown at me by life--usually because it's stuff that I can anticipate.

But I've been wondering recently if it's really my place to guard others from potential pain. When I was younger I had a much more quantifiable Superman Complex (the desire to just swoop in and say "I'll save you!"). Is this hesitancy only a manifestation of my reticence to allow others to be hurt? And if so, is it my place to make that decision for them?

*facepalm*

This whole introspective identity-searching never works out well for me. I always wind up more ****ed up than I was before it started.

I'm with Bear!

An introspective stage is triggered precisely because there is a problem to resolve. When there is a problem to resolve, always expect obstacles that will cause pain and frustration before resolution and a new equilibrium are found. Its just another manifestation of the old: 'it has to get worse before it can get better'...

That said, the very awareness of this can make the pain bearable and even encourageing, since you know that it heralds better days. A bit like the pain of a strong massage: limbering up and working through knots and blockages in the body means you must contribute effort and suffer frustration and pain as these knots are untied. The metaphore is not innocent as there is a direct correlation between physical knots and blockages, and the emotional issues we confront in our lives.

I believe there is no greater courage than the willingness to truly face inner conflict, and to ride the storm until it blows itself out!

Good luck on the journey Stage!
As for helping others, I believe that generosity begins, first and foremost, in being able to do no harm. This requires a great awareness of your own motivations for any given interaction, and your ability to steer that interaction so that it remains beneficial for all parties involved. Perhaps your developing reticence stems from recognizing the need for introspection in the aim of better understanding your own selfish impulses, so that you might better deal with them next time you initiate a relationship in view of generating positivity and well-being? Just a guess, but if I am at all on the right path, I think you are doing the right thing! I've done this before and although it was a difficult period, it was VERY beneficial and I can now reap the benefits of clearer, more genuinely loving relationships...

M.

being a "good person" is mentally exhausting huh? guilt, fear, resposibility- all the plagues that come with being nice are often hard to bear

Which is why it is important to occasionally embrace your inner evil- as Bear said take a moment to be totally selfish even if it is only in your mind- and realize you are worthless to everyone unless you can make yourself happy- even if it occassionally requires a slightly less than nice method to obtain it.

even superheroes have to take off the cape from time to time and walk around in street clothes- otherwise you forget what it is you are trying to save

even superheroes have to take off the cape from time to time and walk around in street clothes- otherwise you forget what it is you are trying to save

Or, you could just try taking off your cape and not walking around in clothes....

Works for me,
Samson