ever since friday night, my life has almost been a living hell, I some how managed to get threw the weekend, to only see this week at work and at home which it became worse..

as many of you know or don't know, I am a virgin, and am planning on waiting till I am married, but for the last week, I have heard nothing from my friends but just have sex and everything will be better.. I am actually afraid to, b/c I don't know what I would feel, if it was with anyone, it would be someone I didn't really know, or had feelings for, just wanting your thoughts of what I should do.. any other suggestions would be appriciative as well..

Wedge, what is going to make you feel better? More importantly, what is going to give you long-term joy?

Wedge-

You need to not crumble to the ideas of 'just having sex.' Unless you feel comfortable with that. From your posts you seem like the kinda guy wouldn't feel 'right' after some meaningless sex.

I think IF you're in a decent stable serious relationship it is something to think about, but to radnomly hookup, nope.

Originally posted by D Durden
Wedge, what is going to make you feel better? More importantly, what is going to give you long-term joy?

dude.. if I could answer that.. I would be set..

what is going to make me feel better?
hmm... interesting enough, it's probably a big reason I use this board so much.. I don't know why I feel like I want someone to talk to, I just do.. truthfully I have been pretty bummed lately.. my relationship with my family sucks, my friends sucks, girls sucks, God sucks.. that just pretty much sums it all up..

long term joy? hehe.. I can't even see myself making it in 5 years.. I mean what's the point.. I feel like I have failed.. I stop caring, I stopped trying, and pretty much stopped wanting to try.. yeah I really want to be successful and make something of my life someday.. do I know how to do it? no.. can I find happiness, in family friends life or girls? well, I haven't yet.. and it just seems like everytime I turn around, there is one more girl just wanting to sleep with me.. or another friend telling to sleep with that girl..

well like I said, I want to make it.. to have a good life.. and if I don't start now it will be too late.. I will always feel like I haven't done enough, no matter what I have.. so now what? to be honest sometimes I just want to move away from everything and go to some fun wild college somewhere, where I can pile up a huge debt when i get out of college.. but then I feel like I am 21 yrs. old and i am too old to start college somewhere..

sorry, just needing some help deciding

I'd wait a little while and make sure that losing it is what you actually want to do. And then, if you do decide to go for it, please don't let it be with some random girl you don't even know. You're going to remember your first time for the rest of your life, and you don't always want to have the image of some skanky gross girl in your mind. Some random hook-up is a far cry from saving it for your wife. If you've saved it this long, at least wait for someone kinda special. It doesn't have to be your spouse, but at least a girl friend or something, because you don't want to regret the decision later.

I'd agree with Allegra completely here, Wedge...

As for the rest of the crap you're going through, believe me, I can relate. Been there more than once & am just coming back outta it AGAIN myself. Remember, it's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get back up that really counts in life. PM me if yah need to talk sometime:)

Just do it.

If they were true friends, they'd leave the issue alone. While sex may be a good stress reliever in on form, it can open up a whole new world of problems. Don't do it until YOU are ready...

The same thing happened to me, only I was 16......never found out how they found out, but the fellas I hung out with did. In the lunch room at school, down the hall, get in the car to ride home.....constantly bugging me. "Roll down the windows,I smell cherry!!" They so embarrased me and made me cry many times. I had little positive influence, not to mention a rather "hands on" adopted dad, if you catch my drift. Trying to avoid the guys and my dad was tough.

Finally at the fair one night after some pot smoking and doing THC, I found a carney. I always regreted it and wished I had not done it......it is not worth it at all. Aside from a deep, intimate, loving relationship, sex is just a mess with some sweat attached to it. Leaves you empty inside.

So instead of being embarrased and ashamed of your stand for purity (whatever the reason) hold your head high and be proud that you are not some one out for sex, but rather looking for something worth the wait. Don't let others try to pressure you to become what they are. You have to walk your own path, so don't let others dictate your choices for you.

well I am only 21 and still a virgin.. what basically happened was, I wasn't even the slightest interested in girls until I was 17, and the first girl I ever really dated wanted to have sex the first night.. I think to make her xbf jealous, but anyways, we didn't.. I keep telling myself, if I was gonig to loose it, I would of lost it that night.. then I dated stacy for years, and we never did, mainly b/c we both wanted to date.. then there was kaley, but before I knew it, I am 21 and still a virgin.. honestly, I don't think I can through with it.. it makes me think just thinking about it..

