Discuss.....

I've run into this. Sometimes it's seen as a "woman's duty" to become a mother & pump out a few kids at her husband's discretion. Sometimes, people who really adore kids can't imagine anyone not being thrilled to have them. Mostly, it's an expectation that everyone wants kids, and those who don't are bucking the trend.

I agree with Jed. I don't want children.
No one seems to understand this.
The ones that claim to understand it then follow by saying, "You will want some someday."

No... not really.
I'd rather spend my time doing other things than raising a little gremlin.
I would rather spend my money traveling the world.

I've been told I am great around kids, and that I will make a wonderful father some
day... but the only reason I'm so good around them is because I am only around them for short periods of time.

I love my children with all my heart, those here that are close to me know this. It can be very rewarding , but also very difficult. No matter how well you think you are prepared for it, something new comes into play. I salute those who chose not to have kids, because they don’t want the responsibility or can’t afford it. It doesn’t really matter what their reasons are, at least they‘re honest enough to know what they want and are smart enough to not bring another live into the world. When they know in their hearts it's just not for them.

So I don’t have a clue why people get huffy about a woman or a man not wanting children. If it’s because that’s the thing to do, or because woman must use what “god” gave them. That’s really just asinine.

Cause there is somthing about kids that changes most people.
Probably not something uou can identify with really, but once you have kids it's hard to imagine life without them.
So then hearing someone say they dont want kids is surprising.

I completely get that, Jason. I know if I had a kid, s/he would be my world and I could never imagine life without them. But that only happens once they exist.

I can't imagine my life without a cell phone now (I know, it's a stupid comparison), but I can understand why people wouldn't want one......

It could be that those who have children find the experience to be so rewarding and their love for their children so great that it's pushed from their minds the concept of what it's like to want to remain free of the responsibility of having kids. I have no children myself, but many of my family and friends do, and to a person they say the experience of parenthood is utterly life changing. It alters your whole perspective on things to such a degree that it's unimaginable to not want children. I know that becoming a mere uncle changed me, so I can only imagine what my becoming a parent would do to my worldview.

yeah, I know it only happens once they exist, but to the guy/gal who has the kids already .. thats what they know.

I think they just hear someone say "I dont ever want kids" and they cant help but imagine what living would be like without their kids, and it freaks them out a bit.
I think that is where the shock comes from. I dont think it is really intentionaly directed at the guy who doesnt want kids so much as they happen to be there when the parents starts thinking about it.
;)

im not explaining it very well. I have a migraine. :(

Cause there is somthing about kids that changes most people.
Probably not something uou can identify with really, but once you have kids it's hard to imagine life without them.
So then hearing someone say they dont want kids is surprising.

Bah, you typed that while I was composing my post. What RWZ said. :p

I have planned on waiting til I am 35 to start having children. Reason being, I didn't really 'hit my stride' until I was about 26. I have only been happy in my own skin for about 5 years. I need to appreciate this, before I can give myself over to someone else. Plus, I like my life too much the way it is.
However, I also think that childbirth is a rite of passage for a woman. I forget what movie this is mentioned in, but some believe that if they do not have a child, they will die a little girl. Kind of sad, but it rang true to me somehow.
I'll be a woman some day!

I totally support those who do not wish to have children. Its a big world, go out & bite it on the ass! Do what you want.

I don't want kids. My wife does not want kids. STOP ASKING US WHY AND BACK OFF!

:p

Actually, my wife is very hot tempered so people know not to ask her. She snaps at people rather easily. :)

I'm 32, she's 31. Maybe we'll change our minds in a few years. We have not closed the door completely. But we really enjoy our freedom right now and I can't see us changing our minds. My brother has four kids and I honestly have no desire to be a family man like that.

