How do you suggest your kids should handle bullies??? Do you think they should turn the other cheek, or fight back??? At what point should they fight back???

Depends on the age, but often bullies act the way they do because of insecurity and a hyped-up pituitary gland. The best thing I can suggest is to establish boundaries, be confident. Have an attitude like "don't even think about messing with me." Not because of strength, but will.
Also, there's an unconventional way to deal with it: try to befriend him, he's probably the saddest kid on the playground with the most messed-up family life.
Just one opinion...

I always recommend fighting back. Telling usually only results in more torment. When a kid fights back the bully may decide he doesn't want to tangle with a scrapper and move on to smaller or younger kids.

Besides, I think it's important for kids to learn how to stand up for themselves.

I knew this one kid who got beat up every day after school. If that were me I would have cut his ass. Or had a friend sneak up behind the bully and ko-kock him with a tree branch or bat.

Well, we haven't really run into this yet. There is girl that has been somewhat saying some mean things to Mandy at school and she's stood up for herself on occaision and hasn't let this other girl bug her. Thats the smart thing to do and this girl no longer bothers her.

Kids "tell" because they want confirmation from an adult that the other person is being bad, or doing something wrong. It's a natural thing for kids to do.

I think as long as you instill that they do need to stand up for themselves but not go overboard it's all good. Of course teaching a kid what overboard is and is not is an entirely different thing.

I always told my kids that I would take care of them myself if I found out that they started something, but that if they were forced to defend themselves that I would support them all the way. If they show fear or any hint of submissiveness, they're doomed, the bully will never leave them alone. When my son was maybe in about 4th or 5th grade, I had a little boy walk right up, knock on my front door and tell me that he wanted me to send my son out to fight him. There were several other kids with him. I told him fine, that I would send Jamie out to fight, but I wanted it to be a fair one-on-one fight. Then I told him that I would go get my son and send him out, but I was going to tell my son that if he didn't kick that kid's a$$, that I was going to kick his. Well, it worked! I sent Jamie outside, and the kid had decided that fighting wasn't such a big idea after all. It was kind of amusing.

When my son was maybe in about 4th or 5th grade, I had a little boy walk right up, knock on my front door and tell me that he wanted me to send my son out to fight him.

Who says kids aren't respectfull?

i dont suggest fighting back (given the situation of course) however i do believe in standing ones ground, which SOMETIMES means getting into an actual fist fight (again depends on the situation). i hate bullies with a passion, i was rather small as a kid and got picked on by a couple bullies as a result (why the **** do kids get their jollies picking on other kids at least 5 years younger than themselves?). however i never backed down, i couldnt afford to. but it wasnt just them i had friends who were bullied and i stood up for them in my teenager years. i dont care what creates a bully but more often than not if you stand up to one the right way, especially if it embarasses the bully in school, they tend to leave you alone.

my suggeston is to always stand your ground, if you can, avoid them, if not and they give you ****, dont tolerate it by any means. just dont go looking for it.


When my son was maybe in about 4th or 5th grade, I had a little boy walk right up, knock on my front door and tell me that he wanted me to send my son out to fight him. There were several other kids with him. I told him fine, that I would send Jamie out to fight, but I wanted it to be a fair one-on-one fight. Then I told him that I would go get my son and send him out, but I was going to tell my son that if he didn't kick that kid's a$$, that I was going to kick his. Well, it worked! I sent Jamie outside, and the kid had decided that fighting wasn't such a big idea after all. It was kind of amusing.


sounds like something similar that happened to me except it was my friend. i have no idea why but some other kids got it in his head he needed to fight me, these were the same kids who were bullies, they decided to go the bully by proxy route. this was in the first grade. i broke a handle off this plastic wheelbarrow i had and beat him with the handle. i brook no bull**** off anyone, even my own friends. i didnt want to do it, my dad thought i should though and convinced me to go outside and fight him. i think i did the right thing, whellbarrow handle or not, there are no rules in a fight except one, win. my mom didnt agree with me or my father and made me apologize! my mother is an idiot BTW and has a real twisted view of the world. why it was my fault is beyond me, he came ALL the way down the block to my house and knocked on my door wanting a fight, yet to her i was in the wrong. like i said, she's an idiot.

and so are bullies.

of course bullies exist in adult life too, your boss, your co workers, cops, the government, the guy that cuts you off in traffic, there are bullies of all kinds in this world and i deeply hate them all.

I say it's okay to defend yourself from harm. That said, I don't tell my kids to fight back. I figure when the time comes they will do what they have to do. I have seen a few fathers really go off the deep end with this kind of thing. I stay out of it most of the time.

When I was kid there was a bully at school who picked on me for about a week straight. My Dad told me to wait till he got real close then let him have it. So I did. I didn't feel any better about things, but he never bullied me again. Later in high school the bully and I played football together. As a team mate I appreciated his aggressive behaviour. He never married and ended up going to jail for something. I heard that at the 10 year class reunion.

I say it's okay to defend yourself from harm. That said, I don't tell my kids to fight back.

quite a contradiction here.

HTF will they know they wont get into trouble with you if they fight back? that is if they even bother to fight back. it isnt just about standing up to a bully its also learning when to stand up when you've been wronged, by a bully, a friend, the IRS, the idiot working the check out lane who charges you for too much but waits for you to say something first. this **** happens alot. this goes far beyond just bullies, it goes a long way into standing up for yourself as a human being a consumer, a citizen. kind of a mixed message you're sending there.

its one thing to avoid a situation but at some point a kid has to be taught "hey when push comes to shove, you gotta do something". i guess you dont mind your kids getting punked around.

quite a contradiction here.
Not at all.
HTF will they know they wont get into trouble with you if they fight back?
They never know if and when they will get into trouble with me. I like it that way and I keep it that way.
kind of a mixed message you're sending there.
Teaching a child that fist fighting is the answer to solving matters is retarded. There is nothing mixed about my message.
i guess you dont mind your kids getting punked around.
When the time comes to get involved with such things I do.

