Kraw
01-20-2002, 11:04 PM
Got this from Heather
most of this is true...
If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right. It's pronounced
"New Orlenz". No one from here says "New Orleens" unless they are writing a song or they want their ass kicked.
It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the only 3 weather patterns
We have here.
3 out of 4 people who live in New Orleans have a drinking problem. 3
out of 7 have a gambling problem.
No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some
restaurants.
The shopping sucks, unless you are buying: beer, hookers or antiques.
The mall is not close to anywhere, and if you get there, they don't
have what you came to purchase.
The amount of cash you spend on gasoline and cigarettes in a month
exceeds your rent/house note.
Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a waste of time.
Every street intersects with each other. No two streets run parallel to each other.
The West Bank is actually East of the city. It would take too long to
explain.
The roads in New Orleans have potholes that are large enough to hide
an aircraft carrier. No one is trying to correct this problem.
1 out of 3 street names are impossible to pronounce unless you were
born in New Orleans, or you are a cajun.
If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. No one seems worried
about this problem either.
There are 365 days in the year. There are 414 parties/festivals in New
Orleans. (That's just in a slow month).
Then how come no one ever leaves?
################################################## #####
Louisiana Driving Rules:
1-A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2-Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Louisiana driver
never uses them. Use of them in New Orleans may be illegal.
3-Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4-Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered
"going with the flow".
5-The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.
6-Never get in the way of an older car than needs extensive bodywork.
################################################## #####
SOUTHERN ADVICE
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from 'round here, 'er ya?
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial
about it.
Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amalance.
The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.
The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.
most of this is true...
If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right. It's pronounced
"New Orlenz". No one from here says "New Orleens" unless they are writing a song or they want their ass kicked.
It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the only 3 weather patterns
We have here.
3 out of 4 people who live in New Orleans have a drinking problem. 3
out of 7 have a gambling problem.
No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some
restaurants.
The shopping sucks, unless you are buying: beer, hookers or antiques.
The mall is not close to anywhere, and if you get there, they don't
have what you came to purchase.
The amount of cash you spend on gasoline and cigarettes in a month
exceeds your rent/house note.
Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a waste of time.
Every street intersects with each other. No two streets run parallel to each other.
The West Bank is actually East of the city. It would take too long to
explain.
The roads in New Orleans have potholes that are large enough to hide
an aircraft carrier. No one is trying to correct this problem.
1 out of 3 street names are impossible to pronounce unless you were
born in New Orleans, or you are a cajun.
If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. No one seems worried
about this problem either.
There are 365 days in the year. There are 414 parties/festivals in New
Orleans. (That's just in a slow month).
Then how come no one ever leaves?
################################################## #####
Louisiana Driving Rules:
1-A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2-Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Louisiana driver
never uses them. Use of them in New Orleans may be illegal.
3-Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4-Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered
"going with the flow".
5-The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.
6-Never get in the way of an older car than needs extensive bodywork.
################################################## #####
SOUTHERN ADVICE
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from 'round here, 'er ya?
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial
about it.
Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amalance.
The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.
The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.