I had my children at a fairly young age. As much as I loved my children, I often felt some sense of 'loss' of my youth/freedom whenever my childless friends would call and invite me to go to a concert or trip and I couldn't go. Same sort of feeling when they'd be telling me about the fun they had doing this and that. It may have been a little more difficult in a situation such as mine, where the marriage broke up in short order too. Let's face it, having children requires a lot of sacrifice of 'self'. You can't just pick up and run out the door whenever the mood hits you. You can't spend the grocery money on those really expensive, but 'bitchin' shoes, because you can't feed the kids cereal and ramen noodles for a week, like you could do when you were alone. You can't take off for Florida for the weekend with the girlfriends on a moments notice. You can't let all your drunk friends crash on the sofa and the floor regularly. Sometimes, I think the people who are shocked at the fact that some people want to live for themselves and not have to worry about another human life 24/7, might be feeling a bit of that loss themselves. Maybe in a way it's a sort of resentment or jealousy at the freedom people without children have. I'm sure that's not the case all of the time, but it's just another side to a multi-faceted situation. My children are grown and moved out now. My husband has a 5-year-old, who he has 50/50 custody of, but honestly he does the majority of parenting of his child. My feelings are that I've raised my children, and his son has a mother, so I don't feel obligated to arrange my whole life around my step-son. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I do a lot with him. I've sent food to his class, I've gone to his parent-teacher conference (first year, only had 1 so far), I cook meals he likes, I buy him clothes he likes, etc. I do still feel like I take some criticism from people about why I don't drive a sedan or SUV (like every good mom should, I guess), go to every ball game without fail (I go when I don't have something else that I need to do), or plan every day of my life and every decision I make for him. He's got a mommy, that's her job while he's a child. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm ready to live for myself a little bit now. Some people do that before they have children. Some people decide that they don't want children at all. To get back on topic, I think it's like politics, we're all guilty of trying to sell our vision of the way things should be to the other guy.

It doesn’t really matter what their reasons are, at least they‘re honest enough to know what they want and are smart enough to not bring another live into the world. When they know in their hearts it's just not for them.

as usual you read my mind :D

I don't want them..I've never wanted them I honestly don't want the responsibility and I know in my heart it just not for me..

I have 2 kids, so it doesn't shock me when people say they don't want any :p


But I think it's up to the person(s).

I have 2 kids, so it doesn't shock me when people say they don't want any :p



LOL, you stole my line. I was going to say anyone who doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want kids must not have any.

Kids are perfectly emblematic of life: They are a righteous pain in the ass, yet the most precious thing there is.

I like kids..


















I especially like when you can give them back to their parents. :nice:

I honestly don't know if I want kids. Sometimes I think "hell no" but other times I think fondly of a future with a family. I do know that if I decide to have kids I would love to adopt.

Why do some people find it so shocking that other people DO want kids?

I've never encountered anyone like that, Keith....

I've never encountered anyone like that, Keith....

Close your eyes Jed, and imagine the most beautiful woman you have ever known in your life. She is loyal, trustworthy, faithful, and has never given you any reason to leave for another. She is your ultimate sexual experience. Being with her is heaven on earth.

Of course, you are both doing it. Steaming, unbridled passion, the likes of which would satisfy every sinful lust and desire you have known as an adult male. She looks at you, the love of her life, and begins to talk about her childhood, her family, her friends, and the neighborhood she grew up in. You begin talking back about your life and your childhood. The conversation goes on and on until this subject of babies comes up.

This woman, this love of your life, makes no direct verbal attempt at persuading you to join her in procreation. She merely smiles and gazes into your eyes saying nothing. The silence creeps under your skin.

At some point perhaps the thought of being a father has crept into your mind. Everything you know about the subject, good and bad, begins to run over and over in your mind until what you once thought impossible, illogical, and highly objectionable begins to slowly change color.

Beware my friend. The road to fatherhood begins at this precise moment.

There is no turning back. :|

A man who has suffered through episodes like this is so affected that he may continue to do highly strange and illogical things with the remainder of his life. He may change diapers. He may cook and clean. He may wake up at ungodly hours of the night to bottle feed infants and console the emotionally unstable lady. For the first time in his life he may even reject sex for more tranquil activities such as enjoying beer and televised sporting events. He may even go so far as to trade in a perfectly good sports car for a minivan and sign a promissory note for a large multi-room dwelling that he can only hope to fully pay off by the time of his death. There is nothing reasonable or logical about any of this of course.

I am filled with questions and have no answers. The only defense I have are those kids waiting for me each night when I come home. Years ago I never dreamed I'd be called by the name "Daddy". :|

For the record, this thread is not about me, I may have kids and I'm ok with that. :)

For the record, this thread is not about me, I may have kids and I'm ok with that. :)

And everything I said in my last post really isn't about me either. :) :| :)

But why would someone NOT want to have kids? I mean, we're so loveable :D

I have 2 kids, so it doesn't shock me when people say they don't want any

If someone is having problems deciding...take someone else's teens for a week. You won't be freezing sperm...you'll be flushing it.

