Do you moms and dads ever wonder why angry teens shout this at their parents? I've been thinking, and I think I know the answer. At least why I do it when I'm really upset.

I usually say this to my parents when we are in an argument. I get so frustrated, because you parents never REALLY listen to us!!!! I get so frustrated, and I feel that I am not being listened too. So what do I do? I say, I HATE YOU!!! This sure as heck gets their attention.

That's the only way to get you guys to listen to us.

And then, there are times when I say it to somebody (not necessarily a parent), but it's not in a time of anger or frustration. Those times I mean it.

So when your teen yells at you, telling you how much they hate you, don't think they really mean it. Just ask yourself this question. Have I been listening to my child? Does he or she know that I listen? Do I acknowledge what he or she is saying?

:P

So when your teen yells at you, telling you how much they hate you, don't think they really mean it. Just ask yourself this question. Have I been listening to my child? Does he or she know that I listen? Do I acknowledge what he or she is saying?

:P

Truth.

I am told this on a daily basis by multiple teens. I just shrug and say, "well..................I LOVE YOU! :D

Ema as you know me by now i do listen and my daughters talk to me but sometimes when i am busy or stressed whatever they tell me can be forgotten in a sec. i have explained to them that its not on purpose and that they have to be patient with me as i am with them when they sulk or are stressed.
They have never yelled at me with those words.

My daughter found a sticker once which says 'I hear what you are saying ...but I just don't care'. She stuck it to the fridge and still points to it when I annoy her and swears it's my attitude. LOL!

Parents can get so caught up in life responsibilites and pressures...until it's hard for us to recognize that needing new lip gloss or feeling the need to leave the house and hang out with friends as being a big priority. We DO have a tendency to minimize teen feelings.....mainly because they change. Actually, it was an email from Fayebelle once which prompted me to remember how I felt at 15 and what was important to me then.
Sometimes....we just forget.

That doesn't at all suggest that your parents don't love you and want what's best for you though. Few people in your lifetime will love you like they do.....even when it may not seem like it.

You know my daughter and you know me......and believe it or not...we DO the screaming thing from time to time.

Actually, it was an email from Fayebelle once which prompted me to remember how I felt at 15 and what was important to me then.
Sometimes....we just forget.
.

Frankly, I'm surprised you could forget being 15....and what was, somewhat uniquely, important to you. :|

Do you moms and dads ever wonder why angry teens shout this at their parents? I've been thinking, and I think I know the answer. At least why I do it when I'm really upset.

I usually say this to my parents when we are in an argument. I get so frustrated, because you parents never REALLY listen to us!!!! I get so frustrated, and I feel that I am not being listened too. So what do I do? I say, I HATE YOU!!! This sure as heck gets their attention.

That's the only way to get you guys to listen to us.

And then, there are times when I say it to somebody (not necessarily a parent), but it's not in a time of anger or frustration. Those times I mean it.

So when your teen yells at you, telling you how much they hate you, don't think they really mean it. Just ask yourself this question. Have I been listening to my child? Does he or she know that I listen? Do I acknowledge what he or she is saying?

:P


Wow! I had such a flashback, reading this. Isn't wasn't too long ago that my 16 year old step-daughter stood in the kitchen and screamed, "I HATE YOU", ('course, she backed it up with, "you're not my Mother, you can't tell me what to do").

Luckily, I still had possession of my "teen-speak" decoder ring.

There is so much about the teen-age years that just suck, (and, parents? Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that everytime they scream, "I hate you", that they don't really mean it).

It's tough for you teens because you're really trying to find your way in the world and to build an identity above and beyond how you might fit in the family unit. And it's tough for us adults as well because we still remember how cute you looked at age 2, sticking beans in your nose. (and trust me, we'll tell that story in front of your boyfriend, and then it's okay, you really can hate us!)

It's okay to, once in a while, scream, "I hate you", and we know that doesn't mean that you love us any less.

The real question is, when a parent screams things like "Why do you do this to me?" "Why do you enjoy making me mad at you?" "Why do you want me to suffer?" because your room is messy,is it code for "I hate you!" ?

The real question is, when a parent screams things like "Why do you do this to me?" "Why do you enjoy making me mad at you?" "Why do you want me to suffer?" because your room is messy,is it code for "I hate you!" ?

It's not code for "I hate you", it's more like code for, "I want to smack you with a shovel".

Kidding aside, Spaz, honey, if you have parents who scream crap like that at you, then it's probably their issue, not yours.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate my kid just as much as the next person, (KIDDING!), but I can't imagine any situation bad enough to say things like that.



(ps. How messy is your room?)

I find that I had a very bad habit of lashing out at my parents for the most stupidiest things because I repressed my anger so much during the day that I found hard to contain it once the day was through...

I don't think I've ever said "I hate you" to my parents, not cause I'm a goody two shoes it's cause though it might get their attention it doesn't really accomplish much cause I by no means hate my parents... i do hate certain things they do... So if i do use the word "hate" I always specify what it is... not only do you give them a better sense as to what is bothering you about their behaviour you're causing less tension because no one really responds well when someone says that they flat out hate them

Hating is not allowed in this house.