I honestly thought about loosing it to stacy, but knowing her right after me and her did, she would of went off to everyone else to screw them.. if she hasn't already.. anyways, and kaley was too sweet to want to do anything like that.. but it's not like we didn't get close, just never did..

honestly, one of the biggest reasons that I haven't is because I promised my mother (i know i am a mama's boy) that I wouldn't.. yeah make fun of me if you like, like most of my friends, but my mom tried so hard with me and loved me so much, I want to do something like save myself for marriage to show that I she did a good job raising me.. (not that non-virgins aren't raised right) it's just my own personal conviction, that sex before marriage is wrong.. and I think the consequences would be bigger than I could handle..

Bro you answered it yourself.

If it is your personal view that sex before marriage is wrong DO NOT DO IT. It is hard living with stuff ya kick yoursle fin the ass for, but it is harder living with the thought that you totally threw your character out the window.

I kinda fall in between you and the guys that bone everything that moves. My goal was to wait for a strong loving relationship. Maybe that would be the girl I marry, maybe not, but it needed to be 'real.' If that makes sense?

And don't worry, the entire world isn't out having sex while you're not. Thats just not how it is. In my expereince, most people aren't but sure talk like they are.

Originally posted by Manu
Bro you answered it yourself.

If it is your personal view that sex before marriage is wrong DO NOT DO IT. It is hard living with stuff ya kick yoursle fin the ass for, but it is harder living with the thought that you totally threw your character out the window.

I kinda fall in between you and the guys that bone everything that moves. My goal was to wait for a strong loving relationship. Maybe that would be the girl I marry, maybe not, but it needed to be 'real.' If that makes sense?

And don't worry, the entire world isn't out having sex while you're not. Thats just not how it is. In my expereince, most people aren't but sure talk like they are.

sometimes it's just hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... like there has to be a girl out there somewhere that doesn't want to have sex till she is married..

honestly I would date a non-virgin.. I will probably marry one.. but I am not going to sleep with them..

/me wants the girl to know what she is doing on the wedding night.. :)

of coarse it would be nice to find another virgin, but most of them are touch me not snobs.... that's not what I want..

Wedge, the only problem you may run into is that "what if" you and your new wife aren't sexually compatible? You know . . . what if she wants to do this, but you want to try something else. She likes it like this, and you like it like that.

Sexual differences can tear a relationship apart. It's what happened to my marriage. I wanted to have sex in the living room and she WAS having sex in the bedroom . . . with another guy. LOL!

Originally posted by D Durden
Wedge, the only problem you may run into is that "what if" you and your new wife aren't sexually compatible? You know . . . what if she wants to do this, but you want to try something else. She likes it like this, and you like it like that.

Sexual differences can tear a relationship apart. It's what happened to my marriage. I wanted to have sex in the living room and she WAS having sex in the bedroom . . . with another guy. LOL!

yes I have thought about this, and it is a valid point..

the only arguement I can possibly come up with is, if it's the right girl, and I know it's right, then the sex won't matter about perferences.. it will be great no matter what..

but a good point nontheless.. I wouldn't go buy a brand new cobra without atleast taking it for test drive.. hell I would probably test drive a couple more cars while I was at it.. but I guess girls and cars are different..

here's my take on this...


When i lost mine...it was with someone who i really didn't care much about...and it was ONLY THE ACT...

that's all i cared about...

it was a long build up...and then it was over...

no biggie...


it's not a BIG thing...


i mean..you body is screaming for it anyway...


(the first time sucks anyways...just get it over with :) )

Originally posted by Wedge4876
yes I have thought about this, and it is a valid point..

the only arguement I can possibly come up with is, if it's the right girl, and I know it's right, then the sex won't matter about perferences.. it will be great no matter what..

Uhhhh . . . no, it matters. You can love someone with all your might, and, if the sex is bad, the sex is bad. Period.

Ask a LOT of people this: have you stayed longer with someone who you didn't love but the sex was incredible or with someone you loved that the sex was bad. It's a great study on human behaviour.

Plus, it's going to be even worse for you. You're going to marry someone you love, and IF the sex is bad, that's ALL you'll ever have . . . bad sex. At least if you've had some wonderful sexual experiences, marrying someone with mediocre ability isn't so bad.

The finality of marriage and sex is something you REALLY need to consider man. And marriage is for YEARS . . . and you don't get them back.

but a good point nontheless.. I wouldn't go buy a brand new cobra without atleast taking it for test drive.. hell I would probably test drive a couple more cars while I was at it.. but I guess girls and cars are different..