I understand some people not wanting kids, though I know a lot of people who have changed their mind about this as they grow up/age. What I really don't understand is the women who think it's a good idea or even OK to wait until they are out of their fertile prime before they decide to start trying. I've read somewhere that by age 42, the risk for down's syndrome is 1 in 60. In my unpopular opinion, it is much more selfish to put it off until you're past your prime than it is to not have kids at all. I think once one is past a certain age adoption is a much more viable option, and hope that people would consider this before IVF. I do know in a personal way how strong the desire for a biological child can be, but I'd just as soon adopt if my husband were open to it, rather than endure the fertility treatments. We've been trying for 4 years. A woman's fertility begins to degrade at age 27. After your body is sexually mature, and you're fully grown, the health benefits are greater and the risks are far lower the younger you are when you give birth. Childbirth before age 30 dramatically reduces a woman's chance of later developing breast and ovarian cancer. At 26, I already feel like I've only got a very few scant years left, but this might be because I've already been trying for 4 years.

It's got to do with the way you were raised, with the whole environment that surrounded you up until you became an adult. My sister is crazy about babies. she dreams of the moment when she'll have her own kids. Don't think any of her friends ever thought of NOT having babies. See what I mean?

That's why they're shocked. Not everyone thinks about this type of decision. To them, it's the way to go: you fall inlove, you get married you have babies, you die.

Personally, I know that having babies involves lots of sacrifices and heart acke. But you are also get to be happy with them, be sad with them, have someone to dedicate your life to. I can't stop thinking that one's life without kids is an empty life. My own personal opinion, of course.

It could be that those who have children find the experience to be so rewarding and their love for their children so great that it's pushed from their minds the concept of what it's like to want to remain free of the responsibility of having kids. I have no children myself, but many of my family and friends do, and to a person they say the experience of parenthood is utterly life changing. It alters your whole perspective on things to such a degree that it's unimaginable to not want children. I know that becoming a mere uncle changed me, so I can only imagine what my becoming a parent would do to my worldview.

Good post!
I shamelessly stood up and applauded you, despite what you seem to represent on other topics :)

M.

Close your eyes Jed, and imagine the most beautiful woman you have ever known in your life. She is loyal, trustworthy, faithful, and has never given you any reason to leave for another. She is your ultimate sexual experience. Being with her is heaven on earth.

Of course, you are both doing it. Steaming, unbridled passion, the likes of which would satisfy every sinful lust and desire you have known as an adult male. She looks at you, the love of her life, and begins to talk about her childhood, her family, her friends, and the neighborhood she grew up in. You begin talking back about your life and your childhood. The conversation goes on and on until this subject of babies comes up.

This woman, this love of your life, makes no direct verbal attempt at persuading you to join her in procreation. She merely smiles and gazes into your eyes saying nothing. The silence creeps under your skin.

At some point perhaps the thought of being a father has crept into your mind. Everything you know about the subject, good and bad, begins to run over and over in your mind until what you once thought impossible, illogical, and highly objectionable begins to slowly change color.

Beware my friend. The road to fatherhood begins at this precise moment.

There is no turning back. :|

A man who has suffered through episodes like this is so affected that he may continue to do highly strange and illogical things with the remainder of his life. He may change diapers. He may cook and clean. He may wake up at ungodly hours of the night to bottle feed infants and console the emotionally unstable lady. For the first time in his life he may even reject sex for more tranquil activities such as enjoying beer and televised sporting events. He may even go so far as to trade in a perfectly good sports car for a minivan and sign a promissory note for a large multi-room dwelling that he can only hope to fully pay off by the time of his death. There is nothing reasonable or logical about any of this of course.

I am filled with questions and have no answers. The only defense I have are those kids waiting for me each night when I come home. Years ago I never dreamed I'd be called by the name "Daddy". :|

Oh well, I guess I should just get over it and accept that this is the thread where I come to appreciate those I generally consider to be loons :)

Thanks Jojo, that was cool.

M.

If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. Simple as that.
The problem is when you don't want a child and you have one anyways. That is the real issue.
I have a friend who has had plenty of feminine issues. She and her SO decided not to risk it. They love their nephews but think the risk is to great. On the other hand, one of my sister in-laws had 2 children and did not want them. Apparently, protection was not a significant worry for her. Anyhow, they now live with their dad and are wonderfull kids.