Some things kids have to figure out for themselves.

"sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar, well, he eats you."

My son was getting tormented by some older kids at school. Knowing he was outnumbered & outweighed he took a knife to school & slashed the tires on the biggest kids bike. Of course, he was in a sh*tload of trouble, but I couldn't help but think he may have done the right thing. He scared the crap outta the bully & didnt get bothered by him again.
My son was mostly mad because the principal confiscated his "good" knife.

"sometimes the bar eats you, and sometimes you take a big-ass knife to school and slash the tires on the bar's bicycle"

Gotta give your kid props, sounds like he handled himself alright. (although I don't condone such behavior of course, haha).

I ran into this with my daughter actualy.
LAst year she started gettng hararased on a regular basis by a bunch of other girls at school.
One thing I can say.. girl bullies are a lot meaner than boy bullies.
I got picked on by bullies when I was in 3rd and 4th grade, but at least they were honest, straight forward bullies.
They just jumped out from behind a rock or bush and beat the crap out of me and ran away.
Girl are evil.
They play mind games, and try to emotionaly wreck other girls.
I kept telling Ana to just turn the other cheek for pretty much all of last year, and to try to not let it bother her.
That didnt work too well. This year I taught her the skills of righteous indignation, and how to look down on those of lesser intelligence. ;)
I told her not to be cruel or start fights, but gave her ideas on how to turn away petty insults with comments that show she is smarter than them.
For a while it seemed to make things a little worse.. the bullies resented being attacked back in a witty manner so they tried harder to beat the girl down.
But eventualy the 'head bully' finaly said "ok, lets stop this now."
They aren't friends by any means, but my daughter has not been given a hard time in quite a while.

He needs to fight back.

If he doesn't he will be well on his way to become a doormat throughout the rest of his life. You must teach your kid to always be nice, but to push back when pushed.

He needs to fight back.

If he doesn't he will be well on his way to become a doormat throughout the rest of his life. You must teach your kid to always be nice, but to push back when pushed.


I agree with you. The kids had trouble with a boy and they stood up to him and a few other kids saw this. Now it's don't mess with those boys they fight back. :nice: I've always taught them to be kind to people, don't judge others and talk to the new kids, so they don't feel left out.

The school they attend says fighting and bulling is not allowed and they have zero tolerance for it. This is fine, but I'll be damn that my kids get bullied and the school stands by and lets it happen. It's funny how that works, your kids stand up for themselves and someone see it and they get in trouble. They get picked on and no one sees it.

We’ve told them both if someone starts it, then stand up for yourself. Their Dad and me will deal with the school. This summer they finally had enough and stood up to that boy. They were playing and he thought it would be funny to call my youngest a pussy then he proceeded to take a ball and hit him with it. My oldest was on top of him, told him I don’t appreciate you using that kind of language around my baby brother. My youngest got back up off the ground and said I’ve had enough of you and helped his brother beat him up with a kitty pool net. End of story.

Go Kat ! :nice:

I always tell them to take off a sock, put a rock in it, and give the bully a beat down. I'll handle the legalities, you handle the ass whoopin'. :nice:

rock in a sock justice! :nice:

i keep saying it...unless you're fully prepared to handle any and all kinds of reactions for your behavior...maybe you shouldnt bully people, cut people off in traffic, break into their house, **** their wife, get their order wrong, talk to them any way you want, etc.

one never knows how a person will react, so its best you think it through before you act.

Hi everyone I'm new to this site. The reason I'm here is to hopefully get some help with my soon to be 7 year old son.
My son is a quiet little boy who always smiles, will play with anyone who wants to play and he's got a big heart. All and all he is just a wonderful little boy. Of course what mother wouldn't say such things about her own child.

I have always taught my son to walk away from things like teasing. I've told him that teasing is just teasing it means nothing. however recently the teasing has turned into shoving and punching. Again I have told my son to walk away if he can. If he can't then he should fight back until he can get away. My son however will not fight back. He has never hit anyone in his life and he won't now even if the bullies are hurting him. He is afraid he will get in trouble. I've tried to tell him that I would back him and support him as long as he was only defending himself but he still won't. How can I get him to understand that he needs to stand up for himself. These incidences are really getting to him. So much that he does not want to go out for recess or even go to school. I feel so bad for him but i know he has to learn to stand up for himself, that I can't always fight his battles for him.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.
TinyT

I always tell them to take off a sock, put a rock in it, and give the bully a beat down. I'll handle the legalities, you handle the ass whoopin'. :nice:
good job. :nice: :lol:

Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Your son is a peacenik liberal. It's best to abandon him and start over. :nonono:

TinyT, not sure how to advise you best. You know what he needs to do, you just need to pursuade him of it. Is there any other adults, or prefably younger adults (18-mid twenties are good) that you could get to talk to him? Another person talking might help. I've done that with a friends daughter once on a similar matter, and it seemed to help her.

As to personal experience, I have never been bullied that much, since I have always had alot of self confidence, and bullying never bothered me, so people wouldn't. the worst that happened was when I cam back to sixth form. I Had "come out" over hte summer, and some of the guys thought it would be fun to try and tease me, and pick on me over being a lesbian. However since i was popular with alot of people, they soon stopped when their girlfriends all threatened to break up with them (the threat of no sex seemed to work :D )

Hugs

lilnymph