I am 21, there seems to be some older people on the site that love to tell us ( meaning young'ens..) how much we have to learn..

So, How about some pointers? What have you learned from past relationships? If you could go back to early 20's what, if anything would you do differently..?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

As another 21 year old, I have had enough advise. The rest I rather learn from experience. I do realize I have a lot to learn, but I doubt I will come to the same conclusion as the elders. But there are few around that are willing to listen, so I am sure, princess, that you will have plenty to read.

LOL! I'd have done more . . . I'd have done Arlinda more, Brenda more, Michelle more . . . LOTS more . . . LMAO!

Seriously, though, I'm 32 . . . hardly old, but I've seen enough that's still fresh in my mind that I can relate to you guys.

Let me preface by saying this! I do NOT talk down to anyone . . . I shoot straight, and sometimes it hurts (Heather can vouch for me!). But, I DO want to help, and I would rather people learn from my foul-ups than repeat them.

First off . . . hehehehehe . . . young people, please don't fool yourself or rationalize things. "I need to explore life and learn from my OWN mistakes . . ." Utter and complete ca-ca. That's a euphamism for "hell, I know it's dumb to move in with this biker guy, but he's SOOOO cute . . . plus, after I quit school to 'change him', I can afford a tattoo." LMAO!! That statement is simply a pseudo-mature way of saying "I know what I'm about to do is dumb, but it's going to be SO much fun." Afterall, if that statement was true, why don't you stick a fork in a toaster or take a whizz on an electric fence? Hey, they'd be your OWN mistakes you could learn from! LOL!

You can act immature and, at the same time, make mature decisions. In college, I drank, partied, and let my hair grow long. I raced my car, spent WAY too much time at Karate, and not enough time in the books. I dated SEVERAL of the wrong women and a few "right" ones. I did a lot of silly things . . . while I was getting my engineering degree from a good school . . . which WAS the main thing. You CAN have a good time while planning for your future.

No one over the age of 25 thinks the tattoo of Jesus drinking a Budweiser with Elvis at the last supper on your forehead is cool . . . nor will it endear you to the person you'll be interviewing with for that sales position in 2 or 3 years. Think of this before you let some guy named Psycho, Jack the Hack, or Needle Nelly go pushing ink into you. It's a fad like everything else. It WILL always be around. I WON'T always be so hip.

If you're under 24, hey guys and girls, these are the BEST times of your life. It's your choice to either spend them bitching about how crappy your life is or going out and having a beer, chasing some women, acting like a loon . . . and bitching about how crappy your life is! LOL! Trust me, it's a lot more fun bitching about life in the bed of your lover than on a computer.

That new car is NOT worth it. Period. You can have money OR a new car . . . rarely both. Buy a 95 Accord or Taurus for cash and THEN get that tongue piercing (that's going to make your life worth living) done without a credit card.

Credit cards are evil. Satan himself never dreamed of anything this bad. If he came to earth, even HE would not get near one. They are the source of all ills and woes. Be forewarned.

If you thing of yourself as "mature beyond your years", ask yourself if you're trying to convince other people or yourself. If it's other people, you won't HAVE to tell them . . . they'll know. If you STILL feel the need, however . . .

Along those lines, please don't ACT mature. I don't. I'm mature about some things and not about others. I never have to ACT immaturely when I'm playing with my son or one of my tabletop games, neither do I have to ACT maturely about business.

Don't take yourself too seriously. It AIN'T that bad.

Being persecuted, tormented, broody, victimized, and such MAY be cool in high school, but it's pretty damned annoying at 20 and flat out infuriating at 22. Get over it. Whatever it was, get over it. Do therapy, grief counseling, Zen, whatever. Get over it. Remember, if you want enough Discovery and History Channel, even the haulacaust during WW2 gets old. Imagine what your friends feel when you mention your ex who dumped you 9 months ago in every other sentence. Same goes for your parents that you don't get along with . . . or your boss that you hate.

He who hesitates, masturbates. ASK HER OUT!!! For God's sake, ask her out. Don't be nice to her in an attempt to get on her good side. You're risking the chance of becoming a friend . . . to which you'll lose all chance of ever getting past "oh, Jeremy's just a really NICE guy . . . a good friend . . . and that's all I think of him as." Better to have a woman testify against you in a murder trial than have her call you a friend.

One for the ladies: there are only 2 kinds of women to men. Women we've had sex with, and women we HAVEN'T had sex with . . . yet. Remember that.

