Do you spend enough time with your child? If not, do you at least feel bad about it? I am asking because I would like to know if I'm the only one who's father ignores her. Just so you know, if you dont spend enough time with your child (especialy a daughter) PLEASE try too! When a kid feels ignored by a parent, well, it hurts.
This is coming from a 12 year old who really wishes that when her dad FINALLY calls her, he wouldnt complain about how bad his life sucks.

Have you tried talking to your parents about this? Or your friends? If you have an adult with whom you are really close, have you tried talking about it to that person? Having a parent ignore a child isn't something that's limited to situations such as yours. But you have to make it known to either your parents or people who will make it known to your parents that he's neglecting you.

My mom knows. She tries to help, too, but its hard for her to be a mom and a dad at the same time. And by the way...erm, nice avatar?

Already covered. (http://www.discussanything.com/forums/showthread.php?t=73683)
Have you two tried talking to your dad about this? Have you two tried telling him that he's ignoring you, that he is failing as a parent?

See, you have to know the whole story to understand.
When my mom was pregnant with me, they were engaged. When he found out, though, he called it all off. They were living at his parents house, and he kicked her out (*******). Right after I was born, though, is when he started the crap. He took us to court for full coustidy (sp?) more than oncewhen I was between the ages of 9 months-3 years. Then, for a while, nothing.
So hes a ticking time bomb. If my mom says anything to him, I may never see him again. I dont want to say anything to him for the same reason, and (I dont know why) I dont want to hurt his feelings. Stupid, I know.

So you're saying your dad has been a jerk to you and your mother since the time of your conception and that he wanted custody of you? And that if you tell him how the way he's treating you and your mother is wrong, he'll disappear, but you don't want that to happen. So what this boils down to is whether or not you want to have your dad stick around and be a jerk, or do you want to risk telling him that he is failing at his duty to be a good father to you which could drive him away. This is a tough question. It'll be a decision that you'll have to make for yourself. I'm not going to lie to you. It will probably be one of, if not the most difficult decision you've ever had to make. If it were me, I'd tell him that he's a failure. Mind you, I'd sugarcoat it so that it didn't get him pissed off, but I'd tell him. Do you have any other father figures in your life? Are there any other adult males in your life that treat you the way you think you should be treated by a father?

I have a stepdad. He's been a dad to me since I was real young, and I love him alot. But as great as a father as he is, it still makes me wonder why I'm good enough for some dads but not others. I mean, whenever I start to feel sad about my biological creator (he dosent deserve the term 'dad') my mom makes this huge deal out of telling me "its not your fault, your perfect just the way you are, blah blah blah.". I know she thinks that about me, but I'm not sure HE does. Would it be any different if I was a boy?
And its not like I expect that much of him. I want him to do normal stuff. Like, oh, I dont know, call me on days like christmas and my birthday? I dont even care if I dont get a present or anything, just a phone call. I dont need him to take on a second job during the last few months before christmas, and no matter that the TV has been getting cut off on and off, make sure that I can still go to guitar lessons, AND get me an eletric guitar (thats what my stepdad does....).

Well, it seems to me that it's not so much that your father isn't around that bothers you so much as it is the question of why is he not around. The reality is not everyone is prepared to be a father. Some people can handle it, others can't. It's not your fault. You have to get that through your head. IT IS NOT YOU. IT IS HIM. If you can accept that, then you need to ask yourself whether or not you really want or need your biological father around. I'll admit it, I've been lucky. I have two very loving parents, but being the Dr. Phil that I am, my friends talk to me about their problems. You're not the first one to be in this situation. Sadly, you won't be the last either. A distinction is almost always made. Your biological father is not your real father. He's just the man who gave you life. That is an amazing that he gave you, but that gift has a responsibility attached to it that he has failed to do. Your stepfather seems to have done the job for him. He has taken upon himself this tremendous responsibility that is like a giant boulder weighing down him and your mother. It takes a lot of courage to take upon this weight, and that's where your father failed. This is going to be the most difficult thing that anyone has probably ever told you, but your father doesn't pay attention to you because he is a coward. He cannot accept the responsibility of parenthood, so he ran away. Your gender has nothing to do with it. You have nothing to do with it. It's just that he just doesn't have the courage and fortitude to do his duty to you. But you need to ask yourself, does that matter? It sounds like you already have a father, do you really want a second one?
Sorry for the rambling and babbling.

It's ok. Feel better, my dad hates me too. :)

I think what it comes down to, is that simply put, some men are better able to be fathers and some are not. It is not easy to be a parent, it requires you to be selfless and put the needs and well being of your child before your own, and not all men are able to do that. If you have a good stepfather who is there for you and who has been your dad for all this time, then you should cherish your relationship with him. I know it must hurt not to have your biological father around, but parentshood isn't based solely on biology, real parenthood is about being there for your child through the bad times as well as the good.

Lily

I think what it comes down to, is that simply put, some men are better able to be fathers and some are not. It is not easy to be a parent, it requires you to be selfless and put the needs and well being of your child before your own, and not all men are able to do that. If you have a good stepfather who is there for you and who has been your dad for all this time, then you should cherish your relationship with him. I know it must hurt not to have your biological father around, but parentshood isn't based solely on biology, real parenthood is about being there for your child through the bad times as well as the good.