I am the Love Nazi. :|

..... no one really responds well when someone says that they flat out hate them

Yeah, but there is something so satisfying about stomping your feet, throwing your head back and screaming, "I HATE YOU".

Even if you feel like crap about it afterwards. (and teens? Most of us do get that you feel like crap about it later. We let you cool off and then we bring you cookies....and make farty noises on your belly) Anything to make you giggle again. Like I said, just because you say you hate me, doesn't mean that I don't still know that you love me.

A pivotal coefficient of the generation warfare is that parents are afraid to appear any more weak and vulnerable than they already do,so this makes it difficult to communicate...

(ps. How messy is your room?)

Compaired to post 13-year-old's rooms I've been into, its spotless :|


But, really, its not that bad. I dont have rotting food in there. Its mostly just a clutter of books and dirty clothes. I can still see the floor :shrug:


And you think the fact that I sometimes do chores that I dont HAVE to do (dishes, vacuuming) would soften it up :hmm:

After I moved out and was on my own, I thought alot about my childhood and stuff like that. As much as we need our parents to listen and comprehend what it is we're saying to them, they need the same kind of understanding from us. It's hard to see that when all you want to do is go to the mall with your friends and they say no, but they are people just like us.
All I'm trying to say is take a breath and step back. Look at the situation from thier point of view sometimes. If you are calm and collected about arguments, and you reason with them on a mature level, then they will begin to see you as an adult.
Not thier child who is being snippy and disrespectful. Screaming and throwing a tantrum didn't work when you were a baby, its not gonna work now.
You have to learn to give a little to get a little. It's hard for a parent to see a child grow up ( and away?)

Truth.

I am told this on a daily basis by multiple teens. I just shrug and say, "well..................I LOVE YOU! :D


awwwwwww

Think about this....what if the shoe were on the other foot? What if my child wasn't listening to me and I screamed "I HATE YOU". This would hurt her feelings very much and probably scar her for life. But yet if they yell at us, we're just supposed to tune it out. It hurts.

Think about this....what if the shoe were on the other foot? What if my child wasn't listening to me and I screamed "I HATE YOU". This would hurt her feelings very much and probably scar her for life. But yet if they yell at us, we're just supposed to tune it out. It hurts.

A teenager can't be expected to have the emotional maturity of an adult. Though they should be encouraged to 'hate' something more specific and less irrational than 'you'. This teaches that it's OK to have and vent strong, even irrational feelings, but to try to direct it at the real source of the problem or frustration. Name calling is just as bad, I think.

At 40 you go through a 2nd adolescence,so you end up with the old teenager and the young teenager,it's nature's way of ...well I don't really know what the point to it is,vengeance of one kind or another...

I've never been to one of these sites, and the original message written by Ema really made me cry because one of my boys is really struggling, and his behaviors lately are making our household a very unhappy place. He has screamed at me several times, just recently that he hates me, and it just leaves me speechless, because I'm so hurt, I don't know what to say. I guess I'm surprised to find out that it's more common than I'd imagined that these things are actually said to one's parents. The thought would never have crossed my mind to actually say out loud the kind of things my son says. Where have manners gone?

Where have manners gone?
Blame the hippies of the 60s. :nonono:

Blame the hippies? COME ON, you have GOT to be kidding, is that supposed to be cute? Do you have any children?

Blame the hippies? COME ON, you have GOT to be kidding, is that supposed to be cute? Do you have any children?
Before the hippie era children respected their parents. Now they don't. I blame all you free love hippie folk from the 60s and 70s for the way kids are today.

Yes, I have children. No, they don't talk to either me or my wife that way. They are allowed to think it, but never say it. I rule with an iron fist in my household. Call it bad if you like, but my children respect authority. Yours don't.

The next time one of them say "I hate you" punch him right in the mouth as hard as you can. He'll either never say it again or kick your ass, but at least you'll know where you stand in the family hierarchy. The parents are the Alphas; now act like it. :mad:

As a mum of three teenage kids (18, 16 and 14) they have never said to me "I hate you" although im sure they have muttered it under their breath before now, I would be gutted if I ever heard them say it. They know how much they are loved and vice versa. My niece on the other hand has the most evil mouth, I really feel for my sister when Amber starts with her vemom.

I dont think kids have enough life experience to understand how cutting these comments are. I was an total biitch as a teen, I consider myself lucky that my kids HAVEN'T turned out like me.

As much as a horror I was as a teen, I never would have spoken those words to my mother, because I know it would have crushed her. On the other hand, I did speak those words to my father, but he was an abusive drunk and was trying to hit me at the time.
I still regret I said it. :hmm:
I think most kids know the difference between being frustrated with their parents & hating them.

I've never said that to my Mom. I don't think I would ever forgive myself if I did.
I only swore at her like once :|

I really love my Mom, though. We never really fought at all :shrug:

Same here. I don't recall a time where I've ever yelled back at my parents, honestly (the worst I do is leave the room--but usually, they aren't even still talking to me :shrug:).