If someone is trying to convince you of ANYTHING, there's a reason behind it other than for your simple education. Everyone is a salesman (including me).

Don't believe something because it's what you WANT to believe i.e. don't believe that all corporations are evil, all liberals "care", or all Christians are "good". You're in a world full of random humans. Rarely is something black and white. Believe in things because you've tested the belief's mettle . . . and it holds true.

DON'T get married before 23. Yeah, I know you love him, and LOTS of people make it getting married at 18 . . . but MOST don't! Remember, LOTS of people survive shootings, plane wrecks, and lightning strikes, but I wouldn't stand in line to go through any of those. People always change, but they go through BIG changes at or about 23-25. It's about the same time that you realize that the last 10 years of your "miserable" life were the best you'd ever or ever will have. You've been warned.

That's about it. Granted, those are pretty general, but, instead of running through your mind how you're NOT like that (and you are!), apply them secretly to the last 4 or 5 MAJOR life decisions you've made . . . how did you come out?

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Good Post Dave...

And your right the truth does hurt sometimes, but remember even if you want to or not 95% of the time you get to say TOLD YOU SO http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Al . . . sure! You're right about the lesson thing. I guess what I'm saying is that young people (and some not-so-young) use that "I'll make my own mistakes" as an excuse to do things they KNOW are a mistake i.e. my biker example.

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Right-o about credit cards. I'm just about dug out of the hole I put myself in.

As far as relationships & women go, the trick, I think, is to catch them somewhere in between the first marriage and the trailer park. And you young-un's take it from another old coot who's hit 30, nice guys do indeed finish last. Learn to play the game, or buy your vaseline in bulk.

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Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.
Malachi 2:3

Dest - what you say about nice guys is so sad! I like nice guys myself...although I must admit, it's fun when they have an edge to them. But Vaseline! It's so sad that I'm laughing.

Bro Dest, dont' be SO depressed about it.

One nice guy (although younger) to another...yeah we do get shit on a lot, but occasionally there is a girl who understands from the get go what it is about.

It must be hard, not being cynical with some of the stuff you've been through, but I refuse to give up on my idealism. :-)

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Manu Narayan

[This message has been edited by Princess (edited 10-17-2001).]

Oh, believe me, I'm not terribly upset about it. Just had myself a little epiphany, is all. And I am very cynical. It's just that up until now I've had the strength to not let it affect my actions & how I treat the occasional woman I go out with.

The woman I was seeing lost interest in less than two months, even though she was getting the best sex she'd ever had (her words, not mine http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif). Fine, sure, OK. Thing is, we still see each other and hang out in the same circles. So, I figured I'd give the typical guy approach a whirl. Instead of the gentleman she's used to, she's seeing this aloof guy who really doesn't seem to give a damn, and pays her no attention. And now all of a sudden my phone's ringing again. She'll call and leave a message. And I won't return the call. And she'll still call back. And when we do talk, she'll tell me to call her tomorrow. And I'll say I will. And then I won't. And she'll still call back. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/rolleyes.gif

Bad attitude is getting me better treatment than Godiva chocolate, full-body massages w/ hot vanilla oil, and multiple orgasms got me when we were actually seeing each other.

It's really a damn shame things work this way. But they do. You know, I want to be the guy that brings home Godiva chocolate and gives hot-oil massages. I greatly enjoy doing those kinds of things, they bring me a lot of happiness. But I'm not going to spend what's left of my life getting my 100% best tossed back in my face like it's nothing. If this is how it has to be, then so be it.



[This message has been edited by Dest98 (edited 10-17-2001).]

D Durden makes some excellent points -- thank you for all the advise. But I have to say that, in my experience, the only way to truly learn a lesson is by experiencing things first hand. And maybe that means learning things the hard way -- but those are the lessons that I really remember. It's great to take good advise and try to follow it--let it guide you--but we can't be scared to go out and try to make our own ways. Not all mistakes are bad. And for all of us girls out there -- I think it takes a few evil boys and bad relationships to help us really appreciate the good guys out there!

Originally posted by Dest98:
Oh, believe me, I'm not terribly upset about it. Just had myself a little epiphany, is all. And I am very cynical. It's just that up until now I've had the strength to not let it affect my actions & how I treat the occasional woman I go out with.