Lily


Lily is right :)

I know all of you keep saying that its not me, its him, but the more I think about it, the more it is probably something about me.
See, when I was born, I experienced "Birth Trama (sp?)" (what ever the heck that is...all I know is that there was a blood clot in my brain, or my lackthere of). The doctors told my mom that I would probably be mentaly retarted, and have dificulty in school. None of that happened, but he might still think it did.

But your all right, I dont need that bastard anyway.

Look, it's not you. Don't even let the thought cross your mind anymore. You have a father. He cares for you and looks after you.

Never met my father. He took off. Don't know where he is. All he gave me was his name on my birth certificate.

your step Father is your father maby not biologicaly but I am sure he loves you. Go give him a big hug :)

Being a father isn't about being a sperm donar. Any fool with testicles can do that. Being a father is about teaching you to ride your bike in the driveway and putting Vicks Vapo-Rub on your chest when you have a cold. It's about coming to your school plays and clapping really hard even when you forget your lines. It's about glowering at the boys who come to the door and pick you up for a date and it's about walking you down the aisle and getting a little teary when he lifts your veil.

Don't ever, for one minute, blame yourself for the failings of your biological father. It's a damn shame, (and his loss), that he was unwilling to accept the responsibility and joys of being a parent. But that's HIS shortcoming, not yours.

Spaz,
This is a tough situation. First and foremost, no matter what, don't EVER blame yourself, your sex, or the circumstances of your birth for someone else's behavior. None of those things have anything at all to do with the way he's behaving. You have done nothing wrong, and his behavior is his own choice; not yours.

I think you have a great deal of courage to come out and ask about this publicly. It shows that you have guts, and the wisdom to ask for help.

Know this and don't ever let anyone tell you any differently; you ARE loveable. Don't ever forget that, and remind yourself every day of your life that you are if you need to. Your Mom and Stepdad love you right???? That's two examples already, and just because one person isn't treating you right doesn't make you any less of a person, or any less worthy of love. He's the one with the problem. You WANT to have a relationship with him, so you're doing what you can to keep the door open to him.

Can you call HIM, instead of waiting for him to call you? I know it's not your job, and I'm sure it will probably be very awkward at first, but maybe if you put a little pressure on him, and TELL him how you feel, he may come around. It might be worth a try. I can tell you this. If you allow your own fear of losing him completely to hold you back, the situation is not likely to change. I just wish he would realize what a blessing he's missing out on by shutting you out. Is there someone else you could get to talk to him? Maybe if he heard it from someone he trusts it would get through.

I don't really know what else to say about this. I hope that somehow he realizes just how you feel and takes the time to be in your life, and give you the love that you want from him. He's obviously missing out on the love you have for him as well.
No matter how this works out in the end, don't EVER blame yourself.

Spaz; your life sounds so much like mine at your age; My dad left when I was about 2; then he came once in a while to pick me up usually drunk.. then when I got to about your age; he'd call and tell me about his problems or be really apologetic; and say I'll pick you up at this time; and never came; there came a point when I stopped waiting; When I gratuaded highschool; I called him just to let him know how I turned out; so now it's basically the same; he goes on kicks like I'll see him like 2 times in one month( which is a lot).. and then not again for another 9 months. It's crazy; I just had to realize that it wasn't me; not all guys are cut to be fathers; the worst part of it all is when he'd finally see me; he'd brag to his friends; this is my daughter...blah blha; like he raised me; I'm ok with not seeing him now; It's like now that I'm a little older, it's like he needs me; my days of needing a dad a pretty much gone; although i do still feel a void; sometimes you just need a man's hug and security ( a fatherly one); You'll be ok Spaz if you need to talk about it; I've been through this you can PM me. I think it's so important for girls to have fathers in their lives; it makes such a difference in the way you view men; I still have tons of trust issue; One day at a time Spaz;

Hi Spaz,

I am a grown women and just met my birth father for the first time this past March. In our first conversation, he told me my mother was a tramp, then when he received the first picture of me he had ever seen, he said that I needed to do something with my hair, then he asked for a DNA test to make sure because - once again, my mother was a tramp. Hmmmm...... My parents were married but decided they didn't like each other enough to stay married and it was really an inconvenience to have a kid - so I was raised by grandparents and didn't even know it until I was 17. So....both parents bailed on me. My birth mother died 3 years ago - I never got an apology or explanation from her. So both of my so called parents pretty much sucked.

It is normal and OK to feel badly. It takes a LOT of constant work to feel good about youself when you start out with this kind of burden. People who haven't experienced this really don't get how fragile you are - they just have no way of understanding or they understand for a while and then expect you to just "get over it." Well, I can tell you - you never get over it. It's more like you learn to understand and work around it. I have decided at this point that I don't want to know my "biological creator" (great term) at this point. It's just too painful.

