What you missed on late night TV

"It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters.
Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic."
- Conan O'Brien

"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: You are two days late with a video and
these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration."
-Jay Leno

"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's
electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should
transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up
his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges."
- Jay Leno

"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words
for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his
money, he'll be dead in a week."
-Jay Leno

"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick
Cheney? Where did he go? What, have we got caves over here now, too? Where
did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.'"
-Jay Leno

"Eleven members of the Washington Redskins Monday were exposed to a
mysterious white powder they had never seen before: The end zone."
-Jay Leno

"President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress
announced that they are accepting bribes again."
-Jay Leno

"The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full
military support. You know what that means: Both tanks."
-Jay Leno

"People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's
be honest. If your first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali,
leave a little extra time."
-Jay Leno

"President Bush's popularity is at 90 percent, the highest popularity
ever... if President Bush ran for president today he could actually be
elected."
-Jay Leno


I think my favorite one of those is the Dick Cheney one...