The woman I was seeing lost interest in less than two months, even though she was getting the best sex she'd ever had (her words, not mine http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif). Fine, sure, OK. Thing is, we still see each other and hang out in the same circles. So, I figured I'd give the typical guy approach a whirl. Instead of the gentleman she's used to, she's seeing this aloof guy who really doesn't seem to give a damn, and pays her no attention. And now all of a sudden my phone's ringing again. She'll call and leave a message. And I won't return the call. And she'll still call back. And when we do talk, she'll tell me to call her tomorrow. And I'll say I will. And then I won't. And she'll still call back. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/rolleyes.gif

Bad attitude is getting me better treatment than Godiva chocolate, full-body massages w/ hot vanilla oil, and multiple orgasms got me when we were actually seeing each other.

It's really a damn shame things work this way. But they do. You know, I want to be the guy that brings home Godiva chocolate and gives hot-oil massages. I greatly enjoy doing those kinds of things, they bring me a lot of happiness. But I'm not going to spend what's left of my life getting my 100% best tossed back in my face like it's nothing. If this is how it has to be, then so be it.

[This message has been edited by Dest98 (edited 10-17-2001).]

Sometimes it pays to be an ass.



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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

Originally posted by D Durden:
He who hesitates, masturbates.

I have to say that this is the only quote I will ever remember from you when I am 80 years old chasing after girls in my walker..

That, my friend, is THE quote to remember. It serves me well.

The only other one that has proven to be 99% on time is:

Treat a whore like a princess, a princess like a whore, and a lady like a lady.

That one will get you into more bedrooms and kitchen tables that all the booze in Kentucky.

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

you should teach a class... that is too funny..

the funny thing about it is, it's true

But I think that any girl who is worth it will be able to appreciate a nice gesture. My boyfriend brought me roses last night and I was floored by his gesture of affection. Being an ass may get you noticed, but trust me guys, it's the random sweet gestures that win a girl's heart.

But I think that any girl who is worth it will be able to appreciate a nice gesture. My boyfriend brought me roses last night and I was floored by his gesture of affection. Being an ass may get you noticed, but trust me guys, it's the random sweet gestures that win a girl's heart.

Awwhhhh....yea, that sounds great....BUT...I think that is more of the exception than the rule.....


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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Al, you're one out of, let's say . . . 100? 1000? 10,000?

Al, I'm NOT picking on you, and I'm not picking on Heather (I said princess, not Princess! http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif) but, if you talk to, say, 100 attractive women, and ask them what they find attractive, they'll say something like "cute, nice body, with a great sense of humor . . . I like a man who can make me laugh". Utter poo-poo.

Carrot Top is cute, and he's got a good build, but, 10 will get you 20 that says the drummer for Blink182 gets more azz in a week than CT has seen in his life.

MANY attractive women date scum. Even when they dump the scum, it's generally because they've found someone even lower than the last scum. It's a cycle because relatively nice guys see being scum as a great tool to pick up women, so they emmulate scum (pseudo-scum, if you will). The REALLY nice guys see all the scum getting the women and get frustrated and go home. So, in the end you have scum and wannabe scum chasing girls that love scum and girls that WANT to love SOMEONE, but all that's left to choose from is, you guessed it, scum (and pseudo-scum . . . but scum nonetheless).

ANYWAY, that's a brief look at my theoretical cycle, but you get the idea.

I challenge ALL girls to do this (privately, so you're honest). Write down the things you most want in a man. Then write down the things that most ATTRACT you in a man. Now, write down the traits of all the men you've dated.

Hehehehehe! Now THAT'S an eye-opener!

We did this for a class in college, and MOST of the girls were honest. Girls WROTE that they "wanted" nice, sweet, gentleman, caring, sensitive, compassion, faithful (bwahahahahahahaha!! yeah, RIGHT!), funny, blah, blah, blah. THEN, when they described the guys they'd had relationships with, it was funny (but, not so funny) how many were like "had a great relationship till I found out he was screwing my best friend", "other than hitting me now and then, he was great", and "we dated for 3 or 4 years, but we didn't talk much . . . he was busy, alot".

Nice guys GENERALLY do finish last . . . as a group. However, IF you guys can manage not to kill yourselves or somebody else AND you don't withdraw into some kind of shell, the future is pretty bright. Eventually many of these girls wise up and figure out what's REALLY important in life.

And let me tell you . . . a semi-nice guy and a lady who KNOWS what living with the "other type" is like makes for a wonderful couple.