If my mom yells at me, I usually just start crying and say "Sorry, mommy" and does whatever she wanted me to...then it's all better. If my dad yells at me, however, I storm off and do whatever he wanted me to, then stay in my room for a few hours. :p

I did live through the 60's as a child, and the 70's as a teenager. I was raised with an iron fist, and I was not a hippie. The thing is, I swore to myself that I would not raise my children the way I was raised because I was not actually feeling respect for my parents, but fear. We went through a period of 18 years where we didn't even speak to each other, and I do not wish to have that type of relationship with my children. All I can do is try to get through the difficult times and pray and hope that the child grows up and makes better choices. I'm not going to create a environment of violence to force my child to do what I want him to do.

Children can be given to extravagant expression sometimes and parents have to compete with the media and the school,who are often hostile.
I wouldn't overblow this thing.

If your children don't respect you it's probably because you never gave them a reason to.

The other day I saw a family in the movie theater with a doughter about two or three years old. The kid wanted something, and she cried and refused to leave the snack stand until she got it, and the parents just stood there and begged her to come with them. Who's in charge here? Who do you think that child respects?

For some of us at least, maybe it's just that simple. I. Hate. My. Parents.

If your children don't respect you it's probably because you never gave them a reason to.

The other day I saw a family in the movie theater with a doughter about two or three years old. The kid wanted something, and she cried and refused to leave the snack stand until she got it, and the parents just stood there and begged her to come with them. Who's in charge here? Who do you think that child respects?

:werd:

I have friends, my age, who yell BACK at their parents, and make big deals over nothing. They'll be told to go feed the dog or something and they start yelling "BUT I'M DOING _______!!!!! :mad:"

I just stare at them like they're crazy. When I'm told to do something I do it, or ASK if I can finish doing something first. :p

Here's the thing: I have twin boys. They have been raised exactly the same way. One of them is disrespectful, disobedient, says and does things that are totally out of line, has questionable friends, (as well as "good" friends) and the other son, though not an angel, is very sweet, respectful of us, does what he is asked, fine in school, popular, and cares about what we think. I am worried sick about my son who is struggling and seems to be making very bad choices, though he does try at times to do the right thing, he lacks the ability to own up to the things he does wrong, usually provoking an argument, which escalates from there. I can't get through to him. How can two brothers the same age, raised the same way be so very opposite? I keep hoping he'll just see the obvious, if you follow the rules, life goes a lot easier.

Do you moms and dads ever wonder why angry teens shout this at their parents?

No, I know why. It is because they are spolied brats, and they are trying to manipulate their parents with a little emotional warfare.

To a teenager, an adult can only prove they are "listening" by giving them what they want.

For some of us at least, maybe it's just that simple. I. Hate. My. Parents.

Yeah,sometimes it's not the kid.My folks were totally wrong for the job-I
don't resent them anymore but I'm an old man...

No, I know why. It is because they are spolied brats, and they are trying to manipulate their parents with a little emotional warfare.

To a teenager, an adult can only prove they are "listening" by giving them what they want. that's not true in the least.

I have concluded in the months after I started this thread that I tell my dad I hate him because I feel he hates me.

I don't say I hate you when I don't get my way in the way you're thinking. I don't say I hate you because my dad won't let me visit a friend, or I hate you because he picks me up early from a date. It's much more serious than that. I've said it when my parents are being cruel to me. IE not letting me see my baby sister, not letting me to to the hospitial when my grandma (mom's side) is on her death bed, when my dad hits me, etc.

i've never told my parents that i hate them.

The next time one of them say "I hate you" punch him right in the mouth as hard as you can. He'll either never say it again or kick your ass, but at least you'll know where you stand in the family hierarchy. The parents are the Alphas; now act like it. :mad:

:eek:

LOL

Seriously though, I've never said that to my parents. If I said something mom didn't like, I'd at least get a backhand across the mouth, and dad would literally give me a kick in the ass. I knew better than to disrespect my parents.

I still got a good share of well deserved beatings though. I was not the easiest kid to raise.

I did once completley dis-own my mother and told her never to ring me or call at my house and that as far as I was concerned she no longer existed in mine or my childrens lives, I was 32 at the time, I now maybe see her once a year if im unlucky enough to be home when she calls.

I never said it, nor have any of my kids ever said it to me.

For some of us at least, maybe it's just that simple. I. Hate. My. Parents.

:( Yeah, but from all you've told me, you have cause.

:( Yeah, but from all you've told me, you have cause.
True enough...

I don't think I've ever said "I hate you" to my parents, mostly because if I did I would've gotten kicked out of the house or gotten a death threat if I had said it when I was over the age of 14. Even if I was under 14 I still probably would've been smacked and told "you had better not say that again unless you wanted to get punched in the mouth". I've certainly felt that I hate my parents but now it's more focused on my dad because my mom got on my side once he shoved her down a flight of stairs.

yeah, I have always found that threats of physical violence make my children love me more.
:D