Criminal
04-11-2003, 09:15 AM
http://student-kmt.hku.nl/~twan/fart/pics/farted-small.jpg
From the Chicago Tribune, April 6, 2003
By Alan Solomon
Years ago, some people figurd that putting a maple leaf flag on their backpacks had its advantages, especially in Europe and in certain other nations where Canadians are seen as quaint, gentler versions of brassy, bossy Americans.
Things being as they are, some Americans who travel internationally this season and fear confrontations will consider trying to pass themselves off as Manitobans and Saskatchewanians. Happily, Canada being multiethnic and multiracial, all Americans will be able to give it a try.
It won't be easy.
It's unlikely a Belgian will pick up on the nuances of accents and usages. Dropping an "eh?" into the conversation may work in Boston, but it won't carry much weight in Brugge. Same goes for "aboot" for "about."
Can you distinguish between Brazilian Portuguese and Angolian Portuguese? Neither, one would immagine, can the Dutch. To the average Cambodian, Wayne Gretsky of Brantford, Ontario, speaks the same language of Loretta Lynn of Butcher Holler, KY.
What, then to do?
Some suggestions:
1) Wear a Toronto Maple Leafs pin with the team logo. The "Maple Leaf" says "Canada" to the world overseas. And if you run into fellow Americans who think you are trying to pull something, you can tell him you are just a fan, that you always loved the Leafs and that 1960's goalie Johnny "the China Wall" Bowder had a lifetime goals against average of 2.52.
2) Don't even consider trying to pretend you are from Quebec. The person you're dealing with almost certainly will speak French better than you do.
3) If you have a suntan loose it. If you're African-American, dress like someone from Utah. If you're Asian or Hispanic, you have no worries.
4) Don't wear expensive-looking jewelry. To most people in other countries, Americans are all rich and don't care who knows it, while Canadians, including doctors, are all middle class, even if they aren't. Wear Timex, not Rolex.
5) Same theme: Drink beer (request Labatt's, not Bud. then settle for the local brew) or the house wine. Never, ever ask for a wine list.
6) In Say, Hungary, smile when asking for directions, as if you're embarrassed you dont speak Magyar. Hungarians will assume by your humility that you're Canadian (in fact, they'll like you, because they all have family in Toronto), and they'll get you where you want to go. Americans abroad who don't speak the local language are never embarrassed byt it - a sure give away and only smile when trying to find a bathroom.
7) Smoke. If you don't smoke by now learn. Smoke Rothmans, Players or du Maurier. Especially in resturants and bars.
8) Wear the Toronto Blue Jays cap. No American would ever be seen wearing a Blue Jays cap in public. On the other hand, a Montreal Expos cap would give you away because no Canadian would ever be seen wearing and Expos cap.
That should aboot do it.
From the Chicago Tribune, April 6, 2003
By Alan Solomon
Years ago, some people figurd that putting a maple leaf flag on their backpacks had its advantages, especially in Europe and in certain other nations where Canadians are seen as quaint, gentler versions of brassy, bossy Americans.
Things being as they are, some Americans who travel internationally this season and fear confrontations will consider trying to pass themselves off as Manitobans and Saskatchewanians. Happily, Canada being multiethnic and multiracial, all Americans will be able to give it a try.
It won't be easy.
It's unlikely a Belgian will pick up on the nuances of accents and usages. Dropping an "eh?" into the conversation may work in Boston, but it won't carry much weight in Brugge. Same goes for "aboot" for "about."
Can you distinguish between Brazilian Portuguese and Angolian Portuguese? Neither, one would immagine, can the Dutch. To the average Cambodian, Wayne Gretsky of Brantford, Ontario, speaks the same language of Loretta Lynn of Butcher Holler, KY.
What, then to do?
Some suggestions:
1) Wear a Toronto Maple Leafs pin with the team logo. The "Maple Leaf" says "Canada" to the world overseas. And if you run into fellow Americans who think you are trying to pull something, you can tell him you are just a fan, that you always loved the Leafs and that 1960's goalie Johnny "the China Wall" Bowder had a lifetime goals against average of 2.52.
2) Don't even consider trying to pretend you are from Quebec. The person you're dealing with almost certainly will speak French better than you do.
3) If you have a suntan loose it. If you're African-American, dress like someone from Utah. If you're Asian or Hispanic, you have no worries.
4) Don't wear expensive-looking jewelry. To most people in other countries, Americans are all rich and don't care who knows it, while Canadians, including doctors, are all middle class, even if they aren't. Wear Timex, not Rolex.
5) Same theme: Drink beer (request Labatt's, not Bud. then settle for the local brew) or the house wine. Never, ever ask for a wine list.
6) In Say, Hungary, smile when asking for directions, as if you're embarrassed you dont speak Magyar. Hungarians will assume by your humility that you're Canadian (in fact, they'll like you, because they all have family in Toronto), and they'll get you where you want to go. Americans abroad who don't speak the local language are never embarrassed byt it - a sure give away and only smile when trying to find a bathroom.
7) Smoke. If you don't smoke by now learn. Smoke Rothmans, Players or du Maurier. Especially in resturants and bars.
8) Wear the Toronto Blue Jays cap. No American would ever be seen wearing a Blue Jays cap in public. On the other hand, a Montreal Expos cap would give you away because no Canadian would ever be seen wearing and Expos cap.
That should aboot do it.