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Dave, I will agree LARGELY with the latter part of that statement.

An ex of mine was EXACTLY like that. She wants some sweet, smart, caring guy (me) but then she ends up going after pure dipshits and *******s.

I think the point I was trying to make is that is all comes down to priorities. If yours is to get as much tail as possible, then yah, being a nice guy is probably not the way to go. Problem is, if you are truly a nice guy you can't really just change that at will. :-) So for the TRUE nice guys...the goal is probably more to find someone who likes them for their qualities. And I think Allegra, My girl, and a few others have shown that some nice guys don't finish last.

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Manu Narayan

D DURDEN....YOU ROCK!

lmao!
Durden, as a reward for your wisedom, you should live your next life a a successful male porn star.

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what do I type here?

*bowing to the gracious ones*

Many thanks my bretheren . . . many thanks. You're too kind. I only wish my wisdom was as lucid when I was 17 . . .

But, I DO have a rhetorical question for you? Could someone please define a NON-successful porn star?

And speaking of porn (which I am so likened to do!), I saw an interesting special where female porn stars were discussing the rabid use of Viagra among male stars. It seems that men suffering from "stage fright" use this stuff to, uh, force their little friend to "rise to the occasion", if you will. The WEIRD thing is that the girls were bitching about it!

I'll paraphrase:
"When I was with a guy BEFORE 'v', it was exciting KNOWING I could get him hot and bothered even though the camera was on. It was a compliment and all for a guy to lose it and go over the edge even with the distractions. Now, eh, it's like 'bleep'-ing a machine. He doesn't even have to pay attention to keep it up for hours. There's no feeling of accomplishment, you know? I'd rather screw a gay guy knowing that he was pretending I was one of the Dallas Cowboys."

*sigh* . . . there is NOTHING more noble than a 20 year old gorgeous porn star with a strong work ethic. If more people in the "normal" industries had her mentality, the world would be a better place. For what it's worth, there were SEVERAL women that reflected this opinion. *sigh* What NICE girls . . .

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Did somebody mention Viagra?

If 30 passes for an "old coot" in this forum, I must be dead and don't realize it. (that would explain this new-found typing skill!)

I'm old enough to realize that there's very little I can offer that will be of much value. I think what Chaotic Thoughts wrote at the top of the thread, is quite true, in that, this whole process is a uniquely personal experience. Any wisdom I would pass on, is rooted in my experience not yours. Some might fit in, most of it won't. When you reach that point of understanding, then you're ready to get married. I guess you could call it "maturation", but that's such an old word that it gives me the creeps. I'd prefer to think of it as "letting go".

One of my all-time favorite bands is the German industrial group, Einstruzende Neubauten ... which translates roughly into "collapsing new buildings". The concept is, you must destroy what is there, in order to create. Notice it's a "new" building, indicating that the process is never ending. Wisdom ... I believe ... is knowing you must destroy the current you, in order to grow. If you're actually willing to live it, then there's less that you cling to as "gospel"; and that's the kind of stuff that crops up in bizarre and destructive ways inside a relationship.

If you find someone whose eyes light up when you explain that theory ... instead of looking for the nearest exit ... then there's nothing you can't do together.

(I also think this is another way of expressing the adage, "I find the older I get, the less I know".)

That's my philosophy, for whats it's worth. Check with me in ten years (but check for a pulse first) and we'll see how the philosophy has evolved.

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"I would never join any club that would have me as a member."
- Groucho

[This message has been edited by James (edited 10-19-2001).]

Maybe . . . but it's too oblique and vague for me.

I don't need tearing down. I LIKE me . . . I've found that wisdom is wisdom regardless of the source. Notions like do unto others, prais the Lord and pass the ammunition, and never give a sucker an even break seem to always be applicable.

Sometimes, I think we make life too damned complicated when people are too terribly sensible. Generally, I find that if someone is complicated, they're disfunctional . . . LOL! Or they're taking themselves MUCH too seriously . . . of they're just full of *bleep*.

People are NOT complicated. Ten people together can get complicated. Five people and one disfunctional is a BLOODY mess.

Dealing with people is easy, too, once you accept the fact that some people can't be dealt with. Hehehhehe! Hey, I said that!