Uh, not really. More similar than you'd think. I drove a Porsche 944 turbo once. Incredible car . . . did everything I wanted it to . . . with absolutely no personality whatsoever. It was like making love to a blow up doll . . . sure, she can take it from any position imaginable, but where's the fun in a blow-up doll? But, I THOUGHT the car would be perfect. It wasn't.

Keep in mind that once you tie the knot, THAT'S IT! If your bride says "oh, I'd NEVER do that . . ." then you'll NEVER do that . . . with a partner, anyway. And, sure enough, that will be the ONE thing you'll fixate on forever. It happened to me, and it happened to some friends of mine. It's human nature.

I found myself laughing when you said that my wife would say "no I won't do that".. but then I realized, what if you are right?? what if I do get married and the sex is bad.. I can sit here and say, no it won't be, but sometimes it happens..

I do know one thing.. I haven't had sex, but I have done my fair share (and probably someone else :D) of other stuff.. anyways, my friends use to drool over my xgf, kaley, like there was no tomorrow.. and truthfully she was beautiful.. hair, lips, eyes, body, teeth, she had it all going on.. but guess what.. she wasn't that great.. truthfully she didn't know what she was doing.. which was cute in a way.. but when you just want to **** around, you just want to **** around.. kinda like animals.. and she lacked that.. sorry if I am getting to personal, but it's the truth.. towards the end it got really really good, better than I ever had.. but that's b/c we bought this book and.. well nevermind.. :D:D:D

anyways, can you tell how good your partner is going to be without having sex with them?? I mean comeon, some girls just don't how to kiss, but some do.. I guess it's a matter of preferences, but you can't change a way a person kisses.. well I did, but it still don't feel right..

anyways, thanks for the advice, I will stay virgin for awhile.. (my waiting line of girls got borred and went home) :( plus I heard the first time, isn't that great.. so I am really in no hurry.. I was just wondering if it would fix anything..

you know i hit the save it button thinking it was the right answer without really considering why it was the right thing to tell you, but then i did start thinking about it.

i did those fun one night stands most throughout most of high school and as fun as it was it lacked everything i wanted out of sex. i learned alot from them and i know now exactly what i will and will not do.

my thing is i still remember the first time i slept with my b/f after i was in love with him. i had never loved anyone before him so sex was just sex, but this was completely different. it was so nice to be naked with someone who i didn't worry about how i looked naked with. i was high off of it somehow. its really hard to explain here since i'm not going into details of my sex life, but i had said to him i wish i would have known i was gonna be with you because i would have waited for you to be my first.

i think the first time sucks because not only are you unsure of what you are doing but if its not out of love you are nervous about pleasing that person and your not comfortable with that person in the way that you need to be to enjoy yourself sexually.

save it.. you only get one shot at a first time. or something

My personal opinion is don't let anyone talk you into anything you don't want to do. I can vouch for the fact that being married to someone who is sexually incompatable is HORRIBLE. Hell, I even "test drove" my wife before we got married. We talked about things, but it still went very wrong very fast. "Why don't you want to do that?" "why can't you accept that I don't want to?" "Why don't we just try it?" "You don't respect my boundaries." "You don't want to please me." "**** you." "I hate you." "I want a divorce." Short transcription of my marriage. Sorry for being so personal, but I want you to understand my point. Sex is a large part of any relationship. Just my $.02.

I said save it!!
A really good friend of mine waited till she fell in love and was plaining on getting married. She has found that. And they went all the way. She told me it was very bad but she can't wait to try it again to see if it can get better.
When it is right for you it will happen before you even know what is going on. Not many people can wait anymore. I respect you for that.

Originally posted by hilliehoney
I said save it!!
A really good friend of mine waited till she fell in love and was plaining on getting married. She has found that. And they went all the way. She told me it was very bad but she can't wait to try it again to see if it can get better.
When it is right for you it will happen before you even know what is going on. Not many people can wait anymore. I respect you for that.

Thanks for the respect.. I think I will save, but I just wanted to know.. is it that big of a deal? I have seen sex destroy relationships and bring others back together for all the wrong reasons.. I made a promise to myself, and even though I think from time to time about giving in.. I really don't think I could.. I have been the one to stop it before, so I guess that won't change.. but I do want to add that every guy has his limits, like every girl.. there has been times that I wanted to loose it, but luckly the girl didn't.. so for that I am blessed, and I think it's a sheer act of God sometimes that I am still a virgin.. anyways, I was just wondering if there is a big difference between being a virgin and not.. I mean.. all my friends pick on me about it.. it's not like I can't get laid.. I could.. probably very easy.. but it's just not what I am ready for..