Spaz, you sound like a great girl. Very smart, thoughtful and nice. Any parent with a brain and a working heart would be happy to be your mom or dad and you seem to be lucky enough to have a mom and step dad who do care about you. You don't have to jump through hoops for your father or let him ruin the good things in your life. Work hard and become a happy and successful adult in spite of him - then you can either make him jump through your hoops or tell him to take a hike because after awhile, you just won't care.

Take care Spaz.

Deb

"All you get from a pig is a grunt" :nice:

Hi Spaz,
Hi!!!!

I am a grown women and just met my birth father for the first time this past March. In our first conversation, he told me my mother was a tramp, then when he received the first picture of me he had ever seen, he said that I needed to do something with my hair, then he asked for a DNA test to make sure because - once again, my mother was a tramp. Hmmmm...... My parents were married but decided they didn't like each other enough to stay married and it was really an inconvenience to have a kid - so I was raised by grandparents and didn't even know it until I was 17. So....both parents bailed on me. My birth mother died 3 years ago - I never got an apology or explanation from her. So both of my so called parents pretty much sucked.
I'm sorry. That sucks ass :(

It is normal and OK to feel badly. It takes a LOT of constant work to feel good about youself when you start out with this kind of burden. People who haven't experienced this really don't get how fragile you are - they just have no way of understanding or they understand for a while and then expect you to just "get over it."
I am not fragile. Just annoyed.
Well, I can tell you - you never get over it. It's more like you learn to understand and work around it. I have decided at this point that I don't want to know my "biological creator" (great term) at this point. It's just too painful.
*nod*

Spaz, you sound like a great girl. Very smart, thoughtful and nice.
Just wait until you get to know me...boy, will you be in for a shock! :p

Any parent with a brain and a working heart would be happy to be your mom or dad and you seem to be lucky enough to have a mom and step dad who do care about you. You don't have to jump through hoops for your father or let him ruin the good things in your life. Work hard and become a happy and successful adult in spite of him - then you can either make him jump through your hoops or tell him to take a hike because after awhile, you just won't care.


:w00t: YEAH!

"All you get from a pig is a grunt" :nice:
:rofl:

Do you spend enough time with your child? If not, do you at least feel bad about it? I am asking because I would like to know if I'm the only one who's father ignores her. Just so you know, if you dont spend enough time with your child (especialy a daughter) PLEASE try too! When a kid feels ignored by a parent, well, it hurts.
This is coming from a 12 year old who really wishes that when her dad FINALLY calls her, he wouldnt complain about how bad his life sucks.

Wow, yet another similarity I share with you, why am I not surprised? ;)

My Dad is a recovering alcoholic (although he has recently taken it up again.. :rolleyes: Its cool - I'm gone now.).. When I was a kid, I would try , really try hard all day to think of something that I did that I could tell him that would impress him, or at least - get his ATTENTION! But I was scared of mine too, and by the time I got it out he would say What??? And I'd go into the kitchen and help my mom... you get the idea. Hence, the stress headaches every day at the same time, the time I saw him everyday. :(

I just wanted to tell you I know how much it hurts, you just want to please them and to be loved...
He's better now, but when I go to pick out a father's day card, lets just say the shoompy ones don't apply - I end up looking through like 80 cards....

Just know that we love you, and lots of other people do to! ((HUGS))

I sure do. :)

I sure do. :)


YAY! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D


Thats kinda sad, though. The people that love me the most are from over the internet :p


Oh, well. I'm happy, anyway.

LOVE YOU ALL!
Spazomator/Spaz/Spazzy/Mini Kymra :)

I don't know, l'il drama princess, but I've got a sneakin' suspicion there's a few people that love you off-line too. :rolleyes:

Aside from my little cousins ( who are 7,4, and 1), I cant know that for a fact :hmm:

You can't ever know anyone else's feelings for a fact, but I'm very sure it's true. ;)

Aside from my little cousins ( who are 7,4, and 1), I cant know that for a fact :hmm:

And the similarties just keep coming - I was really close to my 3 cousins who are 4 years, 6 year, and 7 years younger than me. They were all just in my wedding :nice:

And the similarties just keep coming - I was really close to my 3 cousins who are 4 years, 6 year, and 7 years younger than me. They were all just in my wedding :nice:


:eek3:

Your spying on me.....go away :hmm:


:p

you're. :|

you're. :|

:|

I knew that.....

:|

I knew that.....

I new that to.

:|

-michele

:D

I new that to.


knew. :|

knew. :|

I no!

michele :D

I didn't realize how young some of you are . I'm very sorry if i offended over the years here . And as far as i can see your all intelegent . You needed fathers ,but seems you do ok . Sometimes love of strangers is better than love of abusive loved ones . BUT BE CAREFUL ! Especially online . Predators are looking for lonely kids . :nice:

I try to spend as much time with my daughter as I can. The first five years are the most important, and I feel it's my responsibility to provide her with the stability she needs, which is something I don't think she's going to get from her mom.

You're daughter is lucky to have a Dad like you, Betty.

You're daughter is lucky to have a Dad like you, Betty.
:werd:


Ask her if she wants to trade. :| :p


;)