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Yeah, Manu, buy you're a big horking Hindu love stud . . . what do you expect? http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif

Actually, getting as much tail as possible is ALWAYS the goal. Please remember that. The only difference between a nice guy and a scumbag is the fact that the nice guy wants it from a nice girl who like him and he likes and all that other sweet stuff. A scumbag has no such requirements. It's like God's conversation with Adam in the garden:

"God, why did you make women so beautiful and soft and loving?"

"So you would talk with them, Adam, and want to be with them."

"Oh . . . but God, why did you make them so stupid?"

"Well Adam, so they would want to be with you."

See, it's all a matter of "want" and "need". The more disparity a person has between those things ALONG WITH the inability to recognize the difference and the importance of both is what causes a lot of heartaches in the world.

It's the whole "bill of goods" thing that society sells to a young person. It happened to me in high school. I WANTED Oliva Newton John from Grease. I found her, but she had so many parental problems that it was fruitless. I ended up with Joanie from Happy Days . . . and we had a ball.

I think now all the guys want Brit Spears or someone like that and the girls want the generic Hollywood "broody but sensitive, lost but rich, soft but ready to fight, always poor but dressed in $900 worth of designers clothes" type. Instead, most guys are Seth Green from Idle Hands and most girls are, uh, are . . . uhhhh . . . well, since it's damn near impossible to be a young girl on television without looking like a goddess, I don't have a good example there, but you get my drift.

I mean, we ALL have things we "want", but we have to ask "is this what I NEED?" The key to happiness is finding someone you want. The key to JOY is finding someone you need.

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

JEEBUS Durden...Everytime I go to reply to something in the relationships forum, you have already said it better than I could even try...once again, I say that you are the Yoda of relationships!!!!

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"The whole conviction of my life is based upon the belief that loneliness is the constant and inevitable fact of human existance" - Thomas Wolfe
Hillie's GTS Mustang Site (http://www.hillie16.stangnet.com)

Moderater "Donut Cafe" at SVTPerformance.com (http://www.http://www.svtperformance.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=ac3fe5eccead46a2309ccd28a7126c2 b&forumid=16.com)

Originally posted by D Durden:
But, I DO have a rhetorical question for you? Could someone please define a NON-successful porn star?

ok...if I must...
An unsuccessful porn star begins his career as a "fluffer." Then, after many years of service, makes his way into the videos. Although he is a heterosexual male, he finds himself only working in gay orgy movies. Many years and STDs later, he suffocates from *something* getting stuck in his throat.

Originally posted by James:
I think what Chaotic Thoughts wrote at the top of the thread, is quite true, in that, this whole process is a uniquely personal experience. Any wisdom I would pass on, is rooted in my experience not yours. Some might fit in, most of it won't.

ya, I did not word it as well, but thats it in a nutshell. Someone could give me good advise, but I do not live the lifestyle that would make use of it.

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what do I type here?

Hillie, you're too kind. I just hope someone acutally USES this stuff. Goodness knows it's helped me pick out a gem now!

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Originally posted by D Durden:
Hillie, you're too kind. I just hope someone acutally USES this stuff. Goodness knows it's helped me pick out a gem now!



Dave...

Who do I go to for advice...?

Well of course I am listening to you.. I posted this topic with you in mind http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

Heather

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Heather, as you know, I'm always straight with you.

I'll have to give you credit for wading through the crap to pick out the good stuff, too. I appreciate the consideration . . .

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Minister of Spanking

"I AM the lyrical Jesse James."

Princess, I am not as old as some here, but my advise is to have fun. And if you want kids, dont have kids until you find a guy who wants them too. The worst results I have seen is when a girl wants kids and doesn't wait for the other person to desire the same. Oh, and dont play games with guys, unless they start playing first. I dont know if that helps, but its advice, anyhow.

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what do I type here?

Originally posted by Princess
I am 21, there seems to be some older people on the site that love to tell us ( meaning young'ens..) how much we have to learn..

So, How about some pointers? What have you learned from past relationships? If you could go back to early 20's what, if anything would you do differently..?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison
Frist be very careful of long distance love affairs.
(a mistake I made)
Avoid falling in love with anyone foreign, from another culture or born in another country
(a HUGE mistake I made)
Don't marry someone unless you know everything about that person and I do mean everything.
(a Gigantic mistake I made)
Finally, since all you young folk are not going to do a damm thing I tell you, go out and have fun and make mistakes. Just remember that when things go bad, dont let a broken heart get the best of you. Just get back into life and live every day as if its your last.

Now where is my false teeth...oh damm my supply of Viagra is gone.