Thanks guys :)

What is with all this save it non-sense?

Obviously you should do what makes YOU feel best. My take:

The reasons for saving your "virginity" are fairly ridiculous though. Now, that doesnt mean its healthy for irresponsible or emotionally un stable kids to be doing it, but for ****s sake you arent a little kid. Virginity is a religious hoopla concept anyway. It exists to shame people and to give the various religions power over the sexuality of their subjects. Sure, women have a hyman but thers nothing magical about it, its just a piece of tissue that helps protects infants from vaginal infection. Men dont even have that. Virginity is a ****ing religious construct designed to make people, especially girls, and guys like Wedge here feel guilty. You gotta stand up for yourself and take control of your life bro! Fight the power!

Sex feels good, why not do it. Theres nothing wrong with sex or premarital sex. You dont need to be afraid of it, lots of people are afraid to have sex because of all the wacked out stigmas attached to it by the various nefarious religions. Its not like saving it is going to make it better, like any thing else it gets better with practice and experimentation. I dont know anyone who has been like "wow it was all just downhill after my first time." Its totally understandable to be worried about how you will "preform" during sex, again this is a social stigma that bothers some people. The trick is to find an understanding partner who isnt going to heap pressure on you and who you can be open with. If she understands its your first time then it takes lots of pressure off you. If you are woried about birth control then find a girl on the pill and use a condom, again this is easier with an experienced, understanding, partner.

Ive noticed some young adults who did not want to have sex as teens sort of become trapped into thinking they have to wait till marriage. Just because you dont want to ,or were uncomfortable, having sex as a teen doesnt mean you should refrain from it as an adult. If people give you shit about being a hypocrit tell them you werent abstaining from sex for moral reason but because you just werent comfortable at the time. Case closed. Dont let your past prevent you from trying new things.

Now if you were molested or something thats a whole nother bag beans that I really have no experience with so I wont comment on it.

Anyway moral of the story is do what you want, not what other people want you too.

Trust me your innocence does not evaporate the first time you screw. And no, having sex does drain your vitality or turn you into a crack head or a bad person. Theres no reason to worry about sex.

Well in all fairness, you do have some very valid points. You expressed your convictions or lack there of and for that I commend you. Every time I think about having sex, it feels like it would be lacking something. I have thought about giving my virginity away a couple of times, but I don’t know anyone at the time that is really “worth” it. Not to sound conceited, but it is my virginity. I know to most people it is not a big deal, and it’s probably a bigger deal to females then us males, mostly because we have testosterone and once it kicks in, our egos goes off the chart.

The girl I dated for the longest time, and who I (thought) I was deeply in love with for years, and I had a talk about this several times. If you don’t know the story by now, then you just don’t read, or can’t follow that well :). Anyways, years ago, she wanted for us to start doing stuff like that. I did in a way, but the way she was going it would turn out to be the flussy “get it from everyone” kinda thing. We talked about it a lot, and I think we could have, b/c of how long we knew each other and all, but we never did. My friends called me stupid, but in actuality, I think I made the right choice, I got out of that relationship, b/c I knew it was about to turn sour, which it did. She would use that to try to get back at me, or hurt me b/c I don’t think she would give her first to another guy. Yeah I know that’s very debatable, but nevertheless.

I told myself, that the girl I gave myself to, would be my wife. I don’t want to be the type to go around and sleep with every girl. Not judging, just my conviction. Then I began to think. If I did meet the girl I was suppose to marry, and I knew this, why not have sex. But then why not wait and make your wedding night, that much better. Especially if she is a virgin. That way I can actually be looking forward to getting married. :)

I also thought, (yeah, I think a lot) I have thought (or fooled) myself before by thinking I found the girl I was going to marry. What was I thinking? But love is like they say is blind, or maybe it’s infatuation. Or just the horniness of teenagers. But anyways, my point, you can think you found the right one.. have sex.. it be great.. then she decides she wants to be wild.. that’s what I am truly afraid of.. but the argument is.. the only thing from my wife from becoming wild after the first time of sex, is the marriage.. and there is always divorce..

Yeah I think too much.. it’s a product of a warped mind.. :):):)

Originally posted by CodyChaos

...Anyway moral of the story is do what you want, not what other people want you too.

Trust me your innocence does not evaporate the first time you screw. And no, having sex does drain your vitality or turn you into a crack head or a bad person. Theres no reason to worry about sex.



