Another long day at work, another long shower for me.
"Honey, you wanna go for a few drinks and maybe some pool?"
Lisa replies, "Are you sure? You remember what happend last time."
"Yeah Yeah it's cool. Chuck is still laid up from the facial reconstructon. We'll be fine so long as none of his friends show up."
I was pretty certain none of chucks friends would show most of 'em were either dead or in jail.
"Just promise you wont start any $hit."
"Okay then. Let's go."

Lisa and I sit at the bar and order up a couple of margaritas.
I feel a tap on my shoulder.
"Excuse me," it was a whiny nasal voice "but aren't you the guy that got into it with Chuck."
I turned about expecting to give an autograph to a pimply faced geek who digs Ultimate Fighting.
"Well it all depends there little..................":eek:
buddy the guy was huge!!!!

I instantly flash back to the thorough a$$ beating I had received two weeks earlier. I swallow my pride and think of what Lisa had asked me to do. "don't start any $hit"
"Yes, thats me." I say.
Bubba, (go figure:rolleyes: ) says, "Well then "lil buddy" I'm gonna give you a sneaker enema."
oooooo $hit
"Wait, wait. you would'nt hit a person undergong gender reassingment, would you?"
"??????"
"Yeah, yeah here look at my pierced nipples." I lift my shirt.
"Any fa**ott can pierce his nips." he winds up to punch me in the face.
"WAIT!" Lisa screams. "Show him your Muff Babes!"

Allow me to tell you of one of my many talents. The Double Back. If you watch MTVs Jackass, you know what I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't. The double back is the art of whipping the male genitallia between your legs and holding them in place giving the illusion of no penis.

So I stand up, Double Back, and pull the front of my pants down and show Bubba my muff.
"I'm sorry ma'am." the shocked Bubba says, and walks away.

Needless to say it was a hair raising experince.