As for me, I had my first child in 2003. It has been a wonderful life changing event. Unfortunately, my wife had multiple complications (postpartum depression lasting months and a mental health disorder). I would love a second child but ultimately I am waiting on her to make a decision.

I think there's nothing more beautiful than having a child than expecting another one *heart*! I'm such a sucker for having a family.

Mr. Know It Alln I hope your wife gets better :).

What shocks me is not that some people dont want to have kids, but their reasoning behind it.
"I dont want to go through that PAIN..."
"To much work..."

Alot of the reasons I hear are just so....SELFISH. Thats what makes me upset. If they had logical reasoning behind it, I would understand perfectly.

As for me, I cant picture myself growing up and NOT having kids.I've wanted kids since I was 2-years-old (I'd point at 3 and 4-year-olds and say "Moma, ish a baby! :p), and I know that motherhood is the right path for me.

For the record, this thread is not about me, I may have kids and I'm ok with that. :)

:|
*attemps to picture Jed as a father*


*tries harder*

*pictures a 2-year-old son pointing at two dogs and saying "Look, daddy! That doggy is gettin' some!"*

:p :D :D :D

What shocks me is not that some people dont want to have kids, but their reasoning behind it.
"I dont want to go through that PAIN..."
"To much work..."

Alot of the reasons I hear are just so....SELFISH. Thats what makes me upset. If they had logical reasoning behind it, I would understand perfectly.

- It's selfish to HAVE children when you know you're not capable of making the commitment which lasts twenty (or more) years, or even if you just suspect.

It's one of the reasons there's a lot of bad parents out there.

- It's selfish to HAVE children when you know you're not capable of making the commitment which lasts twenty (or more) years, or even if you just suspect.

It's one of the reasons there's a lot of bad parents out there.
:werd:

- It's selfish to HAVE children when you know you're not capable of making the commitment which lasts twenty (or more) years, or even if you just suspect.

It's one of the reasons there's a lot of bad parents out there.


Very good point. I know this only to well :hmm:

My childhood was rough and I've heard that abuse repeats itself.

My childhood was rough and I've heard that abuse repeats itself.Sometimes. I know a woman who is a wonderful mother and was horribly abused as a child. Her children adore her.

My deceased wife and I were unable to have kids (according to intelligencia). We tried everything....Then after we stopped trying, we got pregnant. What really pissed us off though were people who would come up to us after about 6yrs of marriage and say things like, "So why don't you two want any children?". It really hurt, and believe me, we got those types of questions frequently. My wife would finally tell them to friggin mind their own business!

My deceased wife and I were unable to have kids
That kind of sounds morbid..Actually she was still alive when we were trying...

.... My wife would finally tell them to friggin mind their own business!

Good for her!!! :cool:

Neither one of you owed anybody any explanations to begin with.

Why do some people find it so shocking that other people DO want kids?

Yeah, really!

I'd love to have lots of kids one day and a lot of people are surprised by that. They're usually the types that go ape**** over animals, which don't really do much for me, which also shocks them. :shrug: :p

I agree having children is not the most noble thing you can do they way it is made to be. Mostly everything in this world revolves around children. Children are number one then people

Because children are the future. If you are a great creator, then kids are not for you, but otherwise, you are spending your life thinking of yourself and not of the human race. It's quite remarkable how shallow people can become who do not know the importance of children...

With over 6 billion people in the world, I don't think children are quite the valuable commodity they used to be.
More people need to do something with their lives other than reproduce. Endless reproduction will kill us all eventually.

I have planned on waiting til I am 35 to start having children. Reason being, I didn't really 'hit my stride' until I was about 26. I have only been happy in my own skin for about 5 years. I need to appreciate this, before I can give myself over to someone else. Plus, I like my life too much the way it is.
However, I also think that childbirth is a rite of passage for a woman. I forget what movie this is mentioned in, but some believe that if they do not have a child, they will die a little girl. Kind of sad, but it rang true to me somehow.
I'll be a woman some day!

:(

I wrote this almost a year ago.

At this point, I don't think I will have children. The way things are going today, my maternal instinct is telling me NOT to have kids, why have them grow up in a world that's collapsing? :confused:

:(

I wrote this almost a year ago.

At this point, I don't think I will have children. The way things are going today, my maternal instinct is telling me NOT to have kids, why have them grow up in a world that's collapsing? :confused:

To bad, you're already stuck with me. :D :p

To bad, you're already stuck with me. :D :p

I am definitely ok with that! You are an exemploray daughter!! :D