Cody, you make an excellent arguement, and I actually tend to agree with you. Our (very conservative) society places such a stigma on sex, and for the most part, it's completely unecessary. Being sexual is absolutely normal, and I think it's horrible that generation after generation keep perpetuating these negative ideas about sexuality. There is no reason to feel guilty about having sex, or wanting to have sex. It took me awhile to really absorb this lesson and apply it in my life, but now that I have, I am so much happier.

Wedge, just make sure that you are comfortable with your decision and that you feel okay about it. Sex always complicates a situation, so make sure you're ready for that as well.

Originally posted by Wedge4876
But anyways, my point, you can think you found the right one.. have sex.. it be great.. then she decides she wants to be wild.. that’s what I am truly afraid of.. but the argument is.. the only thing from my wife from becoming wild after the first time of sex, is the marriage.. and there is always divorce..

Yeah I think too much.. it’s a product of a warped mind.. :):):)

Well see there you have a bit of a self esteem issue perhaps? If some girl ditchs you after a sexual relationship its her loss. If you can liberate yourself from the need to exert property rights (via a marriage contract) over someone elses sexulaity/body then it really does open up so many doors in life. That intense connection you develop with a lover is so wonderfull and why not try it out with a multitude of people. Im not saying go sleep around Im just saying be open to having loving relationships without the rubber stamp of marriage.

And seriously, if its her first time on marriage night chances are its gonna suck for her. Eventually most people have so much sex anyway that they forget the first time, or maybe thats just me. I was pretty drunk ;)

Its just stuff to think about, in the end its all up to you.

Originally posted by Allegra


Cody, you make an excellent arguement, and I actually tend to agree with you. Our (very conservative) society places such a stigma on sex, and for the most part, it's completely unecessary. Being sexual is absolutely normal, and I think it's horrible that generation after generation keep perpetuating these negative ideas about sexuality. There is no reason to feel guilty about having sex, or wanting to have sex. It took me awhile to really absorb this lesson and apply it in my life, but now that I have, I am so much happier.



Yea baby its up to us to make up for all the sexual repression thats plauged man kind for years. RRRRROOOAAAWWW

Originally posted by CodyChaos


Yea baby its up to us to make up for all the sexual repression thats plauged man kind for years. RRRRROOOAAAWWW

Oh my god. Which one of these smiley thingies is meant to represent how red my face got when I read this? Perhaps this one: :o

Of course, I'm not arguing with you on this point either! :D

Are the two of you specifically *trying* to get us all to puke? Geez, and Cosmo complains about 'homos' spilling all the details of their sex lives....

Originally posted by Aphasia
and Cosmo complains about 'homos' spilling all the details of their sex lives....

excuse me? homos?

you should know by now I don't swing that way.. :)

If you want my advice, Wedge, I would say to wait until you are ready. Having been married twice I can say that sex is not as big a deal as people say it is.

Originally posted by Wedge4876


excuse me? homos?

you should know by now I don't swing that way.. :)

Hehe, no...I was just saying that some members of this board seem to think that only homosexuals share all the details of their sex lives...but Cody and Allegra and proving that to be untrue.

Originally posted by Aphasia


Hehe, no...I was just saying that some members of this board seem to think that only homosexuals share all the details of their sex lives...but Cody and Allegra and proving that to be untrue.

I am not homo and everybody knows pretty much everything about mine.. I swear, I feel like a damn soap operah all the time..

anyways, yeah I am saving it, till when? who knows.. not anytime in the future.. and yes that includes marriage.. :)

I'd say loose it, but I wouldn't say meaningless...
Just find someone you're comfortable with.

But don't make a decision based on a poll. After all, I'm not you.

Originally posted by pitchafit
I'd say loose it, but I wouldn't say meaningless...
Just find someone you're comfortable with.

But don't make a decision based on a poll. After all, I'm not you.


actually the poll was just to tally all the votes together..

I guess I just wanted to know do things change that drastically after sex? friends of mine tell me that I would be so shy if I had sex... that would be my motivatioin.. more sex..

I say that girls can probably pick up on that pretty easily (about my motivation being just sex) and that would turn them off.. well in some instance probably not.. but oh well, there I go thinking to much again.. :)

I think you should have sex with someone you love and loves you in return.

Originally posted by Mary Carver
I think you should have sex with someone you love and loves you in return.

if I had that, I wouldn't need sex..

like I need it anyways..

Originally posted by Mary Carver
I think you should have sex with someone you love and loves you in return. Not if you want to get laid before you're forty!! Sex with love is VERY god. Sex without love is still pretty freakin good too. However, its not going to solve any problems.